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SPANISH  GOLD  ^11 
TM  E  SEARCH  PART^ 
TH  E   S IMPKINS  PLOT  S! 


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THE  RED  HAND  OF  ULSTi"" 


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GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

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GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 


UNIFORM  EDITION  of  th»  WORKS  of 

G.    A.    BIRMINGHAM 

Each,  net  $1.20 

LALAGE'S    LOVERS 

SPANISH      GOLD 

THE     SEARCH      PARTY 

THE    SIMPKINS     PLOT 

THE     MAJOR'S     NIECE 

THE    RED    HAND    OF 
ULSTER 

THE    ADVENTURES  OF 
DR.    WHITTY 

GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 


GEORGE  H.    DORAN  COMPANY 

NEW    YORK 


GENERAL 
JOHN    REGAN 


BY 

G.  A.  BIRMINGHAM 

AUTHOR  OF  "SPANISH  GOLD,"  "THE  ADVENTURES  OF 
DR.  WHITTY,"  "the  SEARCH  PARTY," 

"lalage's  lovers,"  etc. 


HODDER  &  STOUGHTON 

NEW  YORK 

GEORGE  H.  DORAN  COMPANY 


Copyright,  1913 
By  George  H.  Doran  Company 


TO 

CHARLES  H.  HAWTREY 

who  has  allowed  me  to  offer  this  Story  to 
him  in  memory  of  times  that  were  very 

pleasant  to  me. 

July,  J913 


4  /  ?3  u  4 1 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 


CHAPTER  I 

^TT^HE  Irish  police  barrack  is  invariably  ?:lean,  occa- 
-■•  sionally  picturesque,  but  it  is  never  comfortable. 
The  living-room,  in  v^hich  the  men  spend  their  spare 
time,  is  furnished  v^ith  rigid  simplicity.  There  is  a 
table,  sometimes  two  tables,  but  they  have  iron  legs. 
There  are  benches  to  sit  on,  very  narrow,  and  these 
also  have  iron  legs.  Iron  is,  of  course,  harder  than 
wood.  Men  who  are  forced  to  look  at  it  and  rub 
their  legs  against  it  at  meal  times  are  likely  to 
obtain  a  stem,  martial  spirit.  Wood,  even  oak, 
might  in  the  long  run  have  an  enervating  effect 
on  their  minds.  The  Government  knows  this,  and 
if  it  were  possible  to  have  tables  and  benches 
with  iron  tops  as  well  as  iron  legs  police  barracks  in 
Ireland  would  be  furnished  with  them.  On  the  walls 
of  the  living-room  are  stands  for  arms.  Here  are 
ranged  the  short  carbines  with  which,  in  extreme 
emergencies,  the  police  shoot  at  the  other  inhabitants 
of  Ireland.  The  sight  of  these  weapons  serves 
to  remind  the  men  that  they  form  a  military  force. 

9 


10  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Near  the  carbines  hang  a  few  pairs  of  handcuffs,  un- 
obtrusively, because  no  one  wants  to  emphasize  the 
fact  that  the  police  in  Ireland  have  to  deal  with 
ordinary  wrong  doers  as  well  as  with  turbulent  mobs. 
Ornament  of  every  kind  is  rigorously  excluded  from 
these  rooms.  It  is  all  very  well  to  aim  at  the  develop- 
ment of  the  aesthetic  faculty  for  children  by  putting 
pictures  and  scraggy  geraniums  in  pots  into  school- 
rooms. No  one  wants  a  policeman  to  be  artistic.  But 
the  love  of  the  beautiful  breaks  out  occasionally,  even 
in  policemen  who  live  in  barracks.  Constable  Mori- 
arty,  for  instance,  had  a  passion  for  music.  He 
whistled  better  than  any  man  in  Ballymoy,  and  spent 
much  of  his  leisure  in  working  up  thrilling  variations 
of  popular  tunes. 

Being  confined  by  the  call  of  duty  to  the  living-room 
of  the  barrack  in  Ballymoy  for  a  whole  morning,  he 
had  accomplished  a  series  of  runs  and  trills  through 
which  the  air  of  "The  Minstrel  Boy"  seemed  to  strug- 
gle for  expression.  His  attention  was  fixed  on  this 
composition,  and  not  at  all  on  the  newspaper  which 
lay  across  his  knees. 

At  twelve  o'clock  he  rose  from  the  bench  on  which 
he  was  sitting  and  allowed  the  newspaper  to  fall  in 
a  crumpled  heap  on  the  floor  at  his  feet.  He  stretched 
himself  and  yawned.  Then  he  glanced  round  the 
barrack-room  with  an  air  of  weariness.  Sergeant 
Colgan,  his  tunic  unbuttoned,  his  grey  flannel  shirt 
open  at  the  neck,  dozed  uncomfortably  in  a  corner. 
Moriarty  looked  at  him  enviously.     The  sergeant  was 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  ii 

much  the  older  man  of  the  two,  and  was  besides 
of  portly  figure.  Sleep  came  easily  to  him  under 
the  most  unpromising  circumstances.  Moriarty 
was  not  more  than  twenty  four  years  of  age.  He 
was  mentally  and  physically  an  active  man.  Be- 
fore he  went  to  work  on  "  The  Minstrel  Boy "  he 
had  wooed  sleep  in  vain.  Even  a  three  days'  old 
copy  of  the  Weekly  Freeman  had  brought  him  no 
more  than  a  series  of  stupefying  yawns.  If  a  man 
cannot  go  to  sleep  over  a  back  number  of  a  weekly 
paper  there  is  no  use  his  trying  to  go  to  sleep  at 
all.     He  may  as  well  whistle  tunes. 

Moriarty  left  the  living-room  in  which  the  ser- 
geant slept  and  went  out  to  the  door  of  the  barrack. 
He  stared  across  the  market  square.  The  sun  shone 
pitilessly.  Except  for  a  fat  white  dog,  which  lay 
asleep  in  the  gutter  opposite  the  shop  of  Kerrigan,  the 
butcher,  no  living  thing  was  to  be  seen.  Hot  days 
are  so  rare  in  west  of  Ireland  towns  that  the  people 
succumb  to  them  at  once.  Business,  imless  it  hap- 
pens to  be  market  day,  absolutely  ceases  in  a  town  like 
Ballymoy  when  the  thermometer  registers  anything 
over  eighty  degrees.  Moriarty  stretched  himself  again 
and  yawned.  He  looked  at  the  illustrated  poster 
which  hung  on  a  board  beside  the  barrack  door.  It 
proclaimed  the  attractiveness  of  service  in  the  British 
army.  It  moved  him  to  no  interest,  because  he  had 
seen  it  every  day  since  he  first  came  to  Ballymoy.  The 
gaudy  uniforms  depicted  on  it  excited  no  envy  in  his 
mind.    His  own  uniform  was  of  sober  colouring,  but  it 


12  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

taught  him  all  he  wanted  to  know  about  the  discomfort 
of  such  clothes  in  hot  weather.  His  eyes  wandered 
from  the  poster  and  remained  fixed  for  some  time  on 
the  front  of  the  office  of  the  Connacht  Advocate, 
The  door  was  shut  and  the  window  blind  was  pulled 
down.  An  imaginative  man  might  have  pictured  Mr. 
Thaddeus  Gallagher,  the  editor,  penning  ferocious 
attacks  upon  landlords  at  his  desk  inside,  or  demon- 
strating, in  spite  of  the  high  temperature,  the  desperate 
wickedness  of  all  critics  of  the  Irish  Party.  But 
Moriarty  was  by  temperament  a  realist.  He  suspected 
that  Thaddeus  Gallagher,  divested  of  his  coat  and 
waistcoat,  was  asleep,  with  his  feet  on  the  office  table. 
Next  to  the  newspaper  office  was  the  Imperial  Hotel, 
owned  and  managed  by  Mr.  Doyle.  Its  door  was 
open,  so  that  any  one  with  sufficient  energy  for  such 
activity  might  go  in  and  get  a  drink  at  the  bar.  Mori- 
arty gazed  at  the  front  of  the  hotel  for  a  long  time, 
so  long  that  the  glare  of  light  reflected  from  its  white- 
washed walls  brought  water  to  his  eyes.  Then  he 
turned  and  looked  into  the  barrack  again.  Beside  him, 
just  outside  the  door  of  the  living-room,  hung  a  small 
framed  notice,  which  stated  that  Constable  Moriarty 
was  on  guard.  He  looked  at  it.  Then  he  peeped  into 
the  living-room  and  satisfied  himself  that  the  sergeant 
was  still  sound  asleep.  It  was  exceedingly  unlikely 
that  Mr.  Gregg,  the  District  Inspector  of  the  Police, 
would  visit  the  barrack  on  such  a  very  hot  dayo  Mori- 
arty buttoned  his  tunic,  put  his  forage  cap  on  his  head, 
and  stepped  out  of  the  barrack. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  13 

He  crossed  the  square  towards  Doyle's  Hotel.  A 
hostile  critic  of  the  Royal  Irish  Constabulary — and 
there  are  such  critics  even  of  this  excellent  body  of 
men — might  have  suspected  Moriarty  of  adventuring 
in  search  of  a  drink.  The  great  heat  of  the  day  and 
the  extreme  dulness  of  keeping  guard  over  a  barrack 
which  no  one  ever  attacks  might  have  excused  a  long- 
ing for  bottled  porter.  It  would  have  been  unfair  to 
blame  Moriarty  if  he  had  entered  the  bar  of  the  hotel 
and  wakened  Mr.  Doyle.  But  he  did  no  more  than 
glance  through  the  open  door.  He  satisfied  himself 
that  Mr.  Doyle,  like  the  sergeant  and  Mr.  Thaddeus 
Gallagher,  was  sound  asleep.  Then  he  passed  on  and 
turned  down  a  narrow  laneway  at  the  side  of  the 
hotel. 

This  led  him  into  the  yard  at  the  back  of  the  hotel. 
A  man  of  delicate  sensibilities  would  have  shrunk  from 
entering  Mr.  Doyle's  yard  on  a  hot  day.  It  was  ex- 
ceedingly dirty,  and  there  were  a  great  many  decaying 
things  all  over  it,  besides  a  manure  heap  in  one  corner 
and  a  pig-stye  in  another.  But  Constable  Moriarty 
had  no  objection  to  bad  smells.  He  sat  down  on  the 
low  wall  of  the  pig-stye  and  whistled  "  Kathleen 
Mavourneen."  He  worked  through  the  tune  twice 
creditably,  but  without  attempting  variations.  He 
was  just  beginning  it  a  third  time  when  a  door 
at  the  back  of  the  hotel  opened  and  a  girl  came  out. 
Moriarty  stopped  whistling  and  grinned  at  her  amiably. 
She  was  a  very  pretty  girl,  but  she  was  nearly  as  dirty 
as  the  yard.     Her  short  skirt  was  spotted  and  stained 


14  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

from  waist-band  to  the  ragged  fringe  where  there  had 
once  been  a  hem.  Her  boots  were  caked  with  dry  mud. 
They  were  several  sizes  too  large  for  her  and  seemed 
likely  to  fall  off  when  she  lifted  her  feet  from  the 
ground.  A  pink  cotton  blouse  was  untidily  fastened 
at  her  neck  with  a  brass  safety  pin.  Her  hair  hung 
in  a  thick  pig-tail  down  her  back.  In  the  higher  ranks 
of  society  in  Connacht,  as  elsewhere,  girls  are  generally 
anxious  to  pose  as  young  women  at  the  earliest  possible 
moment.  They  roll  up  their  hair  and  fasten  it  with 
hairpins  as  soon  as  their  mothers  allow  them.  But 
girls  of  the  peasant  class  in  the  west  of  Ireland  put  off 
the  advance  of  womanhood  as  long  as  they  can. 
Wiser  than  their  more  fashionable  sisters,  they  dread 
the  cares  and  responsibilities  of  adult  life.  Up  to  the 
age  of  twenty,  twenty-one,  or  twenty-two,  they  still 
wear  their  hair  in  pig-tails  and  keep  their  skirts  above 
their  ankles. 

"  Is  that  you,  Mary  Ellen  ?  "  said  Constable  Mori- 
arty. 

The  girl  stood  still.  She  was  carrying  a  bucket  full 
of  a  thick  yellow  liquid  in  her  right  hand.  She 
allowed  it  to  rest  against  her  leg.  A  small  portion  of 
its  contents  slopped  over  and  still  further  stained  her 
skirt.  She  looked  at  Constable  Moriarty  out  of  the 
corners  of  her  eyes  for  a  moment.  Then  she  went  on 
again  towards  the  pig-stye.  She  had  large  brown  eyes 
with  thick  lashes.  Her  hair  was  still  in  a  pig-tail,  and 
her  skirt  was  far  from  covering  the  tops  of  her  boots ; 
but  she  had  a  precocious  understanding  of  the  art  of 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  15 

looking  at  a  man  out  of  the  corners  of  her  eyes. 
Moriarty  was  agreeably  thrilled  by  her  glance. 

**  Is  it  the  pig  you're  going  to  feed  ?  "  he  asked. 

"  It  is,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

A  very  chivalrous  man,  or  one  trained  in  the  con- 
ventions of  what  is  called  polite  society,  might  have 
left  his  seat  on  the  wall  and  helped  the  girl  to  carry  the 
bucket  across  the  yard.  Moriarty  did  neither  the  one 
nor  the  other.  Mary  Ellen  did  not  expect  that  he 
would.  It  was  her  business  and  not  his  to  feed  the 
pigs.  Besides,  the  bucket  was  very  full.  That  its 
contents  should  stain  her  dress  did  not  matter.  It 
would  have  been  a  much  more  serious  thing  if  any  of 
the  yellow  slop  had  trickled  down  Constable  Moriarty's 
beautiful  trousers. 

She  reached  the  pig-stye,  lifted  the  bucket,  and 
tipped  the  contents  into  a  wooden  trough.  Constable 
Moriarty,  !?till  seated  on  the  wall,  watched  her  ad- 
miringly. Her  sleeves  were  rolled  up  above  the 
elbows.  She  had  very  well-shaped,  plump,  brown 
arms. 

**  There's  many  a  man,"  he  said,  "  might  be  glad 
enough  to  be  that  pig." 

Mary  Ellen  looked  up  at  him  with  an  air  of  innocent 
astonishment. 

"  Why  would  he  then  ?  "  she  said. 

"  The  way  he'd  have  you  bringing  his  dinner  to 
him,"  said  Moriarty. 

This  compliment  must  have  been  very  gratifying  to 
Mary  Ellen,  but  she  made  no  reply  to  it.     She  set 


i6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

down  the  empty  bucket  on  the  ground  and  rubbed  her 
hands  slowly  on  the  sides  of  her  skirt.  Moriarty  prob- 
ably felt  that  he  had  done  as  much  as  could  be  expected 
of  him  in  the  way  of  pretty  speeches.  He  whistled 
"  Kathleen  Mavourneen "  through  once  while  Mary 
Ellen  wiped  her  hands  dry.  She  picked  up  her  bucket 
again  and  turned  to  go  away. 

"  Tell  me  this  now,"  said  Moriarty.  "  Did  ever  you 
have  your  fortune  told  ?  " 

"  I  did  not,"  she  said. 

"  It's  what  I'm  good  at,"  said  Moriarty,  "  is  telling 
fortunes.  There  was  an  aunt  of  mine  one  time  that 
was  terrible  skilful  at  it.     It  was  her  taught  me." 

"  It's  a  pity  she  had  no  more  sense." 

"  If  you  was  to  sit  up  on  the  wall  beside  me,"  said 
Moriarty,  "  and  if  you  was  to  lend  me  the  loan  of  your 
hand  for  one  minute " 

"  Get  out,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  You'd  be  surprised,  so  you  would,"  said  Moriarty, 
"at  the  things  I'd  tell  you." 

"  I  might." 

"  You  would." 

"  But  I  won't  be,"  said  Mary  Ellen,  "  for  I've  more 
to  do  than  to  be  listening  to  you." 

"  Where's  the  hurry  ?  "  said  Moriarty.  "  Sure  the 
day's  long." 

The  affair  might  have  ended  in  a  manner  pleasant  to 
Moriarty  and  interesting  to  the  pig.  The  attraction  of 
the  occult  would  in  all  probability  have  overcome  Mary 
Ellen's  maidenly  suspicions.     She  might  not  have  sat 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  17 

upon  the  wall.  She  would  have  almost  certainly  have 
yielded  her  sticky  hand  if  a  sudden  sound  had  not 
startled  Moriarty.  A  motor-car  hooted  at  the  far  end 
of  the  village  street.     Moriarty  jumped  off  the  wall. 

"  There's  one  of  them  motor-cars,"  he  said,  ''  and 
the  fellow  that's  in  her  will  be  stopping  at  the  barrack 
for  to  ask  his  way  to  somewhere.  It's  a  curious  thing, 
so  it  is,  that  them  motor  drivers  never  knows  the  way 
to  the  place  they're  going  to,  and  it's  always  the  police 
they  ask,  as  if  the  police  had  nothing  to  do  but  to 
attend  to  them.     I'll  have  to  be  off." 

He  left  the  yard,  hurried  down  the  narrow  lane,  and 
crossed  the  road  to  the  barrack.  Just  as  he  reached 
it  the  car,  a  large,  opulent-looking  vehicle,  stopped  out- 
side Doyle's  Hotel.  Moriarty  went  into  the  barrack 
and  wakened  the  sergeant.  He  had  a  keen  sense  of 
his  duty  towards  his  superior  officer.  It  would  not 
have  been  kind  or  right  to  allow  the  sergeant  to  sleep 
through  an  event  so  unusual  as  the  stopping  of  a  hand- 
some motor  outside  the  door  of  the  Imperial  Hotel. 

The  car  was  a  large  one,  but  it  carried  only  a  single 
traveller.  He  was  a  lean,  sharp- faced  man,  clean 
shaven,  with  very  piercing  hard  grey  eyes.  He  blew 
three  blasts  on  the  horn  of  his  motor.  Then  Mr. 
Doyle  came  out  of  the  door.  He  blinked  irritably  at 
the  stranger.  The  strong  sunlight  affected  his  eyes, 
and  the  rude  way  in  which  he  had  been  awakened  from 
his  sleep  overcame  for  a  moment  the  natural  instinct  of 
the  hotel  keeper.  All  hotel  keepers  are  civil  to  possible 
guests.     Otherwise  they  would  not  succeed  in  their 


i8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

business.  Mr.  Doyle  knew  this,  but  he  scarcely 
realised  at  first  that  the  gentleman  in  the  motor-car 
might  be  a  guest.  His  was  not  a  tourist's  hotel  and 
he  had  been  very  sound  asleep. 

**  Say,"  said  the  stranger,  **  are  you  the  proprietor?  " 

"  I  am,"  said  Doyle. 

"  Can  I  register?"  said  the  motorist. 

The  word  was  strange  to  Doyle.  Guests  at  his  hotel 
were  very  few.  A  commercial  traveller  stopped  a 
night  with  him  occasionally,  trying  to  push  the  sale 
of  drapery  goods  or  boots  in  Ballymoy.  An  official  of 
a  minor  kind,  an  instructor  in  agriculture,  or  a  young 
lady  sent  out  to  better  the  lot  of  domestic  fowls,  was 
stranded  now  and  then  in  Ballymoy  and  therefore 
obliged  to  spend  the  night  in  Doyle's  hotel.  But  such 
chance  strangers  merely  asked  for  rooms  and  food. 
They  did  not  want  to  "  register." 

"  Can  you  what  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  Register,"  said  the  stranger. 

"  I  don't  know  can  you,"  said  Doyle.  "  This  is  a 
backward  place,  but  you  might  try  them  at  the  police 
barrack.  The  sergeant's  an  obliging  man,  and  if  the 
thing  can  be  done  I  wouldn't  doubt  but  he'd  do  it  for 
you." 

"  You  don't  kind  of  catch  on  to  my  meaning,"  said 
the  stranger.  "  What  I  want  is  to  stop  a  day  or  two 
in  your  hotel." 

Doyle  suddenly  realised  the  possibilities  of  the 
situation. 

"  You  can  do  that  of  course,"  he  said,  "  and  wel- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  19 

come.  I'd  be  glad  if  we  had  a  gentleman  like  yourself 
every  day  of  the  week." 

He  turned  as  he  spoke  and  shouted  for  Mary  Ellen. 

"Business  pretty  stagnant?"  said  the  stranger. 

"  You  may  say  that.  Mary  Ellen,  Mary  Ellen ! 
Come  here,  I  say." 

The  stranger  got  out  of  his  car.  He  looked  up  and 
down  the  empty  street. 

"  Guess,"  he  said,  "  since  I  travelled  in  this  slum- 
brous old  country  of  yours  I've  seen  considerable  stag- 
nation, but  this  licks  the  worst  I've  struck  yet.  Your 
town  pretty  well  fathoms  the  depths.  Are  the  folks 
here  alive  at  all  ?  " 

"  They  are,  of  course." 

Doyle  looked  round  him  as  he  spoke.  He  saw  a 
good  deal  that  the  stranger  missed.  Sergeant  Colgan 
and  Constable  Moriarty  standing  well  back  inside  the 
barrack  door,  were  visible,  dim  figures  in  the  shadow, 
keenly  alert,  surveying  the  stranger.  Young  Kerrigan, 
the  butcher's  son,  crouched,  half  concealed,  behind  the 
body  of  a  dead  sheep  which  hung  from  a  hook  outside 
the  door  of  his  father's  shop.  He  too  was  watching. 
One  side  of  the  window  blind  of  the  Connacht  Eagle 
office  was  pulled  aside.  Thaddeus  Gallagher  was 
without  doubt  peering  at  the  motor-car  through  a 
corner  of  the  window.  Three  small  boys  were  lurk- 
ing among  the  packing  cases  which  stood  outside  a 
shop  further  down  the  street.  Doyle  felt  justified 
in  repeating  his  statement  that  many  of  the  inhabitants 
of  Ballymoy  were  alive. 


20  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  There  is,"  he  said,  "  many  a  one  that's  aHve 
enough,  though  I  don't  say  but  that  business  might  be 
brighter.     Mary  Ellen,  I  say,  come  here." 

Mary  Ellen  appeared  at  the  door  of  the  hotel.  She 
had  improved  her  appearance  slightly  by  putting  on  an 
apron.  But  she  had  not  found  time  to  wash  her  face. 
This  was  not  her  fault.  Washing  is  a  serious 
business.  In  Mary  Ellen's  case  it  would  have  taken 
a  long  time  if  it  were  to  be  in  the  least  effective. 
Doyle's  call  was  urgent. 

"  Why  didn't  you  come  when  you  heard  me  calling 
you  ?  "  he  said. 

Mary  Ellen  looked  at  him  with  a  gentle  tolerant 
smile.  She  belonged  to  a  race  which  had  discovered 
the  folly  of  being  in  a  hurry  about  anything.  She 
knew  that  Doyle  was  not  really  in  a  hurry,  though  he 
pretended  to  be. 

"  Amn't  I  coming  ?  "  she  said. 

Then  she  looked  at  the  stranger.  He,  being  a 
stranger  and  apparently  a  man  of  some  other  nation, 
might  perhaps  really  be  in  a  hurry.  Such  people 
sometimes  are.  But  his  eccentricities  in  no  way  mat- 
tered to  Mary  Ellen.  The  wisdom  of  the  ages  was 
hers.  The  Irish  have  it.  So  have  eastern  peoples. 
They  will  survive  when  the  fussy  races  have  worn 
themselves  out.  She  gave  the  stranger  one  glance  of 
half  contemptuous  pity  and  then  looked  at  the  motor- 
car. 

"  Now  that  you  are  here,"  said  Doyle  severely, 
''  will  you  make  yourself  useful?" 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  21 

Mary  Ellen  stared  at  the  motor-car.  Her  beautiful 
brown  eyes  opened  very  wide.  Her  mouth  opened 
slightly  and  expanded  in  a  smile.  A  long  line  of  the 
black  transferred  from  the  kitchen  kettle  to  her  cheek 
reached  from  her  ear  to  the  point  of  her  chin.  It  was 
broken  as  her  smile  broadened  and  finally  part  of  it 
was  lost  in  the  hollow  of  a  dimple  which  appeared. 
Mary  Ellen  had  never  before  seen  so  splendid  a  motor. 

"  Will  you  stop  grinning,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  take 
the  gentleman's  things  into  the  house?  " 

"  My  name,"  said  the  stranger,  *'  is  Billing,  Horace 
P.  Billing." 

"  Do  you  hear  that  now  ? "  said  Doyle  to  Mary 
Ellen. 

She  approached  the  motor-car  cautiously,  still  smil- 
ing. Mr.  Billing  handed  out  two  bags  and  then  a 
photographic  camera  with  tripod  legs,  strapped  to- 
gether. Doyle  took  one  of  the  bags.  Mary  Ellen  took 
the  other.     Mr.   Billing  himself  carried  the  camera. 

"  It  occurs  to  me,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  ''  that  this 
town  kind  of  cries  out  to  be  wakened  up  a  bit." 

"  I  wouldn't  say,"  said  Doyle,  "  but  it  might  be 
the  better  of  it." 

Mary  Ellen  turned  round  and  looked  at  Mr.  Billing. 
She  felt  that  he  was  likely,  if  he  were  really  bent  on 
waking  up  the  town,  to  begin  with  her.  It  did  not 
please  her  to  be  wakened  up.  She  looked  at  Mr. 
Billing  anxiously.  She  wanted  to  know  whether  he 
were  the  kind  of  man  who  would  be  able  to  rouse 
her  to  unusual  activity. 


22  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Where  I  come  from,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  I'm 
reckoned  to  hustle  quite  considerable.  I'd  rather  like 
to  try  if  I  could  get  a  move  on  your  folks." 

*'  You  can  try,"  said  Doyle.  "  I'd  be  glad  if  you'd 
try,  for  the  place  wants  it." 

No  harm  could  possibly  come  of  the  effort;  and  it 
was  likely  to  occupy  Mr.  Billing  for  several  days. 
The  prospect  was  gratifying  to  Doyle.  A  guest  who 
travelled  in  a  very  large  motor-car  might  be  made  to 
pay  heavily  for  his  rooms  and  his  meals. 

Five  small  boys  came  out  of  different  houses  up  and 
down  the  street.  When  Mr.  Billing,  Doyle  and  Mary 
Ellen  entered  the  hotel  the  boys  drifted  together  to- 
wards the  motor-car.  They  walked  all  round  it. 
They  peered  cautiously  into  it.  The  boldest  of  them 
prodded  the  tyres  with  his  fingers.  The  window  of 
the  office  of  the  Connacht  Eagle  was  opened,  and  Mr. 
Thaddeus  Gallagher  looked  out.  Young  Kerrigan 
emerged  from  the  shelter  of  the  body  of  the  dead 
sheep  and  stood  outside  the  shop.  His  father  joined 
him.  Both  of  them  stared  at  the  motor-car.  Ser- 
geant Colgan,  followed  by  Constable  Moriarty,  stepped 
out  of  the  police  barrack  and  stalked  majestically 
across  the  street.  The  sergeant  frowned  heavily  at 
the  small  boys. 

"  Be  off  out  of  that,  every  one  of  yez,"  he  said. 

The  small  boys  retreated  at  once.  The  law,  in 
spite  of  all  that  is  said  to  the  contrary,  is  greatly 
respected  in  the  west  of  Ireland.  Sergeant  Colgan 
would   have   made   it   respected   anywhere.     His   ap- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  23 

pearance  was  far  more  impressive  than  that  of  any 
judge  in  his  robes  of  office.  Constable  Moriarty,  who 
was  more  than  six  feet  high,  was  impressive  too. 

"  That's  a  fine  car,"  said  the  sergeant. 

"  It  is,"  said  Moriarty,  "  as  fine  a  one  as  ever  I  seen." 

"  The  man  that  owns  it  will  be  a  high  up  man," 
said  the  sergeant. 

"He  will,"  said  Moriarty. 

The  sergeant  looked  into  the  car.  He  gazed  at  the 
steering-wheel  with  interest.  He  glanced  intelligently 
at  the  levers.    His  eyes  rested  finally  on  a  speedometer. 

"  The  like  of  that,"  he  said,  pointing  it  out  to 
Moriarty,  "  is  what  I  never  seen  before." 

"  I've  heard  of  them,"  said  Moriarty. 

"  There's  a  clock  along  with  it,"  said  the  sergeant. 

"  The  man  that  owns  it,"  said  Moriarty,  "  must 
have  a  power  of  money." 


CHAPTER  II 

DOYLE  came  out  of  the  hotel.  He  joined  the  ser- 
geant and  Moriarty  at  the  motor-car. 

"  Good-morning,  sergeant,"  he  said.  "  It's  a  fine 
day,  thanks  be  to  God.  The  people  will  only  have 
themselves  to  thank  if  they  don't  get  their  hay  saved 
this  weather." 

"  What  I'm  after  saying  to  Constable  Moriarty," 
said  the  sergeant,  "  is  that  that's  a  fine  car." 

**  You  may  say  that,"  said  Doyle. 

"  It'll  be  some  high  up  gentleman  that  owns  it," 
said  the  sergeant. 

He  paused.  It  was  plainly  the  duty  of  Doyle  to  give 
some  information  about  his  guest.  But  Doyle  re- 
mained silent. 

"  He'll  have  a  power  of  money,  whoever  he  is," 
said  Moriarty. 

He  and  the  sergeant  looked  at  Doyle  and  waited. 
Doyle  still  remained  silent.  The  door  of  the  office  of 
the  Connacht  Eagle  opened  and  Thaddeus  Gallagher 
shambled  along  the  street.  He  was  a  tall,  grizzled 
man,  exceedingly  lean  and  ill-shaven.  His  clothes, 
which  were  shabby,  hung  round  him  in  desponding 
folds.     His  appearance  would  have  led  a  stranger  to 

24 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  25 

suppose  that  the  Connacht  Eagle  was  not  a  paying 
property.  He  greeted  Sergeant  Colgan  and  Moriarty 
with  friendly  warmth.  When  he  had  nothing  else  to 
write  leading  articles  about  he  usually  denounced  the 
police,  accusing  them  of  various  crimes,  from  the 
simple  swearing  away  of  the  liberties  of  innocent  men 
to  the  debauching  of  the  morals  of  the  young  women 
of  Ballymoy.  But  this  civic  zeal  did  not  prevent  his 
being  on  perfectly  friendly  terms  with  the  members  of 
the  force.  Nor  did  his  strong  writing  rouse  any  feel- 
ing of  resentment  in  the  mind  of  the  sergeant.  He 
and  Moriarty  welcomed  the  editor  warmly  and  invited 
him  to  inspect  the  car. 

Thaddeus  Gallagher  looked  at  the  car  critically. 
He  rubbed  his  hand  along  the  dusty  mud  guard, 
opened  and  shut  one  of  the  doors,  stroked  the  bulb  of 
the  horn  cautiously,  and  then  turned  to  Doyle. 

"  Is  it  the  Lord-Lieutenant  you  have  within  in  the 
hotel?"  he  asked. 

He  spoke  with  a  fine  suggestion  of  scorn  in  his  voice. 
As  a  prominent  local  politician  Thaddeus  Gallagher 
was  obliged  to  be  contemptuous  of  Lords-Lieutenant. 
Doyle  looked  offended  and  at  first  made  no  reply. 
Sergeant  Colgan,  acting  as  peacemaker,  spoke  in  a 
noncommittal,  but  soothing  tone. 

"  It  might  be,"  he  said,  "  it  very  well  might  be." 

"It  is  not  then,"  said  Doyle.  "Nor  it's  not  the 
Chief  Secretary." 

"  If  it's  not,"  said  Gallagher,  "  it's  some  other  of 
them  fellows  out  of  Dublin  Castle." 


26  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  It's  a  high  up  gentleman  surely,"  said  Sergeant 
Colgan. 

"  And  one  that  has  money  to  spare,"  added  Con- 
stable Moriarty.  "  It  could  be  that  he's  one  of  the 
bosses  of  the  Congested  Districts  Board.  Them  ones 
is  well  paid  and  has  motors  kept  for  them  along  with 
their  salaries,  so  they  tell  me  anyway." 

Then  Alary  Ellen  came  out  of  the  hotel.  She  stood 
at  a  little  distance  and  smiled  pleasantly  at  Constable 
Moriarty.     Doyle  turned  on  her. 

"  What  is  it  that  you  want  now,  Mary  Ellen  ?  "  he 
said.  **  Why  aren't  you  within  attending  on  the 
gentleman?" 

"  Sure  I  am,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  You  are  not,"  said  Doyle.  "  Don't  I  see  you 
standing  there  grinning  at  Constable  Moriarty  ?  " 

"  He's  after  asking  for  his  dinner,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

She  referred  of  course  to  Mr.  Billing.  The  sug- 
gestion that  she  was  grinning  at  Moriarty  was  un- 
worthy of  her  notice. 

"  And  if  he  is,"  said  Doyle,  "  why  don't  you  give  it 
to  him?" 

"What'll  I  give  him?" 

"  Give  him  chops,"  said  Doyle.  "  And  if  there's  no 
chops  in  the  house — and  there  may  not  be — run  across 
to  Kerrigan  the  butcher  and  ask  him  for  a  couple.  It'll 
be  quicker  than  killing  a  chicken ;  but  that's  what  you'll 
have  to  do  in  the  latter  end  if  Kerrigan  has  no  chops." 

"  It  was  only  this  morning,"  said  Sergeant  Colgan 
hopefully,  "  that  Kerrigan  killed  a  sheep." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  2j 

Mary  Ellen  crossed  the  street  towards  Kerrigan's 
shop.  Constable  Moriarty  winked  at  her  as  she  passed. 
Mary  Ellen  was  a  good  girl.  She  took  no  notice 
of  the  wink.     The  sergeant,  unfortunately,  did. 

"  Come  along  out  of  this.  Constable  Moriarty,"  he 
said.  "  Have  you  no  duties  to  perform  that  you  can 
afford  to  be  standing  there  all  day  making  faces  at 
Mary  Ellen?  Come  along  now  if  you  don't  want  me 
to  report  you." 

Sergeant  Colgan,  though  Gallagher  insinuated  evil 
things  about  him,  was  a  man  with  a  strict  sense  of 
propriety.  He  must  have  wanted  very  much  to  hear 
something  more  about  Doyle's  guest,  but  he  marched 
off  up  the  street  followed  by  Moriarty.  Doyle  and 
Gallagher  watched  them  until  they  were  out  of  sight. 
Then  Gallagher  spoke  again. 

"  If  he  isn't  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  he  said,  "  and  if  he 
isn't  the  Chief  Secretary,  will  you  tell  me  who  he  is  ?  " 

"  It's  my  opinion,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  he's  a  Yank." 

"  I  don't  know  that  I've  much  of  an  opinion  of 
Yanks,"  said  Gallagher.  "  It's  in  my  mind  that  the 
country  would  be  better  if  there  was  fewer  of  them 
came  back  to  us.  What  I  say  is  this :  What  good  are 
they?  What  do  they  do,  only  upset  the  minds  of  the 
people,  teaching  them  to  be  disrespectful  to  the  clergy 
and  to  use  language  the  like  of  which  decent  people 
ought  not  to  use  ?  " 

"  It's  my  opinion  that  he  is  a  Yank  anyway,"  said 
Doyle. 

Mary  Ellen  returned  from  Kerrigan's  shop.     She 


28  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

carried  a  small  parcel,  wrapped  in  newspaper.  It 
contained  two  chops  for  Mr.  Billing's  dinner. 

**  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Doyle,  "  is  it  your  opinion  that 
the  gentleman  within  is  a  Yank?'* 

"  He  might  be,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  Go  you  on  in  then,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  be  cooking 
them  chops  for  him.  Why  would  you  keep  him  wait- 
ing for  his  dinner  and  him  maybe  faint  with  the 
hunger?" 

"And  why  would  you  say  he  was  a  Yank?"  said 
Gallagher. 

"  Why  would  I  say  it  ?  You'd  say  it  yourself, 
Thady  Gallagher  if  so  be  you'd  heard  the  way  he  was 
talking.  '  Is  there  a  live  man  in  the  place  at  all?  '  says 
he,  meaning  Ballymoy.  '  It's  waking  up  you  want,' 
says  he." 

"Did  he?    The  devil  take  him,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  'And  I've  a  good  mind  to  try  and  wake  you  up 
myself,'  said  he.  '  I'm  reckoned  middling  good  at 
waking  people  up  where  I  come  from,'  says  he." 

"  Let  him  try,"  said  Gallagher.  "  Let  him  try  if 
it  pleases  him.     We'll  teach  him." 

Gallagher  spoke  with  an  impressive  display  of  trucu- 
lent self-confidence.  He  had  at  the  moment  no  doubt 
whatever  that  he  could  subdue  Mr.  Billing  or  any  other 
insolent  American.  His  opportunity  came  almost  at 
once.  Mr.  Billing  appeared  at  the  door  of  the  hotel. 
He  looked  extraordinarily  cool  and  competent.  He 
also  looked  rather  severe.  His  forehead  was  puckered 
to  a  frown.     It  seemed  that  he  was  slightly  annoyed 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  29 

about  something.  Gallagher  feared  that  his  last  re- 
mark might  have  been  overheard.  He  shrank  back  a 
little,  putting  Doyle  between  him  and  Mr.  Billing. 

"  Say,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  is  there  any  way  of  get- 
ting a  move  on  that  hired  girl  of  yours?  It'll  be  time 
for  breakfast  to-morrow  morning  before  she  brings 
my  lunch  if  some  one  doesn't  hustle  her  a  bit." 

"  Mary  Ellen,"  shouted  Doyle.  "  Mary  Ellen,  will 
you  hurry  up  now  and  cook  the  gentleman's  dinner  ?  " 
Then  he  sank  his  voice.  "  She's  frying  the  chops  this 
minute,"  he  said.  "  If  you  was  to  stand  at  the  kitchen 
door  you'd  hear  them  in  the  pan." 

Thaddeus  Gallagher,  reassured  and  confident  that 
Mr.  Billing  had  not  overheard  his  threat,  stepped  for- 
ward and  stood  bowing,  his  hat  in  his  hands.  Wealthy 
Americans  may  be  objectionable,  but  they  are  rare  in 
the  west  of  Ireland.  Gallagher  felt  that  he  would 
like  to  know  Mr.  Billing.     Doyle  introduced  him. 

"  This  is  Mr.  Gallagher,"  he  said.  "  Mr.  Thaddeus 
Gallagher,  J.  P." 

Mr.  Billing  bowed  courteously  and  shook  hands  with 
Mr.  Gallagher. 

"  Proud  to  meet  you,  sir,"  he  said.  ''  Proud  to 
meet  any  prominent  citizen  of  this  section." 

"  Mr.  Thady  Gallagher,"  said  Doyle,  "  is  the  proprie- 
tor of  the  Connacht  Eagle,  our  principal  news- 
paper." 

The  Connacht  Eagle  was,  in  fact,  the  only  news- 
paper in  Ballymoy.  It  was  the  only  newspaper  pub- 
lished within  a  radius  of  forty  miles  from  Ballymoy. 


30  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

It  could  therefore  be  quite  truthfully  called  the  prin- 
cipal one.  Air.  Billing  shook  Thady  Gallagher's  hand 
again. 

"  I'm  a  newspaper  man  myself,"  he  said.  "  I  con- 
trol two-thirds  of  the  press  in  the  state  where  I 
belong." 

Thady  Gallagher  seemed  greatly  impressed  by  this 
statement.  Doyle  felt  more  than  ever  that  his  new 
guest  was  a  man  who  ought  to  be  treated  with  all 
possible  consideration. 

"  It  could  be,"  he  said,  "  that  them  chops  would 
be  ready  for  you  now,  and  if  you'll  tell  the  girl  what 
it  is  you'd  like  to  drink " 

"  When  I've  finished  my  lunch,"  said  Mr.  Billing, 
"  I'd  like  to  take  a  stroll  round  this  section.  There 
are  some  things  I  want  to  see.  Perhaps  Mr.  Gal- 
lagher will  come  with  me,  if  he  can  spare  the  time." 

*'  Thady  Gallagher  will  be  pleased,"  said  Doyle. 
"  And  as  for  sparing  the  time,  he  has  plenty  of  that. 
You'll  go  with  the  gentleman,  won't  you,  Thady  ?  " 

"  I  will,  of  course,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  And  there's  no  man  knows  the  neighbourhood 
better,"  said  Doyle.  "  There  isn't  one  in  it,  man, 
woman,  or  child,  that  he  isn't  acquainted  with,  and 
anything  there  might  be  to  tell  about  their  fathers 
or  mothers  before  them,  Thady  Gallagher  is  well  fit 
to  tell  it  to  you.". 

"  What  I'd  like  to  be  shown  first,"  said  Mr.  Bil- 
ling, "  is  the  statue  to  the  memory  of  General  John 
Regan." 


•     GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  31 

Doyle  looked  at  Gallagher  doubtfully.  Gallagher 
edged  away  a  little.  He  seemed  inclined  to  take 
shelter  again  behind  Doyle. 

''The  statue?"  said  Doyle. 

"  Statue  or  other  memorial,"  said  Mr.  Billing. 

"  With  regard  to  the  statue "  said  Doyle  slowly. 

Then  he  turned  round  and  caught  Gallagher  by  the 
arm. 

"  Speak  up,  Thady  Gallagher,"  he  said,  "  and  tell 
the  gentleman  about  the  statue." 

"  With  reference  to  the  statue "  said  Gallagher. 

"  Yes,"  said  Mr.  Billing  encouragingly,  "  the 
statue  to  General  John  Regan." 

"  With  reference  to  the  statue  of  the  deceased 
general,"  said  Gallagher. 

*'  What  he's  wanting  to  say,"  said  Doyle,  "  is  that 
at  the  present  time  there's  no  statue  to  the  General, 
not  in  Ballymoy,  anyway." 

"  You  surprise  me  some,"  said  Mr.  Billing. 

"  It's  what  there  ought  to  be,"  said  Doyle,  "  and 
that's  a  fact." 

"  Is  Ballymoy  such  a  nursery  of  heroes,"  said  Mr. 
Billing,  "  that  you  can  afford  to  neglect  the  memory  of 
the  great  General,  the  patriot  statesman,  the  deliverer 
of  Bolivia?" 

"  Speak  up,  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  tell  the 
gentleman  why  there's  no  statue  to  the  General  in 
Ballymoy." 

Gallagher  cleared  his  throat  and  began  to  speak. 
At  first  his  words   came  to  him  slowly;  but  as  he 


32  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

warmed  to  his  subject  he  became  fluent  and  even 
eloquent. 

"  It's  on  account  of  the  way  we  find  ourselves  sit- 
uated in  this  country  at  the  present  time/'  he  said. 
"  It's  not  the  hearts  of  the  people  that's  at  fault. 
There  isn't  one,  not  the  poorest  man  among  us,  that 
wouldn't  be  willing  to  do  honour  to  the  memory  of 
the  great  men  of  the  past  that  died  on  the  scaffold 
in  defence  of  the  liberty  of  the  people.  It's  the 
cursed  system  of  Castle  Government  and  the  tyranny 
of  the  landlords,  and  the  way  the  people  is  driven 
off  their  farms  by  the  rack-renting  flunkeys  of  the 
rent  oflice.  How  is  the  country  to  prosper,  and  how 
is  statues  to  be  erected  to  them  that  deserve  statues, 
so  long  as  the  people  isn't  able  to  call  their  souls  their 
own  ?  But,  glory  be  to  God,  it  won't  be  so  for  long ! 
We  have  Home  Rule  as  good  as  got,  and  when  we 
have  it " 

Gallagher  might  have  gone  on  speaking  for  a  long 
time.  He  was  a  man  of  tried  and  practised  elo- 
quence. He  had  arrived  without  much  eft'ort  at  his 
favourite  subject.  Fragments  of  old  speeches,  glow- 
ing periods,  oft-repeated  perorations  thronged  con- 
fusedly on  his  memory.  Mr.  Billing  seemed  to  be 
listening  with  sympathy  and  admiration.  It  might 
be  a  long  time  before  such  a  favourable  opportunity 
for  making  a  speech  came  to  Gallagher  again.  Un- 
fortunately he  was  interrupted.  Mary  Ellen  had 
come,  unperceived,  out  of  the  hotel.  She  was  at 
Mr.  Billing's  elbow  just  when  Gallagher  reached  his 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  33 

prophecy  about  Home  Rule.  She  spoke  without  the 
slightest  regard  for  the  orator's  feelings. 

"  The  chops  is  fried,"  she  said. 

Doyle  had  often  heard  his  friend  make  speeches 
before.  He  had  no  wish  to  be  subjected  to  un- 
necessary oratory  on  a  very  hot  day.  He  supported 
Mary  Ellen's  appeal. 

"  It  would  be  as  well  for  you/'  he  said,  *'  to  go 
and  eat  them,  the  way  they  won't  be  getting  cold 
on  you." 

Mr.  Billing  saw  the  wisdom  of  this  advice  at  once. 
He  turned  to  go  into  the  hotel.  But  he  evidently 
wanted  to  hear  more  of  Thady  Gallagher's  speech. 

"  When  I've  finished  my  lunch,"  he  said,  "  I  shall 
look  forward  to  a  long  talk  with  Mr.  Gallagher.  I 
want  to  gather  together  all  the  local  traditions  which 
survive  about  the  boyhood  of  the  great  General.  I'm 
writing  his  biography,  gentlemen.    I  need  say  no  more." 

"  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Doyle,  "  whatever  the  gentle- 
man fancies  in  the  way  of  a  drink,  will  you  see  that 
he  gets  it?" 

Mary  Ellen,  smiling  pleasantly,  walked  in  front 
of  Mr.  Billing  and  conducted  him  to  the  small  ill- 
lighted  room  which  Doyle  called  the  Commercial 
Room  of  his  hotel.  There,  on  a  very  dirty  table 
cloth,  were  a  knife  and  fork,  a  plate  which  held  two 
chops  with  a  quantity  of  grease  round  them,  and  a 
dish  with  five  pallid  potatoes  in  it.  The  meal  was 
not  appetising.  On  a  very  hot  day  it  was  almost 
repulsive.     But  Mr.  Billing  was  either  really  hungry 


34  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

or  he  was  a  man  of  unusual  determination.  He  sat 
down  to  his  chops  with  a  smile. 

*'  I  guess,"  he  said,  *'  that  whisky  is  the  drink 
you're  most  likely  to  have  in  this  hotel  ?  " 

"  There's  porter,"  said  Mary  Ellen,  "  and  there's 
minerals,  and  there's  ginger  cordial." 

"  H  I'm  here  for  a  week,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  ''  I'll 
put  you  wise  in  the  matter  of  making  cocktails.  A 
Saratoga  cocktail  is  a  drink " 

"  Is  it  whisky  I'll  bring  you  now  ? "  said  Mary- 
Ellen. 

She  was  a  girl  of  sense  and  wisdom.  She  was 
no  more  inclined  to  listen  to  Mr.  Billing's  panegyric 
of  the  Saratoga  cocktail  than  to  Thady  Gallagher's 
patriotic  denunciation  of  the  flunkeys  of  the  rent 
office.  Without  waiting  for  an  answer  she  went 
away  and  brought  Mr.  Billing  the  usual  quantity 
of  Irish  whisky  in  the  bottorn  of  a  tumbler  with  a 
bottle  of  soda  water. 

Doyle  and  Thady  Gallagher,  left  alone  in  the  street, 
stared  at  each  other  in  silence.  It  was  Doyle  who 
spoke  first: 

"  What  you  want,  Thady,"  he  said,  "  is  a  drop 
of  something  to  drink,  to  revive  the  courage  in  you." 

"  What  sort  of  a  fellow  is  that  at  all  ?  "  said  Thady 
hoarsely. 

"  A  pint  of  porter,  now,"  said  Doyle,  "  or  a  drop 
of  spirits.  You  want  it  this  minute,  and  you'll  want 
it  more  before  you're  through  with  the  job  that  you 
have  on  hand." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  35 

He  led  the  way  into  the  bar  and  provided  Thady 
with  a  satisfying  draught.  Thady  emptied  the 
tumbler  without  drawing  breath.  Then  he  took  his 
pipe  from  his  pocket  and  lit  it. 

"  Mr.  Doyle,"  he  said,  "  you're  a  man  I've  a  liking 
for  and  always  had.  What's  more,  you're  a  man 
I  respect,  and  it  isn't  everyone  that  I  would  say 
that  to." 

"  The  same  to  you,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  may  you 
live  long  to  enjoy  it.     Will  you  have  another  drop  ?  " 

"  I  don't  mind  if  I  do,"  said  Thady. 

Doyle  filled  up  the  empty  tumbler.  As  he  did 
so  Gallagher  spoke  with  serious  deliberation. 

"  Seeing  that  you're  a  man  I've  every  confidence 
in,  I'd  be  glad  if  you'd  tell  me  this.  Who  was  Gen- 
eral John  Regan?     For  I  never  heard  tell  of  him." 

"  It'll  be  better  for  you,  Thady,  to  know  something 
about  him  be  the  same  more  or  less,  before  the  gentle- 
man within  has  finished  his  dinner.  He'll  be  asking 
questions  of  you  the  whole  of  the  rest  of  the  day." 

"Let  him  ask." 

"  And  you'll  have  to  be  answering  him,  for  he'll 
not  rest  contented  without  you  do." 

"  There's  no  Regans  here,"  said  Gallagher,  "  and 
what's  more  there  never  was." 

"  There's  no  statue  anyway,"  said  Doyle,  "  nor 
there  won't  be." 

"  I  don't  know  that  there'd  be  any  harm  in  a 
statue,"  said  Gallagher.  "  What  has  me  bothered  is 
who  the  General  was." 


36  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

*'  There'll  be  no  statue,"  said  Doyle.  '*  It's  all  very 
well  to  be  talking,  but  the  rates  is  too  high  already 
without  an  extra  penny  in  the  pound  for  a  statue  that 
nobody  wants." 

"  I  wouldn't  be  in  favour  of  a  statue  myself,"  said 
Gallagher,  "  unless,  of  course,  the  gentleman  was  to 
pay  for  it  himself,  and  he  might." 

*'  Of  course  if  he  was  to  pay  for  it,  it  would  be 
different.  By  the  look  of  the  motor-car  he  came  in 
I'd  say  he'd  plenty  of  money." 

The  idea  that  Mr.  Billing  could  pay  for  a  statue 
was  a  pleasant  one,  and  it  was  always  possible  that 
he  might  do  so.  He  appeared  to  be  very  anxious  that 
there  should  be  a  statue. 

"  There's  some  men,"  said  Doyle  hopefully,  "  that 
has  no  sense  in  the  way  they  spend  what  money 
they've  got." 

Mr.  Gallagher  admitted  with  a  sigh  that  there  are 
such  men.  He  himself  had  no  money,  or  very  little. 
If,  as  he  hoped,  he  succeeded  in  becoming  a  Member 
of  Parliament,  he  would  have  money,  large  quantities 
of  it,  a  full  £400  a  year.  He  would  have  more  sense 
than  to  spend  any  of  it  in  erecting  statues.  Doyle, 
on  the  other  hand,  had  money.  He  lent  it  freely,  at 
a  high  rate  of  interest,  to  the  other  inhabitants  of 
Ballymoy.  This  was  his  idea  of  the  proper  use  of 
money.  To  spend  it  on  works  of  public  utility  or 
sentimental  value,  struck  him  as  very  foolish. 

"  I'd  be  glad,  all  the  same,"  said  Gallagher,  *'  if 
I  knew  who  the  General  was  that  he's  talking  about." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  ^-j 

"  It  could  be,"  said  Doyle  hopefully,  "  that  he 
was  one  of  them  ones  that  fought  against  the  Govern- 
ment at  the  time  of  Wolfe  Tone." 

"  He  might,  of  course.  But  the  gentleman  was  say- 
ing something  about  Bolivia." 

*'  Where's  that  at  all  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

Thady  Gallagher  did  not  know.  Editors  of  news- 
papers are  supposed  to  know  everything  and  have 
succeeded  in  impressing  the  public  with  the  idea  that 
they  do,  but  there  are  probably  a  few  things  about 
whi(?h  even  the  ablest  editor  has  to  refer  to  encyclo- 
pedias; and  Gallagher  was  not  by  any  means  at  the 
top  of  his  profession.  The  Connacht  Eagle  was 
indeed  a  paper  which  exercised  a  very  great  influence 
on  the  minds  of  those  who  read  it,  more  influence, 
perhaps,  than  even  The  Times  has  on  its  subscribers. 
For  the  readers  of  Gallagher's  leading  articles  and 
columns  of  news  were  still  in  that  primitive  stage  of 
culture  in  which  every  statement  made  in  print  is 
accepted  as  certainly  true,  whereas  the  subscribers  to 
The  Times  have  been  educated  into  an  unworthy  kind 
of  scepticism.  Also  the  readers  of  the  Connacht 
Eagle  read  little  or  nothing  else,  while  those  who  read 
The  Times  usually  glance  at  one  or  two  other  papers 
as  well,  and  even  waste  their  time  and  unsettle  their 
minds  by  dipping  into  books.  Thus,  in  spite  of  the 
fact  that  The  Times  appears  every  day,  and  the  Con- 
nacht Eagle  only  once  a  w^eek,  it  is  likely  that  the  Irish 
paper  exercises  more  real  influence  than  the  English 
one — produces,  that  is  to  say,  more  definite  effect  upon 


38  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

the  opinions  of  men  who  have  votes.  The  editor 
of  The  Times  would  perhaps  scarcely  recognise  Thady 
Gallagher  as  a  fellow  journalist.  He  may  know — 
would  probably  in  any  case  be  ashamed  to  admit  that 
he  did  not  know — where  Bolivia  is.  Thady  Gallagher 
did  not  know,  and  was  prepared  to  confess  his 
ignorance  in  private  to  his  friend.  Yet  Gallagher  was 
in  reality  the  more  important  man  of  the  two. 

"  I  know  as  much  about  Bolivia,"  he  said,  "  as  I 
do  about  the  General,  and  that's  nothing  at  all." 

"  I'm  glad  it's  you  and  not  me,"  said  Doyle,  "  that 
he  took  the  fancy  to  go  out  walking  with." 

"  I  suppose  now,"  said  Gallagher,  "  that  you 
wouldn't  come  along  with  us." 

"  I  will  not,"  said  Doyle,  "  so  you  may  make  your 
mind  easy  about  that." 

"  I  don't  see  what  harm  it  would  do  you." 

"  I've  things  to  look  after,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  any- 
way I  don't  fancy  spending  my  time  talking  about  a 
dead  General  that  nobody  ever  heard  of." 

"  It's  what  I  feel  myself,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  You  may  feel  it,"  said  Doyle,  "  but  you'll  have 
to  go  with  him.     It  was  you  he  asked  and  not  me." 


CHAPTER  III 

T^R.  LUCIUS  O'GRADY  is  the  only  medical  man 
^^  in  Ballymoy.  Whatever  money  there  is  to  be 
won  by  the  practice  of  the  art  of  healing  in  the  neigh- 
bourhood, Dr.  O'Grady  wins  and  has  all  to  himself. 
Unfortunately  it  is  not  nearly  sufficient  for  his  needs. 
He  is  not  married  and  so  cannot  plead  a  wife  and 
family  as  excuses  for  getting  into  debt.  But  he  is 
a  man  of  imaginative  mind  with  an  optimistic  outlook 
upon  life.  Men  of  this  kind  hardly  ever  live  within 
their  incomes,  however  large  their  incomes  are;  and 
Dr.  O'Grady's  was  really  small.  The  dullard  does 
not  want  things  which  the  man  of  lively  imagination 
feels  that  he  must  have.  The  sour  man  of  gloomy  dis- 
position is  forever  haunted  by  the  possibility  of  mis- 
fortune. He  hoards  whatever  pittance  he  may  earn. 
Dr.  O'Grady  had  good  spirits  and  a  delightful  con- 
fidence in  life.  He  spent  all,  and  more  than  all  he 
had,  feeling  sure  that  the  near  future  held  some  great 
good  fortune  for  him — a  deadly  epidemic  perhaps, 
•which  would  send  all  the  people  of  Ballymoy  flocking 
to  his  surgery,  or  a  post  under  the  new  Insurance  Act. 
The  very  qualities  of  mind  which  made  him  im- 
provident made  him  also  immensely  popular,    Every- 

39 


40  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

body  liked  him.  Even  his  creditors  found  it  hard  to 
speak  harshly  to  him.  He  owed  money  to  Doyle ;  but 
Doyle,  though  as  keen  as  any  man  living  on  getting 
what  was  due  to  him,  refrained  from  hurrying  Dr. 
O'Grady  over  much.  He  grumbled  a  great  deal,  but 
he  allowed  the  account  in  the  shop  attached  to  the 
hotel  to  run  on.  He  even  advanced  sums  of  hard 
cash  v^hen  some  distant  creditor,  a  Dublin  tailor,  for 
instance,  who  did  not  appreciate  the  doctor's  personal 
charm,  became  importunate.  Between  what  was  due 
in  the  shop  for  tea,  sugar,  whisky,  tobacco,  and  other 
necessaries,  and  the  money  actually  lent.  Dr.  O'Grady 
owed  Doyle  rather  more  than  £60.  He  owed  Gal- 
lagher more  than  ii,  being  five  years'  subscription  to 
the  Connacht  Eagle.  He  owed  a  substantial  sum  to 
Kerrigan,  the  butcher.  He  owed  something  to  every 
other  shopkeeper  in  Ballymoy.  The  only  people  to 
whom  he  did  not  owe  money  were  Major  Kent,  Mr. 
Gregg,  the  District  Inspector  of  Police,  and  Mr.  Ford, 
the  stipendiary  magistrate.  No  one  could  have  owed 
money  to  Mr.  Ford  because  he  was  a  hard  and  sus- 
picious man  who  never  lent  anything.  Nobody  could 
have  borrowed  from  Mr.  Gregg,  because  Mr.  Gregg, 
who  had  just  got  married,  had  no  money  to  lend. 
Major  Kent  had  a  little  money  and  would  have  lent 
it  to  Dr.  O'Grady,  would,  in  fact,  have  given  it  to 
him  without  any  hope  of  ever  getting  it  back  again, 
but  the  doctor  refused  to  borrow  from  him.  He  had 
a  conscientious  objection  to  victimising  his  personal 
friends.     Doyle,   so  he  explained,  lived  very  largely 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  41 

by  lending  money,  and  therefore  offered  himself  as 
fair  game  to  the  impecunious  borrower.  The  shop- 
keepers throve  on  a  system  of  credit.  They  were 
fair  game  too.  Major  Kent  was  in  a  different  case. 
To  borrow  from  him  was  to  take  a  mean  advantage 
of  the  good  nature  of  a  simple,  unprofessional  man. 

Major  Kent  and  Dr.  O'Grady  walked  into  Bally- 
moy  together  at  about  half  past  two  on  the  day  of 
Mr.  Billing's  arrival.  They  had  lunched  at  Ports- 
mouth Lodge,  the  Major's  house.  Dr.  O'Grady  had 
given  his  opinion  of  a  new  filly  which  the  Major  had 
bought  a  few  days  before.  It  was  a  very  unfavour- 
able opinion,  and  the  Major,  who  had  the  greatest 
confidence  in  the  doctor's  judgment,  was  duly  de- 
pressed. 

"  If  I  were  you,  Major,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I'd  sell 
that  one  at  once.     She's  no  good." 

"  I'd  sell  her  fast  enough,"  said  the  Major 
gloomily,  **  if  I  could  find  a  buyer." 

"It  was  £30  you  gave  for  her  in  the  fair?"  said 
the  doctor. 

"  It  was ;  and  if  you're  right  about  her  she's  not 
worth  the  half  of  it.     She's  not  worth  ii2." 

"  I  happen  to  know  that  fellow  Geraghty,"  said 
the  doctor.  "  The  man  who  stuck  you  with  her. 
He's  a  patient  of  mine.  I  pulled  him  through  his 
last  attack  of  d.  t.'s  so  I  know  all  there  is  to  know 
about  him.  He'd  stick  an  archangel.  If  he  happened 
to  be  selling  him  a  pair  of  wings  it  would  turn  out 
afterwards  that  the  feathers  were  dropping  out." 


42  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"If  you  know  him,"  said  the  Major,  "you  know 
a  blackguard." 

"  After  sticking  you  with  the  filly,"  said  the  doctor, 
"  he  spent  the  evening  drinking  in  the  hotel." 

"  He  would." 

"  And  the  more  he  drank  the  bigger  the  price  was 
that  he  said  he  got  from  you.  When  Doyle  turned 
him  out  in  the  end  he  was  saying  that  he  had  your 
cheque  for  £60  in  his  pocket.  I  don't  suppose  Doyle 
believed  that.  Nobody  would.  But  he  probably 
thinks  you  gave  £40  or  £45." 

"All  I  gave  was  £30.  But  I  don't  see  that  it 
matters  what  Doyle  believes." 

"It  does  matter,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "If  Doyle 
believes  you  gave  £40  for  the  filly,  and  if  you  were 
to  offer  her  to  him  for  £35  he'd  think  he  was  getting 
a  bargain  and  he'd  jump  at  it.  Doyle's  just  the  kind 
of  fool  who  thinks  he  knows  all  about  horses  and  so 
he's  quite  an  easy  man  to  stick.  Come  on  now,  and 
we'll  try." 

Major  Kent  was  in  all  ordinary  affairs  of  life  a 
strictly  honourable  man.  But  horses  are  not  ordinary 
affairs.  It  is  on  record  that  a  bishop,  an  Irishman 
and  therefore  intensely  religious,  once  sold  a  thor- 
oughly unsound  horse  to  an  archdeacon  for  a  large 
price.  The  archdeacon  had  a  high  opinion  of  the 
bishop  beforehand,  regarding  him  as  a  saintly  man  of 
childlike  simplicity.  He  had  a  much  higher  opinion  of 
him  after  he  understood  the  failings  of  the  animal  he 
had  bought.     He  then  respected  the  bishop   for  his 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  43 

shrewdness.  Horse-dealing  is  a  thing  apart  from  all 
other  buying  and  selling.  Honesty,  in  the  common 
sense  of  the  word,  does  not  enter  into  it.  Therefore, 
Major  Kent  was  quite  ready  to  defraud  Doyle  if  he 
could.  He  and  Dr.  O'Grady  walked  into  Ballymoy 
together  for  the  purpose. 

They  reached  the  corner  of  the  market  square  and 
caught  sight  of  Mr.  Billing's  large  motor-car  standing 
outside  the  hotel.  Doyle  and  Gallagher,  who  had 
stopped  drinking,  were  standing  near  it. 

"  If  Doyle's  bought  that  motor,"  said  the  Major,  ''  he 
won't  look  at  the  filly." 

"  He  hasn't,"  said  the  doctor.  "  What  would  he  do 
with  the  motor  if  he  had  it?  All  the  same  it's  queer. 
I  don't  know  what  it's  doing  there.  Nobody  with 
money  enough  to  own  a  car  like  that  could  possibly  be 
stopping  at  Doyle's  Hotel.  Come  along  and  let's  find 
out  about  it." 

They  hurried  across  the  square  and  greeted  Doyle 
and  Gallagher. 

"Whose  is  the  big  motor?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  It  belongs  to  an  American  gentleman,"  said  Doyle, 
"  who's  within  in  the  hotel.  We're  waiting  for  him 
this  minute.  He's  getting  his  camera,  and  when  he 
has  it  got  he's  going  round  with  Thady  Gallagher  to 
photograph  the  town." 

Gallagher  took  Major  Kent  by  the  arm  and  drew 
him  apart. 

"  Major,"  he  said,  "  can  you  tell  me  who  was 
General  John  Regan  ?  " 


44  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Never  heard  of  him,"  said  the  Major,  **  but  if  he 
owns  that  car  he  must  be  a  middling  well-off  man." 

"  Look  here,  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  you  know 
that  filly  the  Major  bought  at  the  fair." 

"  I've  heard  of  her,"  said  Doyle. 

"  Well,  as  it  happens,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  she  turns 
out  to  be  a  bit  too  good  for  what  he  wants.  His  idea 
was  to  get  something  to  do  a  bit  of  carting,  and  it  turns 
out  that  this  one  is — well,  she  has  breeding.  Now, 
look  here,  Doyle " 

He  led  Doyle  apart  just  out  of  earshot  of  the  Major 
and  Gallagher. 

"  I  owe  you  a  trifle,  don't  I,  Doyle?  " 

*'  As  near  as  I  can  go  to  it  without  looking  at  my 
books,"  said  Doyle,  "  you  owe  me  £60,  and  I'd  be 
thankful  if  so  be  that  it's  quite  convenient  to  you " 

**  It  isn't  a  bit  convenient,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "'  but 
I  quite  admit  that  I  owe  the  money.  Now  what  I  sug- 
gest is  this.  I've  persuaded  the  Major  to  let  you  have 
that  filly  cheap,  dirt  cheap.  It  will  be  found  money  to 
you,  Doyle,  if  you  get  her  at  the  price  the  Major's 
going  to  name,  and  you  may  be  able  to  knock  a  pound 
or  two  off  that.  Under  these  circumstances  and  see- 
ing that  I'm  putting  the  chance  in  your  way — it  isn't 
everyone  that  could,  but  I'm  a  friend  of  the  Major's 
and  he  trusts  me — I  think  you  ought  to  stop  talking 
about  the  trifle  I  owe  you.     I'm  sick  of  the  subject." 

"  You're  not  near  as  sick  of  it  as  I  am,"  said  Doyle, 
"  and  I  don't  know  that  I  want  the  filly." 

"  You    do    want    her,"    said    Dr.    O'Gradv.     **  You 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  45 

want  anything  that  you  can  make  money  out  of. 
Hullo!     Who's  that?" 

Mr.  Billing,  carrying  his  camera,  appeared  at  the 
door  of  the  hotel. 

''  It's  the  American  gentleman  that  owns  the  motor- 
car," said  Doyle.  "  Tell  me  this  now,  doctor.  Did 
ever  you  hear  of  General  John  Regan?" 

"Of  course  I  did,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "He's  a 
well-known  millionaire,  just  the  sort  of  man  to  be 
touring  the  country  in  a  big  motor.  Go  you  off  now 
and  settle  with  the  Major  about  the  filly.  I'll  entertain 
the  General  for  you." 

"  For  God's  sake,  doctor,  be  careful  what  you  say," 
said  Doyle  in  a  whisper.  "  The  General's  dead  this 
twenty  years  and  it's  a  statue  there  ought  to  be  to  his 
memory.     So  that  fellow's  after  saying,  any  way." 

"  Oh,  all  right,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  It's  just  the 
same  thing.  I'll  manage.  You  go  and  settle  with  the 
Major." 

He  approached  Mr.  Billing  jauntily. 

"  Delighted  to  meet  you,  sir,"  he  said.  "  Delighted 
to  welcome  you  to  Ballymoy.  You'll  find  it  a  most 
interesting  locality.  My  name  is  O'Grady,  Lucius 
O'Grady,  M.D." 

Mr.  Billing  took  off  his  hat,  laid  down  his  camera, 
and  shook  hands  with  the  doctor. 

"  Mine  is  Billing,"  he  said.  "  Horace  P.  Billing. 
I  come  from  America.  My  object  in  visiting  Bally- 
moy  " 

**  The    poor    old    General,    of    course,"    said    Dr. 


46  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

O'Grady.  "  We  thought  you'd  be  sure  to  come  sooner 
or  later.  Your  uncle,  wasn't  he,  or  great  uncle?  I 
forget." 

Mr.  Billing  seemed  surprised,  very  much  surprised. 
He  dropped  Dr.  O'Grady's  hand  abruptly  and  stared 
at  him.     Then  he  recovered  himself  with  an  effort. 

"  I  can't  claim  relationship  with  that  great  man,"  he 
said. 

''  That's  a  pity,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  I'm  his  biographer,"  said  Mr.  Billing.  "  I'm  en- 
gaged in  writing  the  first  complete  life  of  the  founder 
of  the  Bolivian  Republic.  I  have  come  to  Bally- 
moy " 

**  You  couldn't  possibly  have  come  to  a  better  place." 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  not  a  literary  man,  but  he  had  an 
idea  that  people  who  write  books  seek  out  quiet  places 
in  which  they  are  not  likely  to  be  over  excited  while  en- 
gaged in  their  trying  work.  Ballymoy  seemed  to  him 
a  suitable  place  for  anyone  engaged  in  writing  a 
biography. 

"  It  surprises  me  some,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  to  find 
that  you've  no  statue  erected  to  the  memory  of  the 
General.     I'd  have  thought " 

"  The  matter  is  under  discussion,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Our  Urban  District  Council  is  alive  to  its  duty  in  the 
matter.  At  the  last  meeting — let  me  see  now,  was  it 
the  last  meeting?  Gallagher!  Thady  Gallagher! 
Come  here  for  a  minute." 

Thady  Gallagher,  who  had  been  acting  as  umpire 
in  an   animated  wrangle  between   Doyle   and   Major 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  47 

Kent,  shambled  across  to  the  door  of  the  hotel  where 
Dr.  O'Grady  and  Mr.  Billing  were  standing. 

"  Was  it  the  last  meeting  of  the  Urban  District 
Council,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  or  was  it  the  last  but 
one,  that  you  were  discussing  the  erection  of  a  statue 
to  General  John  Regan  ?  " 

He  did  not  venture  to  wink  as  he  asked  the  question, 
but  Gallagher  was  quite  quick-witted  enough  to  give 
the  proper  answer. 

'*  It  was  the  last  meeting,"  he  said. 

"  There  was  a  slight  difference  of  opinion  among 
the  members,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  as  to  the  form 
which  the  memorial  was  to  take.  Some  of  them 
wanted  a  life-size  statue  in  white  marble.  Mr. 
Gallagher  here  was  more  in  favour  of  a  drinking  foun- 
tain. It  was  you  who  wanted  the  fountain  wasn't  it, 
Thady?" 

"  It  was,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  As  a  cheaper  form  of  memorial,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  so  as  to  spare  the  rates  as  far  as  possible." 

"  That's  right,"  said  Gallagher. 

'*  If  you  will  allow  me  to  say  so,"  said  Mr.  Billing, 
"  the  question  of  expense  ought  not  to  be  allowed  to 
stand  in  your  way.     I  myself  will  gladly  promise " 

Mr.  Billing  hesitated  for  a  moment.  It  was  not 
clear  whether  he  meant  to  promise  a  handsome  sub- 
scription or  merely  to  say  that  he  would  help  in  collect- 
ing the  necessary  money.  Dr.  O'Grady  thought  it  well 
to  assume  at  once  that  a  subscription  had  been 
promised. 


48  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Good,"  he  said,  ''  take  note  of  that,  Thady,  and 
announce  it  to  the  Urban  District  Council  at  the  next 
meeting.  Mr,  BiUing  will  hand  over  his  subscription 
to  the  treasurer  as  soon  as  one  is  appointed.  You  can 
arrange  about  a  proper  vote  of  thanks  being  passed." 

Mr.  Billing  seemed  quite  pleased  at  this  interpreta- 
tion of  his  unfinished  sentence.  He  went  on  to  make 
another  promise. 

"  And  I  think  I  may  safely  guarantee,"  he  said,  "  on 

behalf   of   the   people   of   Bolivia they   can   never 

forget " 

"They  oughtn't  to,"  said  the  doctor.  "After  all 
he  did  more  for  them  than  he  ever  did  for  us." 

*'  He  was  born  here,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  and  that's 
something  to  be  proud  of." 

**  And  we  are  proud  of  it.  Thady  Gallagher  is  hav- 
ing an  article  in  his  paper  next  week  saying  how  much 
we  appreciate  the  dear  old  General.  Aren't  you, 
Thady?" 

"  I  am,  of  course,"  said  Gallagher. 

Then,  lest  he  should  be  committed  any  further, 
Gallagher  slipped  away  and  joined  Major  Kent  and 
Doyle.  They  were  standing  together  near  the  motor- 
car in  high  debate  as  to  whether  the  price  of  the  filly 
was  to  be  £30  or  £34.  The  Major  had  abated  one 
pound  of  the  price  he  asked  at  first.  Doyle  had,  so 
far,  resisted  every  effort  to  induce  him  to  make  an 
advance  upon  his  original  offer.  They  were  both  en- 
joying themselves  greatly.  But  Gallagher  interrupted 
them. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  49 

"  The  doctor  knows  all  about  him,"  he  said,  "  thanks 
be  to  God  he's " 

"  She's  a  filly,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  I  know  as  much 
about  her  as  the  doctor  does." 

He  had  for  the  moment  forgotten  his  American 
guest,  and  was  thinking  only  of  the  animal  which 
Major  Kent  was  trying  to  sell  him. 

"  It's  the  General  I'm  talking  about,"  said  Gallagher 
in  an  aggrieved  tone,  "  and  the  doctor  says  there's  to 
be  an  article  on  the  paper  about  him  next  week.  But 
if  there  is  the  doctor  may  write  it  himself.  It'll  be 
easy  for  him  seeing  he  knows  who  the  General  was." 

"  He  does  not  know  any  more  than  the  rest  of  us," 
said  Doyle.  "  Didn't  he  say  a  minute  ago  he  was  a 
well-known  millionaire  ?  " 

"  He  knows  now,  anyway,"  said  Gallagher,  "  and 
what's  more  he  says  that  the  Urban  District  Council 
has   been    talking   about   erecting   a   statue   to   him." 

"  Erecting  a  statue  to  who?  "  said  the  Major. 

"  To  General  John  Regan,  of  course,"  said  Gal- 
lagher. 

"  But  sure  there  was  no  such  talk,"  said  Doyle,  "  not 
that  I  heard  of,  anyway." 

"  There  was  not,"  said  Gallagher,  "  but  there  will  be 
now ;  and  there  might  have  been.  There's  no  denying 
that  there  might  have  been." 

"  Doyle,"  said  the  Major  anxiously.  "  We  must 
finish  settling  the  price  of  the  filly  later  on.  I'm 
nervous,  I'm  confoundedly  nervous  about  what  the 
doctor  may  be  doing.    You  never  know  what  wild  idea 


50  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

he  may  take  into  his  head,  or  what  he  may  let  us  all 
in  for." 

"He's  all  right,"  said  Gallagher.  "Don't  I  tell 
you  he's  arranging  with  the  American  gentleman  ?  " 

"  He  may  be  getting  us  all  into  some  mess  or  other. 
You  never  know  what  the  doctor  will  be  at.  He's 
so  infernally  imaginative." 

Mr.  Billing  and  .Dr.  O'Grady  had  left  the  door  of 
the  hotel.  They  were  standing  together  in  the  middle 
of  the  square  almost  opposite  the  police  barrack. 
Major  Kent  hurried  towards  them.  Doyle  and  Gal- 
lagher followed  him  slowly. 

"  What's  this  talk  about  a  statue  ? "  said  Doyle. 
"  Didn't  I  tell  you  before  that  I'd  agree  to  no  statue? 
Isn't  the  rates  high  enough  already  without  that? 
And  don't  I  have  to  pay  more  of  them  than  any  other 
man  in  the  town  ?  " 

"  There'll  be  no  addition  to  the  rates,'*  said  Gal- 
lagher. "  The  way  the  doctor  was  fixing  it  up  it'll  be 
the  American  gentleman  that'll  pay  for  the  statue. 
He's  just  after  saying  he  will,  and  the  Urban  District 
Council  is  to  pass  a  vote  of  thanks  to  him,  which  is 
what  they'll  be  glad  to  do,  and  I'll  draw  it  up  my- 
self." 

"  Of  course,"  said  Doyle,  slightly  mollified,  "  if 
he  pays  the  cost  of  it  there'll  be  no  objection  to  the 
statue.  But  are  you  sure  now  that  he's  fit?  Statues 
cost  a  deal." 

"  Look  at  the  motor-car  he  came  in,"  said  Gallagher. 

The  motor  seemed  conclusive  evidence.     It  was  a 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  51 

very  splendid  vehicle.  Doyle  hurried  forward.  A 
stranger  who  proposed  to  spend  large  sums  of  money 
in  the  town  deserved  to  be  treated  with  every  kind  of 
politeness  and  respect.  A  statue  still  struck  Doyle  as 
an  exceedingly  useless  thing;  but  he  was  not  without 
hope  that  Mr.  Billing  might  be  persuaded  to  give  his 
money,  if  he  really  wanted  to  give  money,  to  some 
more  sensible  object. 

Dr.  O'Grady  introduced  Major  Kent  to  Mr.  Billing. 

*'  Our  principal  resident  gentleman,"  he  said,  "  a 
J.  P.  and  a  strong  Unionist.  Gallagher,  of  course,  is  a 
Home  Ruler.  But  these  little  political  differences  of 
opinion  don't  really  matter.  They're  both  equally 
keen  on  doing  their  duty  to  the  memory  of  the  great 
General." 

"What's  that?"  said  the  Major.  ''What  General 
are  you  talking  about  ?  " 

"  General  John  Regan,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"Who?     What?"  said  the  Major. 

"  Don't  give  yourself  away  now,  Major,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  in  a  whisper.  "  Don't  let  Mr.  Billing  find  out 
that  you've  never  heard  of  the  General.  You  ought 
to  have  heard  of  him.  The  Major,"  he  said  aloud, 
"  isn't  as  well  up  in  the  General's  history  as  he  might 
be.  He  hasn't  studied  the  details  of  his  campaigns : 
but  he  quite  agrees  with  the  rest  of  us  that  there  ought 
to  be  a  statue  to  his  memory." 

"  Dr.  O'Grady  has  just  informed  me,"  said  Mr. 
Billing.  "  that  the  centre  of  this  square  is  the  site  that 
has  been  selected  by  your  Urban  District  Council." 


52  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

*'  The  very  spot  we're  standing  on  at  the  present 
moment,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  The  Major  has 
promised  £5,  which  shows  how  keen  he  is  on  the 
project.  Don't  say  you  haven't,  Major.  We  all 
know  that  you're  a  modest  man,  doing  good  by  stealth 
and  blushing  to  find  it  known.  But  a  public  subscrip- 
tion can't  be  kept  secret.  Sooner  or  later  the  list  of 
subscribers  will  have  to  be  published.  Doyle,"  he 
looked  round  as  he  spoke  and  saw  Doyle  and  Gallagher 
standing  near  him.  "  Doyle  has  promised  another  £5. 
He  ought  to  be  giving  more,  and  I  daresay  he  will  in 
the  end.  He's  a  much  richer  man  than  the  Major, 
though  he  doesn't  look  it.  Gallagher  is  good  for  an- 
other pound.  It  doesn't  sound  much  from  a  newspaper 
editor,  but  it's  as  much  as  he  can  afford.  Half  the 
advertisements  in  his  paper  aren't  paid  for  at  all. 
Father  McCormack — he's  the  parish  priest,  and  we 
haven't  asked  him  yet,  but  he'll  put  down  his  name 
for  iio  at  least.  He  always  supports  every  kind  of 
good  work  liberally." 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  Mr,  Billing,  *'  you  may  put  me 
down  for  five  hundred  dollars." 

Doyle  and  Gallagher  drew  pieces  of  paper  and 
pencils  from  their  pockets.  They  did  sums  rapidly, 
Doyle  on  the  back  of  an  old  envelope,  Gallagher  on 
a  sheet  of  paper  already  covered  with  shorthand  notes. 
Dr.  O'Grady  worked  his  sum  in  his  head.  He  arrived 
at  his  answer  first. 

"  A  hundred  pounds  !  "  he  said.  "  A  generous  sub- 
scription !  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  53 

"  It's  more  than  a  hundred,"  said  Doyle.  "  What 
do  you  make  it,  Thady  ?  " 

"  Counting  4s.  2d.  to  the  dollar,"  said  Gallagher,  ''  it 
comes  to " 

"  There's  a  halfpenny  along  with  that,"  said  Doyle. 
**  as  often  as  not." 

''  Anyway,"  said  Gallagher,  "it  won't  be  less  than 
£104  3s.  4d." 

"  The  Urban  District  Council,"  said  Doyle,  "  will 
take  a  delight  in  passing  that  vote  of  thanks  to  Mr. 
Billing  at  its  next  meeting,  and  it'll  be  a  good  strong 
vote,  won't  it,  Thady  ?  " 

"  As  strong  as  ever  any  one  that  was  passed  about 
the  landlords,"  said  Gallagher,  "  only  different,  of 
course,  mighty  different." 

"  Look  here,  O'Grady,"  said  Major  Kent.  "  What 
do  you  mean  by  saying  that  I'm.  going  to  subscribe 
£5  ?     Who  is  this  General  you're  all  talking  about  ?  " 

''  Do  shut  up.  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Every- 
thing's all  right  if  you'll  only  keep  quiet.  As  you've 
got  a  camera  with  you,  Mr.  Billing,"  he  went  on, 
"  you  might  like  to  take  a  photograph  of  that  house 
opposite  you.  It  was  there  that  the  great  Gen- 
eral  " 

"  Glory  be  to  God,"  said  Gallagher,  "  it's  the  police 
barrack ! " 

"  The  birthplace  of  the  great  General  ?  "  said  Mr. 
Billing,  taking  off  his  hat. 

"Not  exactly,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "Thady  Gal- 
lagher will   show  you  his  birthplace  this   afternoon. 


54  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

This  is  the  house  in  which  he  spent  his  early  youth, 
up  to  the  age  of  eleven  years." 

"  Excuse  me,"  said  Mr.  Billing.  >"  I'll  just  get  my 
camera.  A  view  of  that  house  will  be  most  interest- 
ing.    I  certainly  ought  to  have  it  for  my  biography." 

He  crossed  the  road  to  the  hotel  and  picked  up 
his  camera.  He  carried  it  to  the  middle  of  the  square 
and  set  up  the  tripod  legs.  Then  he  screwed  the 
camera  into  its  place. 

"  O'Grady,"  said  Major  Kent,  angrily.  "  I  don't 
want  to  make  a  public  exposure  of  you  before  a  total 
stranger,  but  if  you  don't  stop  trying  to  make  fools 
of  us  all " 

"  I  don't  know  what  you're  talking  about,  Major," 
said  the  doctor.  "  I'm  not  making  a  fool  of  anyone. 
I'm  helping  to  persuade  Mr.  Billing  to  erect  a  statue 
in  this  town.  You  can't  deny  that  a  statue  would 
be  an  improvement  to  the  place." 

"A  statue!"  said  the  Major.     "Who  to?" 

"Good  Heavens!"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "haven't 
you  grasped  that  yet?     To  General  John  Regan." 

Mr.  Billing  had  his  head  under  a  black  cloth.  He 
was  screwing  the  lens  of  his  camera  backwards  and 
forwards  and  appeared  to  be  entirely  absorbed  in  his 
photography. 

"  Tell  me  now,  doctor,"  said  Doyle,  "  before  we  go 

further  into  the  matter Mind  you,  I'm  not  saying 

a  word  against  what  you're  doing,  but  I'd  be  glad  to 
know  who  was  General  John  Regan." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  55 

"  If  I'm  to  show  the  American  gentleman  the  birth- 
place of  the  General,"  said  Gallagher,  ''  V\\  need  to 
know  where  it  is.  Will  you  tell  me  this  now,  doc- 
tor, where  was  the  General  born  ?  " 

**  I  haven't  time,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  to  give  you 
all  elementary  lectures  on  modern  history ;  and  I 
certainly  haven't  the  temper  to  spend  all  day  hammer- 
ing into  your  heads  simple  facts  which " 

"Facts!"  said  the   Major. 

"Go  home,  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "You've 
no  tact,  and  in  an  affair  of  this  kind  where  the  highest 
kind  of  diplomacy  is  necessary,  you're  not  only  use- 
less, you're  actually  dangerous.  Now,  Doyle,  do  you 
or  do  you  not  want  to  have  the  handling  of  that 
American  gentleman's  iioo?  You  do,  of  course. 
Very  well  then.  Leave  the  matter  in  my  hands  and 
don't  annoy  me  by  asking  frivolous  questions. 
Thady,  the  birthplace  of  the  General  is  one  of  those 
ruined  cottages — it  doesn't  in  the  least  matter  which 
— on  the  grass  farm  where  Doyle  has  his  cattle  ever 
since  you  and  your  League  prevented  anyone  else 
taking  the  place.  You  ought  to  have  known  that 
without  bothering  me.  Good  Heavens!  Here's  the 
police  sergeant  coming  to  ask  questions  now." 

Sergeant  Colgan  and  Constable  Moriarty  were  ap- 
proaching at  a  rapid  walk. 

"  Begging  your  pardon,  doctor,"  said  the  sergeant, 
"  but  is  that  a  camera  that  the  gentleman  has,  and  is 
he  thinking  of  taking  a  picture  of  the  barrack  ? " 


56  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  He  is,"  said  the  doctor,  ''  but  he's  not  photo- 
graphing it  as  a  barrack  at  all.  He's  doing  it  in  an 
entirely  different  spirit.  So  there's  no  necessity  for 
you  to  start  any  theory  about  his  being  a  German  spy, 
or  to  raise  stupid  objections." 

"  I  wasn't  thinking  of  objecting,"  said  the  ser- 
geant. "  It  makes  no  matter  to  me  what  notion  he 
has  in  his  head.     But  what  Constable  Moriarty  was 

saying  to  me  this  minute "  he  hesitated,  and  then 

added,  "  speak  up  now,  Moriarty." 

"  What  the  sergeant  said  to  me,"  said  Moriarty, 
**  as  soon  as  ever  he  seen  the  gentleman  with  the 
camera " 

"  It  wasn't  me  passed  the  remark,"  said  the  ser- 
geant, "  but  yourself.  I'll  not  have  it  put  out  that  I 
was  the  one " 

Mr.  Billing,  standing  bare-headed  beside  his  camera, 
squeezed  a  yellow  bulb  and  clicked  the  shutter  of 
his  lens.     He  turned  smiling. 

"  A  successful  photograph,  I  hope,  gentlemen," 
he  said.  *'  The  people  of  Bolivia  will  be  interested  to 
see  it.  It  will  adorn  the  first  volume  of  the  General's 
life." 

"  There ! "  said  Dr.  O'Grady  to  Sergeant  Colgan. 
"  That  comes  of  not  speaking  out  promptly.  The 
photograph  is  taken  now  and  whatever  remark  it  was 
that  you  or  Moriarty  made  will  be  entirely  wasted." 

"  It's  a  pity,  so  it  is,"  said  the  sergeant,  "  for  what 
Constable   Moriarty   was   after   saying " 

"What    the    sergeant    said,"    said    Moriarty,    "is 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  57 

that  he'd  be  glad  if  the  gentleman  would  take  him 
along  with  the  barrack." 

*'  It's  not  often,"  said  the  sergeant,  "  that  we  have 
anyone  taking  photographs  round  in  these  parts,  and 
Constable  Moriarty  would  have  been  pleased  to  be 
took  on  account  of  being  able  to  send  the  photo  after 
to  a  young  lady  that  he  is  acquainted  with  up  in  Dub- 
lin." 

"  There's  no  young  lady  up  in  Dublin,"  said  Mor- 
iarty sulkily. 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  a  man  of  quick  sympathy  and  a 
kind  heart.  He  realised  at  once  that  both  Sergeant 
Colgan  and  Constable  Moriarty  wanted  to  have  their 
photographs  taken. 

"  Go  over  to  the  door  of  the  barrack,"  he  said, 
"  and  arrange  yourselves  in  such  a  way  as  to  look  as 
ornamental  as  possible.  I'll  try  to  get  the  gentleman 
to  take  another  photograph." 

Mr.  Billing  had  slipped  his  dark  slide  into  his 
pocket,  and  was  unscrewing  his  camera  from  its  stand. 
Dr.  O'Grady  called  to  him. 

"  I'm  afraid,"  he  said,  "  that  you  got  your  photo- 
graph wrong." 

"  Mistake  about  the  house,"  said  Mr.  Billing. 
"  Well,  it  can't  be  helped.     Which  is  the  right  one  ?  " 

"Not  exactly  that,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  ''You've 
got  the  proper  house,  but  the  Major  has  just  reminded 
me " 

"  I  did  not,"  said  Major  Kent. 

"  Well,    if    it    wasn't    you    it   was    Thady.     Thady 


58  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Gallagher  has  just  reminded  me  that  the  top  storey 
wasn't  built  when  the  General  lived  there.  The 
Government  added  it  afterwards  when  the  place  was 
bought  for  a  police  barrack.  What  you  ought  to  do 
if  you  want  to  get  the  thing  absolutely  right  is  to 
take  another  photograph  and  make  sure  that  the  top 
storey  doesn't  come  into  it." 

"  I'm  greatly  obliged  to  you,"  said  Air.  Billing. 
"  I'll  expose  a  second  plate." 

He  arranged  his  camera  again.  Sergeant  Colgan 
and  Moriarty  settled  themselves  in  stiff  attitudes, 
one  on  each  side  of  the  barrack  door. 

"  Am  I  to  take  the  two  policemen  as  well  ?  "  said 
Mr.  Billing,  looking  out  from  beneath  his  black  cloth. 

"  You  may  as  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  It  will 
interest  the  Bolivians  to  see  how  this  country  is  over- 
run with  what  Thady  Gallagher  calls  the  armed  forces 
of  an  alien  power." 

**  What  I  say  is  this,"  said  Thady  Gallagher,  grasp- 
ing at  his  opportunity,  "  so  long  as  the  people  of  this 
country  is  kept  in  subjection  and  the  cursed  system  of 
landlordism  is  supported " 

"  Look  here,  O'Grady,"  said  Major  Kent,  angrily, 
"  I  can't  be  expected  to  stand  this." 

"It's  all  right,  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "It's 
only  poor  old  Thady.  You  know  jolly  well  he  doesn't 
mean  a  word  of  it." 

"  As  long  as  the  sacredness  of  our  homes  is  in- 
vaded,"   said    Gallagher,    "  and    the    virtues    of    our 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  59 

families  corrupted  by  the  overfed  minions  of  the 
landlord  class " 

''  Oh,  do  shut  up,  Thady,"  said  the  doctor.  "  We 
all  know  that  stuff  off  by  heart,  and  you  must  try  to 
recollect  that  the  Major's  a  Unionist.  He  can't  be 
expected  to  listen  to  you  peaceably;  and  if  we  don't 
run  this  statue  business  on  strictly  non-political  lines 
we'll  never  be  able  to  carry  it  through." 

"  Whisht  now,  Thady,  whisht,"  said  Doyle  sooth- 
ingly ;  "  sure  the  sergeant  is  doing  you  no  harm." 

Mr.  Billing  clicked  his  shutter  again.  Sergeant 
Colgan  and  Constable  Moriarty  relapsed  from  their 
strained  attitudes  and  breathed  freely. 

"  Got  the  lower  storey  all  right  ? "  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  Good.  I  daresay  now  you'd  like  to 
toddle  around  with  Thady  Gallagher  and  see  the  Gen- 
eral's birthplace.  I'm  sorry  I  can't  go  with  you  my- 
self, but  I  happen  to  be  rather  busy.  There  are  two 
old  women  with  rheumatism  expecting  bottles  from 
me  ifi  the  course  of  the  afternoon." 

"  I'll  fold  up  the  camera,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  and 
start  at  once." 

"  Doctor,"  said  Gallagher  anxiously,  "  what'll  I  do 
when  he  starts  asking  me  questions  about  the  Gen- 
eral?" 

"  Answer  him,  of  course,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  How  can  I,  when  I  never  heard  tell  of  the  Gen- 
eral till  to-day.  For  the  love  of  God,  doctor  dear, 
will  you  tell  me  who  he  was  ?  " 


6o  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Thady,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I'm  ashamed  of  you. 
Aren't  you  a  politician  ?  You  are,  and  well  you  know 
it.  Aren't  you  a  newspaper  editor  ?  You  are,  there's 
no  use  denying  it.  Don't  you  spend  your  whole  life 
either  talking  or  writing  on  subjects  that  you  know 
nothing  about?  You  do.  And  what  on  earth's  the 
use  of  your  pretending  now  that  you  can't  answer  a 
few  simple  questions  about  General  John  Regan? 
There  now,  he's  got  his  camera  folded  up  and  he's 
waiting  for  you.     Be  off  at  once." 


CHAPTER  IV 

MOTOR-CARS  are  even  yet  far  from  common 
in  the  west  of  Ireland.  They  are  not,  for  in- 
stance, used  in  elections  as  they  are  in  England. 
There  very  seldom  are  elections  in  the  west  of  Ireland ; 
but  even  if  these  entertainments  were,  as  frequent  as 
elsewhere  motor-cars  would  not  be  used  in  them.  This 
is  partly  because  the  Irish  voter  is  recognised  as  incor- 
ruptible, not  the  kind  of  man  who  would  allow  his 
vote  to  be  influenced  by  a  ride  in  an  unaccustomed 
vehicle;  partly  because  the  west  of  Ireland  candidate 
for  Parliament  is  not  rich  enough  to  keep  a  motor-car 
himself,  and  has  no  friends  or  supporters  who  could 
lend  him  anything  more  expensive  than  a  horse. 
Therefore  motor  drives  are  an  unknown  luxury  to 
most  Connacht  men.  Thady  Gallagher,  though  he 
was  a  newspaper  editor,  had  never  travelled  even  in 
the  side  car  of  a  motor-cycle.  When  Mr.  Billing 
made  it  clear  that  he  meant  to  go  to  the  General's 
birth-place  in  his  large  car  everybody  felt  slightly 
envious  of  Gallagher,  and  Doyle  wished  that  he  had 
not  refused  to  join  the  expedition.  Gallagher  him- 
self was  not  elated  by  his  good  fortune.  He  was 
embarrassed  and  depressed.  He  cast  an  appealing 
glance  at  Doyle. 

6i 


62  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  What  am  I  to  do,  at  all  ?  "  he  said.  "  What  am 
I  to  say  to  him  when ?  " 

"If  you've  any  sense,"  said  Doyle,  "  you'll  take  a 
good  long  drive  now  you  have  the  chance.  He 
doesn't  know  the  way.  What's  to  hinder  you  from 
taking  him  round  every  road  within  ten  miles  of  the 
town  ?  " 

But  the  prospect  did  not  cheer  Gallagher.  He  tried 
to  grasp  Dr.  O'Grady's  arm  as  he  passed  him.  But 
the  doctor  shook  him  off  impatiently.  He  even  at- 
tempted an  appeal  to  Major  Kent,  quite  vainly.  The 
Major  was  still  smarting  under  the  rhetorical  denun- 
ciation of  landlords.  He  would  not  at  that  moment 
have  gone  a  step  out  of  his  way  to  rescue  Gallagher 
from   drowning. 

The  moment  the  motor-car  was  out  of  sight  Major 
Kent  and  Doyle  turned  hotly  on  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  What  the  devil  do  you  mean,  O'Grady,"  said  the 
Major,  "by  talking  in  this  absurd  way?  You  know 
perfectly  well " 

Doyle  spoke  at  the  same  time. 

"  It's  a  curious  thing,  so  it  is,  doctor,"  he  said. 
"  It's  a  curious  thing  that  you'd  be  letting  me  in  for 
£5  when  you  know  the  loss  I'm  in  on  account  of  you 
already.     I'd  have  thought " 

Dr.  O'Grady  mterrupted  them  both. 

"  Suppose  you  agree  to  split  the  difference,"  he 
said,  "  and  say  £32  los.  for  the  filly.  It's  a  pity  to 
see  two  men  like  you  losing  your  tempers  over  a  bar- 
gain." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  63 

"  It's  not  the  bargain,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  has  my 
temper  riz.     It's " 

"  Doyle  can  have  the  filly  if  he  likes,"  said  the 
Major,  "  at  £32  ids.  I  don't  want  to  go  on  wrang- 
ling about  that.     What  I  want  to  know " 

"  I'll  take  her,"  said  Doyle. 

Major  Kent  smiled  faintly.  He  was  getting  out 
of  what  threatened  to  be  a  very  bad  bargain  with  an 
actual  gain  of  £2  los.  He  began  to  recover  command 
of  his  temper.  Doyle  also  smiled.  He  believed  that 
he  was  buying  for  £32  los.  an  animal  for  which  Major 
Kent  had  paid  £40  three  days  before.  He  felt  kindly 
disposed  towards  Dr.  O'Grady,  who  had  put  the 
chance  of  such  a  bargain  in  his  way. 

"  Now,  Major,"  said  the  doctor,  "  you  trot  along 
to  my  house  while  I  speak  a  word  or  two  to  Doyle. 
I'll  be  round  with  you  in  about  ten  minutes,  and  give 
you  some  tea." 

"But  about  that  General?"  said  the  Major,  "I'd 
rather  like  to  know " 

He  still  wanted  to  know  about  General  John  Regan. 
But  the  tone  in  which  he  asked  for  information  had 
changed.     He  no  longer  seemed  to  threaten. 

"  I'll  explain  all  that  to  you  if  you'll  only  do  as  I 
tell  you,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  At  present  I  can't 
because  I'm  going  to  explain  it  to  Doyle." 

"  Why  can't  you  explain  it  to  both  of  us  at  once  ?  " 
said  the  Major.  "  That  is  to  say  if  there  is  any  ex- 
planation of  the  way  you've  been  going  on." 

"  There  are  two  explanations,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 


64  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  one  for  you  and  one  for  Doyle.  I  can't  give  them 
both  at  once,  because  they're  different.  I  should 
have  thought  you'd  have  seen  that  for  yourself." 

*'  I  don't  see  how  there  can  be  two  explanations/* 
said  the  Major,  "  not  two  true  ones.  But  of  course 
they're  neither  of  them  that." 

"  They're  both  quite  true,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  but 
they're  different,  of  course,  because  you  and  Doyle  look 
at  everything  from  such  different  points  of  view. 
Now  do  trot  along,  Major,  and  don't  interrupt  me 
any  more.  That  American  may  be  back  at  any 
moment.  I  don't  believe  Gallagher  will  be  able  to 
keep  him  in  play  for  very  long." 

He  took  Major  Kent  by  the  shoulders  as  he  spoke 
and  pushed  him  some  little  way  along  the  street. 
Then  he  returned  to  Doyle. 

"  Now  then,  Doyle,"  he  said,  "  you've  done  pretty 
well  over  that  filly.  Strictly  speaking,  you  owe  me 
£y  los.     But  I'm  not  going  to  say  a  word  about  that." 

"  Seeing  that  you  owe  me  i6o,"  said  Doyle,  "  it'll 
maybe  be  as  well  for  you  not." 

"  What  I  do  want  to  talk  about,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  is  General  John  Regan." 

"  If  you  tell  me  who  he  was,"  said  Doyle,  "  I'll  be 
content." 

"  I  don't  see  that  it  matters  in  the  least  to  you  who 
he  was.  Look  here  now,  Doyle.  You're  a  business 
man,  and  among  other  things  you  sell  whisky.  Now 
suppose  someone  was  to  walk  into  your  hotel  and 
tell  you  to  forward  ten  dozen  bottles  of  whisky — the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  65 

best  you  had — to  his  aunt,  and  supposing  that  he 
told  his  aunt's  name  was  Regan,  would  you  go  ques- 
tioning and  cross-questioning  every  man  you  met 
as  to  whether  there  really  was  an  old  lady  called 
Miss  Regan  at  the  address  he  gave  you  ?  " 

"  I  would  not,"  said  Doyle.  "  So  long  as  I  got 
my  money  I  wouldn't  care  whether  the  fellow  ever  had 
an  aunt,  or  what  sort  of  a  name  there  might  be  to 
her  if  he  had." 

"  Well,  this  is  exactly  the  same  sort  of  case. 
Here's  a  man  who  wants  a  statue  for  a  dead  General, 
and  is  perfectly  willing  to  pay  for  it.  Why  should 
you  bother  your  head  about  who  the  statue  is  sup- 
posed to  represent?  iioo  is  £100,  I  suppose,  even 
if  there  never  was  a  Regan  in  the  world;  and  there 
have  been,  plenty  of  them." 

"  I  see  that,"  said  Doyle.  "  I  see  that,  now  you  put 
it  to  me.  And  I  don't  deny  but  there's  a  lot  in  what 
you  say.  But  what  I  don't  see  is  this :  I'd  make 
something  out  of  the  whisky  for  the  gentleman's  aunt, 
but  I  don't  understand  how  I'm  to  make  a  penny  out 
of  the  statue." 

"  You'll  be  treasurer  of  the  fund,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  and  I  needn't  tell  you  that  in  all  these 
cases  the  treasurer — wtW,  there  might  be  a  little  bal- 
ance in  hand  at  the  end.  There  often  is.  Nobody 
ever  inquires  about  those  balances.  If  the  treasurers 
are  fools  they  lie  in  the  banks  and  nobody  ever  gets 
any  good  of  them.     But  you're  not  a  fool,  Doyle." 

"  I  am  not ;  and  of  course,  there  has  been  balances 


66  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

of  the  kind  you  speak  of  before  now.  I  wouldn't  say 
but — looking  at  the  matter  in  that  way — and  be- 
sides there'd  be  a  commission  from  the  fellow  that  got 
the  contract  for  the  statue.  And  with  regard  to  the 
£5  that  my  name's  down  for " 

"  Come  now,  Doyle.  Don't  pretend  to  be  stupider 
than  you  are.  You  know  perfectly  well  that  every 
public  fund  has  to  be  started  by  somebody  with  a  re- 
spectable looking  subscription.  I  put  it  to  you  now  as 
a  business  man,  did  you  ever  hear  of  a  case  in  which 
a  subscription  of  that  kind  was  actually  paid?  It  ap- 
pears in  the  published  list  and  it  encourages  other  peo- 
ple, but " 

"  Say  no  more,  doctor,"  said  Doyle.  "  Say  no 
more." 

"  I  shall  count  on  you  then,  Doyle,  to  help  me  in 
every  way  you  possibly  can.  It's  all  for  your  own 
good.     And  you  won't  be  doing  anybody  any  harm." 

"  There's  just  one  thing  more,"  said  Doyle. 

"  Out  with  it.  And  be  as  quick  as  you  can.  I've 
still  got  to  soothe  the  Major's  scruples." 

"  If  you  don't  mind  my  asking  the  question,"  said 
Doyle,  "  what  are  you  going  to  make  out  of  it  your- 
self?" 

"  That's  a  delicate  point.  I  might  tell  you  I'm 
going  into  the  business  for  the  fun  of  the  thing;  but 
you  wouldn't  believe  that." 

"  I  would  not,"  said  Doyle,  winking  slowly. 

"  I  was  afraid  you  wouldn't.  It's  true,  as  it  hap- 
pens.    That's   just   exactly   why  I   am   running  this 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  e,y 

statue.  It  offers  me  a  little  excitement  and  variety. 
But  as  you  won't  believe  it  I'll  have  to  make  up  some 
sort  of  a  lie  that  you  will  believe.  I  owe  you  about 
£60,  don't  I?" 

"  You  do,  doctor,  but  I'd  be  the  last  man  in  Ireland 
to  press  you  for  the  money  if " 

"  Very  well.  If  I  put  £20  into  your  pocket  over 
this  statue,  in  addition  to  the  £7  los.  you're  making  on 
the  filly,  I'll  expect  you  to  stop  talking  about  what 
I  owe  you  for  the  next  six  months.  You  see  some 
sense  in  that,  don't  you?" 

"  I  do." 

"  And  it  satisfies  you  as  a  reason  for  my  taking  all 
the  trouble  that  I'm  going  to  take." 

"  It  does,  of  course.     Why  wouldn't  it?" 

"  Very  well.  Believe  it.  But  if  the  matter  ever 
comes  up  again  you'll  remember,  Doyle,  that  I  offered 
you  the  truth  and  you  wouldn't  have  it.  I  didn't 
attempt  to  impose  on  you  with  that  lie  until  you  in- 
sisted that  I  should." 

Doyle  grinned.  He  did  not  for  a  moment  believe 
that  Dr.  O'Grady  was  going  to  give  himself  a  great 
deal  of  trouble  in  the  matter  of  General  John  Regan's 
statue  without  gaining  something  by  it.  But  he 
admired  the  way  in  which  the  doctor,  even  when 
apparently  cornered,  succeeded  in  keeping  up  ap- 
pearances. 

"  If  Gallagher  gets  tangled  up  in  any  diflliculty," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady,  as  he  said  good-bye  to  Doyle, 
**  send  him  straight  round  to  me.     Don't  you  attempt 


68  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

to  extricate  him  or  you'll  make  matters  worse.  I 
shall  be  at  home  for  the  next  two  hours.  It  will  take 
me  that  time  at  least  to  talk  sense  into  the  Major." 

When  he  got  back  to  his  own  house  Dr.  O'Grady 
found  his  friend  in  a  state  of  badly  repressed  im- 
patience. 

**  That  seems  to  have  been  a  pretty  long  explanation 
which  you  gave  to  Doyle,"  said  the  Major.  "  I  hope 
mine  will  turn  out  to  be  a  bit  shorter." 

"  That,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  will  entirely  depend  on 
yourself,  Major.  If  you  were  a  really  intelligent  man 
no  explanation  whatever  would  be  necessary.  You'd 
grasp  the  situation  for  yourself.  If  you  were  even 
fairly  intelligent  a  short  explanation  would  be  quite 
sufficient.  If,  as  I  fear,  you  are  downright  stupid  I 
may  have  to  spend  an  hour  or  two  talking  to  you." 

"  I  don't  see  the  slightest  necessity  for  that,"  said 
the  Major.  "  You've  only  got  to  give  a  simple  answer 
to  a  perfectly  plain  question.  Who  was  General  John 
Regan  ?  You  answer  that,  and  no  further  explanation 
will  be  necessary." 

"  I'm  afraid  it  will,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Even  if 
I  tell  you  all  I  know  about  the  General  you'll  still  want 
to  heckle  me  and  generally  upset  my  plans." 

"  No,  I  won't,  O'Grady.  I  promise  you  I  won't. 
Just  tell  me  all  you  know  about  this  General  and  I 
won't  say  another  word." 

"Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "I  don't  know 
anything  at  all  about  the  General.  I  never  heard  of 
him  in  my  life  until  to-day." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  69 

Major  Kent  gasped.  Then  he  grew  suddenly  red 
in  the  face.  Then  he  spluttered  explosively.  Then 
he  burst  into  violent  speech. 

"  And  what  the  devil  do  you  mean,  O'Grady,  by 
?     I'm  hanged  if  I  ever  heard  of  such " 

"  There  you  are,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  knew  you 
wouldn't  be  satisfied.  I've  told  you  all  I  know  about 
the  General,  and  so  far  from  saying  nothing  more, 
you  begin  to  curse  in  the  most  frightful  way." 

"That's  all  very  well,"  said  the  Major,  *' but  if 
there's  no  such  person  as  that  General " 

"  I  didn't  say  that.  I  said  I  knew  nothing  about  him. 
I'm  a  well  educated  man,  Major,  far  better  educated 
than  you  are.  But  there  are  thousands  and  thousands 
of  quite  eminent  people  still  alive  whose  names  I've 
never  heard,  and  when  it  comes  to  dead  people  there 
are  probably  millions,  scattered  up  and  down  through 
history  books,  whom  I  know  nothing  about.  They 
may  all  be  quite  famous  in  their  own  localities  and  may 
thoroughly  deserve  statues.  It's  not  their  fault  that  I 
know  nothing  about  them." 

"  But  we  don't  any  of  us  know  anything  about 
this  General.  I  don't.  Doyle  doesn't.  You  don't. 
Why  on  earth  should  we  put  up  a  statue  to  him  ?  " 

"  Why  shouldn't  we  allow  that  American — Billing 
or  whatever  his  name  is — to  put  up  a  statue  if  he  likes? 
He  wants  to.     Why  shouldn't  he?" 

"Why  should  he  put  it  up  here?"  said  the  Major. 
"  What  brings  him  to  Ballymoy  ?  " 

"  I    expect,"    said    Dr.    O'Grady—"  mind,    I    don't 


70  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

know  for  certain — but  I  expect  that  he's  come  to  the 
wrong  place,  mixed  up  Ballymoy  with  some  other 
town,  with  the  town  in  which  Regan  was  really  born. 
This  General  of  his  was  evidently  a  pretty  big  pot 
in  his  way,  and  if  he  had  been  born  in  Ballymoy  some 
of  us  would  have  heard  of  him." 

"  In  that  case,"  said  the  Major,  "  we  ought  to  tell 
Billing  of  his  mistake." 

"  Certainly  not.  In  the  first  place  that  would  be  a 
very  unkind  thing  to  do.  Nobody  likes  being  told  of 
their  mistakes,  especially  when  they're  as  full  of 
bounce  and  self-confidence  as  this  fellow  Billing.  It's 
not  right  to  be  maliciously  and  wantonly  unkind, 
Major,  even  to  dumb  animals;  and  I  can't  imagine 
anything  more  cruel  than  to  tell  Billing  that  he's  made 
a  mistake.  In  the  next  place,  why  on  earth  should  we 
miss  the  chance  of  getting  a  statue  in  Ballymoy  ?  We 
haven't  got  one  at  present,  and  a  good  statue — we'll 
get  quite  a  respectable  one  for  Billing's  £ioo,  even  if 
we  don't  subscribe  a  penny  ourselves — will  be  a  great 
ornament  to  the  town.  You  may  not  care  for  statues, 
Major,  but  all  really  cultivated  people  love  them. 
Look  at  Dublin!  It's  a  city  with  two  universities  in 
it,  and  the  consequence  is  that  it's  simply  spotted  all 
over  with  statues.  Look  at  ancient  Athens,  the  most 
cultured  city  the  world  has  ever  seen.  The  number  of 
statues  the  Athenians  had  would  surprise  you.  Why 
shouldn't  we  have  one?     It'll  do  us  all  good." 

"  I  call  it  a  fraud,"  said  the  Major.     "  It's  getting 
money  out  of  this  fool  of  an  American  under  false  pre- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN                 71 
tences.     If  this  General  of  his  wasn't  bom  here " 


''  Now  do  you  suppose,  Major,  that  the  General  him- 
self, the  original  John  Regan,  cares  a  pin  where  his 
statue  is?  " 

"  Of  course  he  doesn't.  The  one  thing  we  do  know 
about  him  is  that  he's  dead.     Why  should  he  care  ?  " 

"  Quite  so.  Then  there's  no  fraud  so  far  as  he's 
concerned." 

''  I  wasn't  talking  about  him.  I  was  talking  about 
the  American." 

"  I'm  just  coming  to  him.  Billing  wants  a  statue  to 
the  General.  He  wants  it  so  much  that  he's  prepared 
to  pay  iioo  for  it.  He  also  believes  that  the  General 
was  born  here.  I  think  myself  that  he's  mistaken 
about  that ;  but  there's  no  doubt  he  believes  it.  He'll 
be  quite  satisfied  if  we  have  the  statue  here.  If  we 
don't  he'll  have  to  go  to  a  lot  of  trouble  and  expense 
looking  up  another  birthplace  for  the  General.  When 
he  finds  one  the  people  there  may  not  be  as  civil  and 
obliging  as  we  are.  Or  they  may  have  as  many 
statues  as  they  want  already.  I  cannot  for  the  life  of 
me  see  that  we're  committing  any  kind  of  fraud  when 
we're  saving  Billing  a  lot  of  expense,  possibly  a  great 
disappointment,  and  allowing  him  to  do  exactly  what 
he  wants." 

Major  Kent  sighed  hopelessly. 

"  It's  no  use  arguing  with  you,"  he  said,  "  but  you'll 
get  us  all  into  trouble  before  you've  done.  You're 
absolutely  certain  to  be  found  out." 

"  Now   you're  beginning  to   talk   sense,"   said  Dr. 


72  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

O'Grady.  "  There  is  a  certain  risk  of  being  found 
out.  I  don't  deny  that.  What  we  have  to  do  is  to 
minimise  it  as  far  as  possible.  We  must  take  care  not 
to  commit  ourselves  to  any  statement  about  the  Gen- 
eral's public  career  until  we've  found  out  all  we  can 
about  him.  I  intend  to  write  to  Dublin  to-night  for 
every  book  there  is  about  Bolivia,  which  is  the  country 
he  liberated.  In  the  meanwhile  we're  fairly  safe  in 
working  up  any  kind  of  local  tradition  we  can  think 
of.  If  that  sort  of  thing  is  well  done  there's  practi- 
cally no  risk  of  discovery.  Even  if  the  stories  don't 
exactly  fit  in  with  what's  known  about  the  General's 
later  life,  it  doesn't  matter.  The  things  that  are  told 
about  the  boyhood  of  great  men  are  all  invented  after- 
wards. Nobody  expects  them  to  be  true;  but  biog- 
raphers have  to  put  them  in  to  satisfy  the  curiosity 
of  the  public.  There  must  be  a  chapter  headed  '  Early 
Days/  or  '  Home  Life,'  or  something  of  that  kind  in 
every  biography.  That's  the  stuff  Billing  expects  us 
to  supply  in  exchange  for  the  statue.  At  the  same 
time  men  like  Gallagher  and  Doyle  are  appallingly 
stupid,  and  I  can't  say  you're  exactly  brilliant.  Major. 
Any  of  you  may,  in  an  unguarded  moment " 

"  I  shan't,"  said  the  Major,  "  because  I'm  going 
straight  home  and  don't  mean  to  leave  the  house  again 
till  this  whole  business  is  over." 

"  I  wish  that  were  possible,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I 
should  be  much  easier  in  my  mind  if  you  weren't  here 
at  all.  But  unfortunately  we  must  have  you.  You 
give  an  air  of  solid  respectability  to  the  proceedings. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  jz 

You  inspire  confidence.  We  can't  do  without  you. 
I'll  get  Gregg,  the  District  Inspector,  dragged  into  it 
too,  and  Ford,  the  Resident  Magistrate,  if  I  can." 

*'  You  won't  get  him.     He  has  too  much  sense." 

"  I'll  get  his  wife  anyway.  She  loves  a  fuss  of  any 
kind." 

"  Some  of  them  will  give  you  away,"  said  the 
Major.     ''  You'll  be  found  out." 

"  If  Gallagher  gets  through  this  afternoon,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  I  shall  feel  pretty  safe.  I  wish  I  hadn't 
been  obliged  to  send  Gallagher  of?  alone  with  Billing. 
Poor  Thady  is  such  an  ass.  But  what  could  I  do?  I 
couldn't  go  myself  because  I  had  to  explain  the  situa- 
tion to  you  and  Doyle.  I  shall  feel  deeply  thankful 
when  Thady  is  safely  home  again." 

"  By  the  way,"  said  the  Major,  "  what  was  the  ex- 
planation that  you  gave  to  Doyle?  It  was  different 
from  my  one  I  know.  I'd  rather  like  to  hear 
it." 

"  Poor  Doyle !  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Do  you  know 
I  felt  quite  sorry  for  him  about  that  filly.  He  prob- 
ably won't  find  out  what's  wrong  with  her  for  about 
a  fortnight  or  three  weeks.  He'll  be  so  busy  over  this 
General  John  Regan  business  that  he  won't  have  time 
to  do  anything  with  her.  But  when  he  does  find 
out " 

"  He'll  not  be  the  first  man  in  Ireland,"  said  the 
Major,  "who's  been  let  in  over  a  horse,  and  I  don't 
pity  him." 

"  I  do,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  I  pitied  you,  Major, 


74  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

when  you  were  stuck  and  I  helped  you  to  get  out. 
I  don't  see  why  I  shouldn't  pity  Doyle  too." 

"How  do  you  mean  to  get  him  out?"  said  the 
Major.  "  Perhaps  you  intend  to  palm  off  that  filly 
on  your  American." 

"  Not  at  all,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  My  idea  is  to 
get  Doyle's  money  back  for  him  out  of  the  statue." 

The  Major  thought  this  statement  over  and  gradu- 
ally came  to  suspect  that  O'Grady  contemplated  some 
dishonourable  use  of  public  money.  He  was  just  be- 
ginning to  make  a  violent  protest  when  the  door  of  the 
room  in  which  they  were  sitting  opened,  and  Gal- 
lagher s:ame  in. 

"  Doctor,"  he  said,  "  will  you  oblige  me  by  coming 
over  to  the  hotel  at  once  and  pacifying  the  American 
gentleman  ?  " 

"  I  thought  as  much,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  jumping 
up.     "  You've  muddled  things  somehow,  Thady." 

*'  I  did  the  best  I  could,"  said  Gallagher,  "  but  he 
wouldn't  rest  content  with  young  Kerrigan's   wife." 

"  Good  heavens !  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  what  on  earth 
have  you  said?    Young  Kerrigan  hasn't  got  a  wife." 

"  Sure  I  know  that.  But  what  was  I  to  do  ?  What 
I  said  was  for  the  best.  But  anyway  you'd  better 
come  round  to  the  hotel,  till  you  see  for  yourself  the 
"way  we're  in." 

"  Come  along,  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You'll 
enjoy  watching  us  get  out  of  this  entanglement,  what- 
ever it  is." 

"  I'm  not  going  with  you,"  said   the   Major.     "  I 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  75 

don't  see  any  fun  in  standing  still  and  listening  to 
you  telling  lies  to  that  American.  It's  not  my  idea 
of  spending  a  pleasant  afternoon." 

*'  Come  along,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  taking  him  by  the 
arm.  "  I  may  want  you.  I  can't  tell  yet  whether  I 
shall  or  not,  for  I  don't  know  yet  what's  happened. 
But  I  may." 

The  Major  hung  back. 

"  I'm  not  going,"  he  said. 

"  If  you  don't,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady  in  a  whisper, 
"I'll  tell  Doyle  about  the  filly,  all  about  her,  and 
as  you  haven't  got  the  money  for  her  yet — well,  you 
know  what  Doyle  is.  He's  not  the  kind  of  man  I'd 
care  to  trust  very  far  when  he  finds  out  that — Oh, 
do  come  on." 

It  may  have  been  this  threat  which  overcame  Major 
Kent's  reluctance.  It  may  have  been  a  natural  curi- 
osity to  find  out  what  trouble  Gallagher  had  got  into 
with  Mr.  Billing.  It  may  simply  have  been  Dr. 
O'Grady's  force  of  character  which  vanquished  him. 
He  allowed  himself  to  be  led  away. 


CHAPTER  V 

44t^TOW  Thady,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "tell  me  ex- 

-^  ^    actly  what  happened  and  what  the  trouble  is." 

"  It  was  on  account  of  my  mentioning  young  Kerri- 
gan's wife,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  Young  Kerrigan  hasn't  got  a  wife,"  said  the 
Major. 

"  Better  begin  at  the  beginning,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
**  If  we  knew  how  you  arrived  at  whatever  statement 
you  made  about  young  Kerrigan's  wife  we'd  be  in  a 
better  position  to  judge  what  has  to  be  done  about  it. 
Start  off  now  at  the  moment  when  you  went  away  in 
the  motor-car.  You  went  to  Doyle's  farm,  I  suppose, 
as  I  told  you,  so  as  to  show  Mr.  Billing  the  General's 
birthplace." 

"  In  the  latter  end  we  got  there,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  but  at  the  first  go  off  I  took  him  along  the  road 
past  the  workhouse." 

"  That  wasn't  quite  the  shortest  route,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  In  fact  you  began  by  going  in  exactly  the 
opposite  direction." 

"  After  that  we  went  round  by  Barney's  Hill," 
said  Gallagher,  "  and  along  the  bohireen  by  the  side 
of  the  bog,  me  telling  him  the  turns  he  ought  to  take." 

76 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  'jj 

"  What  on  earth  did  you  go  there  for,"  said  the 
Major,  "  if  you  wanted  to  get  to  Doyle's  farm?  " 

"  When  we'd  passed  the  bog,"  said  Gallagher,  "  we 
took  a  twist  round,  like  as  we  might  be  trying  to  cut 
across  to  the  Dunbeg  Road." 

"  You  seem  to  have  gone  pretty  well  all  around  the 
town,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  ''  I  suppose  you  enjoyed 
driving  about  in  a  large  motor.     Was  that  it?  " 

"  It  was  not,"  said  Gallagher,  *'  but  I  was  in  dread 
to  take  him  to  Doyle's  farm  not  knowing  what  ques- 
tions he  might  be  asking  about  the  General  when  we 
got  there.  I'd  be  glad  now,  doctor,  if  you'd  tell  me 
who  the  General  was,  for  it's  troublesome  not  know- 
ing." 

"  There  isn't  time,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  to  go  into 
long  explanations  simply  to  satisfy  your  morbid  curi- 
osity. Go  on  with  your  story.  What  happened  when 
you  did  get  to  the  place  ?  I  suppose  you  got  there  in 
the  end?" 

"  We  did  of  course,"  said  Gallagher,  "  and  I  showed 
him  the  ruin  of  the  little  houseen,  the  same  as  you  told 
me  to.  *  And  was  it  there,'  says  he,  '  that  the  great 
General,  the  immortal  founder  of  the  liberties  of 
Bolivia,  first  saw  the  light?'  'It  was,'  says  I.  So 
he  took  a  leap  out  of  the  motor-car  and  stood  in  front 
of  the  old  house  with  his  hat  in  his  hand.  So  I  told 
him  about  the  way  the  landlords  had  treated  the  people 
of  this  country  in  times  past,  and  the  way  we  are 
meaning  to  serve  them  out  as  soon  as  we  have  Home 
Rule,  which  is  as  good  as  got,  only  for  the  blackguards 


78  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

of    Orangemen   up   in   the   North.     I   told   him- 


''  I'm  sure  you  did,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  but  you 
needn't  go  over  all  that  to  us,  particularly  as  the  Major 
hates  that  kind  of  talk." 

"  Nobody,"  said  Gallagher,  "  would  want  to  say  a 
word  that  was  displeasing  to  the  Major,  who  is  well 
liked  in  this  locality  and  always  was.  If  only  the 
rest  of  the  landlords  was  like  him,  instead  of " 

"  Go  on  about  the  American,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
*'  did  he  throw  stones  at  you  while  you  were  making 
that  speech  about  Home  Rule  ?  " 

"  He  did  not,"  said  Gallagher,  "  but  he  stood  there 
looking  at  the  houseen  with  the  tears  rolling  down  the 
cheeks  of  him  " 

"What?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "do  you  mean  to  tell 
me  he  cried?  " 

"  It  was  like  as  if  he  was  going  to,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  and  *  the  patriot  statesman,*  says  he,  '  the  mighty 
warrior,'  says  he,  and  more  to  that,  the  same  as  if  he 
might  be  making  a  speech  about  the  land  and  the 
league  boys  cheering  him." 

"  I'm  rather  bothered  about  that  American  in  some 
ways,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Are  you  telling  me  the 
truth  now,  Thady,  about  what  he  said  ?  " 

"  I  am,"  said  Gallagher.  "  I'd  take  my  oath  to 
every  word  of  it." 

"  Either  he's  a  much  greater  fool  than  he  looks," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  or  else — but  I'll  find  that  out 
afterwards.  Go  on  with  your  story,  Thady.  What 
happened  next  ? " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  79 

**  Well,    after    he'd    cried    about    a    saucerful '' 

"  I  thought  you  said  he  didn't  actually  cry  ?  " 

*'  It  was  like  as  if  he  was  going  to  cry.  I  told  you 
that  before." 

"  Come  on,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major.  ''  What's 
the  use  of  listening  to  this  sort  of  stuff?  " 

"  Be  quiet,  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  We're  just 
coming  to  the  point.  Go  ahead,  Thady.  You'd  just 
got  to  the  saucerful  of  tears.  When  he'd  emptied  that 
out,  what  did  he  do  ?  " 

"  He  asked  me,"  said  Gallagher,  "  was  there  any 
relatives  or  friends  of  the  General  surviving  in  the 
locality?     He  had  me  beat  there." 

"  I  hope  you  told  him  there  were  several,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady. 

"  I  did,  of  course.  Is  it  likely  I'd  disappoint  the 
gentleman,  and  him  set  on  finding  someone  belonging 
to  the  General  ?  '  Who  are  they  ?  '  said  he.  '  Tell  me 
their  names.'     Well,  it  was  there  I  made  the  mistake." 

"  It  was  a  bit  awkward,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  when 
you  didn't  know  who  the  General  was." 

"  What  I  thought  to  myself,"  said  Gallagher,  "  was 
this.  There  might  be  many  a  one  in  the  locality  that 
would  be  glad  enough  to  be  a  cousin  of  the  General's, 
even  if  there  was  no  money  to  be  got  out  of  it,  and  it 
could  be  that  there  would.  But,  not  knowing  much 
about  the  General,  I  wasn't  easy  in  my  mind  for  fear 
that  anybody  I  named  might  be  terrible  angry  with  me 
after  for  giving  them  a  cousin  that  might  be  some  sort 
of  a  disgrace  to  the  family " 


8o  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  I  see  now,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You  thought  it 
safer  to  name  somebody  who  didn't  exist.  But  what 
made  you  think  of  a  wife  for  young  Kerrigan?  " 

"  It  was  the  first  thing  came  into  my  head/'  said 
Gallagher,  "  and  I  was  that  flustered  I  said  it  without 
thinking." 

''Well,  how  did  he  take  it?" 

"  He  was  mighty  pleased,  so  he  was.  '  Take  me  to 
her,'  he  said.  *  Take  me  to  see  her  this  minute.' 
Well,  to  be  sure  I  couldn't  do  that." 

"  You  could  not,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Could  he. 
Major?" 

"  I  don't  see  why  not.  He  might  have  hired  some 
girl  for  half  an  hour." 

"  No  decent  girl  would  do  it,"  said  Gallagher,  "  and 
anyway  I  wouldn't  have  had  the  time,  for  he  had  me 
in  the  motor  again  before  I  knew  where  he  was  and 
*  Show  me  the  way  to  the  house,'  says  he.  *  You  can't 
see  her  at  the  present  time,'  says  I,  *  though  you  may 
later.'  '  And  why  not  ?  '  says  he.  '  The  reason  why 
you  can't,'  says  I,  '  is  a  delicate  matter.'  '  Oh ! '  says 
he.  '  That's  the  way  of  it,  is  it  ?  I'm  glad  to  hear  of 
it.  The  more  of  the  stock  of  the  old  General  there  are 
in  the  world  the  better.'  Well,  when  I  seen  him  so 
pleased  as  all  that,  I  thought  it  would  be  no  harm  to 
please  him  more.  '  It's  twins,'  I  said,  *  and  what's 
more  the  both  of  them  is  boys.'  '  Take  me  to  see  the 
father,'  says  he.  '  I'll  be  able  to  see  him  anyway. 
I'd  like  to  shake  him  by  the  hand.'  " 

"  Has  he  seen  young  Kerrigan  ?  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  8i 

"  He  has  not ;  but  he  won't  rest  easy  till  he  does.  I 
wanted  to  run  round  and  tell  young  Kerrigan  the  way 
things  are,  so  as  he'd  be  ready  when  the  gentleman 
came.  But  Doyle  said  it  would  be  better  for  me  to  tell 
you  what  had  happened  before  worse  came  of  it." 

"  Doyle  was  perfectly  right.  Kerrigan  would  stand 
over  your  story  all  right  as  long  as  he  could,  but  in  the 
end  he'd  have  had  to  produce  the  twins.  That's  the 
awkward  part.  If  you  hadn't  said  twins  we  might 
have  managed.     But  there  isn't  a  pair  in  the  town." 

"  Couldn't  you  telegraph  to  Dublin  ? "  said  the 
Major.  "  For  a  man  of  your  resource,  O'Grady,  mere 
twins  ought  not  to  prove  a  hopeless  obstacle.  I  should 
think  that  one  of  the  hospitals  where  they  go  in  for 
that  kind  of  thing  would  be  quite  glad  to  let  you  have 
a  brace  of  babies  in  or  about  the  same  age." 

O'Grady  knew  that  this  suggestion  was  not  meant  to 
be  helpful.  The  Major  had  an  objectionable  habit  of 
indulging  in  heavy  sarcasm.  He  turned  on  him 
sharply. 

"  You'd  better  go  home,  Major.  When  you  try 
to  be  facetious  you  altogether  :cease  to  be  useful. 
You  know  perfectly  well  that  there's  no  use  talking 
about  importing  babies.  What  would  we  do  with  them 
afterwards?  You  couldn't  expect  young  Kerrigan 
to  keep  them." 

"  I  offered  to  go  home  some  time  ago,"  said  the 
Major,  "  and  you  wouldn't  let  me.  Now  that  I've 
heard  about  young  Kerrigan's  twins  I  mean  to  stop 
where  I  am  and  see  what  happens." 


82  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  \'ery  well,  Major.  Just  as  you  like.  As  long  as 
you  don't  upset  Billing  by  rolling  up  any  of  those 
heavy  jokes  of  yours  against  him  I  don't  mind.  Here 
we  are.  I  expect  Doyle  has  Billing  in  the  bar  trying 
to  pacify  him  with  whisky.  You'd  better  stay  outside, 
Thady." 

**  I'd  be  glad  of  a  drop  then,"  said  Gallagher  wist- 
fully.   "  After  all  the  talking  I  did  this  afternoon '* 

"  Oh,  go  in  if  you  like,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  ''  Prob- 
ably the  safest  thing  for  you  to  do  is  to  get  drunk. 
Here's  Billing  crossing  the  street.  He's  just  come 
out  of  Kerrigan's  shop.  Why  on  earth  Doyle 
couldn't  have  kept  him  in  play  till  I  came.  .  .  .  He's 
sure  to  have  found  out  now  that  young  Kerrigan  isn't 
married.  This  will  make  my  explanation  far  more 
difficult  than  it  need  have  been." 

"  It  will  make  it  impossible,  I  should  imagine,"  said 
the  Major. 

Mr.  Billing,  his  hands  in  his  coat  pockets  and  a 
large  icigar  between  his  teeth,  came  jauntily  across 
the  street.     Dr.  O'Grady  greeted  him. 

"  Good-evening,  Mr.  Billing,"  he  said.  "  I  hope 
you've  had  a  pleasant  and  satisfactory  afternoon." 

Sergeant  Colgan  and  Constable  Moriarty  came 
out  of  the  barrack  together.  They  joined  the  group 
opposite  the  hotel.  Constable  Moriarty  was  grinning 
broadly.  He  had  evidently  heard  some  version  of  the 
story  about  young  Kerrigan's  twins. 

"  I  am  sorry  to  find,"  said  the  doctor,  "  that  Thady 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  83 

Gallagher  made  a  mistake,  and  a  bad  one,  this  after- 
noon." 

"  I  reckon,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  that  he  kind  of 
wandered  from  the  path  of  truth." 

^  Young  Kerrigan  isn't  married,"  said  the  doctor. 

"  The  twins,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  were  an  effort  of 
imagination.  I  am  a  man  of  imagination  myself,  so 
I'm  not  complaining  any." 

"  Being  a  newspaper  editor  you  have  to  be,  of 
course,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  But  Gallagher's  story 
wasn't  pure  imagination.  It  was  rather  what  I'd  call 
prophetic.  The  fact  is  young  Kerrigan  is  going  to 
be  married.  Gallagher  only  anticipated  things  a  bit. 
I  daresay  he  thought  the  ceremony  had  really  taken 
place.  He  didn't  mean  to  deceive  you  in  any  way. 
Did  you,  Thady?" 

He  looked  round  as  he  spoke.  He  wanted  Gal- 
lagher to  confirm  what  he  said. 

"  He's  within,"  said  Constable  Moriarty,  grinning, 
**  and  I  wouldn't  say  but  he's  having  a  drink.  Any- 
way, here's  Mr.  Doyle." 

Doyle,  having  supplied  Gallagher  with  a  bottle  of 
porter,  came  out  of  the  hotel.  He  was  naturally 
anxious  to  hear  Dr.  O'Grady's  explanation. 

"  The  twins,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  were  considerable 
previous." 

"  Not  so  much  as  you  might  think,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  Once  people  get  married,  you  know,  Mr. 
Billing,    it    often    happens — generally    in    fact — not 


84  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

necessarily  twins,  but  more  or  less  that  kind  of  thing. 
I  can  quite  understand  Thady  making  the  mistake. 
And  the  girl  young  Kerrigan's  going  to  marry  really 
is  a  grandniece  of  the  General's.  Thady  was  quite 
right  there." 

"  I'd  like  to  see  her,"  said  Mr.  Billing.  "  I'd  like 
to  take  a  photograph  of  her.  The  Bolivian  public  will 
be  interested  in  a  photograph  of  General  John  Regan's 
grandniece." 

"  Run  and  get  your  camera  then,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  I'll  have  her  ready  for  you  by  the  time  you're  back." 

Air.  Billing,  looking  very  well  satisfied  and  quite 
without  suspicion,  went  into  the  hotel. 

"  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  fetch  Mary  Ellen  as 
quick  as  you  can." 

"Is  it  Mary  Ellen?" 

"  It  is.     Get  her  at  once,  and  don't  argue." 

"  But  sure  Mary  Ellen's  not  the  grandniece  of  any 
General." 

"  She's  the  only  grandniece  we  can  possibly  get  on 
such  short  notice,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Sergeant  Colgan,  "  will  Mr. 
Gallagher  be  too  well  pleased.  Mary  Ellen's  a  cousin 
of  his  own." 

"  Thady  will  have  to  put  up  with  a  little  incon- 
venience," said  Dr.  O'Grady.  ''  He  got  us  all  into 
this  mess,  so  he  can't  complain." 

*'  I  beg  your  pardon,  doctor,"  said  Constable  Mori- 
arty,  who  had  stopped  grinning  and  looked  truculent, 
"  but  I'll  not  have  it  put  out  that  Mary  Ellen's  going 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  85 

to  marry  young  Kerrigan.  He's  a  boy  she  never 
looked  at,  nor  wouldn't." 

"  Shut  up,  Moriarty,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  If  you 
won't  call  her,  Doyle,  I  must  do  it  myself.  Mary 
Ellen,  Mary  Ellen,  ^ome  here ! " 

"What's  the  use  of  calling  Mary  Ellen?"  said 
Doyle.  "  The  girl  knows  well  enough  she's  not  the 
niece  nor  the  grandniece  of  any  General.  As  soon 
as  ever  you  face  her  with  the  American  gentleman 
she'll  be  saying  something,  be  the  same  more  or  less, 
that'll  let  him  know  the  way  things  are  with  her." 

"  If  I  know  anything  of  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  she'll  not  say  a  word  more  than  she  need 
on  any  subject.  I  never  could  drag  anything  beyond 
'  I  did,'  or  *  I  did  not,'  or  '  I  might,'  out  of  her  no 
matter  how  hard  I  tried.  Mary  Ellen !  Mary  Ellen  ! 
Ah !  here  she  is." 

Mary  Ellen  came  slowly  through  the  door  of  the 
hotel.  She  smiled  when  she  saw  Dr.  O'Grady,  smiled 
again  and  then  blushed  when  her  eyes  lit  on  Constable 
Moriarty.  Her  face  and  hands  were  a  little  dirtier 
than  they  had  been  earlier  in  the  day,  but  she  had 
added  a  small,  crumpled,  white  cap  to  the  apron  which 
she  put  on  in  honour  of  Mr.  Billing.  The  sight  of 
her  roused  all  Constable  Moriarty 's  spirit. 

"  I'll  not  have  it  done,  doctor,"  he  said,  "  so  there 
it  is  for  you  plain  and  straight.  I'll  not  stand  by 
and  see  the  character  of  a  decent  girl " 

"  Whisht,  can't  you,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  Sergeant,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  this  isn't  a  matter 


86  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

in  which  the  police  have  any  business  to  interfere. 
No  one  is  committing  a  crime  of  any  sort.  You'd  far 
better  send  Moriarty  back  to  the  barrack  before  he 
makes  a  worse  fool  of  himself  than  he  has  already." 

"  Get  along  home  out  of  that,  Moriarty/'  said  the 
sergeant.  "  Do  you  want  me  to  have  to  report  you 
to  the  District  Inspector  for  neglect  of  duty  ?  " 

The  threat  was  a  terrific  one.  Moriarty  quailed 
before  it.  He  did  not  actually  go  back  to  the  barrack ; 
but  he  retired  to  the  background  and  did  no  more 
than  look  reproachfully  at  Mary  Ellen  whenever  he 
thought  she  was  looking  his  way. 

"It's  a  great  pity,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "that  we 
haven't  time  to  wash  her  face.  I  might  do  something, 
even  without  soap  and  water,  if  I  had  a  pocket-hand- 
kerchief.    Major,    just    lend    me Oh    hang    it! 

I  can't.  Here  comes  Billing  with  his  camera.  Pull 
yourself  together  now,  Mary  Ellen,  and  try  to  look  as 
if  you  were  proud  of  your  distinguished  relative.  It 
isn't  every  girl  of  your  age  who  has  a  General  for  a 
great  uncle." 

Mr.  Billing  approached.  The  corners  of  his  lips 
were  twitching  in  a  curious  way.  Dr.  O'Grady  looked 
at  him  suspiciously.  A  casual  observer  might  have 
supposed  that  Mr.  Billing  was  trying  hard  not  to  smile. 

"  This,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  pointing  to  Mary  Ellen, 
"  is  the  grandniece,  the  only  surviving  relative,  of 
General  John  Regan." 

"  You  surprise  me,"  said  Mr.  Billing.     "  When  I 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  S7 

recollect  that  she  cooked  chops  for  my  luncheon  to-day 
I'm  amazed." 

"  The  General  wouldn't  have  thought  a  bit  the  worse 
of  her  for  that,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  A  true  demo- 
crat, the  General,  if  ever  there  was  one.  I  daresay  he 
often  cooked  chops  himself,  when  campaigning  I 
mean,  and  was  jolly  glad  to  get  chops  to  cook." 

"  So  you,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  addressing  Mary  Ellen, 
"  are  the  grandniece  of  the  great  General  ?  " 

*'  I  might  be,"  she  said. 

"  And  I  am  to  have  the  privilege — gentlemen,  please 
stand  a  little  aside.     I  wish  to " 

Mr.  Billing  set  up  his  camera  and  put  his  head 
under  the  black  cloth.  Constable  Moriarty  sidled  up 
to  Major  Kent.  Nothing  had  been  said  about  Mary 
Ellen's  marriage  with  young  Kerrigan.  He  felt  that 
he  had  been  unnecessarily  alarmed. 

"  I  beg  your  pardon,  Major,"  he  said,  "  but  may- 
be if  you  asked  the  gentleman  he'd  give  me  a  copy  of 
the  photo  when  it's  took." 

"  Talk  to  the  doctor  about  that,"  said  the  Major. 
"  He's  managing  this  show.  I've  nothing  to  do 
with  it." 

"  I'd  be  backward  about  asking  the  doctor,"  said 
Moriarty,  "  on  account  of  what  passed  between  us 
a  minute  ago  when  I  thought  he  was  wanting  to  take 
away  the  girl's  character." 

Mr.  Billing  completed  his  arrangements  and  stood 
beside  his  camera  ready  to  release  the  shutter. 


88  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  You're  quite  sure/'  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  you 
wouldn't  care  to  have  her  face  washed?  " 

"  Certain,"  said  Mr.  Billing.  "  The  General  was 
a  genuine  democrat  if  ever  there  was  one.  He 
wouldn't  have  thought  a  bit  the  worse  of  her  for 
having  a  dirty  face." 

Dr.  O'Grady  started  slightly  and  then  looked  ques- 
tioningly  at  Mr.  Billing.  It  struck  him  that  there  was 
something  suspicious  about  this  repetition  of  his 
words.  He  glanced  at  the  Major,  at  Doyle,  and  then 
at  the  two  policemen.  They  all  seemed  completely 
absorbed  in  the  taking  of  the  photograph.  Mr.  Bill- 
ing's last  remark  had  not  struck  them  as  in  any  way 
odd. 

The  shutter  clicked.  One  of  Mary  Ellen's  sweetest 
smiles  was  secured  on  the  sensitive  plate.  Constable 
Moriarty,  greatly  daring,  asked  Mr.  Billing  for  a  print 
of  the  photograph.  Mr.  Billing  promised  him  a  copy 
of  the  life  of  General  John  Regan  when  it  appeared. 
He  said  that  there  would  be  a  full  page  reproduction 
of  Mary  Ellen's  portrait  in  the  second  volume. 

"  The  Major  and  I  must  be  off,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  but  if  I  may  call  on  you  to-morrow  morning,  Mr. 
Billing,  I  should  like  to  make  arrangements  about  the 
public  meeting.     We  want  to  have  you  at  it." 

"  The  meeting?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  The  meeting  about  the  statue,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  By  the  way,  Doyle,  you  might  call  on  Father 
McCormack  this  evening."  He  spoke  with  a  glance 
at  Mr.  Billing  which  he  hoped  that  Doyle  would  in- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  89 

terpret  correctly.  "  You'd  better  remind  him  that  he's 
to  take  the  chair.  He  promised  a  week  ago,  but  he 
may  have  forgotten.  That's  the  worst  of  these  good- 
natured  men,"  he  added,  speaking  directly  to  Mr. 
Billing.  "  They  promise  anything,  and  then  it's  ten 
to  one  they  forget  all  about  it." 

"  I'm  not  quite  sure,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  ''  that  my 
arrangements  will  allow  me " 

"  Oh,  they  will  if  you  squeeze  them  a  bit.  Arrange- 
ments are  extraordinary  pliable  things  if  you  handle 
them  firmly,  and  we'd  like  to  have  you.  A  speech 
from  you  about  the  General  would  be  most  interesting. 
It  would  stimulate  the  whole  population.  Wouldn't 
it.  Major?" 

"  I'd  like  to  hear  it,"  said  the  Major. 

"  Good-bye  then,  for  the  present,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Come  along.  Major.  By  the  way,  Doyle,  if  Thady 
takes  a  drop  too  much  to  drink,  and  he  may,  don't  let 
him  start  boring  Mr.  Billing  about  Home  Rule." 

He  took  Major  Kent  by  the  arm  and  walked  off. 
Until  they  passed  the  end  of  the  street  and  were  well 
out  on  the  lonely  road  which  led  to  the  Major's  house, 
neither  of  them  spoke.  Then  the  Major  broke  the 
silence. 

"  I  hope,  O'Grady,  that  you're  satisfied  with  that 
performance." 

"  To  tell  you  the  truth,  Major,  I'm  not." 

"  I'm  surprised  to  hear  that,"  said  the  Major. 
"  You've  told  the  most  outrageous  lies  I  ever  heard. 
You've " 


90  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  I  gave  the  only  possible  explanation  of  a  rather 
difficult  situation." 

"  You've  made  a  laughing  stock  of  a  respectable 
girl." 

"  I've  given  IMary  Ellen  a  great  uncle  that  she  ought 
to  be  proud  to  own.     That's  not  what's  bothering  me." 

"What  is,  then?" 

"  That  American,"  said  the  doctor.  "  I  don't  at  all 
like  the  way  he's  going  on.  He's  not  by  any  means  a 
fool r 

"  He  must  be  or  he  wouldn't  have  swallowed  all 
those  lies  you  told  him  in  the  way  he  did.  How 
could  Mary  Ellen  possibly  be ?" 

"That's  just  it,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "He  swal- 
lowed what  I  said  far  too  easily.  The  situation,  owing 
to  Thady  Gallagher's  want  of  presence  of  mind,  was 
complex,  desperately  complex.  I  got  out  of  it  as  well 
as  any  man  could,  but  I  don't  deny  that  the  explanation 
I  gave — particularly  that  part  about  Mary  Ellen  being 
engaged  to  young  Kerrigan,  was  a  bit  strained.  I  ex- 
pected the  American  would  have  shied.  But  he  didn't. 
He  swallowed  it  whole  without  so  much  as  a  choke. 
Now  I  don't  think  that  was  quite  natural.  The  fact 
is,  Major,  I'm  uneasy  about  Billing.  It  struck  me 
that  there  was  something  rather  odd  in  the  way  he 
repeated  my  words  about  the  General  being  a  genuine 
democrat.  He  gave  me  the  impression  that  he  was — 
well,  trying  to  make  fools  of  us." 

"  You  were  certainly  trying  to  make  a  fool  of  him." 

"  I    don't    quite   understand   his   game,"    said    Dr. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  91 

O'Grady,  "  if  he  has  a  game.  I  may  be  wronging 
him.  He  may  be  simply  an  idiot,  a  well-meaning  idiot 
with  a  craze  for  statues." 

"  He  must  be,"  said  the  Major.  "  Nothing  else 
would  account  for " 

"  I  doubt  it,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  He  doesn't  look 
that  kind  of  man.  However,  there's  no  use  talking 
any  more  about  it  to-night.  I'll  be  in  a  better  position 
to  judge  when  I've  found  out  all  there  is  to  know  about 
this  General  of  his.  I'll  write  for  the  books  I've  men- 
tioned, and  I'll  write  to  a  man  I  know  in  the  National 
Library.  If  there's  anything  known  about  the  General 
on  this  side  of  the  Atlantic  he'll  ferret  it  out  for  me." 

Dr.  O'Grady  stopped  speaking.  The  Major  sup- 
posed that  he  had  stopped  thinking  about  Mr.  Billing's 
curious  conduct.  The  doctor  did  indeed  intend  to 
stop  thinking  about  it.  But  it  is  difficult  to  bridle 
thought.  After  walking  half  a  mile  in  silence  Dr. 
O'Grady  spoke  again,  and  his  words  showed  that  his 
mind  was  still  working  on  the  same  problem. 

"  Americans  have  far  too  good  an  opinion  of  them- 
selves," he  said.  "  Billing  may  possibly  think  he's 
playing  some  kind  of  trick  on  us.  He  may  be  laughing 
at  us  in  some  way  we  don't  quite  understand." 

"  I  don't  know  whether  he's  laughing  or  not,"  said 
the  Major,  "  but  everybody  else  will  be  very  soon  if 
you  go  on  as  you're  going." 


CHAPTER  VI 

IT  is  very  difficult  to  do  anything  of  importance  to 
the  community  without  holding  a  public  meeting 
about  it.  In  Ireland  people  have  got  so  accustomed  to 
oratory  and  the  resolutions  which  are  the  immediate 
excuse  for  oratory,  that  public  meetings  are  absolutely 
necessary  preliminaries  to  any  enterprise.  This  is  the 
case  in  all  four  provinces,  which  is  one  of  the  things 
which  goes  to  show  that  the  Irish  are  really  a  single 
people  and  not  two  or  three  different  peoples,  as  some 
writers  assert.  The  hard-headed,  commercially-minded 
Ulsterman  is  just  as  fond  of  public  meetings  as  the 
Connacht  Celt.  He  would  hold  them,  with  drums  and 
full  dress  speechifying,  even  if  he  were  organising  a 
secret  society  and  arranging  for  a  rebellion.  He  is 
perfectly  right.  Without  a  public  meeting  it  would  be 
impossible  to  enrol  any  large  number  of  members  for 
a  society. 

Dr.  O'Grady,  having  lived  all  his  life  in  Ireland,  and 
being  on  most  intimate  terms  with  his  neighbours,  un- 
derstood this  law.  He  also  understood  that  in  order 
to  make  a  success  of  a  public  meeting  in  Connacht  and 
therefore  to  further  the  enterprise  on  hand,  it  is  nec- 
essary that  the  parish  priest  should  take  the  chair  and 

92 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  93 

advisable  that  a  Member  of  Parliament  should  propose 
the  first  resolution. 

He  began  by  sending  Doyle  to  Father  McCormack. 
Doyle,  foreseeing  a  possible  profit  for  himself,  did  his 
best  to  persuade  Father  McCormack  to  take  the  chair. 
Father  McCormack,  who  was  a  fat  man  and  therefore 
good-natured,  did  not  want  to  refuse  Doyle.  But 
Father  McCormack  was  not  a  free  agent.  Behind 
him,  somewhere,  was  a  bishop,  reputed  to  be  austere, 
certainly  domineering.  Father  McCormack  was  very 
much  afraid  of  the  bishop,  therefore  he  hesitated. 
The  most  that  Doyle  could  secure,  after  a  long  inter- 
view, was  the  promise  of  a  definite  answer  the  next  day. 

Father  McCormack  made  use  of  the  twenty-four 
hours'  grace  he  had  secured  by  calling  on  Major  Kent. 
The  Major  was  a  Protestant,  with  strong  anti-Papal 
convictions,  and  therefore  was  not,  it  might  have  been 
supposed,  a  good  man  to  advise  a  priest  on  a  delicate 
question  of  ecclesiastical  etiquette.  But  the  Major 
was  eminently  respectable,  and  his  outlook  upon  life 
was  staidly  conservative.  Father  McCormack  felt 
that  if  Major  Kent  thoroughly  approved  of  the  erec- 
tion of  a  statue  to  General  John  Regan  it  was  likely 
to  be  quite  a  proper  thing  to  do. 

"  I'm  not  sure,"  said  Father  McCormack,  *'  whether 
it  will  suit  me  to  take  the  chair  at  this  meeting  the 
doctor's  getting  up  or  not.  Fm  not  sure,  I  say.  Can 
you  tell  me  now,  Major  Kent,  who's  this  American 
gentleman  they're  all  talking  about  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know  anything  about  him,"  said  the  Major, 


94  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  but  I'm  bound  to  say  he  looks  like  a  Protestant. 
I  don't  know  whether  that  will  make  any  difference 
to  you  or  not." 

"  From  the  little  I've  seen  of  him — just  across  the 
street  from  the  window  of  the  Presbytery — I'd  say  you 
were  right  about  his  religion,  but  I  needn't  tell  you. 
Major  Kent,  that  I'm  not  a  bigoted  man.  It  wouldn't 
stop  me  taking  the  chair  if  he  was  a  Protestant.  It 
wouldn't  stop  me  if  he  was  a  Presbyterian,  and  I  can't 
say  more  than  that.  You  know  very  well  that  I'd  just 
as  soon  be  sitting  on  a  committee  alongside  of  a 
Protestant  as  any  ordinary  kind  of  man.  I'm  not  one 
that  would  let  religion  interfere  too  much." 

*'  He  seems  quite  respectable,"  said  the  Major. 
*'  He's  been  here  three  days  now,  and  I  never  saw  him 
drunk." 

"  It's  not  that  either  that's  troubling  me,"  said 
Father  McCormack.  "  There's  many  a  man  gets 
drunk  when  he  can,  and  I'd  be  the  last  to  make  too 
much  out  of  that." 

"  I  can't  tell  you  any  more  about  him,"  said  the 
Major,  "  for  that's  all  I  know,  except  that  he  appears 
to  be  rich." 

"  The  difficulty  I'm  in  is  on  account  of  the  bishop. 
He's  getting  to  be  mighty  particular.  I  don't  say 
he's  wrong,  mind  you ;  only  there  it  is.  But  sure,  if  no 
one  in  the  place  has  anything  to  say  against  the  Ameri- 
can gentleman  it's  likely  he'll  turn  out  to  be  all  right. 
But  what  about  the  fellow  they  want  to  put  up  the 
statue  to?" 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  95 

"  General  John  Regan,"  said  the  Major. 

**  What  about  him?  I  never  heard  tell  of  him 
before." 

"  For  the  matter  of  that,  nor  did  I." 

"Who  was  he  at  all?" 

"  You'll  have  to  ask  Dr.  O'Grady  that.  He's  the 
only  man  who  professes  to  know  anything  about  him." 

"  As  I  was  saying  to  you  this  minute,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  I  wouldn't  mind  if  he  was  a  Protestant." 

"  He  hardly  could  be,"  said  the  Major,  "  with  that 
name." 

"  There's  many  a  Protestant  that  might  be  just  as 
well  deserving  of  a  statue  as  maybe  a  bishop.  But 
what  I'm  afraid  of  is  that  this  fellow  might  be  worse. 
For  let  me  tell  you.  Major,  there's  worse  things  than 
Protestants,  and  Fm  not  saying  that  just  because  Fm 
talking  to  you.     Fd  say  it  to  anyone." 

This  gratified  Major  Kent,  but  it  did  not  enable  him 
to  give  any  information  about  General  John  Regan. 

"  There's  no  use  asking  me  about  him,"  he  said 
wearily.     "  Ask  Dr.  O'Grady." 

"  If  it  was  to  turn  out  at  the  latter  end,"  said  Fatlier 
McCormack,  *'  that  he  was  one  of  those  French  athe- 
ists, or  if  he  had  any  hand  in  hunting  the  nuns  out  of 
Portugal,  the  bishop  wouldn't  be  too  well  pleased  when 
he  heard  that  Fd  been  helping  to  put  up  a  statue  to 
him." 

*'  You'll  have  to  ask  Dr.  O'Grady.  It's  no  good 
asking  me." 

"  Will  you  tel)  me  this,  Major  Kent,  and  I  won't 


96  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

ask  you  another  question.  Are  you  going  to  the  meet- 
ing yourself  ?  " 

"  I  am." 

"  Well  now,  you're  a  man  with  a  position  in  the 
place  and  you  wouldn't  be  going  to  a  meeting  of  the 
sort  unless  it  was  all  right.  I'm  inclined  to  think 
now  that  if  you're  going — I  wouldn't  give  a  thraneen 
for  what  Doyle  might  do.  If  that  fellow  saw  half  a 
ichance  of  making  sixpence  by  going  to  a  meeting  he'd 
go,  if  it  was  held  for  the  purpose  of  breaking  the 
windows  of  the  Presbytery.  That's  the  sort  of  man 
Doyle  is.  And  I  wouldn't  mind  Thady  Gallagher. 
Thady  is  a  kind-hearted  poor  fellow,  though  he's  a 
bit  foolish  at  times ;  but  he's  not  the  sort  of  man  you 
could  trust.  He's  too  fond  of  politics,  and  that's  a 
fact.  Give  Thady  the  opportunity  of  making  a  speech 
and  you  wouldn't  be  able  to  keep  him  at  home  from  a 
meeting,  whatever  sort  of  a  meeting  it  might  be.  But 
it's  different  with  you,  Major  Kent." 

The  Major  was  deeply  touched  by  this  eulogy ;  so 
deeply  touched  that  he  felt  it  wrong  to  leave  Father 
McCormack  under  the  impression  that  he  was  going 
to  the  meeting  out  of  any  feeling  of  admiration  for 
General  John  Regan. 

"  The  fact  is,"  he  said,  "  that  I  wouldn't  go  near 
the  meeting  if  I  could  help  it." 

"Is  there  anything  against  that  General  then?" 

"  It's  not  that.  It's  simply  that  I  loathe  and  detest 
all  public  meetings,  and  I  wouldn't  go  to  this  one  or 
any  other  if  I  could  get  out  of  it." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  97 

"  And  why  can't  you  get  out  of  it  ?  A  man  needn't 
go  to  a  meeting  unless  he  likes." 

"He  must,"  said  the  Major.  "I  must;  any  man 
must,  if  Dr.  O'Grady  gets  at  him." 

"  That's  true,  too,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  and 
I  don't  mind  telling  you  that  I've  been  keeping  out  of 
the  doctor's  way  ever  since  Doyle  asked  me.  I'd 
rather  not  see  him  till  I  have  my  mind  made  up  the  one 
way  or  the  other." 

It  was  unfortunate  for  Father  McCormack  that 
Dr.  O'Grady  should  at  that  moment  have  walked 
into  the  Major's  study  without  even  knocking  at  the 
door.  He  had  just  received  answers  to  his  letters  from 
four  of  the  most  eminent  Irish  Members  of  Parlia- 
ment. He  had  asked  them  all  to  attend  a  meeting  at 
Ballymoy  and  make  speeches  about  General  John 
Regan.  They  had  all  refused,  offering  the  very 
flimsiest  excuses.  Dr.  O'Grady  was  extremely  in- 
dignant. 

*'  I  don't  see  what  on  earth  use  there  is,"  he  blurted 
out,  "  in  our  keeping  Members  of  Parliament  at  all. 
Here  we  are  paying  these  fellows  £400  a  year  each, 

and  when  we  ask  for  a  perfectly  simple  speech 

Oh,  I  beg  your  pardon,  Father  McCormack,  I  didn't 
see  you  were  here.  But  I  daresay  you  quite  agree 
with  me.     Every  one  must." 

"  Father  McCormack  came  here,"  said  the  Major, 
"  to  ask  about  General  John  Regan." 

"  Who  is  he  at  all?  "  said  the  priest. 

"  A  general,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  ''  Irish  extraction. 


98  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Born  in  Ballymoy.  Rose  to  great  eminence  in  Bolivia. 
Finally  secured  the  liberty  of  the  Republic." 

"  Father  McCormack  seems  to  think,"  said  the 
Major,  *'  that  he  was  some  kind  of  anti-clerical 
socialist." 

"  I  said  he  might  be,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
*'  I  didn't  say  he  was,  for  I  don't  know  a  ha'porth 
about  him.  All  I  said  was  that  if  he  turned  out  to 
be  that  kind  of  a  man  it  wouldn't  suit  me  to  be  putting 
up  statues  to  him.     The  Bishop  wouldn't  like  it." 

"  My  impression  is "  said  Dr.  O'Grady.     "  Mind, 

I  don't  say  I'm  perfectly  certain  of  it,  but  my  impres- 
sion is  that  he  built  a  cathedral  before  he  died.  Any- 
how I  never  heard  or  read  a  single  word  against  his 
character  as  a  religious  man.     He  may  have  been  a 

little "  Dr.  O'Grady  winked  slowly.     "You  know 

the  kind  of  thing  I  mean.  Father  McCormack,  when 
he  was  young.  Most  military  men  are,  more  or  less. 
I  expect  now  that  the  Major  could  tell  us  some  queer 
stories  about  the  sort  of  thing  that  goes  on " 

"  No,  I  couldn't,"  said  the  Major. 

"  In  garrison  towns,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady  per- 
suasively, "  and  of  course  it's  worse  on  active  service. 
Come  now.  Major,  Fm  not  asking  you  to  give  your- 
self away,  but  you  could " 

"  No,  I  couldn't,"  said  the  Major  firmly. 

"  What  you  mean  is  that  you  wouldn't,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  Not  while  Father  McCormack  is  listen- 
ing to  you  anyhow.     And  you  may  take  my  word  for 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  99 

it  that  the  old  General  was  just  the  same.  He  may 
have  been  a  bit  of  a  lad  in  his  early  days " 

"  I  wouldn't  mind  that/'  said  Father  McCormack. 
**  I  wouldn't  mind  that  if  it  was  twice  as  much,  so 
long " 

"  But  he'd  never  have  said  anything  really  dis- 
respectful in  the  presence  of  a  clergyman  of  any 
denomination.  Whatever  his  faults  were — and  he 
had  faults,  of  course — ^he  wasn't  that  kind  of  man. 
So  you  needn't  hesitate  about  taking  the  chair  at  the 
meeting,  Father  McCormack.  I  defy  the  most  par- 
ticular bishop  that  ever  wore  a  purple  stock  to  find  out 
anything  really  bad  about  the  General." 

"  If  I  have  your  word  for  that,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  I'm  satisfied." 

"  I'm  not  a  rich  man,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  can't 
afford  to  lose  money,  but  I'll  pay  down  £50  to  any  man 
who  proves  anything  bad  about  the  General.  And 
when  I  say  bad  I  don't  mean  things  like " 

"  I  understand  you,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  I  mean,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  atheism  of  a  blatant 
kind,  or  circulating  immoral  literature — Sunday  papers, 
for  instance — or  wanting  to  turn  the  priests  out  of  the 
schools,  or  not  paying  his  dues " 

"  I  understand  you,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  I  know  what  I'm  talking  about,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  for  I've  had  a  man  looking  up  all  that's  known  about 
General  John  Regan  in  the  National  Library  in 
Dublin." 


CHAPTER  VII 

AT  the  very  bottom  of  the  main  street  of  Ballymoy, 
close  to  the  little  harbour  where  the  fishing  boats 
nestled  together  in  stormy  weather,  there  is  a  disused 
mill.  Corn  was  ground  in  it  long  ago.  The  farmers 
brought  it  from  the  country  round  about  after  the 
threshing  was  over,  and  the  stream  which  now  flows 
idly  into  the  sea  was  then  kept  busy  turning  a  large 
wheel.  Since  the  Americans  have  taken  to  supplying 
Ireland  with  flour  ready  ground,  bleached,  and  fit 
for  immediate  use,  the  Irish  farmers  have  left  off 
growing  wheat.  Being  wise  men  they  see  no  sense 
in  toiling  when  other  people  are  willing  to  toil  instead 
of  them.  The  Ballymoy  mill,  and  many  others  like 
it,  lie  idle.  They  are  slipping  quietly  through  the 
gradual  stages  of  decay  and  will  one  day  become 
economically  valuable  to  the  country  again  as  pic- 
turesque ruins.  Few  things  are  more  attractive  to 
tourists  than  ruins,  and  the  country  which  possesses 
an  abundance  of  them  is  in  a  fair  way  to  grow  rich 
easily.  But  it  is  necessary  that  the  ruins  should  be 
properly  matured.  No  man  with  an  educated  taste  for 
food  will  eat  Stilton  cheese  which  is  only  half  decayed. 
No  educated  tourist  will  take  long  journeys  and  pay 
hotel  bills  in  order  to  look  at  an  immature  ruin.    The 

100 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  loi 

decaying  mills  of  Ireland  have  not  yet  reached  the 
profitable  stage  of  development.  Their  doors  and 
windows  are  still  boarded  up.  Their  walls  are  adorned 
with  posters  instead  of  ivy.  No  aesthetic  archaeologist 
has  as  yet  written  a  book  about  their  architecture. 

The  Ballymoy  mill  was  the  property  of  Doyle.  He 
bought  it  very  cheap  when  the  previous  owner,  a  son 
of  the  last  miller,  lapsed  into  bankruptcy.  He  saw 
no  immediate  prospect  of  making  money  out  of  it, 
but  he  was  one  of  those  men — they  generally  end  in 
being  moderately  rich — who  believe  that  all  real 
property  will  in  the  end  acquire  a  value,  if  only  it  is 
possessed  with  sufficient  patience.  In  the  meanwhile, 
since  buildings  do  not  eat,  and  so  long  as  they  remain 
empty  are  not  liable  for  rates,  the  mill  did  not  cost 
Doyle  anything.  He  tried  several  times  to  organise 
schemes  by  means  of  which  he  might  be  able  to  secure 
a  rent  for  the  mill.  When  it  became  fashionable, 
eight  or  ten  years  ago,  to  start  what  are  [called 
"  industries "  in  Irish  provincial  towns,  Doyle  sug- 
gested that  his  mill  should  be  turned  into  a  bacon 
factory.  A  public  meeting  was  held  with  Father 
McCormack  in  the  chair,  and  Thady  Gallagher 
made  an  eloquent  speech.  Doyle  himself  offered  to 
take  shares  in  the  new  company  to  the  amount  of  £5. 
Father  McCormack,  who  w^as  named  as  a  director, 
also  took  five  £1  shares.  It  was  agreed  that  Doyle 
should  be  paid  £30  a  year  for  the  mill.  At  that  point 
the  scheme  broke  down,  mainly  because  no  one  else 
would  take  any  shares  at  all. 


102  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

A  couple  of  years  later  Doyle  tried  again.  This 
time  he  suggested  a  stocking  manufactory.  Stock- 
ings are  supposed  to  require  less  capital  than  bacon 
curing,  and,  as  worked  out  on  paper,  they  promise 
large  profits.  Doyle  offered  the  mill  for  £25  a  year 
this  time,  and  was  greatly  praised  by  Thady  Gal- 
lagher in  the  columns  of  the  Connacht  Eagle  for  his 
patriotic  self-sacrifice.  Another  large  meeting  was 
held,  but  once  more  the  public,  though  enthusiastic 
about  the  scheme,  failed  to  subscribe  the  capital.  A 
great  effort  was  made  the  next  year  to  induce  the 
Government  to  buy  the  building  for  a  ii,ooo,  with  a 
view  to  turning  it  into  a  Technical  School.  A  petition 
was  signed  by  almost  everyone  in  Ballymoy  setting 
forth  the  hungry  desire  of  the  people  for  instruction 
in  the  arts  of  life.  Several  Members  of  Parliament 
asked  the  Chief  Secretary  searching  questions  on  the 
subject  of  the  Ballymoy  Technical  School.  But  the 
Chief  Secretary  declared  himself  quite  unable  to  wring 
the  money  out  of  the  Treasury.  Thady  Gallagher 
wrote  articles  and  made  speeches  which  ought  to  have 
caused  acute  discomfort  to  the  Prime  Minister.  But 
Doyle  found  himself  obliged  to  give  up  the  idea  of 
a  Technical  School.  He  waited  hopefully.  In  the 
end,  he  felt  sure,  some  way  of  utilising  the  old  mill 
would  be  found.  In  the  meanwhile  the  building, 
though  unprofitable  to  Doyle  was  not  entirely  useless. 
Its  walls,  boarded  doors  and  windows,  formed  the 
most  excellent  place  for  the  display  of  advertisements. 
The    circuses    which    visited    the    town    in    summer 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  103 

covered  a  great  deal  of  space  with  their  posters. 
When  retiring  members  of  the  Urban  District  Council 
wanted  to  be  re-elected  they  notified  their  desire  by 
means  of  placards  pasted  on  the  walls  of  Doyle's 
mill.  All  public  meetings  were  advertised  there. 
Doyle  himself  made  nothing  out  of  these  advertise- 
ments; but  Thady  Gallagher  did.  He  printed  the 
posters,  and  it  was  admitted  by  everyone  that  he  did 
it  very  well. 

Two  days  after  his  arrival  in  Ballymoy,  Mr.  Bil- 
ling strolled  down  to  the  harbour.  He  was  a  man  of 
restless  and  energetic  disposition,  but  the  visits  which 
he  received  from  Dr.  O'Grady,  and  the  speeches  about 
Home  Rule  to  which  Gallagher  subjected  him,  began 
to  worry  him.  In  order  to  soothe  his  nerves  he  used 
to  spend  an  hour  or  two  morning  and  evening  looking 
at  the  fishermen  who  spent  the  day  in  contemplating 
their  boats.  There  is  nothing  in  the  world  more 
soothing  than  the  study  of  a  fisherman's  life  on  shore. 
When  he  is  at  sea  it  is  probably  strenuous  enough. 
But  then  he  very  seldom  is  at  sea,  and  when  he  is  he  is 
out  of  sight.  Having,  so  to  speak,  drunk  deeply  of 
the  torpor  of  Ballymoy  harbour,  Mr.  Billing  turned 
his  face  towards  the  shore  and  looked  at  the  wall  of 
Doyle's  mill.  He  was  startled  to  find  six  new  posters 
stuck  on  it  in  a  row.  They  were  all  bright  green.  Mr. 
Billing  read  them  with  interest. 

The  announcement  opened  with  a  prayer,  printed 
in  large  type : 

"  GOD  SAVE  IRELAND," 


104  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

This  was  repeated  at  the  bottom  of  each  poster  in 
the  Irish  language,  which  Mr.  Billing  could  not  read. 
Next  to  the  prayer,  in  very  much  larger  type,  came 
the  words: 

"  A  PUBLIC  MEETING," 

Then,  in  quite  small  letters: 

""  WILL  BE  HELD  ON   TUESDAY    NEXT  AT  3   P.  M.   IN  THE 
MARKET    SQUARE,,    OPPOSITE    THE    *  IMPERIAL    HOTEL.'  " 

Mr.  Billing  read  on  and  learned  that  Father 
McCormack  would  take  the  chair,  that  several  dis- 
tinguished Members  of  Parliament  would  address  the 
meeting,  that  Mr.  T.  Gallagher,  Chairman  U.  D.  C, 
would  also  speak,  and  that — here  the  letters  became 
immense — Mr.  Horace  P.  Billing,  of  Bolivia,  would 
give  an  account  of  the  life  of  General  John  Regan, 
in  whose  honour  it  was  proposed  to  erect  a  statue  in 
Ballymoy. 

Mr.  Billing  smiled.  Then  he  turned  and  walked 
briskly  to  the  hotel.  He  found  Doyle  and  Thady  Gal- 
lagher seated  together  on  the  bench  outside  the  door. 
He  addressed  them  cheerfully: 

"  Say,  gentlemen,"  he  said,  "  that  doctor  of  yours 
seems  to  have  got  a  move  on  this  locality.  The 
announcement  of  the  meeting  is  a  good  thing,  sure." 

"  The  doctor,"  said  Doyle,  "  is  a  fine  man ;  but  it 
would  be  better  for  him  if  he'd  pay  what  he  owes. 
I'm  tired,  so  I  am,  of  trying  to  get  my  money  out  of 
him." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  105 

"  The  doctor,"  said  Gallagher,  "  has  the  good  of  the 
locality  at  heart,  and  whatever  it  might  be  that  he 
takes  in  hand  will  be  carried  through.  You  may  rely 
on  the  doctor." 

Thady  Gallagher  had  not  yet  been  paid  for  printing 
the  green  posters.  But  he  had  every  hope  he  would  be 
when  Mr.  BilHng  handed  over  his  subscription  to  the 
statue  fund.  He  felt  it  right  to  do  all  in  his  power  to 
encourage  Mr.  Billing.  Doyle,  on  the  other  hand, 
was  becoming  despondent.  He  did  not  like  to  see 
money  which  ought  to  be  his  frittered  away  on  posters 
and  the  other  necessary  expenses  of  a  public  meeting. 
He  was  much  less  inclined  to  admire  the  doctor's 
enterprise. 

"  I  guess,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  that  these  Congress- 
men will  draw  some." 

"  If  you  mean  the  Members  of  Parliament,"  said 
Doyle,  *'  the  doctor  told  me  this  morning  that  they 
said  they'd  more  to  do  than  to  be  attending  his  meet- 
ings." 

**  It  could  be,"  said  Gallagher  hopefully,  "  that  one 
of  them  might." 

"  They  will  not,"  said  Doyle. 

"  We'll  do  without  them,"  said  Mr.  Billing. 

"  That's  what  the  doctor  said  to  me,"  said  Gallagher. 
"  *  We'll  do  without  them,  Thady,'  said  he,  '  so  long 
as  we  have  Mr.  Billing  and  Father  McCormack  and 
yourself,'  meaning  me,  *  we'll  have  a  good  meeting  if 
there  never  was  a  Member  of  Parliament  near  it.' 
And  that's  true  too." 


io6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  If  the  doctor,"  said  Doyle,  "  would  pay  what  he 
owes  instead  of  wasting  his  time  over  public  meetings 
and  statues  and  the  like  it  would  be  better.  Not  that 
I'd  say  a  word  against  the  statue,  or,  for  the  matter 
of  that,  against  the  doctor,  who's  well  liked  in  the  town 
by  all  classes." 

The  Tuesday  fixed  for  the  meeting  was  a  well  chosen 
day.  It  was  the  occasion  of  one  of  the  largest  fairs 
held  in  Ballymoy  during  the  year.  The  country 
people,  small  farmers  and  their  wives,  flock  into 
the  town  whenever  there  is  a  fair.  The  streets  are 
thronged  with  cattle  lowing  miserably.  "  Buyers," 
men  whose  business  it  is  to  carry  the  half-fed  Con- 
nacht  beasts  to  the  fattening  pastures  of  Meath  and 
Kildare,  assemble  in  large  numbers  and  haggle  over 
prices  from  early  dawn  till  noon.  No  better  occasion 
for  the  exploitation  of  a  cause  could  possibly  be  chosen. 
And  three  o'clock  was  a  very  good  hour.  By  that 
time  the  business  of  the  fair  is  well  over.  The  buy- 
ing and  selling  is  finished.  But  no  one  has  gone  home, 
and  no  one  is  more  than  partially  drunk.  It  is  safe  to 
expect  that  everybody  will  welcome  the  entertainment 
that  a  meeting  affords  during  the  dull  time  which 
must  intervene  between  the  finishing  of  the  day's  busi- 
ness and  the  weary  journey  home. 

The  green  posters  were  distributed  far  and  wide. 
They  adorned  every  gatepost  and  every  wall  sufficiently 
smooth  to  hold  them  within  a  circle  of  three  miles 
radius  around  the  town.  There  was  some  talk  before- 
hand about  the  meeting.     But  on  the  whole  the  people 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  107 

displayed  very  little  curiosity  about  General  John 
Regan.  It  was  taken  for  granted  that  he  load  been 
in  some  way  associated  with  the  cause  of  Irish 
Nationality,  and  one  or  two  people  professed  to  recol- 
lect that  he  had  fought  on  the  side  of  the  Boers  during 
the  South  African  War.  Whoever  he  was,  the  people 
were  inclined  to  support  the  movement  for  erecting 
a  statue  to  him  by  cheering  anything  which  Thady 
Gallagher  said.  But  they  did  not  intend  to  support 
it  in  any  other  way.  The  Connacht  farmer  is  like  the 
rest  of  the  human  race  in  his  dislike  of  being  asked  to 
subscribe  to  anything.  He  is  superior  to  most  other 
men  in  his  capacity  for  resisting  the  pressure  of  the 
subscription  list. 

On  the  Saturday  before  the  meeting  Gallagher  pub- 
lished a  long  article  on  the  subject  of  the  General  in 
the  Connacht  Eagle.  It  was  read,  as  all  Gallagher's 
articles  were,  with  respectful  attention.  Everybody 
expected  to  find  out  by  reading  it  who  the  General  was. 
Everyone  felt,  as  '  read  it,  or  listened  to  it  read 
aloud,  that  he  was  learning  all  he  wanted  to  know,  and 
did  not  discover  until  he  cam,e  to  talk  the  matter  over 
afterwards  with  his  friends  that  he  knew  no  more 
when  he  had  read  the  article  than  he  did  before. 

It  was  not  Thady  Gallagher  but  Dr.  O'Grady  who 
wrote  the  article.  Thady  made  several  attempts  and 
then  gave  up  the  matter  in  despair.  Dr.  O'Grady, 
though  he  was  extremely  busy  at  the  time,  had  to  do 
the  writing.  It  was  very  well  done,  and  calculated  to 
heat  to  the  boiling  point  the  enthusiasm  of  all  patriotic 


io8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

people.  He  began  by  praising  Thomas  Emmet.  He 
passed  from  him  to  Daniel  O'Connell.  He  recom- 
mended everyone  to  read  John  Mitchell's  "  Jail  Jour- 
nal." He  described  the  great  work  done  for  Ireland 
by  Charles  Stewart  Parnell.  Then  he  said  that  Gen- 
eral John  Regan  was,  in  his  own  way,  at  least  the  equal, 
possibly  the  superior,  of  any  of  the  patriots  he  had 
named.  He  wound  up  the  composition  with  the  state- 
ment that  it  was  unnecessary  to  recapitulate  the  great 
deeds  of  the  General,  because  every  Irishman  worthy 
of  the  name  knew  all  about  them  already. 

No  one  read  the  article  with  more  eagerness  and 
expectation  than  Gallagher  himself.  As  the  day  of 
the  meeting  drew  nearer  he  was  becoming  more  and 
more  uncomfortable  about  his  speech.  He  had  not 
been  able  to  find  out  either  from  Doyle  or  from  Father 
McCormack  anything  whatever  about  the  General. 
He  did  not  want  much.  He  was  a  practised  orator 
and  could  make  a  very  small  amount  of  information 
go  a  long  way  in  a  speech,  but  he  did  want  something, 
if  it  was  only  a  date  to  which  he  might  attach  the  Gen- 
eral's birth  or  death.  Doyle  and  the  priest  steadily 
referred  him  to  Dr.  O'Grady.  From  Sergeant  Colgan 
he  got  nothing  except  a  guess  that  the  General  might 
have  been  one  of  the  Fenians.  Dr.  O'Grady,  before 
the  appearance  of  the  article,  promised  that  it  would 
contain  all  that  anyone  needed  to  know.  After  the 
article  was  published  Gallagher  was  ashamed  to  ask 
for  further  information,  because  he  did  not  want  to 
confess  himself  an  Irishman  unworthy  of  the  name. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  la; 

Doyle  also  was  dissatisfied  and  became  actually 
restive  after  the  appearance  of  Saturday's  Connacht 
Eagle.  He  was  not  in  the  least  troubled  by  the  vague- 
ness of  the  leading  article.  He  was  not  one  of  the 
speakers  at  the  meeting,  and  it  did  not  matter  to  him 
whether  he  knew  anything  about  General  John  Regan 
or  not.  What  annoyed  him  was  the  publication,  in  the 
advertisement  columns  of  the  paper,  of  a  preliminary 
list  of  subscribers.  In  the  first  place  such  an  advertise- 
ment cost  money  and  could  only  be  paid  for  out  of  Mr. 
Billing's  subscription,  thus  further  diminishing  the 
small  balance  on  which  he  was  calculating  as  some 
Srompensation  for  the  irrecoverable  debt  owed  to  him 
by  Dr.  O'Grady.  In  the  second  place  his  name  ap- 
peared on  the  list  as  a  donor,  not  of  £5,  but  of  £10. 
He  knew  perfectly  well  that  he  would  not  be  expected 
to  pay  any  subscription,  but  he  was  vaguely  annoyed 
at  the  threat  of  such  a  liability. 

On  Sunday  afternoon  he  called  on  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Wasn't  it  agreed,"  he  said,  "  that  I  was  to  be  the 
treasurer  of  the  fund  for  putting  up  the  statue?  " 

"  It  was,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and  you  are  the 
treasurer.  Didn't  you  see  your  name  printed  in  the 
Connacht  Eagle,  *  Secretary,  Dr.  Lucius  O'Grady. 
Treasurer,  J.  Doyle'  ?  " 

"  If  I'm  the  treasurer  It's  no  more  than  right  that  I 
should  have  some  say  in  the  way  the  money's  being 
spent,  for  let  me  tell  you,  doctor — and  I  may  as  well 
speak  plain  when  I'm  at  it — I'm  not  satisfied.  I've 
had  some  correspondence  with  a  nephew  of  mine  who's 


no  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

in  that  line  of  business  himself  up  in  Dublin,  and  he 
tells  me  that  iioo  is  little  enough  for  a  statue  of  any 
size.  Now  I'm  not  saying  that  I  want  to  close  the 
account  with  a  balance  in  hand " 

"  It's  what  you  do  want,  Doyle,  whether  you  say 
it  or  not." 

*'  But,"  said  Doyle  ignoring  this  interruption,  "  it 
wouldn't  suit  me  if  there  was  any  debt  at  the  latter 
end.  For  it's  myself  would  have  to  pay  it  if  there 
was,  and  that's  what  I'd  not  be  inclined  to  do.  The 
way  you're  spending  money  on  posters  and  advertise- 
ments there'll  be  very  little  of  the  American  gentle- 
man's iioo  left  when  it  comes  to  buying  the  statue." 

*'  I  see  your  point  all  right,  Doyle,  but " 

"  If  you  see  it,"  said  Doyle,  "  I'm  surprised  at  you 
going  on  the  way  you  are;  but,  sure,  I  might  have 
known  that  you  wouldn't  care  how  much  you'd  spend 
or  how  much  you'd  owe  at  the  latter  end.  There's 
that  £60 " 

"  Don't  harp  on  about  that  miserable  £60,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  for  I  won't  stand  it.  Here  I  am  doing 
the  very  best  I  can  to  make  money  for  you,  taking  no 
end  of  trouble,  and  all  you  do  is  to  come  grumbling  to 
me  day  after  day  about  some  beggarly  account  that  I 
happen  to  owe  you." 

"  It's  what  I  don't  see  is  how  Vm  going  to  make  a 
penny  out  of  it  at  all,  the  way  you're  going  on." 

"  Listen  to  me  now,  Doyle.  Supposing — I  just  say 
supposing — the    Government   was  to  ^build   a  pier,  a 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  in 

new  pier,  in  Ballymoy,  who  do  you  think  would  get 
the  contract  for  the  job?" 

"  I  would,  of  course,"  said  Doyle,  "  for  there'd  be 
no  other  man  in  the  town  fit  to  take  it." 

"  And  how  much  do  you  suppose  you'd  make  out 
of  it?" 

*'  What's  the  use  of  talking  that  way  ?  "  said  Doyle. 
*'  Hasn't  the  Government  built  us  two  piers  already, 
and  is  it  likely  they'd  build  us  another?" 

"  That's  not  the  point.  What  I'm  asking  you  is : 
Supposing  they  did  build  another  and  you  got  the  con- 
tract for  it,  how  much  do  you  suppose  you'd  make  ?  " 

"  Well,"  said  Doyle,  "  if  it  was  a  good-sized  pier  and 
if  the  engineer  they  sent  down  to  inspect  the  work 
wasn't  too  smart  altogether  I  might  clear  iioo." 

"  Now,  suppose,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  ''  that  you  were 
able  to  sell  the  stones  of  that  old  mill  of  yours " 

"  They're  good  stones,  so  they  are." 

"  Exactly,  and  you'd  expect  a  good  price  for  them. 
Now  suppose  you  succeeded  in  selling  them  to  the 
Government  as  raw  material  for  the  pier " 

"  They'd  be  nice  and  handy  for  the  work,"  said 
Doyle.  "  Whoever  was  to  use  those  stones  for  build- 
ing the  pier  would  save  a  devil  of  a  lot  of  expense  in 
carting." 

''  That,  of  course,  would  be  considered  in  fixing  the 
price  of  the  stones." 

"  It  would,"  said  Doyle.  "  It  would  have  to  be,  ior 
I  wouldn't  sell  them  without  it  was." 


112  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Under  those  circumstances,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  what  do  you  suppose  you'd  make?" 

"  I'd  make  a  tidy  penny,"  said  Doyle. 

*'  Very  well.  Add  that  tidy  penny  to  the  iioo  profit 
on  the  pier  contract  and  it  seems  to  me  that  it  would 
pay  you  to  lose  a  couple  of  pounds — and  I  don't  ad- 
mit that  you  will  lose  a  penny — over  the  statue  busi- 
ness." 

The  mention  of  the  statue  brought  Doyle  back  from 
a  pleasant  dream  to  the  region  of  hard  fact. 

"What's  the  good  of  talking?"  he  said.  "The 
Government  will  build  no  more  piers  here." 

"  I'm  not  so  sure  of  that.  If  we  were  to  get  a  hold 
of  one  of  the  real  big  men,  say  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  if 
we  were  to  bring  him  down  here  and  do  him  properly 
• — flags,  you  know,  Doyle,  and  the  town  band,  and 
somebody  with  a  bouquet  of  flowers  for  his  wife,  and 
somebody  else — all  respectable  people,  Doyle — with 
an  illuminated  address — and  if  we  were  all  to  stand 
round  with  our  hats  in  our  hands  and  cheer — in  fact 
if  we  were  to  do  all  the  things  that  those  sort  of  fellows 
really  like  to  see  done " 

"  We  could  have  flags,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  we 
could  have  the  town  band,  and  we  could  have  all 
the  rest  of  what  you  say ;  but  what  good  would  they 
be?  The  Lord-Lieutenant  wouldn't  come  to  Bally- 
moy.     It's  a  backward  place,  so  it  is." 

"  I'll  get  to  that  in  a  minute,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
*'  But  just  suppose  now  that  we  had  him  and  did 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  113 

all  the  things  I  say,  do  you  think  he'd  refuse  us  a 
simple  pier  when  we  asked  for  it  ?  " 

*'  I  don't  know  but  he  would.  Hasn't  the  Govern- 
ment built  two  piers  here  already?  Is  it  likely  they'd 
build  a  third?'' 

"  Those  two  piers  were  built  years  and  years  ago," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady.  *'  One  of  them  is  more  than  ten 
years  old  this  minute,  and  they  were  both  built  by  the 
last  Government.  The  present  Lord-Lieutenant  has 
probably  never  so  much  as  heard  of  them.  We 
shouldn't  go  out  of  our  way  to  remind  him  of  their 
existence.  Nobody  else  in  Ireland  will  remember 
anything  about  them.  We'll  start  talking  about  the 
new  pier  as  if  it  were  quite  an  original  idea  that  no- 
body had  ever  heard  of  before.  We'd  get  it  to  a 
certainty." 

Doyle  was  swept  away  by  the  glorious  possibilities 
before  him. 

"  If  so  be  the  Lord-Lieutenant  was  to  come,  and  the 
Lady-Lieutenant  with  him,  and  more  of  the  lords  and 
ladies  that  does  be  attending  on  them  up  in  Dublin 
Castle " 

"  Aides-de-camp,  and  people  of  that  sort,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.     "  They'd  simply  swarm  down  on  us." 

"  There'd  have  to  be  a  luncheon  for  them,"  said 
Doyle. 

"  And  it  would  be  in  your  hotel.  I  forgot  about 
the  luncheon.  There'll  be  a  pot  of  money  to  be  made 
out  of  that." 


114  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  With  drinks  and  all/'  said  Doyle,  with  deep  con- 
viction. ''  There  would.  The  like  of  them  people 
wouldn't  be  contented  with  porter." 

"  Champagne,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  is  the  recog- 
nised tipple  for  anybody  high  up  in  the  Government 
service.     It  wouldn't  be  respectful  not  to  offer  it." 

"  But  he  won't  come,"  said  Doyle.  "  What  would 
bring  him?  " 

"  The  statue  will  bring  him." 

"  The  statue !  Talk  sense,  doctor.  W^hat  would 
the  like  of  him  want  to  be  looking  at  statues  for? 
Won't  he  have  as  many  as  he  wants  in  Dublin  Castle, 
and  better  ones  than  we'd  be  able  to  show  him?" 

'*  You're  missing  the  point,  Doyle.  I'm  not  propos- 
ing to  bring  him  down  here  simply  to  look  at  a  statue. 
I'm  going  to  ask  him  to  unveil  it.  Now  as  far  as  I 
know  the  history  of  Ireland — and  I'm  as  well  up  in  it 
as  most  men — that  would  be  an  absolutely  unprec- 
edented invitation  for  any  Lord-Lieutenant  to  re- 
ceive. The  novelty  of  the  thing  will  attract  him  at 
once.  And  what's  more,  the  idea  will  appeal  to  his 
better  nature.  I  needn't  tell  you,  Doyle,  that  the 
earnest  desire  of  every  Lord-Lieutenant  is  to  assist 
the  material  and  intellectual  advancement  of  Ireland. 
He's  always  getting  opportunities  of  opening  technical 
schools  and  industrial  shows  of  one  sort  or  another. 
They've  quite  ceased  to  attract  him.  But  we're  dis- 
playing an  entirely  new  spirit.  By  erecting  a  public 
statue  in  a  town  like  this  we  are  showing  that  we've 
arrived  at  an  advanced  stage  of  culture.     There  isn't 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  115 

another  potty  little  one-horse  town  in  Ireland  that  has 
ever  shown  the  slightest  desire  to  set  up  a  great  and 
elevating  work  of  art  in  its  midst.  You  may  not 
appreciate  that  aspect  of  the  matter,  Doyle,  but " 

"  If  I  was  to  give  my  opinion,"  said  Doyle,  "  I'd 
say  that  statues  was  foolishness." 

*'  Exactly.  But  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  when  he  gets 
our  invitation  will  give  you  credit  for  much  finer 
feeling.  Besides  he'll  see  that  we've  been  studying 
up  our  past  history.  The  name  of  General  John 
Regan  will  mean  a  great  deal  to  him  although  it 
conveys  very  little  to  you." 

"  It's  what  Thady  Gallagher  is  always  asking," 
said  Doyle,  "  who  was  the  General  ?  " 

*'  Gallagher  ought  to  know,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
•*  and  I've  told  him  so." 

"  He  does  not  know  then.  Nor  I  don't  believe 
Father  McCormack  does.  Nor  I  don't  know  myself. 
Not  that  it  would  trouble  me  if  there  never  was  a 
General,  only  that  you  have  Mary  Ellen's  head  turned 
with  the  notion  that  she'll  be  coming  into  a  big  fortune 
one  of  these  days " 

"Is  she  not  doing  her  work?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Devil  the  tap  she's  done  these  two  days,  but  what 
she  couldn't  help.  Not  that  that  bothers  me,  for  it's 
nothing  strange.  She  never  was  one  for  doing  much 
unless  you  stood  over  her  and  drove  her  into  it.  But 
what  has  annoyed  me  is  the  way  Constable  Moriarty 
is  never  out  of  the  kitchen  or  the  back  yard.  He  was 
after  her  before,  but  he's  fifty  times  worse  since  he 


ii6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

heard  the  talk  about  her  being  the  niece  of  the  General. 
Besides  the  notion  he  has  that  young  Kerrigan  wants 
her,  which  has  made  him  wild." 

"  Moriarty  ought  to  have  more  sense,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady. 

"  He  ought,"  said  Doyle,  "  but  he  hasn't.  The 
tunes  he  whistles  round  the  house  would  drive  you 
demented  if  so  be  that  you  listened  to  them;  but 
I  needn't  tell  you  I  don't  do  that." 

"  You'll  have  to  put  up  with  it,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
**  It  won't  be  for  very  long,  and  you  needn't  mind 
what  Mary  Ellen  neglects  so  long  as  she  attends 
properly  on  Mr.  Billing." 

"  She'll  attend  him  right  enough,"  said  Doyle. 
"  Since  ever  she  got  the  notion  that  he  was  going  to 
make  a  lady  of  her,  attending  on  him  is  the  one  thing 
that  she  will  do." 

*'  Then  you  needn't  bother  your  head  about  any- 
thing else." 


CHAPTER  VIII 

THERE  are  men  in  the  world,  a  great  many  of 
them — who  are  capable  of  managing  details  with 
thoroughness  and  efficiency.  These  men  make  admir- 
able lieutenants  and  fill  subordinate  positions  so  well 
that  towards  the  end  of  their  lives  they  are  allowed  to 
attend  full  dress  evening  parties  with  medals  and 
stars  hung  round  their  necks  or  pinned  on  their  coats. 
There  are  also  a  good  many  men  who  are  capable  of 
conceiving  great  ideas  and  forming  vast  plans,  but 
who  have  an  unconquerable  aversion  to  anything  in 
the  way  of  a  detail.  These  men  generally  end  their 
days  in  obscure  asylums,  possibly  in  workhouses,  and 
their  ideas,  after  living  for  a  while  as  subject  matter 
for  jests,  perish  unrealised.  There  is  also  a  third 
kind  of  man,  fortunately  a  very  rare  kind.  He  is 
capable  of  jconceiving  great  ideas,  and  has  besides  an 
insatiable  delight  in  working  out  details.  He  may 
end  his  days  as  a  victorious  general,  or  even  as  an 
emperor.  If  he  prefers  a  less  ostentatious  kind  of 
reward,  he  will  die  a  millionaire. 

Dr.  Lucius  O'Grady  belonged  to  this  third  class. 
In  the  face  of  Doyle's  objection  to  his  expenditure  on 
posters,  he  was  capable  of  conceiving  on  the  spur  of 
the  moment    and    without   previous    meditation,    the 

117 


ii8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

audacious  and  magnificent  plan  of  bringing  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  to  Ballymoy  and  wrestling  from  a  reluctant 
treasury  a  sufficient  sum  of  money  to  build  a  third  pier 
on  the  beach  below  the  town.  There  may  have  been 
other  men  in  Ireland  capable  of  making  such  a  plan. 
There  was  certainly  no  one  else  who  would  have  set 
himself,  as  Dr.  O'Grady  did,  with  tireless  enthusiasm, 
to  work  out  the  details  necessary  to  the  plan's  success. 

As  soon  as  Doyle  left  him  he  mounted  his  bicycle  and 
rode  out  to  the  Greggs'  home.  Mr.  Gregg,  being  the 
District  Inspector  o^  Police,  was  usually  a  very  busy 
man.  But  the  Government,  though  a  hard  task-master 
in  the  case  of  minor  officials,  does  not  insist  on  anyone 
inspecting  or  being  inspected  on  Sunday  afternoons. 
Mr.  Gregg  had  taken  advantage  of  the  Government's 
respect  for  revealed  religion,  and  had  gone  out  with  a 
fishing  rod  to  catch  trout.  Mrs.  Gregg  was  at  home. 
Being  a  bride  of  not  more  than  three  months'  standing 
she  had  nothing  particular  to  do,  and  was  yawning 
rather  wearily  over  the  fashion-plates  of  a  ladies'  paper. 
She  seemed  unafifectedly  glad  to  see  Dr.  O'Grady,  and 
at  once  offered  to  give  him  tea.  The  doctor  refused 
the  tea,  and  plunged  into  his  business. 

"  I  suppose,"  he  said,  "  that  you'll  have  no  objection 
to  presenting  a  bouquet  to  Lady  Chesterton  when  she 
comes  to  Ballymoy  ?  " 

"Is  she  coming?"  said  Mrs.  Gregg.  "How 
splendid !  " 

Before  marrying  Mr.  Gregg  she  had  lived  in  a 
Dublin  suburb.     Accustomed  to  the  rich  and  varied 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  119 

life  of  a  metropolis  she  found  Ballymoy  a  little  dull. 
She  recognised  Major  Kent  as  "  a  dear  old  boy,"  but 
he  was  quite  unexciting.  Mrs.  Ford,  the  wife  of  a 
rather  morose  stipendiary  magistrate,  had  severely 
snubbed  Mrs.  Gregg.  There  was  no  one  else,  and  the 
gay  frocks  of  Mrs.  Gregg's  bridal  outfit  were  wasting 
their  first  freshness  with  hardly  an  opportunity  of 
being  worn. 

"  Yes,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  She's  coming  with 
the  Lord-Lieutenant  to  unveil  the  new  statue." 

"  How  splendid !  "  said  Mrs.  Gregg  again.  "  I 
heard  something  about  the  statue,  but  please  tell  me 
more,  Dr.  O'Grady.     I  do  so  want  to  know." 

"  Oh,  there's  nothing  particular  to  tell  about  the 
statue.  It's  to  be  to  the  memory  of  General  John 
Regan,  and  will  be  unveiled  in  the  usual  way." 

This  did  not  add  much  to  the  information  which 
Mr.  Gregg,  who  himself  had  gleaned  what  he  knew 
from  Sergeant  Colgan,  had  already  given  her.  But 
Mrs.  Gregg  was  quite  content  with  it.  She  did  not, 
in  fact,  want  to  know  anything  about  the  statue. 
She  only  asked  about  it  because  she  thought  she 
ought  to.  Her  mind  was  dwelling  on  the  dazzling 
prospect  of  presenting  a  bouquet  to  Lady  Chesterton. 

''Of  course  I  should  love  to,"  she  said.  "But  I 
wonder  if  I  could — really,  I  mean." 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  a  man  of  quick  intelligence.  He 
realised  at  once  that  Mrs.  Gregg  had  not  been  listen- 
ing to  his  account  of  the  statue,  but  that  she  was 
replying  to  his  original  suggestion. 


I20  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  It's  not  the  least  difficult,"  he  said.  "  Anyone 
could  do  it,  but  we'd  like  to  have  it  done  really  well. 
That's  the  reason  we're  asking  you." 

''Don't  you  have  to  walk  backwards?"  said  Mrs. 
Gregg".  "  I'd  love  to  do  it,  of  course,  but  I  never 
have  before." 

"  There's  no  necessity  to  walk  at  all.  You  simply 
stand  in  the  front  row  of  the  spectators  with  the 
bouquet  in  your  hand.  Then,  when  she  stops  opposite 
you  and  smiles — she'll  be  warned  beforehand,  of 
course — and  she's  had  such  a  lot  of  practice  that  she's 
sure  to  do  it  right — you  curtsey  and  hand  up  the  bou- 
quet.    She'll  take  it,  and  the  whole  thing  will  be  over." 

"Oh,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg,  "is  that  all?" 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  conscious  of  a  note  of  disappoint- 
ment in  her  voice.  He  felt  that  he  had  over-empha- 
sized the  simplicity  of  the  performance.  Mrs.  Gregg 
would  have  preferred  a  longer  ceremony.  He  did 
his  best  to  make  such  amends  as  were  still  possible. 

"  Of  course,"  he  said,  "  your  photograph  will  be  in 
all  the  illustrated  papers  afterwards,  and  there  will  be 
a  long  description  of  your  dress  in  The  Irish  Times." 

"  I'd  love  to  do  it,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg. 

"  Very  well,  then,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  we'll  con- 
sider that  settled." 

Leaving  Mrs.  Gregg,  he  rode  on  to  Major  Kent's 
house.  The  Major,  like  all  men  who  are  over  forty 
years  of  age,  who  have  good  consciences  and  balances 
in  their  banks,  spent  his  Sunday  afternoons  sleeping 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  121 

in  an  armchair.  No  one  likes  being  awakened,  either 
in  a  bedroom  by  a  servant,  in  a  railway  carriage  by  a 
ticket  collector,  or  on  a  Sunday  afternoon  by  a  friend. 
The  Major  answered  Dr.  O'Grady's  greeting  snap- 
pishly. 

"  If  you've  come,"  he  said,  "  to  ask  me  to  make 
a  speech  at  that  meeting  of  yours  on  Tuesday,  you 
may  go  straight  home  again,  for  I  won't  do  it." 

''  I'm  not  such  a  fool,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady  pleasantly, 
"  as  to  ask  you  to  do  any  such  thing.  I  know  jolly 
well  you  couldn't.  Even  if  you  could  and  would,  we 
shouldn't  want  you.  We  have  Father  McCormack, 
and  Thady  Gallagher,  besides  the  American.  That's 
as  much  as  any  audience  could  stand !  " 

"  If  it  isn't  that  you  want,"  said  the  Major,  "  what 
is  it?" 

"  It's  a  pity  you're  in  such  an  uncommonly  bad 
temper.  Major.  If  you  were  even  in  your  normal 
condition  of  torpid  sulkiness  you'd  be  rather  pleased 
to  hear  what  I'm  going  to  tell  you." 

"If  you're  going  to  tell  me  that  you've  dropped 
that  statue  folly,  I  shall  be  extremely  pleased." 

"  The  news  I  have,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  is  far 
better  than  that.  We've  decided  to  ask  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  down  to  unveil  the  statue." 

"  He  won't  come,"  said  the  Major,  *'  so  that's  all 
right." 

"  He  will  come  when  it's  explained  to  him 
that '" 


122  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Oh,  if  you  offer  him  one  of  your  explana- 
tions  •" 

"  Look  here,  Major.  I  don't  think  you  quite  grasp 
the  significance  of  what  Fm  telhng  you.  Ever  since 
I've  known  you  you've  been  deploring  the  disloyalty 
of  the  Irish  people.  I  don't  blame  you  for  that. 
You're  by  way  of  being  a  Unionist,  so  of  course 
you  have  to.  But  if  you  were  the  least  bit  sincere  in 
what  you  say,  you'd  be  delighted  to  hear  that  Doyle 
and  Thady  Gallagher — Thady  hasn't  actually  been 
told  yet,  but  when  he  is  he'll  be  as  pleased  as  everyone 
else — you  ought  to  be  simply  overjoyed  to  find  that 
men  like  Doyle  are  inviting  the  Lord-Lieutenant  down 
to  unveil  their  statue.  It  shows  that  they're  getting 
steadily  loyaler  and  loyaler.  Instead  of  exulting  in 
the  fact  you  start  sneering  in  a  cynical  and  altogether 
disgusting  way." 

"  I  don't  believe  much  in  Doyle's  loyalty,"  said  the 
Major. 

"Fortunately,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "Doyle 
thoroughly  believes  in  yours.  He  agrees  with  me  that 
you  are  the  first  man  who  ought  to  be  asked  to  join 
the  reception  committee.     You  can't  possibly  refuse." 

"  I  would  refuse  if  I  thought  there  was  the  slightest 
chance  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant  coming.  Do  you  think 
I  want  to  stand  about  in  a  tall  hat  along  with  half 
the  blackguards  in  town  ?  '* 

"  Mrs.  Gregg  is  going  to  present  a  bouquet,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  123 

"  Looking  like  a  fool  in  the  middle  of  the  street, 
while  you  play  silly  tricks  with  a  statue  ?  " 

"  You  won't  be  asked  to  do  all  that,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady. 

"  I  am  being  asked.  You're  asking  me  this  minute, 
and  if  I  thought  it  would  come  off " 

"As  you  think  it  won't  you  may  as  well  join  the 
committee." 

"  I  won't  be  secretary,"  said  the  Major,  "  and  I 
won't  have  hand,  act,  or  part,  in  asking  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  to  come  here.  We  don't  want  him,  for 
one  thing." 

"  You'll  not  be  asked  so  much  as  to  sign  a  paper," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  If  your  name  is  required  at  the 
bottom  of  any  document  I'll  write  it  for  you  myself." 

"  I  wish  to  goodness,"  said  the  Major,  "  that  Billing 
— if  that's  the  man's  name — had  stayed  in  America 
attending  to  his  own  business,  whatever  it  is,  instead 
of  coming  here  and  starting  all  this  fuss.  There'll  be 
trouble  before  you've  done,  O'Grady,  more  trouble 
than  you  care  for.     I  wish  to  God  it  was  all  well  over." 

Nothing  is  more  gratifying  to  the  prophet  of  evil 
than  the  fulfilment  of  his  own  prediction.  When  the 
fulfilment  follows  hard  on  the  prophecy,  when  not 
more  than  half  an  hour  separates  them,  the  prophet 
ought  to  be  a  very  happy  man.  This  was  Major 
Kent's  case.  He  foretold  trouble  of  the  most  ex- 
asperating kind  for  Dr.  O'Grady,  and  he  was  im- 
mediately  justified  by   the   event.     Unfortunately  he 


124  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

did  not  expect  an  immediate  fulfilment  of  his  words. 
Therefore  he  turned  round  in  his  chair  and  went  to 
sleep  again  when  the  doctor  left  him.  If  he  had  been 
sanguine  enough  to  expect  that  the  doctor  would 
be  entangled  in  embarrassments  at  once,  he  would 
probably  have  roused  himself.  He  would  have  fol- 
lowed Dr.  O 'Grady  back  to  Ballymoy  and  would  have 
had  the  satisfaction  of  gloating  over  the  first  of  a  long 
series  of  annoying  difficulties.  But  the  Major,  though 
confident  that  trouble  would  come,  had  no  hope  that 
it  would  begin  as  soon  as  it  did. 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  riding  back  to  Ballymoy  on  his 
bicycle  when  he  met  Mrs.  Ford,  the  wife  of  the  stipen- 
diary magistrate.  She  was  walking  briskly  along  the 
road  which  led  out  of  the  town.  This  fact  at  once 
aroused  a  feeling  of  vague  uneasiness  in  the  doctor's 
mind.  Mrs.  Ford  was  a  stout  lady  of  more  than  fifty 
years  of  age.  She  always  wore  clothes  which  seemed, 
and  probably  were,  much  too  tight  for  her.  Her  hus- 
band's position  and  income  entitled  him  to  keep  a  pony 
trap,  therefore  Mrs.  Ford  very  seldom  walked  at  all. 
Dr.  O'Grady  had  never  before  seen  her  walk  quickly. 
It  was  plain,  too,  that  on  this  occasion  Mrs.  Ford  was 
walking  for  the  mere  sake  of  walking,  a  most  un- 
natural thing  for  her  to  do.  The  road  she  was  on 
led  nowhere  except  to  Major  Kent's  house,  several 
miles  away,  and  it  was  quite  impossible  to  suppose  that 
she  meant  to  call  on  him.  She  had,  as  Dr.  O'Grady 
knew,  quarrelled  seriously  with  Major  Kent  two  days 
earlier. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  125 

Dr.  O'Grady,  slightly  anxious  and  very  curious, 
got  off  his  bicycle  and  approached  Mrs.  Ford  on  foot. 
He  noticed  at  once  that  her  face  was  purple  in  colour. 
It  was  generally  red,  and  the  unaccustomed  exercise 
she  was  taking  might  account  for  the  darker  shade. 
Dr.  O'Grady,  arriving  within  a  few  yards  of  her, 
took  off  his  hat  very  politely.  The  purple  of  Mrs. 
Ford's  face  darkened  ominously. 

"Nice  day,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "How's  Mr. 
Ford?" 

Mrs.  Ford  acknowledged  this  greeting  with  a  stiff, 
scarcely  perceptible  bow.  Dr.  O'Grady  realised  at 
once  that  she  was  angry,  very  seriously  angry  about 
something.  Under  ordinary  circumstances  Mrs. 
Ford's  anger  w^ould  not  have  caused  Dr.  O'Grady  any 
uneasiness.  She  was  nearly  always  angry  with  some- 
one, and  however  angry  she  might  be  she  would  be 
obliged  to  call  on  Dr.  O'Grady  for  assistance  if  either 
she  or  her  husband  fell  ill.  There  was  no  other 
doctor  in  the  neighbourhood.  The  simplest  and  easiest 
thing,  under  the  circumstances,  would  have  been  to 
pass  on  without  comment,  and  to  wait  patiently  until 
Mrs.  Ford  either  caught  influenza  or  was  so  deeply 
offended  with  someone  else  as  to  forget  her  anger 
against  him.  Society  in  small  country  towns  is  held 
together  very  largely  by  the  fact  that  it  is  highly  incon- 
venient, if  not  actually  impossible,  to  keep  two  quarrels 
burning  briskly  at  the  same  time.  When,  a  week  or 
two  before,  Mrs.  Ford  had  been  seriously  angry  with 
Mrs.    Gregg,    she    confided    her    grievances    to    Dr. 


126  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

O'Grady.  Now  that  she  was  annoyed  with  him  she 
would  be  compelled  to  condone  Mrs.  Gregg's  offence 
in  order  to  tell  her  what  Dr.  O'Grady  had  done.  In 
due  time,  so  Dr.  O'Grady  knew,  he  would  be  forgiven 
in  order  that  he  might  listen  to  the  story  of  the  quarrel, 
which  by  that  time  she  would  have  picked  with  Major 
Kent.  Therefore  the  doctor's  first  impulse  was  to 
imitate  the  Levite  in  the  parable,  and,  having  looked  at 
Mrs.  Ford  with  sympathy,  to  pass  by  on  the  other  side. 

But  Dr.  O'Grady  was  engaged  in  a  great  enterprise. 
He  did  not  see  how  Mrs.  Ford's  anger  could  make  or 
mar  the  success  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant's  visit  to 
Ballymoy,  but  he  could  not  afford  to  take  risks.  No 
wise  general  likes  to  leave  even  a  small  wood  on  the 
flank  of  his  line  of  march  without  discovering  whether 
there  is  anything  in  it  or  not.  Dr.  O'Grady  de- 
termined to  find  out,  if  he  could,  what  Mrs.  Ford 
was  sulking  about. 

"I  daresay  you  have  heard,"  he  said,  "about  the 
Lord-Lieutenant's  visit  to  Ballymoy.  The  date  isn't 
fixed  yet,  but " 

Mrs.  Ford  sniffed  and  walked  on  without  speaking. 
Dr.  O'Grady  was  not  the  kind  of  man  who  is  easily 
baffled.     He  turned  round  and  walked  beside  her. 

"  I  needn't  tell  you,"  he  said,  "  that  the  visit  may 
mean  a  good  deal  to  Mr.  Ford.  We've  all  felt  for  a 
long  time  that  his  services  and  ability  entitle  him  to 
some  recognition  from  the  Government." 

Mrs.  Ford  was  quite  unmollified.  She  walked  on 
without   looking   round.     She   even   walked   a    little 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  127 

quicker  than  she  had  been  walking  before.  This  was 
a  fooHsh  thing  to  do.  She  was  a  fat  and  elderly  lady. 
Some  of  her  clothes,  if  not  all  of  them,  were  certainly 
too  tight  for  her.  The  doctor  was  young  and  in  good 
condition.  She  could  not  possibly  hope  to  outstrip 
him  in  a  race. 

"  My  idea  is,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  when  the 
Lord-Lieutenant  meets  Mr.  Ford  and  becomes  person- 
ally acquainted  with  him — there's  to  be  a  lunch,  you 
know,  in  the  hotel.  A  pretty  good  lunch,  the  best 
Doyle  can  do.  Well,  I  confidently  expect  that  when 
the  Lord-Lieutenant  finds  out  for  himself  what  an 

able  and  energetic  man  !Mr.  Ford  is •    After  all, 

there  are  much  nicer  places  than  Ballymoy,  besides 
all  the  jobs  there  are  going  under  the  Insurance  Act, 
jolly  well  paid  some  of  them,  and  you'd  like  living  in 
Dublin,  wouldn't  you,  Mrs.  Ford?" 

Mrs.  Ford  stood  still  suddenly.  She  was  evidently 
going  to  say  something.  Dr.  O'Grady  waited.  He 
had  to  wait  for  some  time,  because  the  lady  was  very 
much  out  of  breath.     At  last  she  spoke. 

"  Dr.  O'Grady,"  she  said,  ''  I  believe  in  plain 
speaking." 

Neither  Dr.  O'Grady  nor  anyone  else  in  Ballymoy 
doubted  the  truth  of  this.  Nearly  ever>'body  had  been 
spoken  to  plainly  by  Mrs.  Ford  at  one  time  or  another. 
Kerrigan,  the  butcher,  was  spoken  to  with  uncompro- 
mising plainness  once  a  week,  on  Saturday  mornings. 

"  Quite  right,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  *'  there's  nothing 
like  it." 


128  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Then  I  may  as  well  tell  you,"  said  Mrs.  Ford, 
"  that  I  think  it  was  due  to  my  position — however 
much  you  may  dislike  me  personally " 

"  I  don't.     On  the  contrary " 

" Due  to  my  position  as  the  wife  of  the  resident 

magistrate  that  I,  and  not  that  Mrs.  Gregg,  should 
have  been  invited  to  present  the  bouquet  to  Lady 
Chesterton." 

Dr.  O'Grady  gasped.  Then  he  realised  that  he 
had  made  a  fearful  blunder. 

"  Half  an  hour  ago,"  said  Mrs.  Ford,  "  that  woman, 
who  isn't  even  a  lady,  bounced  into  my  house,  giggling, 
and  told  me  to  my  face  that  you  had  asked  her " 

"Silly  little  thing,  isn't  she?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  But  of  course,  you  have  far  too  much  sense  to  be 
annoyed  by  anything  she  said." 

"  Don't  imagine  for  a  moment,"  said  Mrs.  Ford, 
"  that  I  am  vexed.  The  slight,  although  it  was 
evidently  intentional,  does  not  affect  me  in  the  least. 
If  you  knew  me  a  little  better  than  you  do.  Dr. 
O'Grady,  you  would  understand  that  I  am  not  at  all 
the  sort  of  person  who  cares  about  presenting  bou- 
quets." 

"  Of  course  not,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  We  quite 
realised  that.  We  understood  that  in  your  position, 
as  wife  of  the  resident  magistrate  of  the  district,  the 
presentation  of  a  bouquet  would  have  been  infra  dig. 
After  all,  what's  a  bouquet?  Poor  little  Mrs.  Gregg! 
Of  course  it's  a  great  promotion  for  her  and  she's 
naturally    a   bit   above   herself.     But  no   one   would 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  129 

dream  of  asking  you  to  present  a  bouquet.  We  have 
far  too  high  a  respect  for  Mr.  Ford's  position." 

"  I  think,"  said  Mrs.  Ford,  "  that  I  ought  to  have 
been  consulted." 

"  Didn't  you  get  my  letter?  " 

*'  I  orot  no  letter  whatever.     The  first  news  I  had 

o 

of  his  Excellency's  intention  of  visiting  Ballymoy 
came  to  me  from  that  Mrs.  Gregg  half  an  hour  ago, 
when  she  rushed  into  my  drawing-room  with  her  hair 
tumbling  about  her  ears " 

"  That's  the  worst  of  Doyle.  He  means  well,  but 
he's  frightfully  careless." 

*'  What  has  Mr.  Doyle  to  do  with  it  ?  " 

*'  I  gave  him  the  letter  to  post.  Did  you  really 
not  get  it?" 

"  I  got  no  letter  whatever." 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  must  have  thought  of  us. 
I  don't  know  what  Mr.  Ford  must  have  thought.  I 
don't  know  how  to  apologise.     But  the  first  thing  we 

did,  the  very  first Mrs.  Gregg  and  the  bouquet  were 

a  mere  afterthought,  we  just  tacked  her  on  to  the  pro- 
gramme so  that  the  poor  little  woman  wouldn't  feel 
out  of  it.  She  is  a  silly  little  thing,  you  know.  Not 
more  than  a  child  after  all.  It  was  better  to  humour 
her." 

"  What  was  in  the  letter  w^hich  you  say  you 
posted?"  said  Mrs.  Ford. 

"  I  didn't  say  I  posted  it.  I  said  Doyle  forgot  to. 
It's  in  his  pocket  at  this  moment,  I  expect." 

"What  was  in  it?" 


130  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Can  you  ask  ?  There  is  only  one  thing  which 
could  possibly  be  in  it.  It  expresses  the  unanimous 
wish  of  the  committee — the  reception  committee,  you 
know — Major  Kent's  on  it — that  you  should  present  an 
illuminated  address  of  welcome  to  His  Excellency." 

"  If  such  a  letter  were  really  written " 

*'  My  dear  Mrs.  Ford !  But  I  don't  ask  you  to  take 
my  word  for  it.  Just  walk  straight  into  Ballymoy 
yourself.  EH  stay  here  till  you  come  back.  Go  into 
the  hotel.  You'll  find  Doyle  in  his  own  room  drink- 
ing whisky  and  water  with  Thady  Gallagher.  Don't 
say  a  word  to  him.  Don't  ask  him  whether  he  was 
given  a  letter  or  not.  Simply  put  your  hand  into  his 
breast  pocket  and  take  it  out." 

*'  Thank  you,"  said  Mrs.  Ford.  "  I  do  not  care  to 
have  anything  to  do  with  Mr.  Doyle  when  he  is  drunk." 

"  He  won't  be.  Not  at  this  hour.  It  takes  a  lot 
to  make  Doyle  drunk." 

"  When  the  letter  arrives,  if  it  ever  does,  I  shall 
consult  Mr.  Ford  as  to  what  answer  I  shall  give." 

"  I  can  tell  you  what  he'll  say  beforehand,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady.  "  He'll  realise  the  importance  of  the 
illuminated  address.  He'll  understand  that  it's  the 
thing  and  that  the  bouquet " 

"Good-bye,  Dr.  O'Grady,"  said  Mrs.  Ford. 

The  doctor  mounted  his  bicycle.  His  face  was  very 
nearly  as  purple  as  Mrs.  Ford's.  He  had,  with  the 
greatest  difficulty  survived  a  crisis.  He  rode  at  top 
speed  into  Ballymoy,  and  dismounted,  vety  hot,  at  the 
door  of  the  hotel.     It  was  shut.     He  ran  round  to  the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  131 

back  of  the  house  and  entered  the  yard.  Constable 
Moriarty  and  Mary  Ellen  were  sitting  side  by  side 
on  the  wall  of  the  pig-stye.  They  were  sitting  very 
close  together.  Moriarty  was  whistling  "  Eileen  Allan- 
nah  "  softly  in  Mary  Ellen's  ear. 

"  Where's  Mr.  Doyle?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  As  regards  the  visit  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant," 
said  Constable  Moriarty  rousing  himself  and  moving 
a  little  bit  away  from  Mary  Ellen,  "  what  I  was  saying 
this  minute  to  Mary  Ellen  was " 

"Where's  Mr.  Doyle?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"He's  within,"  said  Mary  Ellen.  "Where  else 
would  he  be  ?  " 

"  As  regards  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said  Constable 
Moriarty,  "  and  seeing  that  ]Mary  Ellen  might  be  a 
near  friend  of  the  gentleman  that  the  statue's  for " 

Dr.  O'Grady  hurried  through  the  back  door.  He 
found  Doyle  sitting  over  account  books  in  his  private- 
room.  That  was  his  way  of  spending  Sunday  after- 
noon. 

"  A  sheet  of  notepaper,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Quick  now,  Doyle.  I  have  my  fountain  pen,  so 
don't  bother  about  ink." 

"  Where's  the  hurry  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  There's  every  hurry." 

He  wrote  rapidly,  folded  the  letter,  addressed  it  to 
Mrs.  Ford,  and  handed  it  to  Doyle. 

"  Put  that  in  your  trousers'  pocket,"  he  said,  "  and 
roll  it  round  a  few  times.  I  want  it  to  look  as  if  it 
had  been  there  for  two  or  three  days." 


132  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

**  What's  the  meaning  of  this  at  all  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  Now  get  your  hat.  Go  off  as  fast  as  you  can 
pelt  to  Mr.  Ford's  house.  Give  that  letter  to  the 
servant  and  tell  her  that  you  only  found  out  this 
afternoon  that  you'd  forgotten  to  post  it.'* 

"Will  you  tell  me ?" 

"  I'll  tell  you  nothing  till  you're  back.  Go  on  now, 
Doyle.  Go  at  once.  If  you  hurry  you'll  get  to  the 
house  before  she  does.  She  was  two  miles  out  of  the 
town  when  I  left  her  and  too  exhausted  to  walk  fast. 
But  if  you  do  meet  her  remember  that  you  haven't 
seen  me  since  yesterday.  Have  you  got  that  clear  in 
your  head?  Very  well.  Off  with  you.  And,  I  say, 
I  expect  the  letter  will  be  looking  all  right  when  you 
take  it  out  again,  but  if  it  isn't  just  rub  it  up  and 
down  the  front  of  your  trousers  for  a  while.  I  want  it 
to  be  brownish  and  a  good  deal  crumpled.  It  won't  do 
any  harm  if  you  blow  a  few  puffs  of  tobacco  over  it." 


CHAPTER  IX 

AN  hour  later  Doyle  entered  the  doctor's  consult- 
ing room. 

"  I  have  it  done,"  he  said.  "  I  done  what  you  bid 
me;  but  devil  such  a  job  ever  I  had  as  what  it  was." 
Doyle  had  evidently  suffered  from  some  strong  emo- 
tion, anger  perhaps,  or  terror.  He  felt  in  his  pocket 
as  he  spoke,  and,  finding  that  he  had  no  handkerchief, 
he  wiped  his  forehead  with  the  back  of  his  hand.  He 
looked  at  his  hand  afterwards  and  sighed.  The  hairs 
on  the  back  of  it  were  pasted  down  with  sweat. 
"  Have  you  such  a  thing  as  a  drop  of  anything  to 
drink  in  the  house?" 

"  I  have  not,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  how  could  I  ? 
Do  you  think  I've  lost  all  my  self-respect?  Is  it 
likely  I'd  order  another  bottle  of  whisky  out  of  your 
shop  when  you're  dunning  me  every  day  of  my  life 
for  the  price  of  the  last  I  got?  Tell  me  what 
happened  about  the  letter  ?  " 

Doyle  passed  a  parched  tongue  across  his  lips. 
The  inside  of  his  mouth  was  quite  dry.  Extreme 
nervous  excitement  often  produces  this  effect. 

"  If  it  was  even  a  cup  of  tea,"  he  said,  "  it  would 
be  better  than  nothing.     I've  a  terrible  thirst  on  me." 

133 


134  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Sorry,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  but  I've  no  tea  either. 
Not  a  grain  in  the  house  since  last  Friday.  I  hope 
this  will  be  a  lesson  to  you,  Doyle,  and  will  teach  you 
not  to  ballyrag  your  customers  in  future.  But  I 
don't  want  to  rub  it  in.     Get  on  with  your  story." 

*'  It  could  be,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  there'd  be  water 
in  your  pump.  I'm  not  sure  will  I  be  able  to  speak 
much  without  I  drink  something." 

"  The  pump's  all  right,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Just 
sit  where  you  are  for  a  moment  and  I'll  fetch  you  some 
water.  It  may  give  you  typhoid.  I  wouldn't  drink  it 
myself  without  boiling  it,  but  that's  your  look  out." 

He  left  the  moor  and  returned  a  few  minutes  later 
with  a  large  tumbler  of  cold  water.  Doyle  looked  at 
it  mournfully.  He  knew  perfectly  well  that  the 
doctor  had  both  whisky  and  tea  in  the  house,  but  he 
recognised  the  impossibility  of  getting  either  the  one 
or  the  other.     He  raised  the  glass  to  his  mouth. 

"  Glory  be  to  God,"  he  said,  "  but  it's  the  first  time 
I've  wetted  my  lips  with  the  same  this  twenty  years !  " 

"  It  will  do  you  a  lot  of  good  if  it  doesn't  give  you 
typhoid,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  How  did  you  get  so 
frightfully  thirsty?" 

The  question  was  natural.  Doyle  drank  the  whole 
tumbler  of  water  at  a  draught.  There  was  no  doubt 
that  he  had  been  very  thirsty. 

"  Will  you  tell  me  now,"  he  said,  "  what  had  that 
one  in  the  temper  she  was  in  ?  " 

"  Mrs.  Ford,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  ''  was  annoyed  be- 
cause she  thought  she  wasn't  going  to  be  given  a  chance 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  135 

of  making  herself  agreeable  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant." 

"  If  she  speaks  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said  Doyle, 
*'  after  the  fashion  she  was  speaking  to  me,  it's  likely 
that  she'll  not  get  the  chance  of  making  herself  agree- 
able to  him  a  second  time.  Devil  such  a  temper  I  ever 
saw  any  woman  in,  and  I've  seen  some  in  my  day." 

"  I  know  she'd  be  a  bit  savage.  I  hoped  you 
wouldn't  have  met  her." 

"  I  did  meet  her.  Wasn't  she  turning  in  at  the  gate 
at'  the  same  time  that  I  was  myself  ?  '  There's  a  letter 
here,  ma'am,'  says  I,  '  that  the  doctor  told  me  I  was  to 
give  to  you.'  '  I  suppose  it  was  half  an  hour  ago,' 
said  she,  '  that  he  told  you  that.'  Well,  I  pulled  the 
letter  out  of  my  pocket,  and  I  gave  it  a  rub  along  the 
side  of  my  pants  the  same  as  you  told  me.  *  I  suppose 
you're  doing  that,'  said  she,  '  to  put  some  dirt  on  it, 
to  make  it  look,'  said  she,  ^  as  if  it  had  been  in  your 
pocket  a  week.'  " 

"  You  wouldn't  think  to  look  at  her  that  she  was 
so  cute,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.     "What  did  you  say?" 

"  I  said  nothing  either  good  or  bad,"  said  Doyle, 
"  only  that  it  was  to  get  the  dirt  off  the  letter,  and 
not  to  be  putting  it  on  that  I  was  giving  it  a  bit  of  a 
rub.  Well,  she  took  the  letter  and  she  opened  it. 
Then  she  looked  me  straight  in  the  face.  '  When  did 
you  get  this  letter  from  the  doctor  ? '  says  she.  So  I 
told  her  it  was  last  Friday  you  give  it  to  me,  and  that 
I  hadn't  seen  you  since,  and  didn't  care  a  great  deal  if 
I  never  seen  you  again.  '  You  impudent  blackguard,' 
says  she,  '  the  Otter's  not  an  hour  written.     The  ink's 


136  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

not  more  than  just  dry  on  it  yet.'  '  Tm  surprised,'  said 
I,  *  that  it's  that  much  itself.  It's  dripping  wet  I'd 
expect  it  to  be  with  the  sweat  I'm  in  this  minute  on 
account  of  the  way  I've  run  to  give  it  to  you.'  " 

"  Good,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  ''  If  there  was  a  drop 
of  whisky  in  the  house  I'd  give  it  to  you.  I'll  look 
in  a  minute.  There  might  be  some  left  in  the  bottom 
of  the  bottle.  A  man  who  can  tell  a  lie  like  that  on 
the  spur  of  the  moment " 

"  It  was  true  enough  about  the  sweat,"  said  Doyle. 
"  You  could  have  wrung  my  shirt  into  a  bucket, 
though  it  wasn't  running  did  it,  for  I  didn't  run. 
It  was  the  way  she  was  looking  at  me.  I'm  not  overly 
fond  of  Mr.  Ford,  and  never  was ;  but  I  don't  know 
did  ever  I  feel  as  sorry  for  any  man  as  I  did  for 
him  when  she  was  looking  at  me." 

The  doctor  rose  and  took  a  bottle  of  whisky  from 
the  cupboard  in  the  corner  of  the  room.  There  was 
enough  in  it  to  give  Doyle  a  satisfactory  drink  and 
still  to  leave  some  for  the  doctor  himself.  He  got 
another  tumbler  and  two  bottles  of  soda  water. 

"  You  needn't  be  opening  one  of  them  for  me," 
said  Doyle,  "  I  have  as  much  water  drunk  already  as 
would  drown  all  the  whisky  you  have  in  the  bottle. 
What  I  take  now  I'll  take  plain." 

*'  She  may  be  a  bit  sceptical  about  the  letter,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  "  but  I  expect  when  she's  talked  it 
over  with  Ford  she'll  see  the  sense  of  presenting  the 
illuminated  address." 

"  Is  it  that  one  present  the  address  ?    Believe  you 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  137 

me,  doctor,  if  she  does  the  Lord-Lieutenant  won't 
be  incHned  for  giving  us  the  pier.  The  look  of  her 
would  turn  a  barrel  of  porter  sour." 

"  She'll  look  quite  different,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  when  the  time  comes.  After  all,  Ford  has  to  make 
the  best  of  his  opportunities  like  the  rest  of  us.  He 
can't  afford  to  allow  his  wife  to  scowl  at  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant." 

"  Was  there  no  one  else  about  the  place,  only  her  ?  " 
said  Doyle. 

"  There  were  others,  of  course ;  but — the  fact  is, 
Doyle,  if  we  got  her  back  up  at  the  start  her  husband 
would  have  written  letters  to  Dublin  Castle  crabbing 
the  whole  show.  Those  fellows  up  there  place  extraor- 
dinary confidence  in  resident  magistrates.  They'd 
have  been  much  more  inclined  to  believe  him  than 
either  you  or  me.  If  Ford  was  to  set  to  work  to  spoil 
our  show  we'd  probably  not  have  got  the  Lord-Lieu- 
tenant down  here  at  all.  That's  why  I  was  so  keen 
on  your  getting  the  letter  to  her  at  once,  and  leaving 
her  under  the  impression  that  you'd  had  it  in  your 
pocket  for  two  days." 

"  Devil  the  sign  of  believing  any  such  thing  there 
was  about  her  when  I  left." 

"  She  may  come  to  believe  it  later  on,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  when  she  and  Ford  have  had  time  to  talk 
the  whole  thing  over  together." 

The  doctor's  servant  came  into  the  room  while  he 
spoke. 

"  Constable  Moriarty  is  outside  at  the  door,""  she 


138  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

said,  "  and  he's  wishing  to  speak  with  you.  There's 
a  young  woman  along  with  him." 

"  Mary   Ellen,   I   expect,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  He's  upset  in  his  mind  about  that  same  Mary 
Ellen,"  said  Doyle,  "  ever  since  he  heard  she  was 
the  niece  of  the  General.  It's  day  and  night  he's 
round  the  hotel  whistling  all  sorts  and " 

"  You  told  me  all  about  that  before,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  ''  Bring  him  in,  Bridgy,  bring  in  the  pair 
of  them,  and  let's  hear  what  it  is  they  want." 

Constable  Moriarty  entered  the  room,  followed  at  a 
little  distance  by  Mary  Ellen.  He  led  her  forward, 
and  set  her  in  front  of  Dr.  O'Grady.  He  looked  very 
much  as  Touchstone  must  have  looked  when  he  pre- 
sented the  rustic  Audrey  to  the  exiled  Duke  as  ''  a 
poor  virgin,  sir,  an  ill-favoured  thing,  sir,  but  mine 
own." 

"  If  you  want  a  marriage  license,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  you've  come  to  the  wrong  man.  Go  up 
to  Father  McCormack." 

"  I  do  not  want  a  marriage  license,"  said  Constable 
Moriarty,  "  for  I'm  not  long  enough  in  the  force  to 
get  leave  to  marry.  And  to  do  it  without  leave  is 
what  I  wouldn't  care  to  risk." 

"  If  you  don't  want  to  marry  her,"  said  Doyle,  "  I'd 
be  glad  if  you'd  let  her  alone  the  way  she'd  be  able 
to  do  her  work.  It's  upsetting  her  mind  you  are  with 
the  way  you're  going  on." 

"  Is  it  true  what  they  tell  me,"  said  Moriarty, 
"  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant's  coming  to  the  town  ?  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  139 

"  I  think  we  may  say  it  is  true,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

''  To  open  the  statue  you're  putting  up  to  the 
General  ?  " 

"  '  Open '  isn't  the  word  used  about  statues,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  "  but  you've  got  the  general  idea  right 
enough." 

"  What  I  was  saying  to  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Moriarty, 
"  is  that  seeing  as  she's  the  niece  of  the  General " 

"  She's  no  such  thing,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  well  you 
know  it." 

**  The  doctor  has  it  put  out  about  her  that  she  is," 
said  Moriarty,  "  and  Mary  Ellen's  well  enough  con- 
tent.    Aren't  you,  Mary  Ellen  ?  " 

"  I  am  surely,"  said  Mary  Ellen.  "  Why  wouldn't 
I?" 

"Look  here,  Moriarty,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "if 
you've  got  any  idea  into  your  head  that  there's  a 
fortune  either  large  or  small  coming  to  Mary  Ellen 
out  of  this  business  you're  making  a  big  mistake." 

"  I  wasn't  thinking  any  such  thing,"  said  Moriarty. 
"Don't  I  know  well  enough  it's  only  talk?" 

"  It  will  be  as  much  as  we  can  possibly  do,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  "  to  pay  for  the  statue  and  the  incidental 
expenses.  Pensioning  off  Mary  Ellen  afterwards  Is 
simply  out  of  the  question." 

"  Let  alone  that  she  doesn't  deserve  a  pension," 
said  Doyle,  "  and  wouldn't  get  one  if  we  were  wading 
up  to  our  knees  in  sovereigns." 

"  So  you  may  put  it  out  of  your  head  that  Mary 
Ellen  will  make  a  penny  by  it,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 


I40  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  It  wasn't  that  I  was  thinking  of  at  all,"  said 
Moriarty,  "  for  I  know  you  couldn't  do  it.  My 
notion — what  I  was  saying  to  Mary  Ellen  a  minute 
ago — is  that  if  the  Lord-Lieutenant  was  to  be  told — 
at  the  time  that  he'd  be  looking  at  the  statue — when- 
ever that  might  be — that  Mary  Ellen  was  the  niece  of 
the  General " 

"If  you're  planning  out  a  regular  court  presentation 
for  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  the  thing  can't 
be  done.  No  one  here  is  in  a  position  to  present  any- 
one else  because  we  have  none  of  us  been  presented 
ourselves.  Besides,  it  wouldn't  be  the  least  use  to 
her  if  she  was  presented.  The  Lord-Lieutenant 
wouldn't  take  her  on  as  an  upper  housemaid  or  any- 
thing of  that  sort  merely  because  she'd  been  presented 
to  him  as  General  John  Regan's  niece." 

"  It  wasn't  a  situation  for  Mary  Ellen  I  was  think- 
ing of,"  said  Moriarty. 

**  In  the  name  of  God,"  said  Doyle,  "  will  you  tell 
us  what  it  is  you  have  in  your  mind  ?  " 

"  What  I  was  thinking,"  said  Moriarty,  "  was  that 
if  the  matter  was  represented  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
in  a  proper  manner — -about  Mary  Ellen  being  the 
General's  niece  and  all  to  that — he  might,  maybe,  see 
his  way  to  making  me  a  sergeant.  It  was  that  I 
was  saying  to  you,  Mary  Ellen,  wasn't  it,  now  ?  " 

"  It  was,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  The  idea  of  trotting  out  Mary  Ellen  on  the 
occasion  isn't  at  all  a  bad  one,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  I'll  see  what  can  be  done  about  it." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  141 

"  I'm  obliged  to  you,"  said  Moriarty. 

"  But  I  don't  promise  that  you'll  be  made  a  sergeant, 
mind  that  now." 

"  Sure  I  know  you  couldn't  promise  that,"  said 
Moriarty.  "  But  you'll  do  the  best  you  can.  Come 
along  now,  Mary  Ellen.  It's  pretty  near  time  for 
me  to  be  going  on  patrol,  and  the  sergeant  will  check 
me  if  I'm  late." 

"  There's  something  in  that  idea  of  Moriarty's,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  when  he  and  Doyle  were  alone 
again. 

"  I  don't  see  what  good  will  come  of  it,"  said  Doyle, 
*'  and  I'm  doubting  whether  Thady  Gallagher  will  be 
pleased.  Mary  Ellen's  mother  was  a  cousin  of  his 
own." 

"  She's  a  good-looking  girl,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  If  we  had  her  cleaned  up  a  bit  and  a  nice  dress  put 
on  her  she'd  look  rather  well  standing  at  the  foot  of 
the  statue.  I  expect  the  Lord-Lieutenant  would  be 
pleased  to  see  her." 

"  And  who'd  be  getting  the  lunch  for  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant,"  said  Doyle,  "  when  Mary  Ellen  would 
be  playing  herself?" 

"  We'll  get  someone  to  manage  the  lunch  all  right. 
The  great  thing  for  us  is  to  be  sure  of  making  a  good 
general  impression  on  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  and  I 
think  Mary  Ellen  would  help.  I  daresay  you've  never 
noticed  it,  Doyle — it  would  be  hard  for  you  when  she 
will  not  wash  her  face — but  she  really  is  a  good-look- 
ing girl.     The  Lord-Lieutenant  will  want  something 


142  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

of  the  sort  to  look  at  after  he's  faced  Mrs.  Ford  and 
her  illuminated  address.     She's  not  exactly " 

"  The  man  that  would  run  away  with  that  one,"  said 
Doyle  vindictively,  ''  would  do  it  in  the  dark  if  he  did 
it  at  all." 

"  Besides,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  we  ought  to  think 
of  poor  little  Mary  Ellen  herself.  It'll  be  a  great  day 
for  her,  and  she'll  enjoy  having  a  new  dress." 

**  Who's  to  pay  for  the  dress?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  The  dress  will  be  paid  for  out  of  the  general  funds. 
I'll  ask  Mrs.  Gregg  to  see  about  having  it  made. 
She  has  remarkably  good  taste.  I'll  tell  her  not  to  get 
anything  very  expensive,  so  you  need  not  worry  about 
that.  And  now,  Doyle,  unless  there's  anything  else 
you  want  to  settle  with  me  at  once,  I  think  I'll  write 
our  invitation  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant." 

"  It  would  be  well  if  you  did,"  said  Doyle,  "  so 
as  we'd  know  whether  he's  coming  or  not." 

"  Oh,  he'll  come.  If  he  boggles  at  it  at  all  I'll  go 
up  to  Dublin  and  see  him  myself.  A  short  verbal  ex- 
planation      We'll      let      him      choose     his     own 

date." 

Doyle  lit  his  pipe  and  walked  back  to  the  hotel. 
He  found  Thady  Gallagher  waiting  for  him  in  his 
private  room. 

"  What's  this  I'm  after  hearing,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  about  the  Lord-Lieutenant  ?  " 

"  He's  coming  down  here,"  said  Doyle,  "  to  open 
the  new  statue." 

He   spoke   firmly,   for  he  detected  a  note  of  dis- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  143 

pleasure  in  the  tone  in  which  Thady  Gallagher  asked 
this  question. 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Gallagher,  '*  would  I  be  alto- 
gether in  favour  of  that." 

'*  And  why  not?  Mustn't  there  be  someone  to  open 
it?    And  mightn't  it  as  well  be  him  as  another?  " 

"  It  might  not  as  well  be  him." 

"  Speak  out,  Thady,  what  have  you  against  the 
man?" 

*'  I'm  a  good  Nationalist,"  said  Gallagher,  "  and 
I  always  was,  and  my  father  before  me  was  the  same." 

"  I'm  that  myself,"  said  Doyle. 

"  And  I'm  opposed  to  flunkeyism,  whether  it's  the 
flunkeyism  of  the  rent  office  or " 

"  Well  and  if  you  are,  isn't  it  the  same  with  all 
of  us?" 

"  What  I .  say  is  this,"  said  Gallagher,  "  as  long  as 
the  people  of  Ireland  is  denied  the  inalienable  right  of 
managing  their  own  affairs  I'd  be  opposed  to  welcom- 
ing into  our  midst  the  emissaries  of  Dublin  Castle, 
and  I'd  like  to  know,  so  I  would,  what  the  people  of 
this  locality  will  be  saying  to  the  man  that's  false  to 
his  principles  and  goes  back  on  the  dearest  aspirations 
of  our  hearts  ?  " 

He  glared  quite  fiercely  while  he  spoke,  but  Doyle 
remained  serenely  unimpressed. 

"Talk  sense  now,  Thady,"  he  said.  "  Nobody'll 
say  a  word  without  it'd  be  yourself  and  you  making 
a  speech  at  the  time.  It's  for  the  good  of  the  town 
that  we're  getting  him  down  here." 


144  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

'*  What  good  ?  "  said  Gallagher,  *'  tell  me  that  now. 
What  good  will  come  of  the  like  ?  " 

Doyle  was  unwilling  to  confide  the  whole  pier  scheme 
to  Gallagher.  He  contented  himself  with  a  vague 
reply. 

"  There's  many  a  thing/'  he  said,  "  that  would  be 
for  the  good  of  the  town  that  might  be  got  if  it  was 
represented  properly  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant." 

"  If  I  thought  that,"  said  Gallagher,  "  I  might " 

He  was  in  a  difficult  position.  He  did  not  want  to 
quarrel  with  Doyle,  who  provided  him  with  a  good 
deal  of  bottled  porter,  but  he  did  not  want  to  identify 
himself  with  a  public  welcome  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant, 
because  he  had  hopes  of  becoming  a  Member  of  Par- 
liament. The  idea  of  conferring  a  benefit  on  the  town 
attracted  him  as  offering  a  way  out  of  his  difficulty. 

"  I   might "   he   repeated   slowly.     "  I   wouldn't 

say  but  it's  possible  that  I  might." 

"  And  you  will,"  said  Doyle  soothingly,  "  you  will." 

"  I'll  not  be  a  party  to  any  address  of  welcome  from 
the  Urban  District  Council,"  said  Gallagher. 

*'  We  wouldn't  ask  it  of  you.  Doesn't  everybody 
know  that  you  wouldn't  consent  to  it  ?  " 

"  It's  the  Major  put  you  up  to  it,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  It  was  not  then." 

"  If  it  wasn't  him  it  was  Mr.  Ford,  the  R.M." 

"If  you'd  seen  Mrs.  Ford  when  she  heard  of  it," 
said  Doyle,  *'  you  wouldn't  be  saying  that.  Tell  me 
this  now,  Thady.     Have  you  your  speech  ready  for 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  145 

the  meeting  on  Tuesday?  Everybody's  saying  you'll 
be  making  a  grand  one." 

*'  I  haven't  it  what  you'd  call  rightly  ready,"  said 
Gallagher,  ''  but  I  have  it  so  as  it  will  be  ready  when 
the  time  comes." 

"  It's  you  the  people  will  be  wanting  to  hear,"  said 
Doyle.  "  It's  you  they'd  rather  be  listening  to  than 
any  other  one  even  if  he  was  a  member  of  Parliament. 
It's  my  opinion,  Thady,  and  there's  more  than  me  that 
says  it — ^it's  my  opinion  there's  better  men  that  isn't 
in  Parliament  than  some  that  is.  I'll  say  no  more 
presently ;  but  some  day  I'll  be  doing  more  than  say  it.'* 


CHAPTER  X 

THE  public  meeting  was  a  very  great  success,  in 
spite  of  the  absence  of  the  Members  of  Parlia- 
ment, who  certainly  gave  poor  value  for  their  salaries. 
The  town  band,  headed  by  young  Kerrigan,  who 
played  the  comet,  paraded  the  streets  for  half-an- 
hour  before  the  meeting.  It  played  "  The  Bonnie, 
Bonnie  Banks  of  Loch  Lomond "  three  times  over, 
*'  The  Boys  of  Wexford  "  twice,  and  "  God  Save  Ire- 
land "  four  times.  This  served  to  remind  the  people 
that  something  of  an  interesting  and  patriotic  kind  was 
going  to  happen.  A  band  is  much  more  effective  in 
attracting  public  attention  than  a  town  crier,  and  it 
ought,  one  may  suppose,  to  arrange  a  kind  of  code  of 
tunes  by  means  of  which  people  would  be  able  to  tell 
at  once  without  verbal  inquiry  what  sort  of  event  was 
intended.  For  an  auction  of  household  furniture,  for 
instance,  a  thing  which  takes  place  when  a  family 
leaves  the  locality,  the  band  might  play  "  The  Harp 
that  Once  Through  Tara's  Halls."  Everybody  would 
recognise  the  appropriateness  of  the  words  about  the 
banquet  hall  deserted,  and  the  departure  of  the  people 
who  had  used  it.  For  the  other  kind  of  auction,  that 
at  which  the  cows  of  men  who  refuse  to  pay  their  rents 
are  sold,  "  God  Save  Ireland,"  would  be  suitable,  and 

146 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  147 

anyone  who  heard  it  would  know  that  though  he 
might  attend  the  auction  he  had  better  not  bid.  An 
ingenious  musician  would  have  no  difficulty  in  finding 
tunes  which  would  suggest  the  presentation  of  illu- 
minated addresses  to  curates  or  bank  managers.  Meet- 
ings convened  for  the  purpose  of  expressing  confi- 
dence in  the  Members  of  Parliament,  of  either  the 
Nationalist  or  the  Unionist  parties,  would  naturally 
be  announced  by  a  performance  of  Handel's  fine  song 
''  Angels  ever  Bright  and  Fair."  There  might  be  a 
difficulty  about  unusual  events  like  the  erection  of 
statues,  but  a  tune  might  be  kept  for  them  which 
would  at  all  events  warn  people  not  to  expect  an  auc- 
tion, a  presentation  or  a  political  meeting. 

Nearly  half  the  people  who  were  doing  business  in 
the  fair  assembled  at  three  o'clock  in  the  square  out- 
side Doyle's  hotel.  According  to  the  estimate  printed 
afterwards  in  the  Connacht  Eagle  there  were  more 
than  two  thousand  persons  present.  Of  these  at  least 
twenty  listened  to  all  the  speeches  that  were  made. 
The  number  of  those  who  heard  parts  of  some  of  the 
speeches  was  much  larger,  amounting  probably  to 
sixty,  for  there  was  a  good  deal  of  coming  and  going, 
of  moving  in  and  out  of  the  group  round  the  speakers. 
The  rest  of  the  audience  stood  about  in  various  parts 
of  the  square.  Men  talked  to  each  other  on  the  inter- 
esting questions  of  the  price  of  cattle  and  the  prospects 
of  a  change  in  the  weather.  Women  stood  together 
with  parcels  in  their  hands  and  looked  at  each  other 
without  talking  at  all.     But  everyone  was  so  far  in- 


148  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

terested  in  the  speeches  as  to  join  in  the  cheers  when 
anything  which  ought  to  be  cheered  was  said.  The 
twenty  stalwart  Hsteners  who  stood  out  all  the  speeches 
attended  to  what  was  said  and  started  the  cheers  at 
the  proper  moments.  The  stragglers  who,  hearing 
only  a  sentence  or  two  now  and  then,  were  liable  to 
miss  points,  took  up  the  cheers  which  were  started. 
The  mass  of  the  men,  those  who  were  talking  about 
cattle,  very  courteously  stopped  their  conversations  and 
joined  in  whenever  they  heard  a  cheer  beginning. 
There  was,  so  Gallagher  said  in  the  next  issue  of  the 
Connacht  Eagle,  an  unmistakable  and  most  impressive 
popular  enthusiasm  for  General  John  Regan. 

Father  McCormack,  standing  on  a  chair  borrowed 
from  Doyle's  Hotel,  opened  the  proceedings.  He  said 
that  Ireland  had  always  been  famed  for  its  hospitality 
to  strangers  and  its  courtesy  to  women.  He  hoped 
that  it  always  would  be.  Looking  round  on  the  faces 
of  the  men  gathered  in  front  of  him,  he  felt  quite  cer- 
tain that  it  always  would  be.  Mr.  Billing,  who  was 
to  address  the  meeting  that  day,  was  a  stranger,  a  very- 
distinguished  stranger,  one  whose  name  was  a  house- 
hold word  wherever  the  deeds  of  General  John  Regan 
were  remembered,  one  whose  name  would  be  still 
better  known  when  his  forthcoming  life  of  the  General 
appeared.  He  was  proud  and  pleased  to  extend  to 
Mr.  Billing  on  behalf  of  the  audience  a  hearty  Caed 
Mille  Failthe.  He  hoped  that  Mr.  Billing  would  carry 
back  with  him  a  pleasant  recollection  of  Irish  hospi- 
tality when  he  returned  to 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  149 

Here  Father  McCormack  hesitated  and  looked 
round.  Dr.  O'Grady,  who  was  standing  behind  him 
whispered  the  word  "  Bolivia."  Father  McCormack 
repeated  the  word  "  Bolivia "  aloud  and  everybody 
cheered.  Father  McCormack  moistened  his  lips  and 
went  on  to  say  that  Mr.  Billing  was  not  a  woman,  but 
Irish  courtesy,  though  always  extended  to  women,  was 
not  confined  to  women.  In  the  name  of  the  audience 
he  promised  Mr.  Billing  some  Irish  courtesy. 

A  further  reference  to  Mr.  Billing's  literary  work 
gave  Father  McCormack  an  opportunity  of  warning 
his  audience  against  Sunday  newspapers  published  in 
England,  which,  he  said,  reeked  of  the  gutter  and  were 
horribly  subversive  of  faith  and  morals.  Ireland,  he 
added,  had  newspapers  of  her  own  which  no  one  need 
be  ashamed  or  afraid  to  read.  As  an  evidence  of  the 
confidence  he  felt  in  the  elevating  character  of  Irish 
newspapers  he  called  upon  Mr.  Thaddeus  Gallagher, 
the  distinguished  editor  of  the  Connacht  Eagle,  to  ad- 
dress the  meeting.  Then  with  the  assistance  of  Dr. 
O'Grady,  he  stepped  off  the  chair.  Having  reached 
the  ground  safely  he  sat  down  on  the  chair.  He  had 
a  perfect  right  to  do  this  because  he  was  chairman  of 
the  meeting;  but  a  slight  delay  followed.  Another 
chair  had  to  be  brought  from  the  hotel  for  Gallagher 
to  stand  on. 

Gallagher's  speech  was  an  eloquent  paraphrase  of 
the  leading  article  which  Dr.  O'Grady  had  written  for 
him  the  previous  week.  Once  or  twice  he  broke 
away  from  his  original  and  said  some  very  good  things 


150  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

about  the  land  question  and  Home  Rule.  But  he  al- 
ways got  back  to  Emmet,  O'Connell,  or  one  of  the 
other  patriots  mentioned  by  Dr.  O'Grady.  Now  and 
then,  in  a  very  loud  tone,  he  said  the  name  of  General 
John  Regan.  Whenever  he  did  so  the  audience  was 
greatly  pleased.  He  ended  by  announcing  the  names 
of  the  gentlemen  who  were  to  form  "  The  Statue 
Committee."  Father  McCormack  came  first  on  the 
list.  Mr.  Billing  was  second.  Major  Kent,  Dr. 
O'Grady,  Doyle  and  Gallagher  himself  made  up  the 
number.  He  said  that  it  was  unnecessary  for  him  to 
say  anything  about  the  fitness  of  these  gentlemen  for 
the  high  and  responsible  position  to  which  they  were 
being  elected  by  the  unanimous  voice  of  their  fellow 
countrymen. 

Gallagher  descended  from  his  perch,  but  he  was  not 
allowed  to  sit  down.  He  wanted  to,  because  sitting 
down  is  a  far  more  dignified  way  of  ending  a  speech 
than  slouching  into  the  background.  It  was  Doyle 
who  interfered  with  him. 

"  Get  up  out  of  that,  Thady,"  he  said.  "  Don't  you 
know  the  chair's  wanted  for  the  American  gentleman  ? 
How  is  he  to  make  a  speech  if  you  don't  give  him 
something  to  stand  on?" 

Gallagher,  who  had  not  actually  succeeded  in  sit- 
ting down,  left  his  chair  with  a  protest. 

"  It  would  suit  you  better  to  be  getting  another 
chair,"  he  said. 

"  It  would  not,"  said  Doyle.  "  Would  you  have  all 
the  chairs  that's  in  it  brought  out  to  the  street  ?  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  151 

Mr.  Billing  stood  up  and  smiled  pleasantly.  Father 
McCormack's  exhortation  had  its  effect.  More  than 
forty  people  gathered  to  hear  what  the  stranger  had 
to  say.  This  was  courtesy.  The  hospitality,  it  was 
presumed,  had  already  been  shown  by  Doyle.  Gal- 
lagher, who  still  had  hopes  of  finding  out  something 
about  General  John  Regan,  and  Dr.  O'Grady,  who  was 
equally  anxious  to  hear  the  speech,  leaned  forward 
eagerly.  Father  McCormack  crossed  his  legs  and 
settled  himself  as  comfortably  as  possible  in  his 
chair. 

Mr.  Billing  proved  a  disappointment  as  a  speaker. 
The  substance  of  what  he  said  was  quite  admirable, 
but  he  only  spoke  for  five  minutes.  Now  an  audience, 
even  if  it  is  not  listening  and  does  not  want  to  listen, 
is  apt  to  complain  that  it  is  treated  with  a  want  of 
respect  if  a  speaker  gives  it  no  more  than  five  minutes. 

"  I  reckon,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  that  what's  required 
of  me  is  not  oratory  but  dollars." 

This  was  true  but  nude.  In  Ireland  we  have  a 
sure  instinct  in  such  matters,  and  we  know  that  the 
nude  is  never  decent.  We  like  everything,  especially 
Truth,  to  have  clothes  on. 

"  Five  hundred  dollars  is  the  amount  that  Vm  pre- 
pared to  hand  over  to  your  treasurer.  As  I  under- 
stand, gentlemen,  your  doctor  has  secured  the  services 
of  the  Lord-Lieutenant  of  Ireland  to  unveil  the  statue. 
We  don't  figure  much  on  fancy  titles  on  our  side,  but 
I  guess  it's  different  here,  and  your  doctor  is  a  smart 
man.    I  may  not  see  that  Lord-Lieutenant,  gentle- 


152  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

men,  and  I  may  not  see  the  statue.  I  shall  be  re- 
searching in  the  principal  libraries  of  the  continent  of 
Europe  for  documents  bearing  on  the  life  of  the  great 
general.  Whether  I  am  here  or  not  will  depend  on 
the  date  which  that  Lord-Lieutenant  and  your  doctor 
fix  up  between  them.  But  I'll  be  along  for  the  occa- 
sion if  I  can." 

The  first  sentence  of  Mr.  Billing's  speech  was  in- 
decently nude.  The  remainder  of  it  was  offensively 
bald.  There  was  once  an  elderly  and  cantankerous 
farm  labourer  who  complained  that  he  could  not  hear 
the  curate  when  he  preached.  He  was  on  the  next 
occasion  set  in  the  forefront  of  the  congregation  and 
the"  curate  spoke  directly  into  his  ear.  The  old  man 
was  unable  to  say  that  he  did  not  hear,  but  he  main- 
tained an  aggrieved  attitude.  *'  I  heard  him,"  he  com- 
plained afterwards,  "  but  what  good  was  it  to  me  ? 
What  I  want  is  to  have  the  Gospel  druv  well  home  to 
my  soul."  The  feeling  of  most  audiences  is  very 
much  the  same  as  his  was.  Unadorned  statements  of 
fact,  or  what  is  meant  to  be  taken  as  fact,  do  not 
satisfy  them.  They  like  to  have  something,  fact  or 
fiction,  driven  thunderously  home  into  their  souls. 
The  only  one  of  Mr.  Billing's  hearers  who  was  thor- 
oughly well  satisfied  with  his  speech  was  Doyle.  The 
statement  that  five  hundred  dollars  were  to  be  handed 
over  to  him  was,  in  his  judgment,  of  more  value  than 
many  resonant  periods. 

But  the  Irish  courtesy,  praised  by  Father  McCor- 
mack,  prevailed  against  the  general  feeling  of   dis- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  153 

appointment.  When  Mr.  Billing  ceased  speaking 
there  was  a  moment  of  doubtful  silence.  No  one 
quite  realised  that  he  had  really  stopped.  He  had  in- 
deed descended  from  his  chair,  and,  except  for  the 
top  of  his  head,  was  invisible  to  most  of  the  audience. 
But  everyone  expected  him  to  get  up  again  and  start 
fresh.  It  seemed  quite  incredible  that  a  public 
speaker,  with  an  audience  ready  found  for  him,  could 
possibly  throw  away  a  valuable  opportunity  and  con- 
tent himself  with  a  simple  five  minutes  of  plain  talk. 
It  was  not  until  Father  McCormack  rose  from  his 
chair  with  a  sigh  and  began  to  make  his  way  towards 
his  presbytery  that  the  people  understood  that  the 
meeting  was  really  at  an  end.  Then  they  cheered 
quite  heartily.  Mr.  Billing  crossed  the  square  and 
walked  over  towards  the  hotel.  He  smiled  and  nodded 
right  and  left  as  he  went.  An  outburst  of  cheering 
pursued  him  through  the  door. 

Sergeant  Colgan  and  Constable  Moriarty  had  stood 
during  the  speeches  in  a  quiet  corner  near  their 
barrack.  When  Father  McCormack  went  home  and 
Mr.  Billing  entered  the  hotel,  they  marched  with  great 
dignity  up  and  down  through  the  people.  They 
looked  as  if  they  expected  someone  to  start  a  riot. 
It  is  the  duty  of  the  police  in  Ireland  on  all  occasions 
of  public  meetings  to  look  as  if  there  might  be  a  riot, 
and  as  if  they  are  quite  prepared  to  quell  it  when  it 
breaks  out.  It  is  in  this  way  that  they  justify  their 
existence  as  a  large  armed  force. 

Occasionally    Sergeant    Colgan    spoke    a    word   of 


154  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

kindly  advice  to  anyone  who  looked  as  if  he  had 
drunk  more  than  two  bottles  of  porter. 

*'  It  would  be  as  well  for  you,  Patsy,"  he  would 
say,  "  to  be  getting  along  home." 

Or,  "  I'm  thinking,  Timothy  John,  that  you'd  be 
better  this  minute  if  you  were  at  home." 

There  are  no  stronger  believers  in  the  value  of  the 
domestic  hearth  than  the  police.  They  always  want 
everyone  to  go  home. 

No  one,  least  of  all  the  individuals  who  received 
the  advice  personally,  was  inclined  to  leave  the  square. 
The  meeting  might  be  over,  but  there  was  still  hope  that 
young  Kerrigan  would  muster  the  town  band  again 
and  play  "  The  Bonnie,  Bonnie  Banks  of  Loch 
Lomond  "  once  or  twice  more.  He  did  not  do  so,  but 
the  waiting  people  were  rewarded  for  their  patience 
by  two  events  of  some  interest.  Mr.  Gregg  came  out 
of  the  barrack  and  crossed  the  square  rapidly.  He 
caught  Dr.  O'Grady  and  Major  Kent  just  as  they 
were  turning  to  follow  Mr.  Billing  into  the  hotel. 
Mr.  Gregg  was  in  uniform,  and  the  determined  way 
in  which  he  took  Dr.  O'Grady  by  the  arm  would  have 
made  most  people  uncomfortable.  It  is  not  pleasant, 
even  if  your  conscience  is  quite  clear,  to  be  grabbed 
suddenly  by  a  police  officer  in  the  middle  of  the  street. 
But  Dr.  O'Grady  did  not  seem  to  mind.  He  went, 
though  not  very  willingly,  with  Mr.  Gregg  into  the 
police  barrack.  Major  Kent  followed  them.  Several 
men,  perhaps  a  dozen,  drifted  across  the  square  to- 
wards the  barrack  door.     They  had  some  hope  of  find- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  155 

ing  out  what  Mr.  Gregg  wanted  with  the  doctor. 
They  were  not,  however,  given  the  opportunity  of 
peering  through  the  barrack  windows.  Sergeant  Col- 
gan  saw  them  in  good  time  and  dispersed  them  at 
once. 

"  Get  along  home  now  out  of  that,"  he  said,  ''  every 
one  of  yez." 

Then  another  event  of  great  interest  occurred.  Mr. 
BilHng  backed  his  large  motor-car  along  the  lane 
which  led  from  Doyle's  back  yard,  and  emerged  into 
the  square.  There  the  car  growled  angrily  while  he 
shifted  the  levers  and  twisted  the  steering  wheel. 
The  people  scattered  this  way  and  that  while  the 
machine,  darting  backwards  and  forwards,  was  grad- 
ually turned  round.  A  splendid  burst  of  cheering 
pursued  him  when  he  finally  sped  down  the  street 
and  disappeared.  It  was  understood  by  those  who 
heard  his  speech  that  he  had  gone  off  at  more  than 
twenty  miles  an  hour  to  ransack  the  great  European 
libraries  for  information  about  General  John  Regan. 
Everyone  felt  that  the  splendid  eagerness  of  his  de- 
parture reflected  a  glory  on  Ballymoy. 

Mr.  Gregg  led  Dr.  O'Grady  and  Major  Kent  into 
his  office.  He  shut  the  door,  offered  his  two  guests 
chairs,  and  then  lit  a  cigarette. 

"  It's  rather  an  awkward  business,"  he  said,  **  and 
perhaps  I  oughtn't  to  say  anything  about  it." 

"  If  it  hasn't  anything  to  do  with  me  personally," 
said  the  Major,  "  I  think  I'll  leave  you  and  the  doctor 


156  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

to  settle  it  together.  I  want  to  get  home  as  soon  as 
I  can." 

"  Well,  it  does  affect  you  more  or  less/'  said  Mr. 
Gregg.  "  But  of  course  you'll  regard  anything  I  say 
to  you  now  as  strictly  confidential." 

"  Out  with  it,  Gregg,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  know 
by  the  look  in  your  eye  that  you  can't  possibly  keep  it 
to  yourself,  whatever  it  is.  You're  simply  bursting  to 
tell  it,  whatever  it  is,  whether  we  promise  to  keep  it 
secret  or  not." 

"  All  the  same,"  said  Gregg,  "  it  wouldn't  suit  my 
book  to  have  it  generally  known  that  I  told  you. 
It  wouldn't  suit  at  all.  That  fellow  Ford  is  a  vindict- 
ive sort  of  beast." 

"  Oh,  it's  Ford,  is  it?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  was 
afraid  he  might  turn  nasty.  What  an  ass  he  is !  Why 
can't  he  see  that  we're  giving  him  the  chance  of  his 
life?" 

"  He's  doing  his  best  to  put  a  spoke  in  your  wheel, 
O'Grady." 

"  Has  he  got  anything  against  the  statue  ?  " 

"  Not  exactly  the  statue." 

"  Or  found  out  anything  discreditable  about  the 
General  ?  " 

The  doctor  asked  this  question  a  little  anxiously. 

"  No,"  said  Gregg,  "  I  don't  think  he  knows  a 
thing  about  the  General.  He  asked  me  this  morning 
who  he  was." 

"Look  here,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major.  "You'd 
far  better  drop  this  whole  business.     What's  the  good 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  157 

of  going  on  with  it?  A  joke's  a  joke  all  right,  but 
there's  no  use  pushing  things  too  far." 

*'  What  Ford's  trying  to  do/'  said  Gregg,  "  is  to  crab 
the  Lord-Lieutenant  part  of  the  business.  I  thought 
I'd  better  tell  you,  so  that  you'd  know  exactly  how 
things  stand." 

"  You've  not  told  me  much,  so  far,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.     "What's  Ford's  particular  line?" 

''  I  expect  he  has  more  than  one  card  up  his  sleeve," 
said  Gregg,  ''  but  what  he  said  to  me  this  morning  was 
that  you  couldn't  possibly  have  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
down  here  for  any  kind  of  public  function  unless " 

*'  Can't  I  ?  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady.     "  As  it  just  happens 

I  have  a  letter  in  my  pocket  this  minute .     It  came 

by  the  midday  post,  just  before  the  meeting,  and  I 
haven't  shown  it  to  anyone  yet.  He's  coming  this  day 
fortnight,  and  will  unveil  the  statue  with  the  greatest 
pleasure." 

''  That  settles  it,"  said  the  Major,  "  you'll  have  to 
drop  it  now,  whether  you  want  to  or  not.  You  can't 
possibly  have  a  statue  ready  by  this  day  fort- 
night." 

"  Ford's  point,"  said  Gregg—"  and  there's  some- 
thing in  it,  you  know — is  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
can't  attend  a  public  function  unless  *  God  Save  the 
King'  is  played  when  he  arrives.  He  simply  must 
have  that  tune  on  account  of  his  position.  That's 
what  Ford  says,  anyhow.  And  I'm  inclined  to  think 
he's  right.     It  always  is  played,  I  know." 

"  Well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  we'll  play  it." 


158  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  You  can't,"  said  the  Major.  ''  If  you  attempt  to 
get  the  town  band  to  play  '  God  Save  the  King ' " 

**  I  don't  think  you  can  really,"  said  Gregg.  '*  I 
know  you  have  a  lot  of  influence  with  these  fellows, 
but  that  blackguard  Gallagher  would  get  their  backs 
up  and " 

"  There'll  be  a  riot,"  said  the  Major. 

*'  There'll  be  no  riot  whatever,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  if  the  thing's  managed  properly." 

"  It's  your  affair,  of  course,"  said  Gregg,  "  but  I 
don't  particularly  want  to  have  you  going  about  under 
police  protection,  and  that's  what  you'll  be  doing  if 
Thady  Gallagher  catches  you  corrupting  the  nationalist 
principles  of  the  people  of  Ballymoy  by  teaching  the 
town  band  to  play  *  God  Save  the  King.'  " 

This  threat  seemed  to  produce  a  certain  effect  on  Dr. 
O'Grady.  He  sat  silent  for  nearly  a  minute.  Then 
he  asked  Gregg  for  a  cigarette,  lit  it,  and  smoked 
thoughtfully. 

"  I  say,  Gregg,"  he  said  at  last.  "  How  many  peo- 
ple are  there  in  Ballymoy,  do  you  think,  who  would 
recognise  *  God  Save  the  King '  if  it  was  played  sud- 
denly when  they  weren't  expecting  it  ?  " 

"  Oh,  lots,"  said  Gregg,  "  lots." 

"  You  would,  I  suppose,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and 
the  Major  would.  Ford  would,  I  suppose.  Father 
McCormack  might.     What  about  your  police  ?  " 

"  The  sergeant  might  think  it  was  *  Auld  Lang 
Syne,'  "  said  Gregg,  "  he  has  no  ear  whatever.  But 
Moriarty  would  know  it  the  minute  he  heard  it." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  159 

"  Moriarty  might  be  made  to  keep  his  mouth  shut/' 
said  Dr.  O'Grady.     "  You  could  threaten  him." 

"  Your  idea,"  said  Gregg,  ''  is  to  spring  it  on  the 
town  band  under  some  other  name  and  have  it  played 
as  if " 

"  I'd  tell  them  that  it  was  one  of  Moore's  Melodies." 

"  No  good,"  said  Gregg.  "  Far  too  many  people 
know  it.  Even  if  you  shut  up  Moriarty  in  a  cell  be- 
tween this  and  then " 

"  The  thing  for  you  to  do,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major 
bitterly,  "  is  to  get  a  version  of  '  God  Save  the  King ' 
with  variations.  I  once  heard  '  Home,  Sweet  Home,' 
done  that  way  and  it  was  all  I  could  do  to  make  out 
what  tune  it  was  meant  to  be." 

"  That's  probably  meant  to  be  sarcastic,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  *'  but  it's  not  at  all  a  bad  idea.  I've  heard 
'  Home  Sweet  Home '  done  that  way  and  I  know  ex- 
actly   how     it    goes.     '  Tum — tuni ^tiddle — adle — 

diddle — tum — tum — twee — Mid  pleasures  and  pal- 
aces— Tiddle — tiddle — tum — tiddle — rat — a  ti — ^tee — 
too — though  we  may  roam.'  Just  as  you  think  that 
you're  going  to  recognise  the  tune  it  kind  of  fades 
away  and  you're  left  with  the  impression  that  small 
dogs  are  chasing  each  other  up  and  down  the  piano.  I 
don't  see  why  something  of  the  same  kind  mightn't  be 
done  with  '  God  Save  the  King.'  The  Lord-Lieutenant 
would  be  quite  satisfied,  because  he'd  think  we  were 
always  just  going  to  begin  and  probably  come  to  the 
conclusion  in  the  end  it  was  the  fault  of  the  band  that 
the  tune  never  quite  came  off.     On  the  other  hand 


i6o  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Gallagher,  whatever  suspicions  he  might  have,  couldn't 
possibly  swear  that  we  were  playing  anything  objec- 
tionable. I  wonder  if  there's  a  version  of  '  God  Save 
the  King'  with  variations  to  be  got  anywhere?  " 

"  Never  heard  of  one,"  said  Gregg. 

"  I'll  write  to-night,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  If  there 
isn't  such  a  thing  I  might  work  one  up  myself.  It 
can't  be  very  difficult." 

"That  will  be  just  what's  wanted,"  said  the  Major, 
*'  to  ensure  the  success  of  the  day.  A  musical  composi- 
tion of  yours,  O'Grady,  played  by  our  own  town  band, 
will  be  quite  likely  to  distract  the  Lord-Lieutenant's 
attention  from  the  fact  that  here's  no  statue  here  for 
him  to  unveil." 

"  You  won't  mind  my  using  your  piano.  Major,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  haven't  got  one  of  my  own,  and  I'll 
have  to  strum  it  out  for  a  bit  before  I  get  it  into  shape 
for  the  band." 

**  It'll  be  a  score  off  Ford,"  said  Gregg,  "  if  you  suc- 
ceed.    But  I  don't  expect  you  will." 


CHAPTER  XI 

TNFLEXIBLE  determination  is  one  of  the  qualities 
-■-  which  the  truly  great  leader  of  men  shares  with  the 
domestic  pig ;  though  in  the  case  of  the  pig  it  is  gener- 
ally spoken  of  as  obstinacy.  But  the  leader — General, 
Prime  Minister  or  Captain  of  Industry — is  dis- 
tinguished from  the  pig  by  a  certain  intellectual  supple- 
ness which  makes  his  obstinacy  a  more  effective  though 
less  showy  thing.  The  pig,  being  determined  to  go  his 
own  way,  has  no  better  idea  than  to  tug  desperately 
against  the  rope  wliich  is  tied  round  his  ankle.  He 
tugs  unwaveringly  up  to  the  very  last  moment,  but  in 
the  end  he  is  beaten  because  his  master,  having  at  com- 
mand stout  sticks  and  other  instruments  of  torture,  is 
stronger  than  he  is.  It  is  noble  and  heroic  of  the  pig  to 
persist  in  refusing  to  recognise  that  merely  tugging  the 
opposite  way  is  no  use  to  him.  The  great  commander 
is  wiser  and  in  reality  no  less  noble.  He  realises  very 
early  that  destiny,  armed  with  whips  and  goads,  has 
a  rope  round  his  leg.  He  tugs,  but  when  he  finds  that 
the  rope  will  not  break  and  that  the  whip  cuts  cruelly, 
he  stops  tugging  and  goes  about  to  outwit  destiny. 
Pretending  to  yield  to  the  pull  of  the  rope,  he  succeeds 
at  last  in  getting  his  own  way. 

Thus  a  general,  faced  by  a  hostile  army,  securely  en- 

i6i 


i62  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

trenched  on  the  opposite  bank  of  a  deep  river,  does  not 
make  more  than  one  attempt  to  swim  his  men  across  in 
the  face  of  a  concentrated  rifle  fire.  The  pig  would 
make  several  attempts,  would  go  on  trying  until  he 
had  no  soldiers  left,  because  he  would  feel  that  the 
only  thing  really  worth  doing  was  to  assert  himself 
against  the  confident  foe.  But  the  general,  when  he 
has  lost  enough  men  to  convince  him  of  the  impossi- 
bility of  a  frontal  attack  by  swimming,  stops  trying  it 
and  adopts  another  plan.  He  sees  not  only  the  insolent 
flags  which  wave  upon  the  opposite  bank,  but  the  far 
off  end  of  the  campaign.  He  is  not  less  determined 
than  the  pig  would  be  to  chastise  the  foe  which  is 
thwarting  him,  but  he  sees  that  this  can  be  done  quite 
as  effectually  by  occupying  the  enemy's  capital  as  by 
the  mere  winning  of  a  battle.  He  understands  that  it 
is  good  to  sacrifice  the  immediate  for  the  sake  of  the 
ultimate  object.  He  gives  up  the  idea  of  fighting  his 
way  across  and  sends  out  scouts  to  discover  the 
source  of  the  river.  When  he  finds  it  he  leaves  part 
of  his  army  to  watch  the  enemy  while  the  other  part 
marches  round  the  end  of  the  river  and  enters  the 
enemy's  chief  stronghold  from  the  back.  Thus  he 
gains  his  object  and  establishes  his  character  for 
determination  without  losing  half  his  army. 

Dr.  Lucius  O'Grady  was  a  born  leader  of  men.  He 
discovered  very  soon  that  in  the  matter  of  the  perform- 
ance of  "  God  Save  the  King  "  by  the  town  band,  fate 
had  a  rope  round  his  leg  and  was  likely  to  scourge  him 
uncomfortably  if  he  pulled  against  it.     The  introduc- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  163 

tion  of  variations  into  the  tune  proved  to  be  a  much 
more  difficult  matter  than  he  had  supposed.  He 
worked  hard  for  six  hours  on  Major  Kent's  piano,  and 
produced  two  versions  of  which  he  thought  well, 
though  neither  of  them  completely  satisfied  him.  He 
sent  for  Constable  Moriarty  and  played  them  over  to 
him.     Moriarty  sat  and  listened  to  the  first. 

"  Would  you  know  what  that  tune  was,  Moriarty  ?  " 
said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

'*  I  would,  of  course.  Anybody  would.  I  don't  say 
but  there's  bits  in  it  that  isn't  right,  but  you  have  the 
tune  safe  enough." 

"  Would  Thady  Gallagher  know  it?  " 

"  He  would,"  said  Moriarty,  ''  and  what's  more  he'd 
be  lepping  mad  when  he  heard  it.  And  you  couldn't 
wonder.  You  wouldn't  like  it  yourself,  doctor,  if 
somebody  was  to  play  a  tune  at  you  that  you  hated 
worse  nor  you  hate  the  devil." 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  disappointed. 

"  Are  you  sure  now,"  he  said,  "  that  he  wouldn't  be 
taken  in  by  the  variations  ?  I  don't  know  whether  you 
quite  realise  the  number  of  variations  there  are?  Just 
listen  to  me  again." 

He  played  his  composition  through  once  more, 
touching  the  notes  which  gave  the  tune  very  softly, 
hammering  hard  at  the  long  runs  and  fiery  groups 
of  semi-quavers  which  he  had  sandwiched  in  between 
the  scraps  of  tune. 

"  I  wouldn't  say,"  said  Moriarty,  "  that  you've  de- 
stroyed it  altogether;  though  it's  my  opinion  that  it's 


i64  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

better  the  way  it  was  before  you  set  your  hand  to  it. 
But  anyhow  you  needn't  be  uneasy.  There  isn't  a  man, 
woman  or  child  that  ever  heard  the  tune  but  would 
know  what  you're  aiming  at." 

Dr.  O'Grady  felt  that  Moriarty's  judgment  in  the 
matter  was  too  decisive  and  confident  to  be  ignored. 

"  Very  well,"  he  said.     "  Now  listen  to  this." 

He  played  through  the  second  of  his  two  composi- 
tions. 

"  Now,"  he  said,  "  what  tune  is  that,  Moriarty  ?  " 

Moriarty  scratched  his  head  and  looked  inquiringly 
at  the  doctor. 

**  Is  it  what  tune  is  that  that  you're  asking  me  ?  "  he 
said. 

"  Exactly.     What  tune  is  it?  " 

"  It's  no  tune  at  all,"  said  Moriarty. 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say  you  don't  recognise  it  ?  " 

"  I  do  not,  and  what's  more  nobody  could.  For 
there's  no  tune  in  it,  only  noise." 

The  doctor  hesitated.  Moriarty's  opinion  was  in  one 
respect  quite  satisfactory.  Neither  Gallagher  nor  any- 
one else  in  Ballymoy  was  likely  to  recognise  the  tune. 
It  might,  of  course,  fail  to  impress  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
as  being  quite  the  proper  thing.  But  that  was  a  diffi- 
culty which  could  be  got  over.  The  Lord-Lieutenant 
was  not  likely  to  listen  very  attentively,  and  if  he  were 
told  definitely  that  the  band  was  playing  "  God  Save 
the  King  "  he  might  possibly  believe  it. 

"  I'm  thinking,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  of  teaching  that 
piece  of  music  to  the  town  band." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  .165 

"  It'll  fail  you  to  do  that,"  said  Moriarty. 

"  I  don't  see  why." 

"  You  can  try  it,"  said  Moriarty,  "  but  you'll  not  be 
able.  Anything  those  fellows  could  play,  I'd  be  able 
to  whistle,  and  if  it's  what  I  couldn't  whistle  they'll 
not  be  able  to  play  it." 

"  You  could  whistle  that  all  right  if  you  tried." 

*'  I  could  not.  Nor  I  couldn't  play  it  on  an  ivy  leaf, 
nor  yet  on  a  ;comb,  and  if  I  couldn't  there's  nobody 
else  could.  I'm  not  saying  it  isn't  good  music,  doctor, 
for  it  may  be.  But  there's  neither  beginning  nor  end 
of  it,  nor  there  isn't  anything  in  the  middle  that  a  man 
would  be  able  to  catch  hold  of." 

Dr.  O'Grady  shut  the  piano  with  a  bang.  Constable 
Moriarty  rose  from  his  seat. 

"  If  there's  nothing  more  you'll  be  wanting  with  me, 
doctor,"  he  said,  "  it  might  be  as  well  if  I  was  getting 
back  to  the  barrack.  The  sergeant's  terrible  particular 
these  times.  Mr.  Gregg,  the  D.I.,  has  him  annoyed 
with  finding  fault  here  and  there  and  everywhere. 
Not  that  I  blame  Mr.  Gregg,  for  everybody  knows  he's 
a  nice  quiet  kind  of  a  man  who'd  ask  for  nothing  only 
to  be  let  alone.  But  that's  what  he  can't  get  on 
account  of  Mr.  Ford." 

*'  Mr.  Ford's  a  public  nuisance,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady ; 
"  but  I  think  we'll  be  able  to  get  rid  of  him." 

*'  It  would  be  no  great  harm  if  he  was  dead,"  said 
Moriarty. 

"  The  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  is  al- 
most sure  to  promote  him.     That  kind  of  man  who 


i66  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

never  can  let  other  people's  business  alone,  is  just 
suited  to  Dublin  Castle." 

Moriarty  got  as  far  as  the  door  of  the  room  and  then 
stopped. 

"  Will  it  be  all  right,"  he  said,  ''  about  Mary  Ellen? 
You'll  remember,  doctor,  that  I  was  speaking  to  you 
about  her,  the  way  she'd  be  given  the  chance  of  speak- 
ing to  the  Lord-Lieutenant." 

"  I'll  settle  about  her  at  once,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Did  you  say  you  were  going  straight  back  to  the 
barrack?  " 

"  I  am,"  said  Moriarty.  "  It'll  be  better  for  me  if  I 
do  on  account  of  the  way  Mr.  Ford  does  be  talking 
to " 

"  Are  you  going  so  straight  that  you  won't  see  Mary 
Ellen  on  the  way?  " 

'*  It  could  be,"  said  Moriarty,  "  that  I  might  see  her." 

"  Very  well,  then,  do.     And  tell  her  to  meet  me  at 

Mrs.  Gregg's  house  at "     He  glanced  at  his  watch. 

"  Let  me  see,  it's  nearly  half  past  two,  and  I'll  have  to 
spend  a  few  minutes  pacifying  the  Major.  Suppose 
you  tell  her  to  meet  me  at  Mrs.  Gregg's  at  a  quarter 
past  three.  Will  you  be  sure  to  give  her  that 
message  ?  " 

"  I  will,"  said  Moriarty. 

"  And  don't  you  keep  the  girl  late  now,  Moriarty, 
with  love  making  in  the  pig-stye  or  any  nonsense  of 
that  kind." 

"Is  it  likely  I  would?" 

*'  It  is  very  likely.     But  don't  do  it." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  167 

*'  It  is  not  likely  then,  seeing  as  how  I  ought  to  be 
back  in  the  barrack  this  minute  on  account  of  the  way 
Mr.  Gregg  has  the  sergeant  annoyed '' 

"  There's  only  one  thing  worse  than  keeping  Mary 
Ellen  late,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and  that  is  delaying 
me.     Be  off  with  you  at  once." 

Constable  Moriarty  marched  off  towards  the  barrack, 
fully  determined  to  call  on  Mary  Ellen  on  the  way. 
Dr.  O'Grady  went  into  the  stable  yard  to  look  for 
Major  Kent.  He  found  him  smoking  a  pipe  and  read- 
ing the  last  number  of  the  Connacht  Eagle  in  an  empty 
loose  box. 

"  I  thought  you'd  like  to  know,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  that  I've  finished  with  the  piano,  so  you  can  go  back 
into  the  house  again." 

"  Quite  sure  you're  finished?  "  said  the  Major. 

"  Quite." 

"  Because  if  there  are  any  final  touches  to  put  to 
your  oratorio,  you'd  better  do  them  to-day.  The  piano 
won't  be  there  to-morrow.  I've  made  up  my  mind  to 
sell  it  at  once." 

"  Silly  thing  to  do,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You  won't 
get  half  what  it's  worth  if  you  sell  it  in  a  hurry  like 
that." 

"  Even  if  I  have  to  pay  someone  to  take  It  away," 
said  the  Major,  "  I  shall  make  a  good  bargain.  It's 
better  to  lose  a  little  money  than  to  spend  the  rest  of 
my  life  in  a  lunatic  asylum." 

"  You  know  your  own  business  best,  of  course,  and 
if  you  think  you  can  preserve  what  little  intelligence 


i68  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

you  have  by  giving  Thady  Gallagher  or  some  other 
fellow  a  present  of  your  piano " 

"  I  think  I  can  save  myself  from  being  turned  into  a 
gibbering  maniac,"  said  the  Major,  "  by  making  sure 
that  you'll  never  have  the  chance  of  composing  music 
in  my  house  again.  Since  eight  o'clock  this  morning 
you've  been  at  it.  I  :could  hear  you  whenever  I  went, 
mixing  up  hymns  and  waltzes  and  things  with  '  God 
Save  the  King/  I  tried  to  get  a  bit  of  lunch  at  half 
past  one,  but  I  had  to  fly  from  the  house." 

"  It's  over  now  anyhow,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  And 
you  needn't  sell  the  piano.  I've  given  up  the  idea  of 
producing  a  new  version  of  that  tune  for  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant.  I  find  that  the  thing  can't  be  done  in  the 
time.  I'm  going  to  give  him  *  Rule  Britannia '  in- 
stead." 

"  With  variations  ?  " 

"  No.  Quite  plain.  It'll  do  him  just  as  well  as  the 
other.  In  fact  from  his  point  of  view  it's  rather  the 
more  patriotic  tune  of  the  two,  and  there  won't  be 
any  local  objection  to  it  because  nobody  can  possibly 
recognise  it." 

It  was  in  this  way  that  Dr.  O'Grady  showed  the  true 
greatness  of  his  mind.  A  weaker  man,  daunted  by  the 
difficulty  of  arranging  *'  God  Save  the  King  "  in  such  a 
way  as  to  suit  all  tastes,  might  have  given  up  the 
attempt  to  provide  a  musical  welcome  for  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant.  A  man  of  narrow  obstinacy,  the  kind  of 
man  who  is  really  like  a  pig,  would  have  persevered,  in 
spite  of  Constable  Moriarty's  warning,  in  trying  to 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  169 

teach  his  variations  to  the  town  band.  Dr.  O'Grady, 
knowing  that  the  main  thing  was  the  success  of  his 
general  scheme,  turned  from  a  tune  which  presented 
insuperable  difficulties,  and  fixed  upon  another,  which 
would,  he  hoped,  be  comparatively  easy  to  manage. 
The  Major  ought  to  have  admired  him;  but  did  not. 
He  was  in  a  condition  of  extreme  nervous  exaspera- 
tion which  rendered  him  unfit  to  admire  anything. 

*'  You'll  get  us  all  into  an  infernal  mess  with  your 
foolery,"  he  said  sulkily,  "  and  when  you  do,  you 
needn't  come  to  me  to  help  you  out." 

"  I  won't.  But  don't  forget  the  committee  meeting 
to-morrow  morning.  Half  past  eleven,  in  Doyle's 
Hotel." 

"  What  committee  ?  " 

"  Strictly  speaking,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  it's  two 
committees — the  Statue  Erection  Committee  and  the 
Lord-Lieutenant  Reception  Committee — but  the  same 
people  are  on  both,  so  we  may  as  well  make  one 
meeting  do." 

"  I'll  go,"  said  the  Major,  "  in  the  hope,  utterly  vain 
of  course,  of  keeping  you  from  further  excesses." 

"Good,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "And  now  I  must 
hurry  off.     I've  a  lot  to  do  between  this  and  then." 

Major  Kent  was  a  kind-hearted  man.  He  had 
suffered  intensely  during  the  earlier  part  of  the  day 
and  for  some  hours  had  been  seriously  angry  with 
Dr.  O'Grady.  But  his  sense  of  hospitality  was 
stronger  than  his  resentment. 

"  Stop  for  half  an  hour,"  he  said,  "  and  have  some- 


I70  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

thing  to  eat.  Now  that  you've  given  up  punishing 
my  poor  old  piano  we  might  have  lunch  in  peace." 

*'  Can't  possibly  waste  time  in  eating,  I've  far  too 
much  to  do.  To  tell  you  the  truth,  Major,  I  don't 
expect  to  sit  down  to  a  square  meal  until  I  join  the 
Lord-Lieutenant's  luncheon  party.  Till  then  I  must 
snatch  a  crust  as  I  can  while  running  from  one  thing 
to  another." 

Dr.  O'Grady  mounted  his  bicycle  and  hurried  off. 
He  reached  the  Greggs'  house  at  twenty  minutes  past 
three.  Mary  Ellen  was  standing  on  the  step  outside 
the  door,  smiling  in  a  good-humoured  way.  Mrs. 
Gregg,  who  looked  hot  and  puzzled,  was  just  inside  the 
door. 

"  Oh,  Dr.  O'Grady,"  she  said,  "  I'm  so  glad  you've 
come.  This  girl  won't  go  away  and  I  can't  make  out 
what  she  wants." 

"  It  was  Constable  Moriarty  bid  me  come,"  said 
Mary  Ellen. 

"  It's  all  right,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  arranged 
for  her  to  be  here.  I'll  explain  everything  in  one  mo- 
ment.    Is  that  the  only  frock  you  own,  Mary  Ellen?  " 

"  It  is  not ;  but  I  have  another  along  with  it." 

"  I  don't  expect  the  other  is  much  better,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "Just  look  at  that  dress,  will  you,  Mrs. 
Gregg?" 

Mrs.  Gregg  looked  at  Mary  Ellen's  clothes  care- 
fully.    She  did  not  appear  to  admire  them  much. 

"  There's  a  long  tear  in  the  skirt,"  she  said.  "  It 
might  be  mended,  of  course,  but — and  she  has  only 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  171 

one  button  on  her  blouse,  and  her  boots  are  pretty  well 
worn  out,  and  she's  horribly  dirty  all  over." 

"  In  fact,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  you  couldn't  very 
well  present  her  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant  as  she  is  at 
present." 

'*  The  Lord-Lieutenant !  "  said  Mrs.  Gregg. 

"  Perhaps  I  forgot  to  mention,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  that  Mary  Ellen  must  be  presented.  She's  the  grand 
niece  of  General  John  Regan." 

*'  Are  you  really  ?  "  said  Mrs.  Gregg. 

"  It's  what  the  doctor  has  put  out  about  me,"  said 
Mary  Ellen. 

"  It  isn't  a  matter  of  what  I've  put  out  or  haven't 
put  out,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Mr.  Billing  has  pub- 
licly acknowledged  her  as  the  grand  niece  of  the  Gen- 
eral.    Didn't  he,  Mary  Ellen?  " 

"  He  did,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  And  Mr.  Billing  is  the  greatest  living  authority  on 
everything  connected  with  the  General.  So  that 
settles  it.  Under  those  circumstances  she  must,  of 
course,  be  presented  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant  when  he 
comes  down  to  unveil  the  statue." 

"  I  wonder  what  Mrs.  Ford  will  say  ?  "  said  Mrs. 
Gregg. 

"  We'll  talk  about  that  afterwards.  What  I  want 
to  get  at  now  is  this :  Will  you  undertake  to  see  that 
Mary  Ellen  is  properly  dressed  for  the  ceremony  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  couldn't  possibly." 

Mrs.  Gregg  looked  at  Mary  Ellen  again  as  she 
spoke,  looked  at  her  very  carefully  and  then  smiled. 


172  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Mary  Ellen  was  also  smiling.  The  proper  dressing  of 
Mary  Ellen  was  plainly  a  very  difficult  task.  Mrs. 
Gregg's  smile  was  at  first  contemptuous.  Mary 
Ellen's,  on  the  other  hand,  was  purely  good-natured, 
and  therefore  very  attractive.  Mrs.  Gregg  began  to 
relent. 

*'  Won't  you  come  in  ?  "  she  said  to  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Certainly,"  he  replied.  "  Mary  Ellen,  you  sit 
down  on  that  chair  in  the  hall  and  wait  till  we  call 
you." 

"  I  don't  know  can  I  wait,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  If  Moriarty's  lurking  about  for  you,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  let  him  wait.  It'll  do  him  good.  It's  a 
great  mistake  for  you  to  make  yourself  too  cheap. 
No  girl  ought  to.  Moriarty  will  think  a  great  deal 
more  of  you  in  the  end  if  you  keep  him  waiting  every 
day  for  half  an  hour  or  so." 

"  It's  not  him  I'm  thinking  of,"  said  Mary  Ellen, 
"but  it's  Mr.  Doyle." 

Dr.  O'Grady  took  no  notice  of  this  remark.  He 
did  not  believe  that  Mary  Ellen  was  very  much  afraid 
of  Mr.  Doyle.  He  followed  Mrs.  Gregg  into  the 
dining-room.     Mary  Ellen  sat  down. 

"  She  really  is  rather  a  pretty  girl,"  said  Mrs. 
Gregg. 

"  Then  you'll  undertake  the  job,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  You  won't  have  to  pay  for  anything,  you  know. 
We'll  charge  whatever  you  like  to  buy  against  the 
statue  fund." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  173 

Mrs.  Gregg  did  not  appear  to  be  listening.  She 
was  thinking  deeply. 

"  I  have  an  old  silk  slip,"  she  said,  "  which  might 
be  made  down." 

"  Capital !     A  silk  slip  will  be  the  very  thing." 

Dr.  O'Grady  had  no  idea  what  a  silk  slip  might  be. 
But  his  enthusiastic  welcome  of  the  suggestion  passed 
unnoticed.     Mrs.  Gregg  was  still  thinking. 

"  I  could  get  a  white  muslin,"  she  said,  "  with  an 
embroidered  yoke  and  a  wide  collar.  It  wouldn't  cost 
very  much." 

"  We'd  like  the  thing  done  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  not  extravagantly,  of  course,  but  well." 

*'  She'll  look  quite  sweet,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg ;  "  but 
what  will  Mrs.  Ford  say?" 

"  She'll  have  to  be  kept  in  a  good  temper." 

"  Kept !  "  said  Mrs.  Gregg,  giggling  delightedly. 

She  was  very  much  afraid  of  Mrs.  Ford,  but  she 
found  a  fearful  joy  in  entering  into  a  jconspiracy 
against  her  with  Dr.  O'Grady  for  ally. 

"  Kept !  "  she  repeated,  "  but  she  never  is." 

"  My  idea,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  is  that  you  should 
dress  Mary  Ellen  yourself,  according  to  your  own 
ideas,  and  at  the  same  time  consult  with  Mrs.  Ford, 
giving  her  the  impression  that  she's  doing  the  whole 
thing  herself.  I  should  think  you  ought  to  be  able  to 
manage  that." 

This  did  not  seem  to  Mrs.  Gregg  a  very  easy  thing 
to  do.     She  hesitated. 


174  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  I'm  afraid  I  couldn't,"  she  said  at  last.  "  I  don't 
see  how  I  could." 

'*  All  that's  required,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  is  a  little 
tact.  You  are  always  good  at  tact,  Mrs.  Gregg.  Em 
perfectly  certain  that  you'll  be  able  to  manage.  You 
must  suggest  each  garment  you  intend  to  put  on  the 
girl  in  such  a  way  that  Mrs.  Ford  will  think  that  she 
suggested  it.     That  ought  to  be  easy  enough." 

Everybody  likes  being  credited  with  the  possession 
of  tact.  This  is  curious,  because  hardly  anyone  likes 
being  called  a  liar;  and  yet  tact  is  simply  a  delicate 
form  of  lying.  So,  of  course,  is  politeness  of  every 
kind,  and  nobody  considers  it  wrong  to  aim  at  being 
polite.  Mrs.  Gregg,  who  would  certainly  have  re- 
sented an  accusation  of  habitual  untruthfulness,  felt 
flattered  when  Dr.  O'Grady  said  she  was  tactful.  She 
even  believed  him  and  allowed  herself  to  be  persuaded 
to  undertake  the  management  of  Mrs.  Ford. 

"  Good,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Then  I'll  leave  the 
whole  business  in  your  hands.  I  have  to  be  ofif. 
But  you've  no  time  to  lose.  You'll  have  to  set  about 
your  work  at  once.  I'll  send  Mary  Ellen  to  you  as  I 
go  through  the  hall.  You  can  measure  her,  and  then 
take  her  over  to  see  Mrs.  Ford.  After  that  you'd  bet- 
ter order  the  new  dress.  If  there's  any  hitch  in  the 
proceedings  you  can  send  for  me,  but  I  don't  see  why 
there  should  be." 

He  shook  hands  with  Mrs.  Gregg  and  hurried  from 
the  room,  without  giving  her  the  chance  of  making 
any  kind   of  protest   or  asking  any  more  questions. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  175 

He  found  Mary  Ellen  seated  on  an  uncomfortable 
oak  chair  in  the  hall. 

"  Mary  Ellen,"  he  said,  "  would  you  like  a  new 
dress?" 

"  I  would." 

**  Then  go  into  the  dining-room — the  room  I've  just 
come  out  of.  You'll  find  Mrs.  Gregg  there.  Do  ex- 
actly what  she  tells  you  without  making  any  objec- 
tions or  asking  questions.  If  she  insists  on  your 
washing  your  face,  wash  it,  without  grumbling.  If 
Moriarty  is  waiting  for  you  anywhere  between  this 
and  the  town Is  Moriarty  waiting  for  you  ?  " 

"  He  might." 

"  Well,  if  he  is,  I'll  clear  him  out  of  the  way. 
You'll  be  going  into  the  town  in  a  few  minutes  with 
Mrs.  Ford  and  Mrs.  Gregg.  It  wouldn't  do  at  all  to 
have  him  making  eyes  at  you  from  the  side  of  the  road 
when  you're  walking  with  those  two  ladies.  Mrs. 
Gregg  mightn't  mind ;  but  Mrs.  Ford  would  be  certain 
to  object.  She's  not  the  kind  of  lady  who  likes  to 
see  other  people  enjoying  themselves." 

"  He  wouldn't  do  the  like,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  I  wouldn't  trust  him,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

Moriarty  was,  in  fact,  waiting  for  Mary  Ellen  about 
a  hundred  yards  from  the  gate  of  the  Greggs'  house. 
Dr.  O'Grady  rebuked  him  sharply.  Moriarty  asserted 
that  he  was  engaged  in  patrolling  that  particular  road 
in  simple  obedience  to  the  call  of  duty. 

"  That  may  possibly  be  true,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  though  it  doesn't  sound  likely." 


176  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  It  was  the  sergeant  gave  me  my  orders,"  said 
Moriarty. 

"  Patrol  some  other  road,  then,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  You're  not  wanted  here." 

"  What  the  sergeant  said  was  that  it  would  be  bet- 
ter for  me  to  patrol  along  between  Mr.  Gregg's  house 
and  Mr.  Ford's,  so  that  if  either  the  one  or  the  other 
of  them  was  to  see  me  he'd  know  that  I  was  patrolling. 
I  wouldn't  say  a  word  against  Mr.  Gregg,  who's  a  nice 
gentleman  enough,  and  easy  pleased.  But  it's  hard  to 
pacify  Mr.  Ford,  and  the  sergeant  thought " 

"  I  can  tell  you  this,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  if 
Mrs.  Ford  catches  you  lying  in  wait  for  Mary  Ellen 
on  the  road  outside  her  house,  it  will  be  a  jolly  sight 
harder  to  pacify  Mr.  Ford  than  it  was  before.  Surely 
you  can  understand  that." 

Moriarty  understood  it  thoroughly.  He  was  not 
very  well  pleased,  but  he  was  a  young  man  of  con- 
siderable prudence,  and  was  filled  with  a  sincere  desire 
to  rise  in  his  profession.  He  spent  the  rest  of  the 
afternoon  in  patrolling  a  road  at  the  other  end  of 
Ballymoy. 

Dr.  O'Grady  hurried  on.  His  next  stop  was  at  the 
door  of  Kerrigan's  shop.  The  elder  Kerrigan  was 
leaning  against  the  wooden  slab  on  which  he  was  ac- 
customed to  cut  up  joints.     He  was  smoking  a  pipe. 

"  Where's  your  son  ?  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  He's  within  in  the  back  yard,"  said  Kerrigan. 

"  Tell  him  I  want  to  see  him." 

"  I'm  not  sure  can  he  come  to  you ;  for  he's  taking 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  177 

the  skin  off  a  sheep  that  he's  just  after  slaughtering." 

"  Let  him  wash  his  hands,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  The  sheep  can  wait." 

"  I'm  not  sure  will  he  come,"  said  Kerrigan.  "  He's 
not  overly  much  pleased  with  you  this  minute,  doctor, 
and  that's  the  truth." 

"  What's  the  matter  with  him?  " 

"  It's  on  account  of  your  saying  that  he  was  think- 
ing of  getting  married  to  Mary  Ellen." 

"  It  was  Gallagher  said  that.  I'd  nothing  to  do  with 
it  one  way  or  the  other." 

"  I  wouldn't  be  minding  myself  what  you  said," 
said  Kerrigan,  "  knowing  well  that  you  wouldn't  be 
meaning  any  harm,  whatever  it  was ;  though  the  girl's 
no  match  for  him,  and  I  wouldn't  care  for  him  to  be 
^carrying  on  with  her,  when  it's  a  girl  with  a  fortune 
he  ought  to  get,  and  what's  more,  can  get,  whenever  I 
choose  to  ask  for  her.  But  I  wouldn't  pay  any  atten- 
tion to  what  was  put  out  about  him  and  Mary  Ellen. 
I'm  only  telling  you  so  as  you'd  know  why  it  is  that 
the  boy's  mind  is  riz  against  you." 

"  What  nonsense !  Everybody  in  the  place  knows 
that  it's  Constable  Moriarty  who's  after  the  girl." 

"  It's  just  that  that's  troubling  the  boy.  On  account 
of  Constable  Moriarty  being  a  comrade  of  his ;  so  that 

he  wouldn't  like  him  to  be  thinking But  sure. 

I'll  fetch  him  for  you,  if  you  like." 

Young  Kerrigan  appeared  a  few  minutes  later.  His 
father  did  not  come  back  with  him.  He  may  have  felt 
it  necessary,  in  the  interests  of  his  business,  to  go  on 


178  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

skinning  the  sheep.  It  was  evident  at  once  that  the 
young  man  was  in  a  bad  temper,  but  Dr.  O'Grady  did 
not  mean  to  waste  time  in  explanations  if  he  could 
possibly  help  it. 

"  Listen  to  me,  Kerrigan,"  he  said,  "  do  you  know 
this  tune  ?  " 

He  whistled  **  Rule  Britannia  "  slowly  and  distinctly. 

"  I  do  not  know  it,"  said  young  Kerrigan,  "  nor  I 
don't  want  to." 

Dr.  O'Grady  whistled  it  through  again. 

*'  It's  a  good  tune,"  he  said.  "  It  would  be  a  nice 
one  for  the  band  to  learn." 

"  It  would  not." 

"  What's  the  matter  with  you?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
*'  To  look  at  the  expression  of  your  face  anybody'd 
think  that  the  sheep  in  the  back  yard  had  been  skinning 
you." 

"  You  know  well  what's  the  matter  with  me." 

"  If  you're  nursing  a  grievance,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
*'  because  Thady  Gallagher  told  the  American  gentle- 
man that  you  were  married  to  Mary  Ellen  and  had 
twins,  you  ought  to  have  more  sense." 

It  is  always  very  difficult  to  remain  in  a  bad  temper 
with  anyone  who  insists  on  being  pleasant  and  cheerful. 
Young  Kerrigan  began  to  give  way.  He  grinned 
unwillingly. 

"  That's  the  first  I  heard  of  twins,"  he  said. 

"  And  he  only  said  it  to  please  the  American  gentle- 
man,"  said   Dr.   O'Grady.     "  Nobody  believed  him." 

"  Sure  I  know  well  enough,"  said  young  Kerrigan, 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  179 

"  that  there  has  to  be  lies  told  to  the  likes  of  that  one. 
How  else  would  you  content  them?  I  wouldn't  mind 
myself  what  was  said,  knowing  it  was  meant  for  the 
best,  only  that  Constable  Moriarty " 

"  Moriarty  doesn't  mind  a  bit,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady ; 
"  so  if  it's  only  his  feelings  you're  thinking  of,  you 
may  just  as  well  listen  to  this  tune." 

He  whistled  "  Rule  Britannia  "  through  once  more. 
He  threw  great  spirit  into  the  last  few  bars. 

"  It's  a  good  tune  enough,"  said  young  Kerrigan. 

"  Could  the  band  learn  it?  " 

"  It  could,  of  course,  if  so  be  that  I  had  the  tune 
right  on  the  :cornet.  It  would  be  a  queer  thing  if 
I  couldn't  incense  the  rest  of  them  into  doing  what 
had  to  be  done  with  the  other  instruments." 

"  I  can't  play  the  cornet  myself,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  but  I'll  whistle  the  tune  to  you  as  often  as  you 
like,  or  if  you  prefer  it  we  might  get  the  loan  of  a 
piano  somewhere,  and  I'll  play  it  for  you.  I  can't 
borrow  the  Major's  again  for  reasons  which  I'm  not 
in  a  position  to  explain  to  you,  but  we  can  easily  get 
the  use  of  another  if  you  think  it  would  help 
you." 

"  The  whistling  will  do,"  said  young  Kerrigan. 
"  Will  you  come  inside  with  me  now  and  I'll  try  can 
I  get  it.     But,  doctor " 

He  hesitated  and  looked  doubtfully  at  Dr.  O'Grady. 
It  was  plain  that  he  had  a  favour  to  ask  and  was  a 
little  afraid  of  asking  it. 

"  Well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady  encouragingly. 


i8o  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  If  so  be  that  you  were  to  see  Moriarty "  said 

young  Kerrigan. 

Then  he  hesitated  again. 

"  I  see  far  too  much  of  him,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

*'  Fd  be  obliged  to  you  if  you'd  tell  him  that  I 
never  looked  next  nor  nigh  Mary  Ellen,  nor  wouldn't. 
Even  if  I  wanted  the  girl  I  wouldn't  go  behind  Mori- 
arty's  back  to  get  her ;  and  I  don't  want  her." 

"  I'll  make  that  perfectly  plain  to  him.  Come  along 
now  and  learn  the  tune." 


CHAPTER  XII 

'T^HE  cornet  is  of  all  instruments  in  an  ordinary 
-■-  band  the  one  which  produces  the  most  penetrat- 
ing sounds.  While  young  Kerrigan  was  practising  a 
new  tune  on  it  all  the  inhabitants  of  the  town  of  Bally- 
moy  were  able  to  hear  him.  He  was  aware  of  this  and 
sorry  for  it.  He  did  not,  indeed,  pity  his  fellow- 
citizens.  He  would  not  have  understood  a  complaint 
made  by  a  nervous  person  who  found  himself  tortured 
by  a  long  series  of  efforts  to  get  a  note  in  the  middle 
of  a  tune  right.  It  would  have  struck  him  as  mere 
affectation  if  anyone  had  objected  to  hearing  the  same 
tune  with  the  same  gasping  wheeze  in  the  middle  of  it 
played  over  a  hundred  or  a  hundred  and  fifty  times  in 
one  evening.  Young  Kerrigan's  dislike  of  the  neces- 
sary publicity  of  his  practising  was  similar  to  that 
which  other  artists  feel  when  members  of  the  public 
break  in  and  see  their  work  in  an  incomplete  condition. 
He  liked  his  music  to  be  appreciated.  He  felt  that  ac- 
knowledgment of  the  stages  by  which  it  came  to  its 
ultimate  perfection  was  likely  to  diminish  its  glory. 
But  he  had  no  place  in  which  he  could  practise  except 
the  back  yard  of  his  father's  house,  and  that,  un- 
fortunately, was  in  the  very  middle  of  the  town. 

i8i 


i82  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

In  order  to  get  out  of  his  difficulty  young  Kerrigan 
adopted  the  plan  of  learning  new  tunes  only  in  autumn 
and  winter,  when  strong  gales  were  blowing.  On  a 
calm  summer  evening  every  note  of  the  cornet,  whether 
right  or  wrong,  was  heard.  Even  the  sounds  which 
were  not  quite  notes  but  only  painful  grunts  penetrated 
open  windows  and  doors.  But  when  a  storm  was 
raging  most  of  the  notes  were  blown  away,  and  only 
occasionally,  when  there  happened  to  be  a  lull,  did  any- 
body except  young  Kerrigan  himself  hear  anything. 
The  plan  worked  out  very  satisfactorily.  Amid  the 
rush  and  clatter  of  a  tempest  people  took  no  notice  of 
such  stray  wailings  of  the  cornet  as  reached  their  ears. 
But,  like  many  excellent  plans,  this  one  was  liable  to 
break  down  in  emergencies.  It  broke  down  badly 
when  Dr.  O'Grady  insisted  that  the  band  should  learn 
"  Rule  Britannia  "  in  the  middle  of  August. 

Young  Kerrigan  readily  got  a  grip  on  the  tune. 
He  could  whistle  it  and  hum  it  quite  correctly  after  he 
had  heard  it  six  or  seven  times.  But  to  reproduce  it 
on  the  cornet  required  practise,  and  the  weather  was 
remarkably  calm  and  fine.  Kerrigan,  in  spite  of  his 
dislike  of  being  heard,  was  obliged  to  devote  the  even- 
ing to  it  after  the  doctor  left  him.  Next  morning  he 
went  at  it  again,  beginning  at  about  eleven  o'clock. 
He  got  on  very  well  up  to  the  point  at  which  the  words 
declare  that  "  Britons  never,  never,  never  shall  be 
slaves."  The  notes  which  went  to  the  "  nevers  "  were 
particularly  troublesome.  He  tried  them  slowly,  one 
by  one,  leaving  a  short  interval  between  them.     He 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  183 

tried  them  fast,  running  them  into  each  other.  He 
tried  beginning  the  tune  again  after  each  mistake, 
in  hope  of  getting  over  his  difficulty,  as  a  bicyclist 
sometimes  gets  up  a  hill,  by  running.  He  was  a  man 
of  patient  disposition,  and  he  was  still  working  hard 
at  one  o'clock. 

Mr.  Thaddeus  Gallagher  spent  the  morning  tran- 
scribing shorthand  notes  in  his  office.  There  had  been 
a  singularly  interesting  meeting  of  the  County  Council 
the  day  before  in  the  neighbouring  town  of  Dunbeg. 
Gallagher  had  written  down  every  word  of  an  acri- 
monious debate.  He  wanted  to  publish  a  verbatim  re- 
port of  it.  As  a  rule  noise  of  any  kind  affected  him 
very  little,  and  at  first  he  took  no  notice  whatever  of 
young  Kerrigan's  cornet.  But  the  continual  repeti- 
tion of  the  tune  gradually  beat  it  into  his  brain.  He 
found  his  pencil  moving  across  the  paper  in  a  series 
of  short  staccato  bounds  every  time  young  Kerrigan 
got  to  "  Never,  never,  never."  He  became  by  degrees 
vaguely  uneasy.  The  tune  was  one  which  he  had 
certainly  heard  before.  He  could  not  remember  where 
he  had  heard  it.  He  could  not  remember  what  it  was. 
But  he  became  more  and  more  sure  that  it  was  con- 
nected in  his  mind  with  some  unpleasant  associations. 
At  last  he  found  it  impossible  to  go  on  with  his  work. 
The  most  passionate  invective  of  the  most  furious  of 
the  County  Councillors  failed  to  move  him  to  any  in- 
terest. He  glanced  at  his  watch.  It  was  just  one 
o'clock.  The  meeting  of  the  Reception  Committee  was 
to  take  place  at  half-past  one.     Gallagher  felt  that  he 


i84  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

had  just  time  to  investigate  thoroughly  the  disagree- 
able tune.     He  got  up  and  left  his  office. 

Constable  Moriarty  was  standing  at  the  door  of  the 
barrack  listening  to  young  Kerrigan.  Being  himself  a 
musician,  he  appreciated  the  difficulty  of  playing  "  Rule 
Britannia  "  on  a  cornet,  and  enjoyed  hearing  young 
Kerrigan's  efforts.  When  he  saw  Gallagher  come  out 
of  his  office  he  was  greatly  pleased,  and  showed  his 
feeling  by  grinning  broadly.  Gallagher  saw  the  grin, 
and  his  suspicion  that  the  tune  was  an  offensive  one 
deepened  at  once.     He  crossed  the  road. 

"  What's  that,"  he  said,  "  that  young  Kerrigan's 
playing?  " 

"  It's  a  new  tune,"  said  Moriarty,  "  and  it's  hoped 
that  the  town  band  will  learn  it." 

"Where  did  he  get  it?" 

"  I'm  after  hearing,"  said  Moriarty,  "  that  it  was 
the  doctor  taught  it  to  him.  But  I  don't  know  is 
that  true.  You  can't  believe  the  half  of  what  you 
hear  in  this  town." 

"What  tune  is  it?" 

"  I  don't  know  that  I  could  put  a  name  to  it  this 
minute;  but  there's  no  need  for  you  to  be  uneasy, 
Mr.  Gallagher.     It's  not  what  you  think  it  is." 

"  I'm  not  thinking  about  it  at  all,"  said  Gallagher, 
very  untruthfully. 

"  I'm  glad  of  that,"  said  Moriarty.  "  I  was  afraid 
from  the  look  of  you  as  you  came  out  of  the  office  that 
you  might  be  thinking  it  was  '  God  Save  the  King.' 
But  it's  not." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  185 

"  I  was  thinking  no  such  thing,  for  young  Kerrigan 
knows  and  the  doctor  knows,  and  you  know  yourself, 
Constable  Moriarty,  that  the  people  of  this  town  is  all 
good  Nationalists,  and  that  if  the  tune  you're  after 
naming  was  to  be  played  in  the  streets " 

"  It's  not  it,  anyway,"  said  Moriarty,  "  so  you  may 
make  your  mind  easy." 

Gallagher's  mind  was  very  far  from  being  easy,  but 
he  saw  that  he  was  not  likely  to  get  any  more  informa- 
tion out  of  Constable  Moriarty.  He  crossed  the  road 
and  entered  the  hotel.  Doyle  was  in  the  commercial 
room  trying  to  induce  Mary  Ellen  to  sweep  the  floor. 
It  was  in  the  commercial  room  that  the  meeting  of  the 
Committee  was  to  be  held  that  afternoon.  Doyle 
wanted  some,  if  not  all,  of  the  dirt  removed  from  the 
floor  beforehand. 

"What  tune's  that  young  Kerrigan's  playing?" 
said  Gallagher. 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Doyle.  "  I've  more  to  do  than 
to  be  listening  to  tunes.  Mary  Ellen,  can  you  not 
see  that  there's  three  corks  out  of  porter  bottles  under- 
neath the  table?  Will  you  take  them  out  of  it  now, 
like  a  good  girl  ?  " 

"  I'm  not  satisfied  in  my  mind  about  that  tune,"  said 
Gallagher. 

''  What  harm  is  there  in  it  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know  yet  is  there  any  harm,  but  I  don't  like 
it,  and  I'd  be  glad  if  I  knew  what  tune  it  is.  I  have 
it  in  my  mind  that  it's  a  tune  that  ought  not  to  be 
played.'* 


i86  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Doyle,  "  what  tune  is  it  that 
young  Kerrigan's  playing?" 

''How  would  I  know?"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  Well,  put  down  that  sweeping  brush,"  said  Doyle. 
"  For  all  the  good  you're  doing  with  it  you  might  as 
well  never  have  taken  it  up.  I  never  seen  such  a  girl. 
Put  it  down  now  and  run  across  to  Constable  Moriarty, 
who's  standing  at  the  door  of  the  barrack " 

"  I'd  be  ashamed,"  said  Mary  Ellen,  "  so  I  would." 

"  If  you're  not  ashamed  of  the  state  this  room's  in," 
said  Doyle,  "  it  would  take  more  than  Moriarty  to 
shame  you.  Run  along  now,  when  you're  bid,  and 
ask  him  what  tune  it  is  that  Kerrigan's  playing." 

Mary  Ellen,  who  hoped  that  the  interruption 
might  put  an  end  to  the  sweeping  once  for  all,  left 
the  room. 

"  If  there's  one  in  the  town  that  knows  the  tune," 
said  Doyle,  "  it'll  be  Moriarty.  I'd  say  myself  that  he 
must  know  pretty  near  every  tune  there  is  in  the 
world." 

"  He  might  tell  her,"  said  Gallagher,  "  or  he  might 
not.  I  was  talking  to  him  this  minute  and  he  wouldn't 
tell  me." 

"  He'll  tell  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Doyle.  "  He's  always 
after  that  girl,  and  it's  my  belief  he'll  tell  her  anything 
that  she'd  ask  him.  There's  some  that's  took  that 
way.     Foolishness  I  call  it." 

"  It's  the  way  he  wouldn't  tell  me  when  I  asked 
him,"  said  Gallagher,  *'  that  and  the  grin  on  his  face 
when  he  saw  me  that  has  me  sure  that  there's  some  in- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  187 

suit  intended  to  the  people  of  this  town  with  that  tune. 
It's  what  I  wouldn't  stand,  and  the  doctor  and  the  rest 
of  them  may  make  their  minds  up  to  it.  It's  what  I 
won't  stand  is  to  have  tunes  played  here  that  is  against 
the  political  convictions  of  the  people." 

"  Who'd  do  the  like  ?  "  said  Doyle  soothingly. 

"  What  I  say  is  this,"  said  Gallagher,  "  if  there's 
no  reason  to  be  ashamed  of  the  tune,  let  them  say  out 
boldly  what  tune  it  is.  I  have  it  in  the  back  of  my 
mind  that  I've  heard  that  tune  before  now,  and  it's  not 
the  kind  of  tune  that  decent  men  would  be  listen- 
ing to." 

"  Have  sense,  can't  you,  Thady.  There's  nobody 
wanting  to  annoy  you." 

"  There  may  not  be,"  said  Gallagher,  "  but  there's 
more  than  one  in  this  town  that's  the  enemies  of  the 
Irish  people  and  would  be  glad  to  see  the  cup  of 
freedom  dashed  from  the  lips  of  the  men  that  have 
spent  their  lives  in  the  struggle  for  Home  Rule  and 
that  has  it  now  as  good  as  got." 

"  Have  sense,"  said  Doyle,  but  he  spoke  without 
real  energy  or  much  purpose.  He  had  little  hope  that 
Gallagher,  once  embarked  on  a  peroration,  would 
stop  until  he  had  used  up  all  the  words  at  his  com- 
mand. He  was  quite  right  in  his  reading  of  his 
friend's  character.     Gallagher  went  on : 

"  It  isn't  the  declared  enemies  of  the  people  that  we'd 
be  afraid  of,"  he  said.  "  We'll  meet  them  in  the  open 
field  as  we've  always  met  them  and  they'll  fly  before 
the  spectacle  of  a  united  people  as  they've  always  fled, 


i88  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

the  tyrants  of  other  days,  the  blood-sucking  land- 
lords  " 

"  God  help  the  poor  Major,"  said  Doyle. 

"  But  the  traitors  within  the  camp,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  the  men  that  is  occupying  positions  in  the  gift  of  the 
people  of  Ireland,  that's  taking  our  pay,  and  at  the 
same  time  plotting  contrivances  for  the  heaping  of 
insults  on  the  dearest  convictions  of  our  hearts " 

Mary  Ellen  entered  the  room  while  Gallagher  was 
speaking.  Bewildered  by  the  splendour  of  his  elo- 
quence she  stopped  short  just  inside  the  door  and 
gazed  at  him  with  her  mouth  open.  Doyle  took  ad- 
vantage of  a  slight  hesitation  in  Gallagher's  oration 
to  speak  to  her. 

"  What  tune  is  it,  Mary  Ellen?  "  he  said. 

"  I  couldn't  rightly  say,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  Didn't  I  tell  you,"  said  Gallagher,  ''  that  there  was 
underhand  work  going  on  ?  " 

"  What  tune  did  Moriarty  say  it  was  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  He  said  it  was  a  tune  the  doctor  is  after  teaching 
young  Kerrigan,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  What  did  I  tell  you?"  said  Gallagher.  "  Maybe 
you'll  believe  me  now." 

*'  The  best  thing  for  you  to  do,  Thady."  said  Doyle, 
"  if  you're  dead  set  on  finding  out  about  that  tune  is  to 
go  and  ask  young  Kerrigan  what  it  is.  The  boy's  a 
decent  boy,  and  he'll  tell  you  if  you  speak  civil  to  him." 

"  I'll  do  that  same,"  said  Gallagher,  "  and  if  I 
discover •" 

*'  You'd  better  be  quick  about  it  then,"  said  Doyle, 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  189 

''  for  the  committee  is  to  meet  at  half  after  one  and 
I  wouldn't  like  you'd  miss  the  proceedings." 

"  Come  along  with  me,"  said  Gallagher.  "  I  wish 
you  to  hear  the  way  I  mean  to  talk  to  young  Kerrigan." 

Doyle  did  not  want  to  listen  to  Gallagher  brow- 
beating young  Kerrigan,  but  he  realised  that  he  would 
save  time  and  a  long  argument  if  he  went  at  once. 
He  made  a  last  appeal  to  Mary  Ellen  to  collect  at  least 
the  corks  which  were  on  the  floor.  Then  he  went  out 
with  Gallagher.  In  the  porch  of  the  hotel  they  met 
Major  Kent  who  was  a  scrupulously  punctual  man,  on 
his  way  to  the  committee  meeting. 

"  You're  a  bit  early,  Major,"  said  Doyle.  "  But  if 
you'll  step  into  the  commercial  room  you  won't  have 
long  to  wait.  Thady  and  I  have  to  cross  the  street  on 
a  matter  of  business  but  we'll  be  back  in  less  than  five 
minutes.  The  doctor  might  be  here  any  time  and  I  see 
Father  McCormack  coming  along  from  the  presby- 
tery." 

Doyle  was  unduly  optimistic.  He  was  not  back  in 
five  minutes.  He  did  not,  indeed,  get  back  for  nearly 
half  an  hour. 

Kerrigan,  very  red  in  the  face,  and  rather  exhausted, 
was  still  blowing  vigorously  into  his  cornet  when 
Gallagher  and  Doyle  entered  the  back-yard.  Gallagher 
went  straight  to  business  without  wasting  any  time  on 
preliminary  politeness. 

"  Will  you  stop  that  blasted  noise,"  he  said. 

Kerrigan  took  the  cornet  from  his  lips  and  gazed 
at  Gallagher  in  extreme  surprise. 


I90  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Speak  civil  to  the  boy,"  said  Doyle. 

"What  tune  is  that?"  said  Gallagher. 

"  What  Mr.  Gallagher's  meaning  to  say,"  said  Doyle, 
**  is  that  party  tunes  is  unsuitable  to  this  locality  where 
the  people  has  always  lived  in  peace  and  harmony, 
Protestant  and  Catholic  together,  and  respected  one 
another.  That's  what  Mr.  Gallagher  means,  and  if 
Constable  Moriarty  didn't  annoy  him  it's  what  he'd 
say." 

"  It's  a  tune  the  doctor  taught  me,"  said  young 
Kerrigan,  "  and  it's  a  fine  tune,  so  it  is." 

"  What's  the  name  of  it  ?  "  said  Gallagher. 

"  That,"  said  young  Kerrigan,  "  is  what  I  was  mean- 
ing to  ask  the  doctor  next  time  he  happened  to  be 
passing  but  if  you're  in  a  hurry  to  know,  Mr.  Gal- 
lagher, you  can  ask  him  yourself.  It's  likely  you'll 
be  seeing  him  before  I  do." 

Young  Kerrigan's  words  were  perfectly  civil;  but 
there  was  a  look  in  his  eyes  which  Gallagher  did  not 
like  and  the  tone  in  which  he  spoke  suggested  that  he 
meant  to  be  impudent. 

"  I'll  take  no  back  talk  from  you,"  said  Gallagher. 
"  What  tune  is  it  ?  " 

"  I  don't  know  what  tune  it  is,"  said  Kerrigan. 

"  You're  a  liar,"  said  Gallagher.  "  You  know  well 
what  tune  it  is." 

"  Speak  civil  now,  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "  speak  civil 
to  the  boy." 

"  I  may  be  a  liar,"  said  Kerrigan,  "  but  it's  the  truth 
I  told  vou  this  minute.     And  liar  or  no  liar  it's  the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  191 

truth  I'll  speak  now,  when  I  tell  you  that  I'm  not  near 
as  damned  a  liar  as  yourself,  Mr.  Gallagher.  So 
there's  for  you.  What  do  you  mean  by  telling  the 
American  gentleman  that  I  was  married  to  Mary  Ellen 
and  her  with  twins  ?  Was  that  a  lie  now  or  was  it  not  ? 
Twins!  Cock  the  like  of  that  one  up  with  twins!  If 
I'm  a  liar  I'd  tell  more  sensible  lies  than  that." 

"  Whisht,  now,  whisht,"  said  Doyle.  "  Sure  if  Mr. 
Gallagher  said  that,  isn't  the  girl  a  cousin  of  his  own, 
and  hadn't  he  the  best  right  to  say  it  ?  " 

"  Come  along  out  of  this,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  The  sooner  you're  gone  the  better  I'll  be  pleased," 
said  Kerrigan. 

*'  And  let  me  tell  you  this,  Mr.  Kerrigan,  junior. 
You'll  be  sorry  for  this  day's  work  for  the  longest  day 
ever  you  live.  When  the  League  boys  hear,  and  they 
will  hear,  about  the  tune  that  you  mean  to  play " 

"  Come  along  now,  Thady,"  said  Doyle.  "  Come 
along.  You've  enough  said.  We're  late  for  the  meet- 
ing of  the  committee  already,  and  we'll  be  later  yet 
if  you  don't  come  on.  You  wouldn't  like  to  keep 
Father  McCormack  waiting  on  you." 

'*  I've  had  enough  of  your  committee,"  said  Gal- 
lagher.    "  What's  your  statue  only  foolishness  ?  " 

"  Sure  everybody  knows  that,"  said  Doyle. 

"  And  what's  your  Lord-Lieutenant  only " 

"  Come  on,  now,"  said  Doyle,  "  isn't  it  for  the  benefit 
of  the  town  we're  doing  it?  And  it's  yourself  that's 
always  to  the  fore  when  there's  good  work  to  be  done." 

"  I  will  not  go  with  you,"  said  Gallagher. 


192  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

They  had  passed  through  Kerrigan's  shop  and 
reached  the  street,  when  Gallagher  delivered  this 
ultimatum.  Doyle  hesitated.  He  was  already  late  for 
the  committee  meeting.  If  he  waited  to  coax  Gal- 
lagher out  of  his  bad  temper  he  might  miss  the  meeting 
altogether.  He  looked  at  the  door  of  the  hotel. 
Father  McCormack  was  standing  at  it,  waiting,  per- 
haps, for  him  and  Gallagher. 

"  Come  now,  Thady,"  he  said,  "  have  sense.  Don't 
you  see  Father  McCormack  waiting  for  you?" 

"  I  see  him,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  And  don't  you  know  well  enough  that  you'll  have 
no  luck  if  you  go  against  the  clergy  ?  " 

The  appeal  was  a  strong  one,  and  had  he  been  in  any 
ordinary  temper  Gallagher  would  have  yielded  to  it  at 
once.  But  he  was  very  angry  indeed,  far  too  angry  to 
be  influenced  by  purely  religious  considerations.  He 
walked  straight  across  the  square  to  his  office,  entered 
it,  and  slammed  the  door  behind  him,  Doyle  followed 
him  as  far  as  the  threshold.  There  he  stopped  and 
looked  round.  He  saw  Father  McCormack  go  into 
the  hotel.  A  minute  later  Mrs.  Gregg  hurried  down 
the  street  and  went  into  the  hotel.  Doyle  sighed 
heavily  and  entered  Gallagher's  office.  Difficult  and 
unpleasant  as  his  task  was  likely  to  be,  he  felt  that  he 
must  propitiate  Thady  Gallagher. 

"  Thady,"  he  said,  "  is  there  a  drop  of  anything  to 
drink  in  the  place  ?  " 

"  There  is  not,"  said  Gallagher,  "  nor  I  wouldn't 
drink  it  if  there  was." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  193 

This  confirmed  Doyle's  view  of  the  extreme  serious- 
ness of  the  situation.  That  Gallagher  should  be  pre- 
pared to  defy  the  clergy  was  bad  enough.  That  he 
should  adopt  an  ascetic's  attitude  towards  drink  was 
worse.  But  Doyle  did  not  quite  believe  that  Gallagher 
meant  what  he  said.  He  opened  a  door  at  the  far  end 
of  the  office  and  whistled  loudly.  A  small  boy  who 
had  been  cleaning  type  in  the  printing-room,  appeared, 
rubbing  his  inky  hands  on  his  trousers. 

"  Michael  Antony,"  said  Doyle,  "  will  you  step 
across  to  the  hotel  and  tell  Mary  Ellen  to  give  you 
the  bottle  of  whisky  that  she'll  find  in  the  cupboard  in 
my  own  room  ?  If  you  can't  find  Mary  Ellen — and  it's 
hardly  ever  she  is  to  be  found  when  she's  wanted — you 
can  fetch  the  bottle  yourself.  If  you  don't  know  the 
way  to  my  room  you  ought  to," 

Michael  Antony,  who  was  very  well  accustomed  to 
errands  of  this  kind,  went  of¥  at  once.  Doyle  glanced 
at  Gallagher,  who  appeared  to  be  absorbed  in  com- 
pleting the  transcription  of  his  shorthand  notes,  the 
task  at  which  he  had  been  interrupted  in  the  morning 
by  young  Kerrigan's  cornet  playing.  He  seemed  to  be 
very  busy.  Doyle  got  up  and  left  the  room,  went  into 
the  kitchen  which  lay  beyond  the  printing-room,  and 
returned  with  two  tumblers  and  a  jug  of  water.  Gal- 
lagher looked  up  from  his  writing  for  an  instant. 
Doyle  noticed  with  pleasure  the  expression  of  violent 
anger  was  fading  from  his  eyes.  Michael  Antony, 
who  was  a  brisk  and  willing  boy,  returned  with  a  bottle 
rather  more  than  half  full  of  whisky. 


194  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Mary  Ellen  was  upstairs  along  with  a  lady,"  he 
said.     "  But  I  found  the  bottle." 

"  If  you  were  three  years  older,"  said  Doyle,  "  I'd 
give  you  a  drop  for  your  trouble.  But  it  wouldn't  be 
good  for  you,  Michael  Antony,  and  your  mother 
wouldn't  be  pleased  if  she  heard  you  were  taking  it." 

"  I  have  the  pledge  since  Christmas,  anyway,"  said 
Michael  Antony. 

"  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  when  the  boy  had  left  the 
room,  "  it's  a  drink  you  want  to  quench  the  rage  that's 
in  you." 

Gallagher  looked  up  from  his  papers.  He  did  not 
say  anything,  but  Doyle  understood  exactly  what  he 
would  have  said  if  his  pride  had  not  prevented  him 
from  speaking. 

"  The  width  of  two  fingers  in  the  bottom  of  the 
tumbler,"  said  Doyle,  "  with  as  much  water  on  top  of 
that  as  would  leave  you  free  to  say  that  you  weren't 
drinking  it  plain." 

The  amount  of  water  necessary  to  soothe  Gallagher's 
conscience  was  very  small.  Doyle  added  it  from  the 
jug  in  driblets  of  about  a  teaspoonful  at  a  time.  At 
the  sound  of  the  third  splash  Gallagher  raised  his  hand. 
Doyle  laid  down  the  jug  at  once.  Gallagher,  without 
looking  up  from  his  papers,  stretched  out  his  left  hand 
and  felt  about  until  he  grasped  the  tumbler.  He  raised 
it  to  his  lips  and  took  a  mouthful  of  whisky. 

"  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "  youVe  no  great  liking  for 
Mr.  Ford." 

"  I  have  not,''   said   Gallagher.     "  Isn't  he  always 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  195 

going  against  me  at  the  Petty  Sessions,  he  and  the 
old  Major  together,  and  treating  me  as  if  I  wasn't  a 
magistrate  the  same  as  the  best  of  them  ? " 

"  He  does  that,  and  it's  a  crying  shame,  so  it  is, 
that  he's  allowed  to;  but  sure  that's  the  way  things 
are  in  this  country." 

Gallagher  took  another  gulp  of  whisky  and  waited. 
Doyle  said  nothing  more.  He  appeared  to  have  noth- 
ing more  to  say  and  to  have  mentioned  Mr.  Ford's 
name  merely  for  the  sake  of  making  conversation. 
But  Gallagher  wished  to  develop  the  subject. 

"What  about  Mr.  Ford?"  he  said,  after  a  long 
silence. 

"  He's  terrible  down  on  the  erection  of  the  statue 
to  General  John  Regan." 

"  Fm  that  myself,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  Mr.  Ford  will  be  pleased  when  he  hears  it ;  for 
there'll  be  no  statue  if  you  set  your  face  against  it. 
It'll  be  then  that  Mr.  Ford  will  be  proud  of  himself. 
He'll  be  saying  all  round  the  s:ountry  that  it  was  him 
put  a  stop  to  it." 

"  It  will  not  be  him  that  put  a  stop  to  it." 

"  It's  what  he'll  say,  anyway,"  said  Doyle. 

Gallagher  finished  his  whisky  in  two  large  gulps. 

"  Let  him,"  he  said. 

"  Have  another  drop,"  said  Doyle.  "  It's  doing 
you  good." 

Gallagher  pushed  his  tumbler  across  the  table. 
Doyle  replenished  it. 

"  I'd  be  sorry,"  said  Doyle,  "  if  Mr.  Ford  was  to 


196  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

be  able  to  say  he'd  got  the  better  of  you,  Thady,  in  a 
matter  of  the  kind." 

"  It'll  not  be  me  he'll  get  the  better  of." 

*'  He'll  say  it,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  what's  more  there's 
them  that  will  believe  it.  For  they'll  say,  recollecting 
the  speech  you  made  on  Tuesday,  that  you  were  in 
favour  of  the  statue,  and  that  only  for  Mr.  Ford  you'd 
have  had  it." 

"  If  I  thought  that "  said  Gallagher. 

"  Come  along  over  now  to  the  committee,"  said 
Doyle,  "  and  we'll  have  the  statue  just  in  derision  of 
him." 

"  It  isn't  the  statue  that  I'm  objecting  to,"  said 
Gallagher,  "  nor  it  isn't  the  notion  of  a  new  pier. 
You  know  that,  Doyle." 

"  I  do,  of  course." 

"  And  if  it's  the  wish  of  the  people  of  this  locality 
that  there  should  be  a  statue " 

"  It  is  the  wish,"  said  Doyle.  "  Didn't  you  say 
yourself  that  the  people  was  unanimous  about  it  after 
the  meeting  in  the  market  square  ?  " 

Gallagher  rose  from  his  chair  and  pushed  his  papers 
back  on  the  table.  He  crushed  his  soft  hat  down  on 
the  back  of  his  head  and  turned  to  the  door. 

"  Come  on,"  he  said. 

"  I  knew  well,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  you'd  do  what- 
ever was  right  in  the  latter  end.  And  as  for  the  tune 
that  was  troubling  you,  it's  even  money  that  the  band 
will  never  play  it.  Father  McCormack  was  telling  me 
yesterday  that  the  big  drum's  broke  on  them  on  account 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  197 

of  one  of  the  boys  giving  it  a  kind  of  a  slit  with  the 
point  of  a  knife.  The  band  will  hardly  ever  be  able  to 
play  that  tune  or  any  other  tune  when  they  haven't 
got  a  big  drum." 


CHAPTER  XIII 

"]%  yr  AJOR  KENT  passed  through  the  narrow  hall  of 
-*'^-"-  the  hotel,  went  up  a  flight  of  stairs  and  entered 
the  commercial  room.  Mary  Ellen  was  on  her  hands 
and  knees  under  the  table  which  stood  in  the  middle  of 
the  room'.  She  was  collecting  the  corks  which  had 
offended  Doyle's  eye.  There  were  more  than  three 
of  them.  She  had  four  in  her  left  hand,  and  was 
stretching  out  to  grasp  two  more  when  the  Major  en- 
tered the  room.  As  soon  as  she  saw  him  she 
abandoned  the  pursuit  of  the  corks,  crept  out  from  un- 
derneath the  table,  and  stood  looking  at  the  Major. 
She  expected  him  to  order  a  drink  of  some  sort.  Most 
people  who  entered  Doyle's  commercial  room  ordered 
drinks.  The  Major  was  slightly  embarrassed.  Mary 
Ellen  evidently  expected  him  to  say  something  to  her, 
and  he  did  not  know  what  to  say.  He  did  not  want  a 
drink,  and  he  could  not  think  of  any  subject  of  con- 
versation likely  to  interest  a  tousled  girl  who  had  just 
been  crawling  about  the  floor  on  her  hands  and  knees. 
At  last  he  said  "  Good  morning."  Mary  Ellen  gaped 
at  him  and  then  smiled.  The  Major,  recollecting  that 
it  was  half-past  one  o'clock,  and  therefore  no  longer 
morning,  said  that  it  was  a  fine  evening.     Mary  Ellen's 

198 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  199 

smile  broadened.  The  Major  expressed  a  polite  hope 
that  she  was  quite  well.  He  thought  of  shaking  hands 
with  her,  and  wished  that  he  had  brought  a  pair  of 
gloves  with  him.  Mary  Ellen's  hands  were  certainly- 
dirty  and  they  looked  hot.  But  he  was  not  obliged  to 
shake  hands.  Mary  Ellen  realised  that  he  was  a  kind 
of  man  new  to  her,  one  who  did  not  want  a  drink.  She 
left  the  room,  came  back  again  almost  at  once  for  the 
broom  which  she  had  forgotten,  and  then  left  deci- 
sively, slamming  the  door. 

The  Major  crossed  the  room  and  looked  out  of  the 
window.  He  saw  Doyle  and  Gallagher  go  into  Kerri- 
gan's shop,  and  wondered  vaguely  what  they  wanted 
there.  He  saw  Constable  Moriarty  telling  a  story, 
evidently  of  a  humorous  kind,  to  Sergeant  Colgan,  at 
the  door  of  the  police  barrack.  The  story — he  judged 
from  Moriarty 's  gestures — had  something  to  do  with 
Doyle  and  Gallagher.  He  wondered,  without  much 
real  interest,  what  the  story  was.  There  was  nothing 
else  of  an  exciting  kind  to  be  seen  from  the  window. 
The  Major  turned  and  walked  to  the  opposite  corner 
of  the  room.  He  stood  in  front  of  a  small  square  ma- 
hogany table.  On  it  was  a  stuffed  fox  in  a  glass  case. 
The  Major  looked  at  it  carefully  from  several  points 
of  view.  It  was  a  very  ordinary  fox,  and  appeared  to 
have  been  stuffed  a  long  time.  Moths  had  eaten  the 
fur  off  its  back  in  several  places,  and  one  of  its  eyes, 
which  were  made  of  bright  brown  beads,  was  hanging 
from  the  socket  by  a  thread.  The  glass  of  the  case 
was    exceedingly    dusty.     The    Major,    finding    the 


200  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

fox  dull  and  rather  disgusting,  left  it  and  went  over 
to  the  fireplace.  Over  the  chimney  piece  hung  a  por- 
trait of  a  very  self-satisfied  priest  who  looked  as  if  he 
had  just  dined  well.  A  gold  Latin  cross,  attached  to 
a  black  ribbon  watch  guard,  rested  gracefully  on  the 
large  stomach  of  the  man.  The  stomach  struck  the 
Major  as  one  which  was  usually  distended  to  its  ut- 
most capacity.  The  portrait  was  remarkable  for  that 
fuzziness  of  outline  which  seems  to  be  inevitable  in  en- 
larged photographs.  The  frame  was  a  very  handsome 
one,  elaborately  carved  and  gilt. 

Next  the  picture  of  the  priest,  unframed  and  at- 
tached to  the  wall  with  tacks,  was  a  large  coloured  sup- 
plement, taken  from  an  American  paper.  It  presented 
a  famous  boxer  stripped  to  the  waist  in  the  act  of  shak- 
ing hands  with  a  dejected-looking  opponent.  Under- 
neath his  large  picture  was  a  list  of  the  boxer's  most 
famous  conflicts,  with  date  and  a  note  of  the  number 
of  rounds  which  each  victim  had  survived.  Round  the 
central  picture  were  twelve  small  ones,  in  which  the 
hero  appeared  in  the  act  of  felling  other  fighters,  not 
so  heroic  or  less  muscular.  The  Major,  who  had  done 
some  boxing  in  his  day,  looked  at  the  picture  with 
critical  interest.  Then  Father  McCormack  entered  the 
room. 

"  I'm  in  good  time  after  all,"  he  said.  "  I  was 
afraid,  maybe,  the  meeting  might  be  over  when  I  saw 
Doyle  and  Thady  Gallagher  going  into  the  office  of  the 
Connacht  Eagle  after  leaving  Kerrigan's  shop." 

*'  You're  time  enough,"  said  the  Major.     "  If  you're 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  '201 

not  more  than  half-an-hour  late  it's  time  enough  for 
any  meeting  that's  held  in  this  town." 

'*  That's  true  too/'  said  Father  McCormack.  "  As  a 
general  rule  that's  true  enough.  But  I've  known 
meetings  that  was  over  and  done  with  before  the  time 
when  they  ought  to  be  beginning.  That  would  be 
when  there  might  be  something  to  be  done  at  them  that 
some  of  the  members  would  be  objecting  to  if  they 
were  there.  I've  known  that  happen,  and  I  shouldn't 
wonder  if  you'd  been  caught  that  way  yourself  before 
now." 

"  So  far  as  I  know,"  said  the  Major,  "  nothing  of 
the  sort  has  happened  this  time.  There's  no  reason 
why  it  should.  When  anything  as  silly  as  this  statue 
business  is  on  hand  everybody  is  sure  to  be  unani- 
mously in  favour  of  it." 

"  That's  true  enough.  But  where's  the  rest  of  the 
committee  ?  " 

"  Nobody  has  turned  up  so  far,  except  myself,"  said 
the  Major. 

"Well,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "I'm  as  well 
pleased.  To  tell  you  the  truth.  Major,  I'm  glad  of  the 
chance  of  a  few  minutes  quiet  talk  with  you  while  we 
have  the  place  to  ourselves.  I  thought  it  my  duty,  and 
you'll  understand  me  that  I'm  not  casting  reflections 
on  you  nor  yet  on  the  doctor,  and  I'd  be  sorry  to  say  a 
word  against  Doyle,  or  for  the  matter  of  that  against 
Thady  Gallagher,  though  it  would  be  better  if  he  had 
more  sense.  But  anyway,  I  thought  it  my  duty  to 
acquaint  the  bishop  with  what  was  going  on." 


202  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  The  statue  idea?  "  said  the  Major.  "  Well,  what 
did  he  say  ?  I  don't  know  your  bishop  personally,  but 
I  suppose  a  man  could  hardly  be  in  his  position  if  he 
was  altogether  a  fool." 

"  Believe  me  or  not  as  you  like,"  said  Father  Mc- 
Cormack,  "  but  when  I  got  the  bishop's  answer  to  my 
letter,  it  turned  out  that  he  knew  no  more  than  myself 
about  General  John  Regan." 

"  That  doesn't  surprise  me  in  the  least.  I  don't  be- 
lieve any  one  knows  who  he  was." 

"  What  the  bishop  said  was  that  it  might  look  queer 
if  I  was  to  take  no  part  in  the  proceedings  when  the 
Lord-Lieutenant  was  coming  to  unveil  the  statue." 

"  That  puts  you  in  a  safe  position  anyhow,"  said 
the  Major.  "  If  it  turns  out  afterwards  that  there  is 
anything  fishy  about  the  General,  the  bishop  and  the 
Lord-Lieutenant  will  have  to  share  the  blame  between 
them." 

"  What  I  want  to  know  from  you,"  said  Father  Mc- 
Cormack,  "  is  this :  Is  the  Lord-Lieutenant  coming 
or  is  he  not?  " 

"  I've  only  got  the  doctor's  word  for  it.  He  says 
he  is."  ^ 

"  The  doctor's  a  fine  man,  and  there's  not  many 
things  he'd  set  his  hand  to  but  he'd  carry  them  through 
at  the  latter  end.  But  the  Lord-Lieutenant!  The 
Lord-Lieutenant  is — well  now,  do  you  think  it  likely 
that  the  Lord-Lieutenant  is  coming  down  here  ?  " 

"  It's  not  the  least  likely,"  said  the  Major,  '*  but 
there's  nothing  about  this  whole  business  that  is.     It 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  203 

isn't  likely  in  my  opinion  that  there  was  such  a  person 
as  General  John  Regan.  It  wasn't  likely  beforehand 
that  we'd  subscribe  to  put  up  a  statue  to  him.  I  don't 
see  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant  is  any  more  unlikely  than 
lots  of  other  things  that  have  happened." 

*'  Fm  glad  to  hear  you  say  that,"  said  Father  Mc- 
Cormack. 

He  and  Major  Kent  were  standing  together  at  the 
window  while  they  talked.  Neither  of  them  noticed 
that  Mary  Ellen  had  come  into  the  room.  She  stood 
for  some  time  near  the  door,  hoping  that  either  the 
Major  or  Father  McCormack  would  look  round. 
Neither  of  them  did,  so  she  sidled  slowly  into  the  room 
and  stood  beside  the  stuffed  fox.  She  was  a  very  well 
mannered  girl,  and  most  unwilling  to  interrupt  an 
earnest,  possibly  an  important  conversation.  When 
Father  McCormack  made  his  last  remark  she  felt  that 
her  chance  had  come.  It  was  evident  from  the  tone  in 
which  he  spoke,  that  he  and  the  Major  had  reached 
a  more  or  less  satisfactory  conclusion  of  their  business. 
She  coughed,  and  then  tapped  lightly  with  her  knuckles 
on  the  glass  case  of  the  stuffed  fox.  Both  Father  Mc- 
Cormack and  the  Major  looked  round. 

"  There's  a  lady  below,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  A  lady!  "  said  Major  Kent.  "  Surely  to  goodness 
we're  not  going  to  have  women  on  this  committee. 
Things  are  bad  enough  without  that." 

"  Who  is  she  ?  "  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  It's  Mrs.  Gregg."  said  Mary  Ellen,  "  and  it's  the 
doctor  she's  asking  for.** 


204  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

''  The  doctor's  not  here,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  Can't  you  see  that  for  yourself?  " 

*'  If  it's  Mrs.  Gregg,"  said  the  Major,  "  you'd  better 
show  her  up.  You  can't  leave  her  standing  by  herself 
in  the  hall  till  the  doctor  chooses  to  come.  I  wish  to 
goodness  he  would  come.  I  can't  think  why  he  isn't 
here.     This  is  his  show  entirely." 

Mrs.  Gregg  came  into  the  room  while  the  Major  was 
speaking.  She  looked  agitated  and,  in  spite  of  the 
fact  that  she  had  been  waiting  downstairs  for  nearly 
ten  minutes,  was  almost  breathless. 

"Oh,  Major  Kent,"  she  said,  **  where's  Dr. 
O'Grady?  Such  a  dreadful  thing  has  happened.  I 
don't  know  what  to  do.  Just  fancy — Mrs.  Ford  has 
written  to  me " 

"  There's  no  use  appealing  to  me,"  said  the  Major. 
**  I  can't  do  anything  with  Mrs.  Ford.  She  and  I  are 
hardly  on  speaking  terms.  It's  not  my  fault — at  least 
I  don't  think  it  is — but  you  must  see  Mrs.  Gregg,  that 
I  can't  interfere  abuut  any  letter  she  may  have  written 
to  you." 

Mrs.  Gregg  shook  hands  with  Father  McCormack, 
but  her  head  was  turned  away  from  him  as  she  did  so. 
She  had  little  hope  that  he  could  interfere  effectually 
to  settle  the  difficulty  created  by  Mrs.  Ford. 

"  Dr.  O'Grady  said  that  I " 

The  Major  interrupted  her. 

"  You'd  far  better  wait  till  the  doctor  comes,"  he 
said.     "  He'll  be  here  in  a  minute." 

"  But  I  can't  wait.     Mrs.  Ford  is  down  at  the  dress- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  205 

maker's  now.     It'll  be  too  late  if  I  wait.     What  am 
I  to  do?     It  will  spoil  the  whole  thing  if  Mrs.  Ford 


insists " 

Dr.  O'Grady  came  in.  He  was  whistling  cheerfully, 
not  "Rule,  Britannia,"  but  a  harmless  Irish  jig. 

"Hullo!"  he  said.  "You  here.  Major.  Good. 
And  Father  McCormack.  There's  nothing  like  punc- 
tuality. And  Mrs.  Gregg.  How  do  you  do,  Mrs. 
Gregg?  Everything  going  on  all  right  about  Mary 
Ellen's  costume? " 

'*  Oh,  no,  it  isn't.  But  I'm  so  glad  you've  come. 
Mrs.  Ford " 

"  Excuse  me  one  moment,  Mrs.  Gregg,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  I  just  want  to  ask  Father  McCormack 
one  question.  Listen  now,  Father  McCormack.  Do 
you  know  this  tune  ?  " 

He  began  to  whistle  "  Rule,  Britannia."  When  he 
was  about  half  way  through  Mrs.  Gregg  interrupted 
him. 

"  I  can't  wait,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg.  "  I  really  can't. 
Mrs.  Ford  is  at  the  dressmaker's  and " 

"  I'll  attend  to  that  in  one  minute,  Mrs.  Gregg. 
But  I  must  get  Father  McCormack's  opinion  on  this 
tune  first.  Doyle  and  Gallagher  may  arrive  at  any 
moment,  and  then  I  shan't  be  able  to  go  into  the  ques- 
tion. Now  Father  McCormack,  do  you  recognise  the 
tune  I  whistled  you?  " 

"  I've  heard  it,"  said  Father  IMcCormack,  "  and  to 
the  best  of  my  belief  it  was  at  a  military  tournament  up 
in  Dublin  last  year." 


2o6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

''  It's  *  Rule,  Britannia,'  "  said  the  Major.  "  And  if 
it's  played  in  this  town  there'll  be  a  row." 

"  There  mi^ht  be,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  if 
Thady  Gallagher  knows  what  tune  it  is." 

"  He  won't,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  ''  You  didn't  know 
yourself.  Father  McCormack,  and  if  you  didn't  I'm 
quite  satisfied  that  Thady  Gallagher  won't.  We  can 
count  on  your  keeping  your  mouth  shut.  Major,  I  sup- 
pose. Now,  Mrs.  Gregg,  what  has  Mrs.  Ford  been 
doing?" 

"  She  says,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg,  "  that  Mary  Ellen  is 
to  wear  a  plain  dark  grey  tweed  dress,  and  I  had  it 
all  planned  out " 

"White  muslin,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "with  a  silk 
slip.     I  remember." 

"  It'd  look  perfectly  sweet,'*  said  Mrs.  Gregg,  "  and 
I  took  her  to  the  dressmaker  yesterday  evening  just  as 
you  told  me.  I  had  the  whole  thing  arranged.  She 
was  to  have  a  blue  sash." 

"  I  was,"  said  Mary  Ellen,  who  was  still  standing 
beside  the  stuffed  fox. 

"  And  Mrs.  Ford  agreed  at  the  time,"  said  Mrs. 
Gregg,  "  and  now  I've  just  got  a  note  from  her  saying 
that  a  dark  grey  tweed  would  be  much  more  suitable 
because  it  would  be  useful  afterwards." 

"  It  seems  to  me,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  you 
haven't  managed  this  business  quite  as  tactfully  as  I 
expected  you  would." 

"  Mrs.  Ford  said  she  was  going  straight  to  the  dress- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  207 

maker  to  order  the  grey  tweed.     She's  there  now,  most 
likely," 

Mrs.  Gregg's  voice  had  a  break  in  it.  It  seemed  to 
Dr.  O'Grady  that  she  was  on  the  verge  of  tears.  He 
turned  to  Mary  Ellen. 

*'  Which  would  you  rather  have,  Mary  Ellen,  a  white 
muslin  frock,  or  a  grey  tweed,  one  that  would  be  use- 
ful to  you  afterwards  ?  Don't  be  in  a  hurry  to  decide. 
Think  it  well  over." 

Mary  Ellen  seemed  very  well  inclined  to  take  this 
advice.  She  stood  quite  silent  with  one  of  her  fingers 
pressed  against  the  corner  of  her  mouth.  She  was 
thinking  deeply. 

"  I  can't  bear  to  have  everything  I  settled  upset  by 
that  woman,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg.  "  I  wish  you'd  never 
made  me  ask  her  to  help.     I  wish  I'd  never " 

"  We  had  to  keep  her  in  a  good  temper,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady. 

"You'll  not  be  able  to  do  that,"  said  the  Major, 
"  nobody  could." 

"  It's  nothing  but  spite  makes  her  do  it,"  said  Mrs. 
Gregg.  "  It's  just  because  I'm  presenting  a  bouquet 
and  she's  not." 

"Hang  it  all!"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "It  can't  be 
that.  I  told  her  distinctly  that  she'd  be  allowed  to 
hand  over  the  illuminated  address.  What  more  can 
she  want?  " 

"  It's  all  spite  and  jealousy,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg,  "  and 
Mary  Ellen  will  look  perfectly  hideous." 


2o8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Mary  Ellen,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  have  you  made 
up  your  mind  yet  which  of  those  two  dresses  you'd 
like?" 

"  I  have,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  She'd  like  the  white  muslin,  of  course/'  said  Mrs. 
Gregg.     "  No  girl  would  choose " 

"  I'd  like  the  both  of  them,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  You  shall  have  them,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  That's 
the  best  way  I  see  out  of  the  difficulty.  Mrs.  Gregg, 
you  get  the  dress  you  want  for  her,  privately,  without 
saying  a  word  about  it.  Agree  with  everything  Mrs. 
Ford  says,  and  let  her  order  a  red  flannel  petticoat  if 
she  likes." 

"  But  which  will  she  wear?  "  said  Mrs.  Gregg,  "  for 
if  she's  to  be  dressed  in  a  ridiculous  stuffy  grey 
tweed " 

"  She'll  wear  your  one,  of  course,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  She'll  put  it  on  and  stand  in  the  middle  of  the  square 
just  underneath  the  statue.  There'll  be  a  large  crowed 
of  people,  and  it  will  be  too  late  for  Mrs.  Ford  to  do 
anything.  She  can't  change  the  girl's  clothes  in  the 
street." 

"  Don't  count  on  any  delicacy  of  feeling  in  Mrs. 
Ford,"  said  the  Major. 

"And  will  I  have  the  both  of  the  dresses  after?" 
said  Mary  Ellen. 

"  You  will,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  unless  Mrs.  Ford 
manages  to  drag  the  grey  tweed  one  away  from  you.'* 

"  She'll  be  furious,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg. 

"  She  may  be  as  furious  as  she  likes  then,"  said  Dr. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  209 

O'Grady.  "  She  won't  be  able  to  show  it  while  the 
Lord-Lieutenant's  wife  is  shaking  hands  with  her  out 
of  the  motor-car,  and  it  won't  matter  to  us  what  she 
does  afterwards.  The  only  thing  we  have  to  be  care- 
ful about  is  to  keep  her  in  a  good  temper " 

"  You  can't  do  that,"  said  the  Major. 

"  In  as  good  a  temper  as  possible  between  this  and 
then.  And  now,  Mrs.  Gregg,  if  you'll  excuse  my  say- 
ing so,  I  think  you  and  Mary  Ellen  had  better  trot  off 
to  the  dressmaker.  If  any  further  difficulty  arises 
refer  to  me  at  once.  But  I  don't  see  how  anything  can. 
All  you've  got  to  do  is  to  let  Mrs.  Ford  have  her 
own  way,  and  give  your  orders  when  she's  gone 
home." 

Mrs.  Gregg  did  not  seem  entirely  satisfied  with  this 
settlement  of  her  difficulty,  but  she  and  Mary  Ellen 
went  off  together  to  meet  Mrs.  Ford  at  the  dress- 
maker's. 

"  Women,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  are  the  devil." 

He  was  not  much  better  satisfied  than  Mrs.  Gregg 
was  with  his  new  plan.  He  foresaw  very  serious 
difficulties  in  carrying  it  out. 

**  You've  no  one  but  yourself  to  thank  for  all  this 
bother !  "  said  the  Major.  "  There  wasn't  the  slightest 
necessity  to  have  Mary  Ellen  in  the  affair  at  all, 
dressed  or  undressed." 

Dr.  O'Grady  was  not  listening  to  a  word  the  Major 
said.  He  was  thinking  deeply.  His  face  lightened 
suddenly  and  he  rushed  across  the  room  to  the  door. 

"  Mrs.  Gregg !  "  he  shouted.     "  Mrs.  Gregg !     Just 


210  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

one  moment.  I've  got  a  capital  suggestion  to  make, 
one  to  which  there  can  be  no  possible  objection  from 
any  point  of  view.'* 

He  ran  downstairs.  Father  McCormack  went  to 
the  door  and  looked  after  him.  Then  he  turned  and 
addressed  the  Major. 

"  You  might  go  a  long  journey,"  he  said,  "  before 
you'd  meet  the  equal  of  the  doctor." 

The  Major  received  this  remark  in  silence.  He  was 
of  opinion  that  a  man  who  went  a  long  journey  in 
order  to  discover  a  second  Dr.  O'Grady  would  be  a 
fool. 

"  Tell  me  this/'  said  Father  McCormack.  "  What 
relation  is  Mary  Ellen  to  the  General  ?  " 

"  I've  never  been  able  to  make  that  out  for  certain. 
Sometimes  I'm  told  she's  his  niece,  and  sometimes  his 
grand-niece." 

Father  McCormack  looked  round  him  cautiously  and 
sank  his  voice  to  a  whisper. 

"  Is  she  any  relation  at  all  ?  "  he  said  slowly. 

"  No  more  than  you  are  to  the  Sultan  of  Turkey." 

"  I  was  thinking  as  much  myself,"  said  Father  Mc- 
Cormack. 

Dr.  O'Grady,  having  finished  his  talk  with  Mrs. 
Gregg,  entered  the  room  again. 

"  Fve  settled  that  matter  satisfactorily  anyhow,"  he 
said.  "  It  occurred  to  me  just  after  Mrs.  Gregg  had 
left  the  room,  that  some  sort  of  fancy  dress  for  the  girl 
would  be  likely  to  please  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  and 
would  be  a  compromise  which  both  ladies  could  accept 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  211 

without  loss  of  dignity.  Mary  Ellen  is  to  be  rigged 
out  as  a  traditional  Irish  colleen,  the  sort  you  see  on  the 
picture  postcards  they  sell  to  tourists  in  Dublin.  Mrs. 
Gregg  is  delighted,  and  Mrs.  Ford  can't  possibly  say 
that  a  crimson  flannel  skirt  won't  be  useful  to  her  after- 
wards. She'll  look  uncommonly  well,  and  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  will  be  all  the  more  inclined  to  believe  that 
the    General    was    an    Irishman    when    he    sees    his 


niece 

"  Tell  me  this,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  is  she  a 
niece  of  the  General  or  is  she  not  ?  " 

"  The  grand-niece,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  She's  neither  the  one  nor  the  other,"  said  the 
Major. 

Dr.  O'Grady  glanced  at  Father  McCormack.  He 
saw  by  the  look  on  the  priest's  face  that  there  was  no 
use  trying  to  prove  Mary  Ellen's  relationship.  He 
laughed  good-naturedly,  and  at  once  offered  a  satis- 
factory explanation  of  the  position. 

"  Mr.  Billing,"  he  said,  "  insisted  on  our  producing 
some  sort  of  relative  for  the  dead  General.  He 
wouldn't  have  given  that  iioo  if  we  hadn't.  Now 
what  I  say  is  this " 

"  You'd  say  anything,"  said  the  Major. 

"  I'm  not  talking  to  you  now,  Major.  I'm  talking 
to  Father  McCormack,  who's  a  man  of  sense,  with 
some  knowledge  of  the  world.  The  way  I'm  putting 
it  to  him  is  this :  Supposing  there  was  a  job  going  a 
begging,  a  nice  comfortable  job  under  the  Government, 
with  no  particular  duties  attached  to  it,  except  just  to 


212  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

look  pleasant  and  be  generally  agreeable — there  are 
such  jobs." 

"  Plenty,  plenty,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  And  they're  well  paid,"  said  the  Major. 

"  And  supposing  that  you  were  asked  to  nominate 

a  man  for  the  post "  Dr.  O'Grady  still  addressed 

himself  only  to  Father  McCormack.  "  You  might  be, 
you  know.  In  fact  you,  and  other  people  in  your  po- 
sition often  are,  though  there's  always  supposed  to  be 
a  competitive  examination." 

"  Nobody  believes  in  examinations,"  said  the  Major. 

"  That's  exactly  what  I'm  saying,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Now  what  would  you  do  in  a  case  of  the  kind?  As 
a  matter  of  fact  what  do  you  do?  What  did  you  do 
when  they  were  appointing  a  secretary  to  the  Old-Age 
Pension  Committee?" 

"  I'd  look  out  for  some  decent  poor  fellow,"  said 
Father  McCormack.  "  One  that  might  be  wanting 
something  of  the  kind,  a  man  that  nobody  would  have 
anything  particular  to  say  against." 

"  You  wouldn't  spend  a  lot  of  time  arguing  about 
whether  there  ought  to  be  such  a  secretary  or  not?" 

"  I  would  not,  of  course,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  What  would  be  the  use?  If  the  job's  there  and  a 
man's  wanted  I'd  have  no  business  talking  about  the 
rights  or  wrongs  of  it  beyond  saying  that  the  salary 
ought  to  be  a  bit  larger." 

"Exactly,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "Now  that's  just 
what's  happened  in  this  case.     It  isn't  exactly  a  job, 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  213 

under  the  Government,  not  under  our  Government, 
though  it  may  lead  on  to  something  in  Bolivia.  Here's 
a  dead  General  that  has  to  be  fitted  out  with  a 
niece " 

'*  You  said  a  grand-niece  a  minute  ago,"  said  the 
Major. 

"  The  principle's  the  same,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  What  I'm  trying  to  get  you  to  see  is  that  Mary 
Ellen  may  just  as  well  step  into  the  position  as  any- 
one else." 

"  When  you  put  it  that  way,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack,  "  there's  no  more  to  be  said.  The  girl's  a  de- 
cent girl,  and  I  wouldn't  stand  in  the  way  of  her  better- 
ing herself." 

"  She'll  be  the  better  by  a  new  dress,  anyway !  "  said 
the  Major.  "  I  don't  know  that  she'll  benefit  in  any 
other  way.     But  that's  something." 

"  I  rather  think,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  I  hear 
Doyle  downstairs.  We'll  be  able  to  get  on  with  the 
business  of  the  committee  now,  whether  he  has  Thady 
with  him  or  not.     We've  wasted  time  enough." 

"  We'll  waste  a  lot  more  before  we've  done,"  said  the 
Major.  "  The  whole  thing's  waste  of  time.  There'll 
never  be  a  statue  in  Ballymoy  either  to  General  John 
Regan  or  to  anyone  else." 


CHAPTER  XIV 

DOYLE'S  face  expressed  satisfaction  and  great 
gratification.  He  walked  quite  flauntingly  when 
he  crossed  the  room  to  shake  hands  with  Father  Mc- 
Cormack.  Doyle's  usual  gait  was  a  slouch.  The  or- 
dinary expression  of  his  face  was  one  of  sulky  watch- 
fulness. Dr.  O'Grady  noticed  his  smile  and  the  spring 
in  his  step.  He  at  once  came  to  the  conclusion  that 
Doyle  had  done  something  of  which  he  was  very  proud. 
Gallagher  followed  Doyle  into  the  room.  He  walked 
heavily  and  looked  round  him  suspiciously  under  the 
half-closed  lids  of  his  eyes.  Dr.  O'Grady  felt  certain 
that  he  had  been  in  some  way  bullied  or  tricked  by 
Doyle.  He  felt  satisfied.  Gallagher's  devotion  to  the 
statue  scheme  was  doubtful,  and  Gallagher  might  be 
very  objectionable  if  he  :chose.  Doyle,  on  the  other 
hand,  could  be  counted  on  to  do  his  best  for  the  plan 
which  promised  him  considerable  gain. 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  now  that  we  are 
all  assembled,  we  ought  to  get  to  business  at  once.  I 
propose  that  Father  McCormack  takes  the  chair." 

"  I  second  that,"  said  Gallagher. 

He  spoke  with  fierce  determination,  as  if  he  expected 
someone  to  object  to  Father  McCormack's  taking  the 
chair,  and  intended  to  struggle  desperately  to  get  the 

214 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  215 

proposition  carried  in  the  teeth  of  strong  opposition. 
He  looked  at  Doyle  and  then  at  Major  Kent;  but 
neither  one  nor  other  of  them  showed  any  sign  of 
wanting  to  argue  with  him.  Father  McCormack  sat 
down  heavily  on  a  chair  at  the  end  of  the  table. 

"  What  I  say,"  Gallagher  went  on,  "  and  what  I've 
always  said,  is  that  the  priests  is  the  natural  leaders 
of  the  people  of  Ireland.  There's  them  that  think's 
different,  but  the  heart  of  the  people  is  sound  in  this 
matter,  and  so  long  as  priests  and  people  stands  to- 
gether, shoulder  to  shoulder,  in  the  cause  of  faith 
and  fatherland " 

"  That'll  do  you  now,  Thady,"  said  Doyle. 

He  was  watching  Major  Kent  a  little  uneasily.  The 
Major  had  sat  down  at  Father  McCormack's  right 
hand  and  was  tapping  with  his  fingers  on  the  table. 
As  a  Protestant  and  a  strong  Unionist  the  Major  could 
not  be  expected  to  be  enthusiastic  about  either  faith  or 
fatherland  as  Gallagher  understood  them. 

Gallagher  was  unfortunately  in  an  aggressive 
mood.  He  was  not  drunk.  It  took  a  great  deal  to 
make  Gallagher  drunk;  but  the  two  strong  glasses  of 
whisky  which  Doyle  had  given  him  made  him  anxious 
to  assert  his  political  and  religious  principles. 

"  There's  men  among  us,"  he  said,  "  men  who  ought 
to  know  better,  that  has  their  hearts  set  on  sowing  dis- 
sension between  the  priests  and  people.  But  if  they 
think  that  they'll  be  able  to  introduce  French  atheism 
into  Ireland,  chasing  the  nuns  out  of  their  homes,  and 
putting  insults " 


2i6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Dr.  O'Grady  had  drawn  a  bundle  of  papers  from 
his  pocket  and  laid  them  on  the  table  before  him. 

"  Our  first  business,  gentlemen,"  he  said,  "  is  to 
settle  about  the  illuminated  address  which  Mrs.  Ford 
has  kindly  consented  to  present  to  the  Lord-Lieuten- 
ant." 

Thady  Gallagher  glared  at  Dr.  O'Grady  savagely. 
He  did  not  like  being  interrupted  in  the  middle  of  a 
speech. 

"  Order,  gentlemen,  order,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack,  nervously  tapping  the  table  with  his  pencil. 

"  With  regard  to  the  illuminated  address,"  said 
Doyle,  "  I'm  of  opinion  that  the  carrying  out  of  it 
should  be  given  into  the  hands  of  a  Dublin  firm.  It's 
our  duty  to  support  Irish  manufacture.  There's  too 
much  money  sent  over  to  England  that  might  be  far 
better  kept  at  home.  You'll  agree  with  me  there, 
Thady." 

"  What  are  you  going  to  say  in  the  address  ?  "  said 
the  Major. 

"  Oh,  the  usual  things,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  *T  don't 
think  we  need  go  into  that  in  detail.  All  addresses  are 
pretty  much  the  same." 

"  I  won't  sign  my  name  to  anything  political,"  said 
the  Major. 

"  I'm  with  you  there,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  It's  one  of  the  curses  of  this  country  the  way  politics 
are  dragged  into  business." 

"  Nobody  wants  politics,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  The 
address   will  contain  nothing  but  nice  little  compli- 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  217 

ments  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant  with  a  word  or  two 
about  the  value  of  piers  put  in  at  the  end." 

"  If  the  matter's  left  in  the  hands  of  the  firm  I  have 
in  mind,"  said  Doyle,  "  it'll  be  done  right.  They've 
illuminated  three-quarters  of  the  addresses  that  have 
been  presented  in  the  country,  and  whether  it's  a  bank 
manager  or  a  priest  going  on  a  new  mission,  or  a  Lord- 
Lieutenant  that  the  address  is  for,  the  firm  I  mean 
w411  know  what  to  put  into  it.  They've  had  the  expe- 
rience, and  experience  is  what  is  wanted." 

"  We'll  give  him  names  and  dates,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  and  tell  him  that  this  is  a  seaport  town 
with  no  proper  pier.  With  that  information  any  fool 
could  draw  up  the  text  of  an  illuminated  address.  I 
propose  that  the  matter  be  left  in  the  hands  of  a  sub- 
committee consisting  of  Mr.  Doyle." 

"  Are  you  all  agreed  on  that,  gentlemen  ? "  said 
Father  McCormack. 

Thady  Gallagher  rose  slowly  to  his  feet. 

"  With  regard  to  what  Mr.  Doyle  has  just  laid  before 
the  meeting,"  he  said,  "  and  speaking  of  the  duty  of 
supporting  Irish  manufacture,  I'm  of  opinion  that  his 
words  do  him  credit.  I'm  an  out  and  out  supporter  of 
the  Industrial  Revival,  and  when  I  look  round  about 
me  on  the  ruined  mills  that  once  were  hives  of  indus- 
try, and  the  stream  of  emigration  which  is  flowing 
from  our  shores  year  after  year " 

"  I  don't  think  we  need  spend  much  time  discussing 
the  bouquet,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  It'll  have  to  be 
ordered  from  Dublin  too." 


2i8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

*'  There's  no  flowers  here  to  make  a  bouquet  of," 
said  Doyle,  "  unless,  maybe,  the  Major " 

''  I've  a  few  Sweet- Williams,"  said  the  Major,  "  and 
a  bed  of  mixed  stocks.  If  you  think  they'd  be  any 
use  to  you  you're  welcome  to  them." 

"  We  might  do  worse,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"We'll  have  to  do  better,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  You  can't  offer  a  lady  in  the  position  of  a  Lord- 
Lieutenant's  wife  a  bundle  of  ordinary  stocks !  What 
we  have  to  get  is  lilies  and  roses." 

"  It's  only  right  that  we  should,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack, "  but  I  think  the  thanks  of  the  meeting  ought 
to  be  given  to  Major  Kent  for  his  generous  offer." 

''  I  second  that,"  said  Doyle.  "  The  Major  was 
always  a  good  friend  to  anything  that  might  be  for 
the  benefit  of  the  town  or  the  locality." 

"  The  ordering  of  the  bouquet,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
*'  to  be  left  to  the  same  sub-committee  which  has 
charge  of  the  address." 

"  And  it  to  be  sent  to  the  hotel  here,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  on  the  morning  of  the  ceremony,  so  as 
it  will  be  fresh.  Are  you  all  agreed  on  that,  gentle- 
men?    What's  the  next  business,  doctor?" 

"  The  next  business  is  the  statue." 

"  What's  the  date  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant's  visit  ?  " 
said  the  Major. 

"  Thursday  week,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  That's  ten  days  from  to-day,"  said  the  Major. 
"  We  may  just  as  well  go  home  at  once  as  sit  here 
talking  to  each  other.     There's  no  time  to  get  a  statue." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  219 

"  We'll  do  our  business  before  we  stir/'  said  Dr. 
O'Grady. 

"What's  the  use  of  saying  things  like  that?"  said 
the  Major.  "  You  know  jolly  well,  O'Grady,  that  you 
can't  get  a  statue  in  ten  days.  The  thing's  impossible. 
Jt  takes  a  year  at  least  to  make  a  statue  of  any  size. 
You  can't  go  into  a  shop  and  buy  a  statue,  as  if  it 
were  a  hat  or  an  umbrella." 

"  There's  a  good  deal  in  what  the  ^lajor  says,"  said 
Father  McCormack.  "  I'm  inclined  to  agree  with  him. 
I  remember  well  when  they  were  putting  up  the  monu- 
ment to  Parnell  in  Dublin  it  took  them  years  before 
they  had  it  finished." 

**  It's  a  good  job  for  everybody  concerned,"  said  the 
Major,  "  that  we're  brought  up  short.  We'd  simply 
have  made  ourselves  publicly  ridiculous  if  we'd  gone 
on  with  this  business." 

The  Major,  Dr.  O'Grady,  and  Doyle,  spoke  when 
they  did  speak,  in  an  easy  conversational  tone  without 
rising  from  their  chairs.  But  this  was  not  Gallagher's 
idea  of  the  proper  way  of  conducting  public  business. 
He  believed  that  important  discussions  ought  to  be 
carried  on  with  dignity.  When  he  spoke  he  stood  up 
and  addressed  the  committee  as  if  he  were  taking  part 
in  a  political  demonstration,  using  appropriate  gestures 
to  emphasize  his  words.  The  difficulty  about  the 
statue  gave  him  a  great  opportunity. 

"  I  stand  here  to-day,"  he  said,  "  as  the  representa- 
tive of  the  people  of  this  locality,  and  what  I'm  going  to 
say  now  I'd  say  if  the  police  spies  of  Dublin  Castle  was 


220  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

standing  round  me  taking  down  the  words  I  utter/ 

Young  Kerrigan  had  been  obliged  to  stop  practising 
*'  Rule,  Britannia"  on  the  cornet  in  order  to  eat  his 
dinner.  When  he  had  satisfied  his  appetite  and 
soothed  his  nerves  with  a  pipe  of  tobacco  he  set  to 
work  at  the  tune  again.  The  hour's  rest  had  not 
helped  him  in  any  way.  He  made  exactly  the  same 
mistake  as  he  had  been  making  all  the  morning.  It 
happened  that  he  took  up  his  cornet  again  shortly  be- 
fore Gallagher  began  his  speech  in  which  he  declared 
himself  a  representative  of  the  people  of  the  locality. 
The  noise  of  the  music  floated  through  the  open  win- 
dow of  the  committee  room.  It  had  a  slightly  exas- 
perating effect  on  Gallagher,  but  he  went  on  speaking. 

"  What  I  say  is  this,"  he  said,  *'  and  it's  what  I  al- 
ways will  say.  If  it  is  the  unanimous  wish  of  the  peo- 
ple of  this  locality  to  erect  a  statue  to  the  memory  of 
the  great  patriot,  who  is  gone,  then  a  statue  ought  to  be 
erected.  If  the  Major  is  right — and  he  may  be  right — 
in  saying  that  it  takes  a  year  to  make  a  statue,  then 
we'll  take  a  year.  We'll  take  ten  years  if  necessary. 
Please  God  the  most  of  us  has  years  enough  before 
us  yet  to  spare  that  many  for  a  good  work." 

Young  Kerrigan  continued  to  break  down  at  the 
"  never,  never,  never,"  part  of  the  tune.  Dr.  O'Grady 
began  to  fidget  nervously  in  his  chair. 

"  Sit  down,  Thady,"  said  Doyle.  "  Don't  you  know 
that  if  we  postpone  the  statue  we'll  never  get  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  to  open  it  ?  Didn't  he  say  in  his  letter  that 
Thursday  week  was  the  only  day  he  could  come  ?  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  221 

"  As  for  the  so-called  Lord-Lieutenant  of  Ireland," 
said  Gallagher,  waving  his  arm  in  the  air,  "  we've  done 
without  him  and  the  likes  of  him  up  to  this,  and  we're 
well  able  to  do  without  him  for  the  future." 

He  brought  his  fist  down  with  tremendous  force  as 
he  spoke,  striking  the  table  with  the  pad  of  flesh  under- 
neath his  little  finger.     Dr.  O'Grady  jumped  up. 

"  Excuse  me  one  moment,  gentlemen,"  he  said. 
"  That  young  fool,  Kerrigan,  is  getting  the  tune  wrong 
every  time,  and  if  I  don't  stop  him  he'll  never  get  it 
right  at  all." 

He  walked  across  to  the  window  as  he  spoke  and 
looked  out.     Then  he  turned  round. 

"  Don't  let  me  interfere  with  your  speech,  Thady," 
he  said.  *'  I'm  listening  all  right,  and  I'm  sure  Father 
McCormack  and  the  rest  of  the  committee  want  to  hear 
every  word  of  it." 

But  Gallagher,  in  spite  of  this  encouragement,  did 
not  seem  inclined  to  go  on.  He  sat  down  and  scowled 
ferociously  at  Doyle.  Dr.  O'Grady  put  his  head  out 
of  the  window  and  shouted. 

"  Moriarty,"  he  called,  "  Constable  Moriarty,  come 
over  here  for  a  minute  and  stop  grinning." 

Then  he  drew  in  his  head  and  turned  round. 

"  Major,"  he  said,  "  you're  a  magistrate.  I  wish  to 
goodness  you'd  give  orders  that  Moriarty  isn't  to  grin 
in  that  offensive  way.  It's  a  danger  to  the  public 
peace." 

"  I  shan't  do  anything  of  the  sort,"  said  the  Major. 
"  In  the  first  place  I  can't.     I've  no  authority  over  the 


222  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

police.  They  are  Gregg's  business.  In  the  second 
place " 

He  stopped  at  this  point  because  Dr.  O'Grady  was 
not  listening  to  him.  He  had  stretched  his  head  and 
shoulders  out  of  the  window  and  was  talking  in  a  very 
loud  tone  to  Moriarty. 

"  Run  over,"  he  said,  "  and  tell  young  Kerrigan  to 
come  here  to  me  for  a  minute.  When  you've  done  that 
go  to  bed  or  dig  potatoes  or  do  any  other  mortal  thing 
except  stand  at  the  door  of  the  barrack  grinning." 

"  What  tune's  that  young  Kerrigan's  after  play- 
ing?" said  Gallagher  solemnly. 

Father  McCormack  looked  anxiously  at  Major  Kent. 
The  Major  fixed  his  eyes  on  the  stuffed  fox  in  the  glass 
case.     It  was  Doyle  who  answered  Gallagher. 

"  It's  no  tune  at  all  the  way  he's  playing  it,"  he  said. 
"  Didn't  you  hear  the  doctor  saying  he  had  it  wrong?  " 

"  What  tune  would  it  be,"  said  Gallagher,  "if  so 
be  he  had  it  right?" 

"  I  told  you  before,"  said  Doyle.  "  I  told  you  till 
I'm  tired  telling  you  that  I  don't  know  the  name  of  it. 
It's  not  a  tune  that  ever  I  heard  before." 

"  I'll  find  out  what  tune  it  is,"  said  Gallagher  sav- 
agely. "  I'll  drag  it  out  of  you  if  I  have  to  drag  the 
black  liver  of  you  along  with  it." 

"  Order,  gentlemen,  order,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack.    "  That's  no  language  to  be  using  here." 

"  I  was  meaning  no  disrespect  to  you.  Father,"  said 
Gallagher.  "  I'd  be  the  last  man  in  Ireland  to  raise 
my  hand  against  the  clergy." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  223 

"  It's  the  doctor's  liver  you'll  have  to  drag,  Thady,  if 
you  drag  any  liver  at  all,"  said  Doyle,  "  for  he's  the 
only  one  that  knows  what  the  tune  is." 

Moriarty  appeared  to  have  conveyed  the  message  to 
young  Kerrigan.  Dr.  O'Grady,  still  leaning  out  of  the 
window,  spoke  again,  this  time  evidently  to  Kerrigan. 

"  Don't  you  know  you're  getting  it  wrong  every 
time?  "  he  said. 

Young  Kerrigan's  voice,  faint  and  apologetic, 
reached  the  members  of  the  committee  through  the 
window. 

"  Sure  I  know  that  well  enough ;  but  the  devil's  in 
it  that  I  can't  get  it  right." 

"  Listen  to  me  now,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

He  whistled  the  tune  shrilly,  beating  time  with  his 
hand. 

"  Now,  Kerrigan,"  he  said,  "  try  it  after  me." 

He  whistled  it  again  slowly.  Kerrigan  followed 
him  note  by  note  on  the  cornet.  After  a  very  short 
hesitation  he  got  over  the  difficult  passage.  Dr. 
O'Grady  drew  in  his  head  and  returned  to  the  table 
with  a  sigh  of  relief. 

"  I  think  he  has  it  now,"  he  said,  "  but  it's  a  tough 
job  teaching  that  fellow  anything." 

"  What  tune  is  it  ?  "  said  Gallagher. 

"  It's  not  a  tune  that  ever  you  heard  before,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  I'm  of  opinion  that  I  did  hear  it,"  said  Gallagher. 
"  But  let  you  speak  out  now  if  you're  not  ashamed  of 
it,  and  tell  me  what  tune  it  is." 


224  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  It's  the  '  Battle  March  of  King  Malachi  the 
Brave,'  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  '*  the  same  that  he  played 
when  he  was  driving  the  English  out  of  Ireland.  And 
you  can't  possibly  have  heard  it  before  because  the 
manuscript  of  it  was  only  dug  up  the  other  day  at 
Tara,  and  this  is  the  first  time  it's  ever  been  played 
publicly  in  the  west  of  Ireland." 

"There  now,  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "didn't  I  tell 
you  all  along  that  you'd  nothing  to  do  only  to  ask  the 
doctor?" 

"  I'm  of  opinion  that  I  did  hear  it,"  said  Gallagher. 
"  You  may  say  what  you  like  about  the  Hill  of  Tara, 
but  I've  heard  that  tune." 

"  It's  just  possible,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  Mr. 
Billing  may  have  whistled  it  while  he  was  here.  I  be- 
lieve the  people  of  Bolivia  are  fond  of  it.  They 
learned  it,  of  course,  from  General  John  Regan.  He 
may  have  heard  it  from  his  grandmother.  It's  won- 
derful how  long  music  survives  among  the  people  long 
after  the  regular  professional  musicians  have  forgotten 
all  about  it.  But  I  mustn't  interrupt  you  any  more, 
Thady.  You  were  just  making  a  speech  about  the 
Lord-Lieutenant.  Perhaps  you  have  finished  what 
you  were  saying.  As  well  as  I  recollect  we  were  just 
settling  about  the  statue." 

"  Major  Kent  was  after  saying,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack,  "  that  we  couldn't  get  a  statue  in  the  time.'^ 

"  My  friend  Mr.  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  has  a 
proposal  to  lay  before  the  meeting.  Where's  that 
card,  Doyle,  that  you  showed  me  last  week  ?  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  225 

Doyle  drew  a  bundle  of  grimy  papers  from  his  breast 
pocket  and  went  through  them  slowly.  One,  which 
appeared  to  be  a  letter  written  on  business  paper,  he 
laid  on  the  table  in  front  of  him.  At  the  bottom  of  the 
bundle  he  came  on  a  large  card.  He  handed  this  to 
Father  McCormack.  The  printing  on  it  was  done  in 
Scuriously  shaped  letters,  evidently  artistic  in  intention, 
with  a  tendency  towards  the  ecclesiastical.  Round  the 
outside  of  the  card  was  a  deep  border  of  black,  as  if  the 
owner  of  it  were  in  mourning  for  a  near  relative. 

Father  McCormack  looked  at  it  dubiously. 

"  Read  it  out,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I'd  like  the 
Major  to  hear  exactly  what's  on  it." 

"  '  Mr.  Aloysius  Doyle,'  "  read  Father  McCormack. 

"  He's  a  nephew  of  my  own,"  said  Doyle. 

"  He  would  be,"  said  Gallagher.  "  If  he  wasn't 
we'd  hear  nothing  about  him." 

He  was  still  feeling  sore  about  the  "  Battle  March  of 
King  Malachi  the  Brave,"  and  was  anxious  to  make 
himself  disagreeable  to  someone.  It  struck  him  that 
it  would  be  easy  to  annoy  Doyle  by  suggesting  that  he 
was  trying  to  do  a  good  turn  to  his  nephew  at  the 
expense  of  the  statue  fund. 

"  I  needn't  tell  you,  gentlemen,"  said  Doyle,  with 
great  dignity,  "  that  it's  not  on  account  of  his  being  a 
nephew  of  my  own  that  I'm  recommending  him  to  the 
notice  of  this  committee.  If  he  was  fifty  times  my 
nephew  I  wouldn't  mention  his  name  without  I  was 
sure  that  he  was  as  good  a  man  as  any  other  for  the 
job  we  have  on  hand." 


226  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

No  one,  of  course,  believed  this,  but  no  one  wanted 
to  argue  with  Doyle  about  it.  Father  McCormack 
went  on  reading  from  the  black-edged  card  which  he 
held  in  his  hand. 

"  '  Mortuary  Sculptor.'  " 

"Sculptor!"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "You  hear  that, 
Major,  don't  you?  Sculptors  are  people  who  make 
statues.'* 

"  Mortuary  sculptors,  I  suppose,"  said  the  Major 
viciously,  "  make  statues  of  dead  men." 

"  The  General's  dead  anyway,"  said  Doyle,  "  so 
that's  suitable  enough." 

"  '  Address — The  Monumental  Studio,  Michael 
Angelo  House,  Great  Brunswick  Street,  Dublin,' " 
read  Father  McCormack.  "  That'll  be  where  your 
nephew  lives,  Mr.  Doyle  ?  " 

"  It's  where  he  has  his  works,"  said  Doyle.  "  He 
lives  down  near  Sandymount." 

"  *  Celtic  Crosses,  Obelisks  and  every  kind  of  Monu- 
ment supplied  at  the  shortest  notice,' "  said  Father 
McCormack,  still  reading  from  the  card.  " '  Family 
Vaults  decorated.  Inscriptions  Cut.  Estimates  Free. 
Low  Prices.'  " 

"  I  don't  see  that  we  could  possibly  do  better  than 
that,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Even  Doyle's  nephew  can't  make  a  statue  in  ten 
days,"  said  the  Major. 

"  He  says  '  shortest  notice  '  on  his  card.  You  ought 
to  believe  the  man,  Major,  until  you've  some  evidence 
that  he's  a  liar." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  227 

"  I  don't  care  what  he  says,"  said  the  Major.  "  He 
can't  make  a  statue  in  ten  days." 

"  We'll  get  to  that  point  in  a  minute,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  The  first  thing  we  have  to  decide  is 
whether  Mr.  Aloysius  Doyle  is  a  suitable  man  to  be 
entrusted  with  the  work." 

"  There's  no  other  tenders  before  us,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  so  I  suppose  we  may  as  well " 

"  Excuse  my  interrupting  you,  Father,"  said  Doyle, 
"  but  before  you  take  the  opinion  of  the  meeting  on  this 
point,  Fd  like  to  say  that  I'm  offering  no  opinion  one 
way  or  the  other ;  and  what's  more  I  won't  give  a  vote 
either  for  or  against.  I  wouldn't  like  to  do  it  in  a 
case  where  my  own  nephew  is  a  candidate." 

"  You  needn't  tell  us  that,  Mr.  Doyle,"  said  Father 
McCormack.  "  We  all  know  that  you're  not  the  kind 
of  man  who'd  be  using  his  public  position  to  further 
the  interests  of  his  relatives.  What  do  you  say  now, 
gentlemen?  Is  Mr.  Aloysius  Doyle  to  be  given  the 
contract  for  the  statue  or  not?  What  do  you  say, 
Major?" 

"  If  he  can  make  a  full-sized  statue  of  a  General  in 
ten  days,"  said  the  Major,  "  he's  a  man  who  deserves 
every  encouragement  we  can  give  him." 

"  Now,  doctor,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  what's 
your  opinion  ?  " 

"  I'm  for  giving  him  the  job,"  said  the  Doctor. 

"  Mr.  Doyle  won't  vote,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
so " 

''  I  will  not,"  said  Doyle  firmly. 


228  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

**  So  we'd  be  glad  of  your  opinion,  Mr.  Gallagher." 

"  If  his  price  is  satisfactory,"  said  Gallagher,  "  we 
may  as  well  give  him  the  preference.  I'd  be  in  favour 
of  supporting  local  talent  when  possible,  and  although 
Mr.  Aloysius  Doyle  isn't  a  resident  among  us  at  pres- 
ent, his  family  belongs  to  Ballymoy." 

"  Carried  unanimously,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  And  now  about  the  price.  What  will  that  nephew 
of  yours  do  us  a  statue  for,  Doyle  ?  And  mind  you,  it 
must  be  done  well." 

"  Before  we  go  into  that,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  I'd 
like  the  committee  to  hear  a  letter  which  Mr.  Doyle 
has  received  from  his  nephew.  I  thought  it  well, 
considering  how  short  the  time  at  our  disposal  is  • " 

"  Ten  days,"  said  the  Major.  "  Ten  days  to  make 
a  statue^ " 

"  The  letter  which  we  are  just  going  to  read,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  "  will  meet  the  Major's  difficulty.  I 
thought  it  well  to  get  into  communication  with  Mr. 
Aloysius  Doyle  at  once  so  as  to  have  everything  ready 
for  the  committee." 

"  I  wonder  you  haven't  the  statue  ready,"  said  the 
Major. 

*'  I  wrote  to  him,  or  rather  I  got  Doyle  to  write  to 
him,  the  day  before  yesterday,  and  the  letter  you  are 
now  going  to  hear  is  his  reply.  I  may  say  that  we  laid 
the  circumstances  full  before  him ;  especially  the  short- 
ness of  the  time.  You're  not  the  only  person  who 
thought  of  that  difficulty,  Major.  Just  read  the  letter, 
will  you,  Doyle?" 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  229 

Doyle  took  up  the  letter  which  lay  on  the  table  in 
front  of  him  and  unfolded  it.  He  glanced  at  it  and 
then  put  it  down  and  began  to  fumble  in  his  pocket. 

"  Go  ahead,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

*'  I  can't,"  said  Doyle.  "  This  isn't  that  letter,  but 
another  one  altogether." 

He  drew  his  packet  of  papers  from  his  pocket  again 
and  began  to  go  through  them  rapidly.  There  was 
a  light  tap  at  the  door. 

"  Who  on  earth's  that?  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  I  said 
specially  that  this  meeting  was  not  to  be  disturbed." 

"  P'ossibly  Doyle's  nephew,"  said  the  Major,  "  with  a 
sample  statue.     He  ought  to  submit  samples  to  us." 

"  Come  in  whoever  you  are,''  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

Mary  Ellen  half  opened  the  door  and  put  her  head 
into  the  room.  Dr.  O'Grady  realised  the  moment  he 
saw  her  that  something  must  have  gone  wrong  in  the 
dressmaker's  shop.  He  assumed,  without  enquiry,  that 
Mrs.  Ford  had  been  making  herself  objectionable. 

"  What  has  Mrs.  Ford  done  now  ? ''  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.     "  I  can't  go  to  her  till  this  meeting  is  over." 

"  Mrs.  Ford's  off  home  this  half  hour,"  said  Mary 
Ellen.  "  She  said  she  wouldn't  put  up  with  the 
nonsense  that  was  going  on." 

This  was  a  relief  to  Dr.  O'Grady.  If  Mrs.  Ford 
had  gone  home  the  difficulty,  whatever  it  was,  must 
be  capable  of  adjustment. 

"  Then  what  on  earth  do  you  want  ?  Surely  you  and 
Mrs.  Gregg  haven't  been  quarrelling  with  each  other." 

*'  Mrs.  Gregg  says "  said  Mary  Ellen. 


230  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Then  she  paused,  looked  at  Dr.  O'Grady,  looked  at 
Doyle,  and  finally  took  courage  after  a  glance  at 
Father  McCormack. 

"  She  says,  is  there  to  be  white  stockings  ?  " 

"  Certainly  not,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  *'  White  stock- 
ings would  be  entirely  out  of  place.  If  we're  dressing 
you  as  an  Irish  colleen,  Mary  Ellen,  we'll  do  it 
properly.  Go  and  tell  Mrs.  Gregg  that  your  stockings 
are  to  be  green,  bright  green.  Did  you  ever  hear  such 
a  silly  question?"  he  added  turning  to  the  other 
members  of  the  committee.  "  Who  ever  saw  an  Irish 
colleen  in  white  stockings  ?  " 

"  While  you're  at  it,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major, 
"  you'd  better  settle  the  colour  of  her  garters." 

Mary  Ellen,  grinning  broadly,  withdrew  her  head 
and  shut  the  door. 

"  What's  that  about  green  stockings  for  Mary 
Ellen  ?  "  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  Oh,  it's  all  right,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  The  stock- 
ings will  scarcely  show  at  all.  Her  dress  will  be  right 
down  to  her  ankles,  longer  by  far  than  the  ones  she 
usually  wears.  I  needn't  tell  you.  Father  McCormack, 
that  I  wouldn't  consent  to  dressing  the  girl  in  any  way 
that  wasn't  strictly  proper.     You  mustn't  think " 

"  I  wasn't  thinking  anything  of  the  sort,"  said 
Father  McCormack. 

"  You  very  well  might  be,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  Anyone  would  think  we  intended  her  to  appear  in 
a  ballet  skirt  after  that  remark  of  the  Major's  about 
her  garters." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  231 

"  All  I  was  thinking,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  was  that  if  you  dressed  the  girl  up  in  that  style  she'll 
never  be  contented  again  with  ordinary  clothes." 

"  I'd  be  opposed,  so  I  would,"  said  Gallagher,  "  to 
anything  that  wouldn't  be  respectable  in  the  case  of 
Mary  Ellen.  Her  mother  was  a  cousin  of  my  own, 
and  I've  a  feeling  for  the  girl.  So  if  you  or  any  other 
one.  Doctor,  is  planning  contrivances " 

'*  Oh,  don't  be  ridiculous,  Thady,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  I  tell  you  she'll  be  all  right.  Now,  Doyle,  will  you 
read  us  that  letter  from  your  nephew?  If  we  don't  get 
on  with  our  business  we'll  be  here  all  night." 


CHAPTER  XV 

44 T  CANT  find  the  letter  high  or  low,"  said  Doyle. 

•*■  "  Maybe    now,"    said    Father    McCormack, 

*'  it's  not  in  your  pocket  at  all." 

"  It  should  be,"  said  Doyle,  "  for  it  was  there  I 
put  it  after  showing  it  to  the  doctor  here  yesterday." 

"  It  doesn't  matter,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  you  can 
tell  us  what  he  said  in  your  own  words." 

"  What  I  told  my  nephew,"  said  Doyle,  "  when  I 
was  writing  to  him,  was  that  the  committee  was  a  bit 
pressed  in  the  matter  of  time,  owing  to  next  Thursday 
week  being  the  only  day  that  it  was  convenient  for  the 
Lord-Lieutenant  to  attend  for  the  opening  of  the 
statue.  Well,  gentlemen,  by  the  height  of  good  luck 
it  just  happens  that  my  nephew  has  a  statue  on  hand 
which  he  thinks  would  do  us." 

"  He  has  what?  "  said  the  Major. 

"A  statue  that  has  been  left  on  his  hands,"  said 
Doyle.  "  The  way  of  it  was  this.  It  was  ordered  by 
the  relatives  of  a  deceased  gentleman,  and  it  was  to 
have  been  put  up  in  St.  Patrick's  Cathedral  in  Dub- 
lin." 

"  That  shows,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  It's  a  first 
rate  statue.  They  wouldn't  let  you  put  up  anything 
second  rate  in  a  cathedral  like  that." 

23:2 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  233 

"  It  must  be  a  good  one,  surely,"  said  Father 
McCormack. 

"  But  when  the  relatives  of  the  deceased  party 
went  into  his  affairs,"  said  Doyle,  *'  they  found  he 
hadn't  died  near  as  well  off  as  they  thought  he  was 
going  to;  so  they  told  my  nephew  that  they  wouldn't 
take  the  statue  and  couldn't  pay  for  it.  It  was  pretty 
near  finished  at  the  time,  and  what  my  nephew  says 
is  that  he  could  make  sure  of  having  it  ready  for  us 
by  the  end  of  this  week  at  the  latest." 

*'  Look  here,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major,  "  I'm  as 
fond  of  a  joke  as  any  man ;  but  I  must  draw  the  line 
somewhere.  I'm  hanged  if  I'll  be  mixed  up  in  any 
way  with  a  second-hand  statue." 

"  It's  not  second-hand,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  it's 
perfectly  new.  At  this  moment  it  isn't  even  finished ;  I 
wouldn't  ask  this  committee  to  buy  anything  second 
hand.  But  you  can  surely  see.  Major — you  do  see,  for 
you  raised  the  point  yourself,  that  with  the  very  short 
time  at  our  disposal  we  must,  if  we  are  to  have  a  statue 
at  all,  get  one  that's  more  or  less  ready  made." 

"  But — Good  Heavens !  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major. 
"  How  can  you  possibly  put  up  a  statue  of  somebody 
else  and  call  it  General  John  Regan?  It  won't  be  the 
least  like  him.  How  can  you — the  thing's  too  absurd 
even  for  you.  Who  was  this  man  that  the  statue  was 
made  for?  " 

"Who  was  he,  Doyle?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "It 
doesn't  really  matter  to  us  who  he  was ;  but  you  may 
as  well  tell  the  Major  so  as  to  satisfy  him." 


234  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

*.'  I  disremember  his  name,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  I  can't 
lay  my  hand  on  the  letter ;  but  he  was  a  Deputy- 
Lieutenant  of  whatever  county  he  belonged  to." 

"There  you  are  now,  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  A  Deputy-Lieutenant !  Nothing  could  be  more 
respectable  than  that.  You're  only  a  J.P.  yourself, 
and  I  don't  believe  you'll  ever  be  anything  more.  You 
can't  afford  to  turn  up  your  nose  at  a  Deputy- 
Lieutenant.  We  shan't  be  doing  any  injury  to  the 
General's  reputation  by  allowing  him  to  be  repre- 
sented by  a  man  of  high  position,  most  likely  of  good 
family,  who  was  at  all  events  supposed  to  be  well  off 
before  he  died." 

"  I  wasn't  thinking  of  the  General's  reputation," 
said  the  Major.     "  I  don't  care  a  hang " 

*'  I  don't  see  that  we  are  bound  to  consider  the 
feelings  of  the  Deputy-Lieutenant,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
*'  After  all,  if  a  man  deliberately  leads  his  relatives  to 
suppose  that  he  is  rich  enough  to  afford  a  statue  in  a 
cathedral  and  then  turns  out  to  be  too  poor  to  pay  for 
it,  he  doesn't  deserve  much  consideration." 

*'  I  wouldn't  cross  the  road,"  said  Doyle,  "  to  do  a 
good  turn  to  a  man  that  let  my  nephew  in  the  way  that 
fellow  did.  For  let  me  tell  you,  gentlemen,  that  statue 
would  have  been  a  serious  loss  to  him  if " 

*'  I'm  not  thinking  of  him  or  Doyle's  nephew  either," 
said  the  Major.  "  I  don't  know  who  that  Deputy- 
Lieutenant  was,  and  I  don't  care  if  his  statue  was 
stuck  up  in  every  market  town  in  Ireland." 

"  If  you're  not  thinking  of  the  General,"  said  the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  235 

doctor,  "  and  if  you're  not  thinking  of  the  Deputy- 
Lieutenant,  what  on  earth  are  you  grumbhng  about  ?  " 

"  I'm  grumbhng,  as  you  caU  it,"  said  the  Major, 
"  about  the  utterly  intolerable  absurdity  of  the  whole 
thing.  Can't  you  see  it  ?  You  can  of  course,  but  you 
won't.  Look  here.  Father  McCormack,  you're  a  man 
of  some  sense  and  decency  of  feeling.  Can  we 
possibly  ask  the  Lord-Lieutenant  to  come  here  and 
unveil  a  statue  of  General  John  Regan — whoever  he 
was — when  all  we've  got  is  a  statue  of  some  other 
man?  Quite  possibly  the  Lord-Lieutenant  may  have 
known  that  Deputy-Lieutenant  personally,  and  if  he 
recognises  the  statue  where  shall  we  be  ?  " 

"  There's  something  in  what  the  Major  says,"  said 
Father  IMcCormack.  "  I'll  not  deny  there's  something 
in  what  he  says." 

"There  isn't,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "Excuse  my 
contradicting  you  flatly.  Father  McCormack,  but  there 
really  isn't.  We  all  know  Doyle,  and  we  respect  him ; 
but  I  put  it  to  you  now.  Father  McCormack,  I  put 
it  to  any  member  of  the  committee:  Is  Doyle  likely 
to  have  a  nephew  who'd  be  able  to  make  a  statue 
that  anybody  would  recognise?" 

"  There's  something  in  that,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack. "  I'm  not  well  up  in  statues,  but  I've  seen  a  few 
in  my  time,  and  all  I  can  say  is  that  unless  Doyle's 
nephew  is  a  great  deal  better  at  the  job  than  most  of 
the  fellows  that  makes  them,  nobody  would  know,  un- 
less they  were  told,  who  their  statue's  meant  to  be 
like." 


236  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  My  nephew's  a  good  sculptor,"  said  Doyle.  "  If 
he  wasn't  I  wouldn't  have  brought  his  name  forward 
to-day;  but  what  the  doctor  says  is  true  enough.  I've 
seen  heads  he's  done,  for  mural  tablets  and  the  like, 
and  so  far  as  anybody  recognising  them  for  portraits 
of  the  deceased  goes,  you  might  have  changed  the 
tablets  and,  barring  the  inscriptions,  nobody  would 
have  known  to  the  differ.  Not  but  what  they  were 
well  done,  every  one  of  them." 

"There  now.  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "That 
pretty  well  disposes  of  your  last  objection." 

"  That's  only  a  side  issue,"  said  the  Major,  speak- 
ing with  a  calm  which  was  evidently  forced.  "  My 
point  is  that  we  can't,  in  ordinary  decency,  put  up  a 
statue  of  one  man  to  represent  another." 

"  I  don't  know  that  I  altogether  agree  with  the  Major 
there,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  but  there's  some- 
thing in  what  he  says." 

"  I  can't  see  that  there's  anything,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  Deputy-Lieutenants  have  uniforms, 
haven't  they?  So  have  Generals.  Nobody  can  pos- 
sibly know  what  the  uniform  of  a  Bolivian  General 
was  fifty  or  a  hundred  years  ago.  All  we  could  do, 
even  if  we  were  having  the  statue  entirely  made  to 
order,  would  be  to  guess  at  the  uniform.  It's  just  as 
likely  to  be  that  of  a  modern  Deputy-Lieutenant  as 
anything  else." 

"  That's  true  of  course,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  Anyway,"  said  Doyle,  "  if  we're  to  have  a  statue 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  237 

at  all  it'll  have  to  be  this  one.  There's  no  other  for 
us  to  get,  so  what's  the  use  of  talking?" 

The  Major  shrugged  his  shoulders  helplessly. 

"  There's   evidently  no  use  my   talking,"  he   said. 

"  Is  it  your  wish  then,  gentlemen,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  that  the  offer  of  Mr.  Aloysius  Doyle  to 
supply  a  statue  of  General  John  Regan  be  accepted 
by  the  committee  ?  " 

"  It  is,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Subject  to  the  price  being  satisfactory,"  said 
Gallagher.     "  We  haven't  heard  the  price  yet." 

*'  I  have  the  letter  about  the  price  which  my  nephew 
sent  me,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  I  think  you'll  all  agree 
with  me  that  he's  giving  it  cheap." 

"  He  ought  to,"  said  Gallagher,  "  considering  that  if 
he  doesn't  sell  it  to  us  it's  not  likely  he'll  sell  it  at  all." 

"  The  demand  for  second-hand  statues  must  be 
small,"  said  the  Major. 

"  What  he  says  is,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  considering 
he's  dealing  with  a  member  of  his  own  family  he'll 
let  the  statue  go  at  no  more  than  the  price  of  the  raw 
material,  not  making  any  charge  for  the  work  he's 
putting  into  it.  I  don't  know  that  we  can  expect  more 
than  that  from  him." 

"  You  jcannot,  of  course,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  Let's  hear  the  figure,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  I  should  say,"  said  the  Major,  "  that  iio  would  be 
a  liberal  offer  on  our  part." 

"Shut  up.  Major,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.     "What  do 


238  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

you  know  about  the  price  of  statues?  You  wouldn't 
get  a  plaster  cast  of  a  pet  dog  for  iio." 

Doyle  smiled  amiably. 

**  There's  not  a  man  in  Ballymoy,"  he  said,  ''  fonder 
of  a  joke  than  the  Major." 

"  Let's  hear  the  figure,"  said  Gallagher. 

"What  he  says,"  said  Doyle,  "is  £81." 

Major  Kent  whistled. 

"  But  I  wouldn't  wonder,"  said  Doyle,  "  but  you 
could  get  him  to  knock  los.  off  that  and  say  ±80  los. 

Dr.  O'Grady  pulled  a  sheet  of  paper  towards  him 
and  began  to  write  rapidly. 

"  Statue  i8o  los.,"  he  said.  Carriage,  say  £1  los. 
The  railway  companies  are  robbers.  Expenses  of 
erection,  say  £2.  You'll  let  us  have  any  mortar  and 
cement  that  are  needed  for  nothing,  Doyle ;  so  we'll 
only  have  to  pay  for  labour.  I'll  superintend  the 
erection  without  charging  a  fee.  Illuminated  Address, 
£4.  Bouquet  £1  is.  That's  a  good  deal  to  give  for 
a  bouquet,  but  I  don't  think  we'll  get  a  decent  one  for 
less.  Dresses,  etc.,  for  Mary  Ellen — the  green  stock- 
ings will  have  to  be  ordered  specially,  and  so  will  come 
to  a  little  money.  And  we  may  have  to  get  that  grey 
tweed  dress  which  Mrs.  Ford  wants,  just  to  prevent  her 
kicking  up  a  row.  Two  dresses,  stockings,  etc.,  for 
Mary  Ellen,  say  £4.  That  will  include  shoes  with 
buckles.  She'll  have  to  wear  an  Irish  brooch  of  some 
sort,  but  we'll  probably  be  able  to  borrow  that.  Lunch 
for  the  Vice  Regal  party  on  the  day  of  the  unveiling 
— there'll  be  at  least  four  of  them,  say  five  in  case  of 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  239 

accidents.  That  will  allow  for  two  aides  de  camp  and 
a  private  secretary.  They  can't  want  more.  The  five 
of  us  and  Mr.  Billing,  who  said  he'd  be  back  for  the 
ceremony.  That  makes  eleven.  I  suppose  you 
could  do  us  really  well,  Doyle,  at  7s.  6d.  a  head,  in- 
cluding drinks,  and  there'll  have  to  be  three  or  four 
bottles  of  champagne  on  the  sideboard,  just  for  the 
look  of  the  thing.  We  may  not  have  to  open  more 
than  one.  Eleven  times  7s.  6d.  makes  £4.  2s.  6d. 
What  do  you  mean  to  charge  us  for  the  printing  of 
the  posters,  Gallagher  ?  " 

*'  I'll  say  £3,"  said  Gallagher,  "  to  include  posters  and 
advertisements  in  the  paper.  I'll  be  losing  money 
on  it." 

"  You'll  not  be  losing  much,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  but  we'll  say  £2,.     That  will  make — let  me  see " 

He  added  up  his  column  of  figures  and  then  checked 
the  result  by  adding  them  downwards. 

"  That  comes  to  iioo  3s.  6d.,"  he  said,  "and  we've 
not  put  down  anything  for  postage.  You'll  have  to 
get  your  nephew  to  knock  another  los.  off  the  price 
of  the  statue.  After  all,  when  he  said  £81,  he  must 
have  been  prepared  to  take  i8o,  and  he'll  have  to  cut 
the  inscription  for  us  without  extra  charge." 

"  He  might,"  said  Doyle,  "  If  we  approached  him 
on  the  subject." 

"  He'll  have  to,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  for  £100  is 
all  we've  got,  and  we  can't  run  into  debt." 

"  He  did  say,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  3d.  a  letter  was 
the  regular  charge  for  cutting  inscriptions." 


240  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  We'll  make  it  short,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  We 
won't  stick  him  for  more  than  about  los.  over  the 
inscription.  After  all  long  inscriptions  are  vulgar. 
I  propose  that  Mr.  Thaddeus  Gallagher,  as  the  only 
representative  of  the  press  among  us,  be  commis- 
sioned to  write  the  inscription." 

"  We  couldn't  have  a  better  man,'^  said  Father 
McCormack. 

"  I'll  not  do  it,"  said  Gallagher.  He  had  a  solid 
reason  for  refusing  the  honour  offered  to  him.  The 
writer  of  an  inscription  at  the  base  of  a  statue  is 
almost  bound  to  make  some  statement  about  the 
person  whom  the  statue  represents. 

"  You  will  now,  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  you'll 
do  it  well." 

"  I  will  not,"  said  Gallagher.  "  Let  the  doctor  do 
it  himself." 

"  There's  no  man  in  Connacht  better  fit  to  draw 
up  an  inscription  of  the  kind,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack, *'  than  Mr.  Gallagher." 

Thady  Gallagher  was  susceptible  to  flattery.  He 
would  have  liked  very  well  to  draw  up  an  inscription 
for  the  statue,  modelling  it  on  the  resolutions  which 
he  was  accustomed  to  propose  at  political  meetings 
in  favour  of  Home  Rule.  But  he  was  faced  with 
what  seemed  to  him  an  insuperable  difficulty.  He 
did  not  know  who  General  John  Regan  was. 

"  Let  the  doctor  do  it,"  he  said  reluctantly. 

"  Whoever  does  it,"  said  Doyle,  "  it'll  have  to  be 
done  at  once.     My  nephew  said  that  on  account  of 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  241 

the  way  we  are  pressed  for  time  he'd  be  glad  if  the 
words  of  tlie  inscription  was  wired  to  him  to-day." 

"  It  would,  maybe,  be  better,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack,  "  if  you  were  to  do  it,  doctor.  We'll  all  be 
sorry  that  the  words  don't  come  from  the  accom- 
plished pen  of  our  respected  fellow  citizen,  Mr.  Gal- 
lagher  " 

"I'll  not  do  it,"  said  Gallagher,  "for  I  wouldn't 
know  what  to  say." 

*'  Write  it  out  and  have  done  with  it,  O'Grady," 
said  the  Major.  "  What's  the  good  of  keeping  us 
sitting  here  all  day?" 

"Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "After  all,  it's 
not  much  trouble.  How  would  this  do  ?  '  General 
John  Regan — Patriot — Soldier — Statesman — Vivat 
Bolivia.' " 

"  We  couldn't  do  better,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  What's  the  meaning  of  the  poetry  at  the  end  of 
it?"  asked  Gallagher. 

"  It's  not  poetry,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and  it  doesn't 
mean  much.     It's  the  Latin  for  '  Long  live  Bolivia.'  " 

Gallagher  rose  to  his  feet.  He  had  been  obliged 
to  confess  himself  unable  to  write  an  inscription;  but 
he  was  thoroughly  well  able  to  make  a  speech. 

"  Considering,"  he  said,  "  that  the  town  of  Ballymoy 
is  in  the  Province  of  Connacht  which  is  one  of  the 
provinces  of  Ireland,  and  considering  the  unswerving 
attachment  through  long  centuries  of  alien  oppression 
which  the  Irish  people  have  shown  to  the  cause  of 
national    independence,    it's    my    opinion    that    there 


242  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

should  be  something  in  the  inscription,  be  the  same 
more  or  less,  about  Home  Rule.  What  I  say,  and 
what  Fve  always  said " 

"Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "I'll  put  '  Esto 
Perpetua,'  if  you  like.  It's  the  same  number  of  letters, 
and  it's  what  Grattan  said  about  the  last  Home  Rule 
Parliament.  That  ought  to  satisfy  you,  and  I'm  sure 
the  Major  won't  mind." 

"  I'm  pretty  well  past  minding  anything  now," 
said  the  Major. 

"  There's  no  example  in  history,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  of  determined  devotion  to  a  great  cause  equal  to 
that  of  the  Irish  people  who  have  been  returning 
Members  of  Parliament  pledged  to  the  demand  which 
has  been  made  with  unfaltering  tongue  on  the  floor 
of  the  House  at  Westminster " 

"  Get  a  telegraph  form,  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  and  copy  out  that  inscription  while  Thady  is  finish- 
ing his  speech." 

"  There's  one  other  point  that  I'd  like  to  mention," 
said  Doyle,  "  and  it's  this " 

"Wait  a  minute,  Thady,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  We'll  just  deal  with  this  point  of  Doyle's  and  then 
you'll  be  able  to  go  on  without  interruption.  What 
is  it,  Doyle?" 

"  My  nephew  says,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  he'd  be  glad 
of  a  cheque  on  account  for  the  statue ;  he  having  been 
put  to  a  good  deal  of  out-of-pocket  expense." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  send  him  £25, 
Now  go  on,  Thady." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  243 

"  Is  it  me  send  him  £25  ?  "  said  Doyle  doubtfully. 

"  Of  course  it's  you.     You're  the  treasurer." 

"  But  it's  you  has  Mr.  Billing's  cheque,"  said  Doyle. 

"  I  haven't  got  Mr.  Billing's  cheque,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady. 

*'  If  you  haven't,"  said  Doyle,  helplessly,  ''  who 
has?" 

'*'  It's  my  belief,"  said  Gallagher,  in  a  tone  of  ex- 
treme satisfaction,  "  that  there's  no  cheque  in  it." 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say,  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  that  you've  been  such  a  besotted  idiot  as  to  let  that 
American  escape  out  of  this  without  paying  over  his 
subscription  for  the  statue  ?  " 

"  You'll  never  see  him  again,"  said  Gallagher. 
"  He's  not  the  first  man  that  skipped  the  country  after 
letting  everybody  in." 

"  Gentlemen,  gentlemen,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  order,  please,  order." 

"  We'll  have  to  drop  the  whole  thing  now,"  said 
the  Major,  "  and  I  must  say  I'm  extremely  glad." 

"  I'm  no  more  an  idiot  than  you  are  yourself,  doc- 
tor," said  Doyle,  "  and  I  won't  have  language  of  the 
kind  used  to  me.  How  was  I  to  know  he  hadn't  given 
you  the  cheque  ?  " 

"  You  were  the  treasurer,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
*'  What  on  earth  is  a  treasurer  for  if  he  doesn't  get 
in  the  subscriptions?" 

*'  That  nephew  of  yours  will  have  his  statue  on 
his  hands  a  bit  longer,"  said  Gallagher. 

He  still  spoke  in  a  tone  of  satisfaction;  but  even 


244  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

as  he  contemplated  the  extreme  disappointment  of 
Doyle's  nephew  it  occurred  to  him  that  there  might 
be  a  difficulty  about  paying  his  own  bill  for  £3.  The 
same  thought  struck  Father  McCormack. 

**  Gentlemen,"  he  said,  "  there's  been  an  unfortunate 
mistake,  but  it  might  be  worse." 

"  That  American  fellow  has  us  robbed,"  said  Gal- 
lagher. 

"  We'll  prosecute  him  when  we  catch  him,"  said 
Doyle. 

"  It  might  be  worse,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  We  haven't  spent  very  much  yet.  The  dresses  for 
Mary  Ellen  can  hardly  have  been  put  in  hand  yet,  so 
we  won't  have  to  pay  for  them." 

"  There's  my  bill,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  So  there's  only  Mr.  Gallagher's  little  account," 
said  Father  McCormack. 

"  We'll  have  a  house-to-house  collection,"  said 
Doyle,  "  till  we  get  the  money  raised." 

"  Don't  be  a  blithering  idiot,  Doyle,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  How  can  you  go  round  and  ask  people 
to  subscribe  to " 

"  Gentlemen,  gentlemen,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  We  must  fall  back  upon  the  subscription  list  that 
was  published  in  the  Connacht  Eagle/'  said  the  Major, 
**  as  well  as  I  recollect  we  all  promised " 

"  Nobody  promised  anything,"  said  Doyle.  ''  It 
was  Dr.  O'Grady  that  promised  for  us  and  before  I 
pay  a  penny  for  a  man  that  owes  me  more  this  minute 
than  he  can  pay " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  245 

"Oh,  do  shut  up,  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"What's  the  good  of  raking  up  the  past?  What 
we've  got  to  do  now  is  to  find  a  way  out  of  the  con- 
founded hole  we've  been  let  into  through  your  in- 
competence and  carelessness." 

"  I'm  down  for  £5,"  said  the  Major,  "  and  I'll  con- 
sider that  I'm  very  well  out  of  this  business  if  I  have 
to  pay  no  more.  I'd  rather  give  five  pounds  any  day 
than  stand  by  watching  Mary  Ellen  and  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant   making   faces   at  a   second-hand   statue." 

"  It's  a  handsome  offer,  so  it  is,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  and  the  thanks  of  the  meeting " 

"  I'll  not  pay  a  penny,"  said  Doyle,  "  and  what's 
more,  if  the  doctor  doesn't  pay  me  what  he  owes  me 
I'll  put  him  into  the  County  Court." 

"  It's  you  that'll  have  to  pay,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  whether  you  like  it  or  not." 

"  I'm  damned  if  I  do,"  said  Doyle. 

"  Gentlemen,  gentlemen,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"will  you  mind  what  you're  saying?  That's  no 
language  to  be  using,  Mr.  Doyle;  and  I  don't  think 
the  doctor  has  any  right — not  that  I  mind  myself 
what  you  say  for  I'm  not  particular;  but  if  it  was  to 
get  out  to  the  ears  of  the  general  public  that  this 
meeting  had  been  conducting  itself  in  ways  that's  very 
far  from  being  reputable " 

"  There's  no  general  public  here,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  and  that's  just  as  well." 

"  What  I'm  trying  to  tell  you,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack, "  and  what  I  would  tell  you  if  you'd  listen  to  m.e. 


246  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

is  that  there's  somebody  knocking  at  the  door  of  the 
room  we're  in  and  whoever  it  is  must  have  heard  every 
word  that's  been  said  this  last  five  minutes." 

Doyle  and  Gallagher  stopped  growling  at  each  other 
when  the  priest  spoke.  Dr.  O'Grady  sat  upright  in  his 
chair  and  bent  his  head  towards  the  door.  There  was 
a  moment's  silence  in  the  room  and  a  very  faint,  as 
it  were  an  apologetic,  knock  was  heard  at  the  door. 

"  Come  in/'  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

Mary  Ellen  opened  the  door  and  looked  in.  She 
appeared  to  be  rather  frightened.  If,  as  Father 
McCormack  supposed  she  heard  every  word  spoken 
during  the  previous  five  minutes,  she  had  very  good 
reason  for  feeling  nervous.  She  had  a  still  better 
reason  a  moment  later  when  Doyle  caught  sight  of  her. 
Doyle  had  completely  lost  command  of  his  temper. 

"  Get  away  out  of  that,  Mary  Ellen,"  he  said,  ''  and 
if  I  catch  sight  of  you  here  again  before  I  call  for  you 
I'll  have  the  two  ears  cut  off  you  and  yourself  sent 
home  to  your  mother  with  them  in  a  paper  parcel  in 
the  well  of  the  car." 

Curiously  enough  this  appalling  threat  seemed  to 
cheer  Mary  Ellen  a  little.     She  smiled. 

"  Mrs.  Gregg  says "  she  said. 

"  If  you're  not  outside  the  door  and  it  shut  after 
you  before  I've  done  speaking  I'll  do  what  I've  said 
and  worse  on  top  of  that,"  said  Doyle. 

"  I  won't  have  Mary  Ellen  bullied,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  It's  all  you're  fit  for,  Doyle,  to  frighten 
helpless  little  girls.     If  you'd  talked  that  way  to  Billing 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN               247 
when  he  was  trying  to  run  away  without  paying " 


'*  You're  a  nice  one  to  talk  about  paying,"  said 
Doyle. 

'  Dr.  O'Grady  left  his  seat  and  walked  over  to  the 
door. 

"  What  is  it  now,  Mary  Ellen  ?  "  he  said. 

"  Mrs.  Gregg  says,"  she  said,  "  will  I  be  wearing 
a  hat  or  will  I  not  ?  " 

"  Go  back  to  Mrs.  Gregg,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  ''  and 
tell  her  that  you  will  not  wear  a  hat,  but  you'll  have 
your  hair  tied  up  with  a  green  silk  ribbon  to  match 
your  stockings.     Would  you  like  that?" 

"  I'd  as  soon  have  a  hat,"  said  Mary  Ellen,  "  and 
Mr.  Moriarty  says " 

"  Surely  to  goodness,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  he  hasn't 
been  helping  to  order  your  clothes ! " 

"  He  has  not,"  said  Mary  Ellen,  "  but  he  was  out- 
side the  barrack  and  me  coming  along  the  street " 

*'  He  always  is,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  And  he  said  to  me  that  it  wouldn't  do  for  me  to 
be  dressed  up  any  way  foolish  like." 

"  Let  Constable  Moriarty  mind  his  own  business," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You  go  back  and  tell  Mrs.  Gregg 
what  I  say." 

The  other  members  of  the  committee  sat  listening 
with  amazed  interest  to  all  Dr.  O'Grady  said  to  Mary 
Ellen.  Even  Doyle  was  too  much  astonished  to  at- 
tempt an  interruption.  He  said  nothing  till  the  doc- 
tor, having  dismissed  Mary  Ellen,  returned  to  the  table. 
Then  he  spoke. 


248  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  And  who's  going  to  pay  for  the  green  ribbon  which 
is  to  go  along  with  the  stockings?  Who's  going  to 
pay  for  it?  That's  what  I'm  asking  you.  You 
needn't  be  thinking  that  I  will." 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  I  owe  you  all  an 
apology.  I'm  afraid  I  lost  my  temper  for  a  minute 
or  two.  Father  McCormack,  I  beg  your  pardon,  and 
if  I  said — as  I  fear  I  did  say — anything  disrespectful 
to  you  as  chairman " 

"  Don't  speak  another  word,  Doctor,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  you've  said  enough.  Sure  anyone 
might  have  been  betrayed  into  a  strong  expression 
when  he  was  provoked.  Not  that  you  said  a  word  to 
me  that  you've  any  reason  to  be  sorry  for." 

"  Major  Kent,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  if  I've  in  any 
way  insulted  you ^" 

"  Not  worse  than  usual,"  said  Major  Kent.  "  I'm 
quite  accustomed  to  it." 

''  Mr.  Doyle,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I'm  afraid  that 
in  the  heat  of  the  moment  I  may  have — but  I  can  do 
no  more  than  ask  your  pardon " 

"  I  don't  care  a  thraneen,"  said  Doyle,  "  what  you 
calkd  me,  and  I'll  give  you  leave  to  call  me  that  and 
more  every  day  of  the  week  if  you  see  your  way  to 
get  the  iioo  out  of  the  American  gentleman." 

"  I  can't  do  that,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  ''  but  I  have  a 
proposal  to  lay  before  the  meeting  which  I  think  will 
get  us  out  of  our  difficulty." 


CHAPTER  XVI 

^^T    ET  you  speak  out,"  said  Doyle,  "and  if  so  be 
"■— '  that  you're  not  asking  us  to  pay  up " 

"  I  think  we  may  take  it  for  granted,  gentlemen," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  if  we  produce  a  creditable 
statue  for  the  Lord-Lieutenant  to  unveil  and  give  him 
a  reall}^  gratifying  illuminated  address " 

"  The  statue  and  the  illuminated  address  would  be 
all  right,"  said  Doyle,  "  if  there  was  any  way  of  pay- 
ing for  them." 

''  And  a  bouquet,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and  a  good 
luncheon.  If  we  do  all  that  and  make  ourselves  gen- 
erally agreeable  by  means  of  Mary  Ellen  and  in  other 
ways  the  Lord-Lieutenant  couldn't  very  well  refuse  to 
give  us  a  grant  of  Government  money  to  build  a  pier." 

"  It's  likely  he'd  give  it,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  it's  likely  enough  that  he'd  give  it — if  we " 

"  He  couldn't  well  not,"  said  Doyle,  "  after  us  giving 
him  a  lunch  and  all." 

"  If  so  be,"  said  Gallagher,  "  that  he  was  to  refuse 
at  the  latter  end  we'd  have  questions  asked  about  him 
in  Parliament ;  and  believe  you  me  that's  what  he 
wouldn't  like.  Them  fellows  is  terrible  afraid  of  the 
Irish  Members.  And  they've  a  good  right  to  be,  for 
devil  the  finer  set  of  men  you'd  see  anywhere  than  what 

249 


250  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

they  are.  There  isn't  a  thing  goes  wrong  in  the  coun- 
try but  they're  ready  to  torment  the  life  out  of  who- 
ever might  be  responsible  for  the  man  that  did  it." 

**  Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Now  do  we  want 
a  pier?" 

"  We  want  the  money,"  said  Doyle. 

"  I  don't  know,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  could 
we  get  the  money  without  we'd  build  a  pier  when  we'd 
got  it." 

"  My  point  is,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  the  pier 
itself,  the  actual  stone  structure  sticking  out  into  the 
sea,  being  no  particular  use  to  any  one  once  it's 
built " 

"  It'd  be  a  public  nuisance,"  said  the  Major. 

"  We  can  do  very  well  with  an  inferior  kind  of 
pier,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  What  I  mean  to  say  is 
we  might  spend  a  little  less  than  we're  actually  given." 

"  What  about  the  inspector  they'd  send  down  ? " 
said  Doyle. 

"  Them  inspectors,"  said  Gallagher,  "  is  as  thick 
about  the  country  as  fleas  on  a  dog.  Hardly  ever  a 
man  would  turn  round  without  he'd  have  one  of  them 
asking  him  what  he  was  doing  it  for." 

For  once  Gallagher  had  spoken  in  a  way  that  was 
acceptable  to  the  other  members  of  the  committee. 
There  was  a  general  murmur  of  assent.  Everyone 
present  was  more  or  less  conscious  of  the  enormous 
numbers  of  inspectors  in  Ireland.  Even  Major  Kent, 
who  had  been  in  a  bad  temper  all  along,  brightened 
up  a  little. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  251 

"  I  was  reading  a  paper  the  other  day,"  he  said, 
"  that  80  per  cent,  of  the  adult  population  of  Leinster, 
Munster  and  Connacht,  were  paid  by  the  Government 
to  teach  the  other  people  how  to  get  their  livings,  and 
to  see  that  they  did  what  they  were  told.  That  in- 
cluded schoolmasters." 

"  I  shouldn't  wonder  now,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack,  "  that  those  figures  would  be  about  right." 

"  It  was  only  the  week  before  last,"  said  Doyle, 
"  that  there  was  a  man  stopping  in  my  hotel,  a  man 
that  looked  as  if  he  was  earning  a  comfortable  salary, 
and  he " 

Doyle  spoke  in  the  tone  of  a  man  who  is  going  to 
tell  a  long  and  leisurely  story.  Dr.  O'Grady,  who  had 
heard  the  story  before,  interrupted  him. 

"  Of  course  we'd  have  to  talk  to  the  inspector  when 
he  comes,"  he  said. 

"  You'd  do  that,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major.  ''  You'd 
talk  to  a  bench  of  bishops." 

"  I'm  not  sure,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  that  I 
quite  see  what  the  doctor's  getting  at." 

"  It's  simple  enough,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Sup- 
pose he  offers  us  £500  for  a  pier — he  can't  well  make 
it  less " 

"  It'll  be  more,"  said  Doyle  optimistically.  "  It'll  be 
nearer  a  thousand  pounds." 

"  Say  £500,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  What  I  propose 
is  that  we  spend  £400  on  a  pier  and  use  the  other  hun- 
dred to  pay  for  the  statue  and  the  rest  of  the  things 
we  have  to  get." 


2^2  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Bedamn,"  said  Doyle,  '*  but  that's  great.  That's 
the  best  ever  I  heard." 

Major  Kent  rose  to  his  feet.  He  was  very  red  in 
the  face,  and  there  was  a  look  of  rigid  determination 
in  his  eyes.  , 

"  I  may  as  well  tell  you  at  once,"  he  said,  "  that  I'll 
have  nothing  to  do  with  any  such  plan." 

"Why  not?"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Because  I'm  an  honest  man.  I  raised  no  particu- 
lar objection  when  you  merely  proposed  to  make  a  fool 
of  me  and  everybody  else  concerned " 

"  You've  done  very  little  else  except  raise  objec- 
tions," said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

" — But  when  it  comes  to  a  deliberate  act  of  dis- 
honesty  " 

"  That's  a  hard  word,  so  it  is,"  said  Doyle. 

"  It's  not  a  bit  too  hard,"  said  the  Major,  "  and  I 
say  it  again.  Dishonesty.  I  won't  have  anything  to 
do ^" 

"  The  Major's  right,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  there's  no  denying  it,  the  Major's  right." 

"  He  would  be  right,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  ''  he'd  be 
perfectly  right  if  there  were  any  dishonesty  about  the 
matter.  I  hope  it  isn't  necessary  for  me  to  say  that  if 
I  thought  the  plan  a  dishonest  one  I'd  be  the  last  man 
in  Ireland  to  propose  it." 

"  Of  course,  of  course,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  The  doctor  wouldn't  do  the  like,"  said  Doyle. 

"  Sure  we  all  know  that,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  but  the  objection  that  the  Major  has  raised " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  253 

"  It's  all  very  well  talking,"  said  the  Major.  "  But 
talking  won't  alter  facts.  It  is  dishonest  to  get  a  grant 
of  money  for  one  purpose  and  use  it  for  something  to- 
tally different." 

"  I'm  not  quite  sure,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  *'  whether 
you  quite  understand  the  philosophy  of  modern  char- 
ity. Major." 

"  I  understand  the  ten  commandments,"  said  the 
Major,  "  and  that's  enough  for  me." 

"  Nobody's  saying  a  word  against  the  ten  command- 
ments," said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  You're  going  to  do  something  against  one  of 
them,"  said  the  Major,  "  and  that's  worse.  If  you 
merely  said  things  against  them  I  shouldn't  mind.  We 
all  know  that  you'd  say  anything." 

''  You're  begging  the  question,  Major,  you  really 
are.  Now  listen  to  me.  What's  the  ordinary  recog- 
nised way  of  raising  large  sums  of  money  for  chari- 
table objects?     Some  kind  of  bazaar,  isn't  it?  " 

''  It  is,"  said  Father  McCormack.  "  There's 
hardly  ever  a  winter  but  there's  one  or  two  of  them 
up  in  Dublin  for  hospitals  or  the  like." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  What  happens 
when  a  bazaar  is  held?" 

"  It  doesn't  matter  to  us  what  happens,"  said  the 
Major.     "  We're  not  holding  one." 

"  Let  the  doctor  speak,"  said  Doyle. 

"What  happens  is  this,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "A 
large  sum  of  money,  very  often  an  enormous  sum, 
is  spent  on  getting  up  switch-back  railways,  and  AI- 


2S4  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

pine  panoramas,  and  underground  rivers,  and  old  Eng- 
lish villages.  Those  things  are  absolutely  necessary 
to  the  success  of  the  show.  They  cost  thousands  of 
pounds  sometimes.  Now,  who  pays  for  them?  The 
charity  pays,  and  is  jolly  glad  to.  The  price  of  them 
is  deducted  from  the  gross  receipts  and  the  balance  is 
handed  over  to  the  hospital.  Is  there  anything  dis- 
honest about  that  ? " 

"  There  is  not,  of  course,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  It's  always  done." 

"Wouldn't  a  bishop  do  it?  A  bishop  of  any 
church?" 

"  Lots  of  them  do,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

"  Well,  if  a  bishop  would  do  it,  it  can't  be  dishon- 
est," said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You'll  agree  to  that,  I  sup- 
pose. Major?  You  won't  want  to  accuse  the  hierarchy 
of  Ireland,  Protestant  and  Roman  Catholics,  of  flying 
in  the  face  of  the  ten  commandments." 

The  Major  had  sat  down  again.  While  Dr. 
O'Grady  was  speaking  he  turned  his  chair  half  round 
and  stared  out  of  the  window.  He  wished  to  convey 
the  impression  that  he  was  not  listening  to  a  word  that 
was  said.  When  Dr.  O'Grady  appealed  to  him  di- 
rectly he  turned  round  again  and  answered: 

"  It's  dishonest  to  take  money  given  for  one  pur- 
pose and  use  it  for  another,"  he  said. 

**  I'm  with  you  there,  Major,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack.    "  I'm  with  you  there." 

"  Are  you  prepared,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  to  go 
back   on   the   whole  theory   of   necessary   expenses? 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  255 

Would  you  refuse  to  allow  the  unfortunate  secretary 
of  a  charitable  society  to  refund  himself  for  the  post- 
age stamps  he  uses  in  sending  out  his  appeals  ?  " 

"  Secretaries  have  nothing  to  do  with  us,"  said  the 
Major.  "  This  is  a  simple  question  of  right  and 
wrong." 

"  You  haven't  quite  caught  my  point  yet,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady  patiently.  "  What  I'm  trying  to  explain  to 
you  is  this :  we're  in  exactly  the  same  position  as  the 
charity  that's  getting  up  a  bazaar.  In  order  to  make 
the  money  we  want  for  the  good  of  the  town — the 
good  of  the  town,  mind  you.  Major — that's  a  worthy 
object." 

"  A  pier  wouldn't  be  any  good  if  you  had  it,"  said 
the  Major. 

"  A  lot  of  money  would  be  spent  building  it,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and  that  would  do  us  all  good.  But 
in  order  to  get  a  pier  we  must  incur  some  expense. 
We  shan't  get  the  pier  unless  we  succeed  in  enticing  a 
Lord-Lieutenant  down  here." 

"  You  will  not,"  said  Doyle.  "  It's  waste  of  time 
writing  letters  to  those  fellows,  for  they  don't  read 
them." 

"  And  we  can't  get  the  Lord-Lieutenant  down  unless 
we  have  a  statue  for  him  to  unveil,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  He  wouldn't  come  without  he  had  something  of 
the  sort,"  said  Father  McCormack.     "That's  sure." 

"Therefore,"  s^id  Dr.  O'Grady,  "the  statue  is  a 
necessary  part  of  our  expenses  in  getting  the  pier. 
So  is  the  illuminated  address.     So  is  the  bouquet. 


256  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

And  we're  just  as  well  entitled  to  charge  what  they 
all  cost  us  against  the  money  we  succeed  in  making, 
as  the  secretary  of  a  charitable  bazaar  is  to  debit  his 
gross  earnings  with  the  hire  of  the  hall  in  which  the 
show  is  held." 

"  Now  that  you  put  it  in  that  way,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  I  can  see  well  that  there's  something 
in  what  you  say." 

"  Honesty  and  dishonesty  are  two  different  things," 
said  the  Major. 

"  Don't  keep  on  making  those  bald  and  senseless 
assertions,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Even  an  income  tax 
collector,  and  he's  the  most  sceptical  kind  of  man  there 
is  with  regard  to  assertions  about  money — but  even 
he  allows  his  victims  to  deduct  the  expenses  neces- 
sarily incurred  in  making  their  incomes  from  the  gross 
amount  which  they  return  to  him.  You  can't  want  to 
go  behind  the  income  tax  authorities,  Major." 

"  It's  all  very  well  arguing,"  said  the  Major,  "  and 
I  can't  answer  you  when  you  confuse  things  in  the  way 
you  do.  But  I  know  perfectly  well  that  it  isn't 
right " 

"  We'll  do  what  the  doctor  says,  anyway,"  said 
Doyle.  "  Doesn't  the  Government  rob  the  whole  of 
us  every  day  more  than  ever  we'll  be  able  to  rob  it  ?  " 

"  There's  something  in  that,  too,"  said  Father  Mc- 
Cormack. 

Curiously  enough  Doyle's  statement  produced  far 
more  effect  on  Major  Kent's  mind  than  the  elaborate 
arguments  of  Dr.  O'Grady.     He  was  accustomed  to 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  257 

gnash  his  teeth  over  the  burden  of  taxation  laid  upon 
him.  He  had  often,  in  private  conversation,  described 
governments,  especially  Liberal  Governments,  as 
bandits  and  thieves. 

"  We  are  robbed,"  he  said.  "  I  admit  that.  What 
with  the  extra  tax  on  unearned  income  and  the  in- 
surance of  servants  against  accidents,  and  this  infernal 
new  unemployment  insurance,  and  the  death  duties, 
and •'' 

"  There  was  a  report  of  the  Financial  Relations 
Commission,"  said  Gallagher,  "  which  presented  a  case 
on  behalf  of  Ireland  that  showed " 

"  Don't  drag  in  politics,  Thady,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  The  Major  admits  that  he's  robbed.  That  ought  to 
be  enough  for  you.  Now,  Major,  if  you  were  attacked 
by  a  highwayman " 

"  I  didn't  say  the  Government  was  a  highwayman," 
said  the  Major. 

"  You  said  it  was  a  robber.  Didn't  he.  Father  Mc- 
Cormack?  " 

"  He  said  it  had  him  robbed,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack,  with  the  air  of  a  man  who  is  carefully  making 
a  fine  distinction. 

"  That's  exactly  the  same  thing.  Now,  Major,  if 
a  robber  stole  your  money,  wouldn't  you  take  the  first 
chance  you  could  of  getting  it  back?  You  know  you 
would.  We  all  would.  And  would  you  call  that  dis- 
honesty? You  would  not.  Now  we're  offering  you 
the  chance  of  getting  something  back,  a  mere  trifle,  but 
still  something,  out  of  a  Government  which,  as  you 


258  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

admit,  has  robbed  you.  Why  on  earth  do  you  start 
making  a  fuss  ?  " 

"  I  can't  argue  with  you,  O'Grady,"  said  the  Major, 
*'  but  you're  wrong." 

"  What's  the  good  of  talking?  "  said  Doyle.  "  We'll 
do  what  the  doctor  says." 

"  Your  nephew  won't  be  able  to  get  that  advance  he 
asked  for,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  Let  him  not,"  said  Doyle.  "  I  don't  pity  him. 
He'll  get  his  money  in  the  end." 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  is  it  your 
will  that  the  plan  now  laid  before  the  meeting  by  Dr. 
O'Grady,  be  adopted?" 

"  It  is,"  said  Gallagher. 

"  What  else  is  there  for  us  to  do  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  You  may  take  me  as  dissenting,"  said  the  Major. 

"  I'll  make  a  note  of  that  in  the  minutes,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  and  then  your  conscience  will  be  perfectly 
clear,  no  matter  what  happens." 

"  Well,  gentlemen,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  I 
suppose  that  completes  our  arrangements  for  to-day. 
When  shall  we  have  our  next  meeting?  "  He  rose  to 
his  feet  as  he  spoke.  Everyone  else  rose  too.  Major 
Kent  put  on  his  hat  and  walked  towards  the  door. 
When  he  reached  it  he  turned. 

"  I  shan't  come  to  any  more  meetings,"  he  said. 

"  I  don't  think  there's  any  necessity  to  hold  another 
meeting,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  until  after  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  has  left  and  the  time  comes  for  squaring 
up  things.     I  shall  be  so  busy  between  this  and  the  day 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  259 

of  his  visit  that  I  shan't  have  time  to  attend  meetings." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Father  McCormack.  "  I  shall 
be  all  the  better  pleased." 

He  left  the  room  and  followed  Major  Kent  down  the 
stairs. 

**  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "  do  you  go  down  to  the 
bar,  and  I'll  be  with  you  in  a  minute.  I've  a  word 
to  say  to  the  doctor." 

"  I  could  do  with  a  sup  of  porter  after  all  that 
talk,"  said  Gallagher,  as  he  left  the  room. 

"  Doctor,"  said  Doyle,  "  if  things  turn  out  the  way 
we  hope " 

"  I  suppose  you're  knocking  a  commission  out  of 
that  nephew  of  yours  for  selling  his  statue  for  him?  " 

"  Twenty-five  per  :cent.  is  the  amount  agreed  on. 
It  isn't  everyone  I'd  tell,  but  I've  confidence  in  you, 
doctor." 

"And  if  we  get  £500  for  the  pier?" 

"  A  middling  good  pier,"  said  Doyle,  "  as  good  a 
pier  as  anyone'd  have  a  right  to  expect  in  a  place  like 
this,  might  be  built  for  £300." 

"  That'll  put  £120  into  your  pocket,  Doyle,  not 
counting  anything  you  may  make  on  the  luncheons !  " 

"  What  I  was  meaning  to  say,  doctor,  is,  that  it 
would  be  a  satisfaction  to  me  if  there  was  something 
coming  to  yourself.     You  deserve  it." 

"  Thank  you,  Doyle ;  but  I'm  not  in  this  business  to 
make  money." 

**  It  would  be  well,"  said  Doyle  with  a  sigh,  ''  if 
you'd  make  a  little  more  now  and  again." 


26o  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"If  you're  going  to  start  about  that  wretched  bill 
I  owe  you " 

"  I  am  not  then.  Nor  I  won't  mention  it  to  you 
imtil  such  time  as  you  might  be  able  to  pay  it.  If  so 
be  that  things  turn  out  the  way  you  say  I  shouldn't 
care •'' 

*'  If  you  keep  Gallagher  waiting  too  long  for  his 
drink,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  he'll  start  breaking  things. 
He  must  be  uncommonly  thirsty  after  all  the  speeches 
he  made  this  afternoon." 

"  That's  true,"  said  Doyle.  "  I'd  maybe  better  go 
to  him." 

Constable  Moriarty  stood  just  outside  the  door  of 
the  hotel.  He  saluted  Major  Kent  as  he  passed.  He 
touched  his  hat  respectfully  to  Father  McCormack. 
He  saw  Gallagher  come  downstairs  and  enter  the  bar. 
A  few  minutes  later  he  saw  Dr.  O'Grady.  All  traces 
of  his  usual  smile  vanished  from  his  face.  He  drew 
himself  up  stiffly,  and  his  eyes  expressed  something 
more  than  official  severity.  When  Dr.  O'Grady  passed 
through  the  door  into  the  street,  Moriarty  confronted 
him. 

"  I'm  glad  to  see,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  you've 
stopped  grinning.     It's  quite  time  you  did." 

"  It's  not  grins  I'm  talking  about  now,"  said  Mor- 
iarty.    "  It's  Mary  Ellen." 

"  Nice  little  girl,  isn't  she  ?  " 

*'  It's  a  nice  little  girl  you'll  make  of  her  before 
you've  done !  What's  this  I'm  after  hearing  about 
the  way  you  have  in  mind  for  dressing  her  up?  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  261 

"  Do  be  reasonable,  Moriarty !  What's  the  good  of 
asking  me  what  you've  heard  ?  I  can't  possibly  know, 
for  I  wasn't  there  when  you  heard  it." 

"  You  know  well  what  I  heard." 

''Look  here,  Moriarty,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "If 
you  think  I'm  going  to  stand  here  to  be  bullied  by 
you  in  the  public  street  you're  greatly  mistaken. 
Why  don't  you  go  and  patrol  somewhere  ?  " 

"  I'll  not  have  Mary  Ellen  play-acting  before  the 
Lord-Lieutenant,  so  now  you  know,  doctor." 

"  There's  no  play-acting  to  be  done,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  We  haven't  even  had  time  to  get  up  a 
pageant.  I  wish  we  had.  You'd  look  splendid  as  a 
Roman  Emperor  trampling  on  a  conquered  people. 
Em  not  sure  that  I  wouldn't  get  you  up  as  an  Assyrian 
bull.  The  expression  of  your  face  is  just  right  this 
minute." 

"  Mary  Ellen's  an  orphan  girl,"  said  Moriarty, 
"  with  no  father  to  look  after  her,  and  what's  more 
I'm  thinking  of  marrying  her  myself.  So  it's  as  well 
for  you  to  understand,  doctor,  that  I'll  not  have  her 
character  took  from  her.  It's  not  the  first  time  you've 
tried  that  same,  but  it  had  better  be  the  last." 

"  I  don't  know  what  you're  talking  about,  Moriarty. 
There's  nobody  injuring  the  girl's  character  except, 
maybe,  yourself.  Doyle  tells  me  you're  never  out  of 
the  back-yard  of  the  hotel." 

"  You  put  it  out  that  she  was  married  to  young 
Kerrigan." 

"  That  was  Thady  Gallagher,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 


262  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  and  it  didn't  do  her  a  bit  of  harm.  Nobody  except 
Mr.  BilHng  beheved  it." 

"  I  don't  mind  that  so  much  now,"  said  Moriarty, 
"  though  I  don't  deny  I  was  angry  at  the  time,  but 
what  I  won't  have  is  Mary  Ellen  dressed  up  to  be  an 
ancient  Irish  colleen.     It's  not  respectful  to  the  girl." 

"  You  told  me  the  other  day  that  you  want  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  to  make  you  a  sergeant.  Did  you  mean 
that  when  you  said  it,  or  did  you  not  ?  " 

"  It's  no  way  to  make  a  sergeant  of  me  to  be  dress- 
ing up  Mary  Ellen." 

''  It's  far  the  best  way.  When  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
sees  her  and  hears " 

"  It's  not  going  to  be  done,  anyway,"  said  Mori- 
arty, "  for  I  won't  have  it." 

"  Listen  to  me  now,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  and  you 
may  take  it  that  this  is  my  last  word,  for  I  haven't 
time  to  waste  talking  to  you.  If  I  catch  you  interfer- 
ing with  Mary  Ellen  in  any  way  or  setting  the  girl's 
mind  up  against  the  costume  that  Mrs.  Gregg  has 
designed  for  her,  I'll  speak  to  Mr.  Gregg,  and  have 
you  transferred  to  some  different  county  altogether, 
where  you'll  never  see  Mary  Ellen  either  in  fancy 
dress  or  any  other  way.  What's  more  I'll  represent 
your  conduct  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  so  that  you'll 
never  be  made  a  sergeant  as  long  as  you  live." 

These  threats  affected  Moriarty.  He  had  no  doubt 
in  his  mind  that  Dr.  O'Grady  could  and  would  carry 
out  the  first  of  them.  About  the  second  he  was  not 
quite  so  sure,  but  it  remained  a  horrible  possibility. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  263 

He  saw  that  there  was  nothing  to  be  done  by  opposing 
his  will  to  a  powerful  combination  of  private  influence 
and  official  power.  Without  speaking  another  word 
he  turned  and  walked  across  the  street  to  the  barrack. 
But  his  anger  had  by  no  means  died  away.  He  found 
Sergeant  Colgan  asleep  in  the  living-room.  He  woke 
him  at  once. 

"  I'll  be  even  with  that  doctor/'  he  said,  "  before  I've 
done  with  him." 

"  That's  threatening  language,'*  said  the  sergeant, 
who  was  not  pleased  at  being  wakened,  "  and  it's  ac- 
tionable; so  you'd  better  mind  yourself,  Moriarty. 
There's  many  a  better  man  than  you  has  gone  to 
jail  for  less  than  that.  I  knew  a  Member  of  Par- 
liament one  time  that  got  three  weeks  for  no  more 
than  saying  that  he'd  like  to  see  the  people  beating  the 
life  out  of  a  land  grabber.  What  has  the  doctor  been 
doing  to  you  ?  " 

"  It's  about  Mary  Ellen." 

"  Get  out,"  said  the  sergeant,  "  you  and  your  Mary 
Ellen!  It's  too  fond  you  are  of  running  here  and 
there  after  that  same  Mary  Ellen." 

It  was  plain  that  no  sympathy  was  to  be  expected 
from  Sergeant  Colgan.  Moriarty  sat  down  on  a  chair 
in  the  corner  and  meditated  on  plans  of  vengeance. 
The  sergeant  dropped  off  to  sleep  again. 


CHAPTER  XVII 

ACCORDING  to  the  official  programme — so  de- 
scribed by  Dr.  O'Grady — the  Lord-Lieutenant 
and  Lady  Chesterton  were  to  arrive  in  Ballymoy  by 
motor-car  at  half-past  twelve  o'clock.  There  might 
be  two  motor-cars.  That  depended  on  the  number  of 
aides-de-camp  and  of  the  suite  which  the  Lord-Lieu- 
tenant brought.  There  would  certainly  be  one, 
and  Doyle  had  the  coach-house  in  his  back-yard  emp- 
tied and  carefully  cleaned  to  serve  for  the  garage. 
Everything  in  the  town  was  ready  before  half-past 
ten.  The  statue  had  been  erected  on  its  pedestal  the 
day  before  and  excited  general  admiration.  Even 
Major  Kent  admitted  that  it  was  a  striking  work  of 
art  which  would  be  an  ornament  to  the  town.  The 
deceased  Deputy-Lieutenant  was  dressed  in  flowing 
robes  which  resembled  those  worn  by  judges.  He 
held  a  large  roll,  intended  to  represent  parchment,  in 
his  left  hand.  This,  Dr.  O'Grady  said,  might  very 
well  be  taken  for  the  original  draft  of  the  Bolivian 
Constitution.  His  right  hand  pointed  upwards  with 
extended  forefinger.  In  the  case  of  the  Deputy-Lieu- 
tenant, who  was  almost  certainly  a  strong  Unionist, 
this  may  have  symbolised  an  appeal  to  the  higher 
powers — the  House  of  Lords,  or  even  the  King — to 
refuse  consent  to  a  Home  Rule  Bill.     When  the  statue 

264 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  265 

ceased  to  be  a  Deputy-Lieutenant  and  became  General 
John  Regan  the  attitude  was  taken  to  express  his  con- 
fidence in  the  heavenly  nature  of  the  national  liberty 
which  he  had  won  for  Bolivia.  This  was  the  explana- 
tion of  the  uplifted  forefinger  which  Dr.  O'Grady  of- 
fered to  Thady  Gallagher.  But  Gallagher  was  cu- 
riously sulky  and  suspicious.    He  seemed  unimpressed. 

Doyle's  nephew  came  down  to  Ballymoy  and  per- 
sonally superintended  the  fixing  of  the  statue  on  its 
pedestal.  He  complained  that  the  cement  supplied 
for  the  purpose  by  his  uncle  was  of  very  inferior  qual- 
ity, and  expressed  grave  doubts  about  the  stability  of 
the  structure.  Dr.  O'Grady  did  not  seem  very  anx- 
ious. He  hinted  that  the  people  of  Ballymoy  would  be 
quite  satisfied  if  the  statue  stood  for  twenty-four 
hours.  The  weather  was  exceptionally  fine  and  calm. 
There  was  no  reason — if  the  unveiling  were  carefully 
done — why  Doyle's  cement  should  be  subjected  to 
any  strain  whatever. 

At  nine  o'clock  on  the  morning  of  the  Lord-Lieuten- 
ant's visit,  Dr.  O'Grady,  with  the  help  of  Doyle  and 
two  labourers,  who  had  three  step-ladders,  veiled  the 
statue.  They  draped  it  from  the  head  to  the  bottom 
of  the  pedestal  in  a  large  sheet  of  blay  calico  of  a 
light  yellowish  colour.  This  was  carefully  done,  and 
an  elaborate  arrangement  of  string  was  made,  leading 
out  from  the  statue  to  the  place  where  the  Lord-Lieu- 
tenant was  to  stand.  Dr.  O'Grady  satisfied  himself 
by  a  series  of  experiments  that  the  apparatus  would 
work.     At  a  single  pull  at  the  end  of  the  string  the 


266  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

whole  sheet  fluttered  to  the  ground  and  exposed  the 
Deputy-Lieutenant  to  public  view. 

It  was  ten  o'clock  before  these  arrangements  were 
completed  and  the  step-ladders  taken  away.  Dr. 
O'Grady  went  into  the  barrack  and  warned  Sergeant 
Colgan  that  he  would  be  held  personally  responsible 
if  any  curious  wayfarer  pulled  the  string  before  the 
proper  time.  Sergeant  Colgan  at  once  ordered  Mori- 
arty  to  mount  guard  over  the  statue.  Dr.  O'Grady 
went  over  to  the  hotel  and  inspected  the  luncheon 
table.  He  had  laid  it  himself  the  night  before,  so  he 
felt  fairly  confident  that  everything  was  as  it  should 
be ;  but  he  was  not  inclined  to  run  any  risks.  It  was 
just  possible  that  Doyle,  acting  on  advice  from  some- 
body else,  might  have  altered  the  position  of  the  spoons 
and  forks  during  the  night. 

"  It'll  be  after  lunch,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  we'll 
introduce  the  subject  of  a  pier." 

'*  Then  or  sooner,"  said  Doyle. 

"  Hints  will  have  been  given  before  that,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  *'  Father  McCormack  has  promised  to 
touch  on  the  undeveloped  condition  of  our  fishing 
industry  when  he's  making  his  introductory  remarks 
previous  to  the  unveiling  of  the  statue.  If  I  get  half 
a  chance,  I  mean  to  point  out  what  excellent  stones 
there  are  in  that  old  mill  of  yours.  The  matter  is 
distinctly  alluded  to  at  the  end  of  the  illuminated 
address,  but  I'm  afraid  they're  not  likely  to  read  that 
till  they  get  back  to  Dublin,  if  then.  I  suppose,  by  the 
way,  the  address  has  arrived  all  right?  " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  26^ 

*'  It  has/'  said  Doyle,  "  but  I  haven't  it  unpacked 
yet.     It's  in  a  case." 

**  We'd  better  have  it  quite  ready.  Get  a  screw- 
driver, will  you,  and  a  hammer." 

The  address  turned  out  to  be  very  large  indeed  and 
most  magnificently  coloured.  In  the  top  left-hand 
corner  was  a  small  photograph  of  the  market  square 
of  Ballymoy,  without  the  statue.  In  the  right-hand 
corner  was  a  picture,  supplied  by  Mr.  Aloysius  Doyle, 
of  the  statue  itself.  In  the  bottom  left-hand  corner 
was  a  photograph  of  the  Viceregal  Lodge  in  the 
Phoenix  Park,  and  opposite  it  a  portrait  of  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  in  his  state  robes.  The  whole  left-hand 
side  of  the  address  was  occupied  by  an  immensely 
complicated  design  made  up  of  spirals,  serpents,  and 
trumpet  pattern  ornaments,  which  twisted  in  and  out 
of  each  other  in  a  way  most  bewildering  to  the  eye. 
This  was  supposed  to  represent  the  manner  in  which 
ancient  Irish  artists  made  the  letter  ''  t,"  when  they 
were  not  in  a  hurry.  ''  T  "  is  the  first  letter  of  the 
word  "  to  "  with  which  the  actual  address  began.  The 
words  "  Excellency,"  "  Lord/'  and  "  Lieutenant  "  were 
similarly  honoured  with  capital  letters  of  Celtic  design, 
but  inferior  size.  *'  Ireland,"  which  came  on  a  line  to 
itself,  was  blazoned  in  red  and  green,  on  a  background 
of  dull  gold,  laid  on  smoothly,  and  afterwards  dinted 
here  and  there  with  some  instrument  which  must  have 
resembled  a  blunt  pin.  The  rest  of  the  letter-press  was 
done  in' crooked,  angular  characters,  very  ornamental 
to  look  at,  but  most  difficult  to  read. 


268  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

'*  It's  a  good  address,  so  it  is,"  said  Doyle,  "  and 
worth  the  money,  though,  mind  you,  it 'was  a  big  lot 
we  gave  for  it.  A  cheaper  one  would  have  done  well 
enough." 

*'  I  call  it  cheap  at  the  price,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  I'd  no  idea  you  could  get  so  much  for  £4.  Now 
what  about  the  bouquet  ?  " 

"  I  have  it  in  a  jug  of  water,"  said  Doyle,  "  under 
the  counter  of  the  bar.  I  thought  it  would  be  better 
in  water  the  way  it  would  be  fresh." 

"  Quite  right.  But  be  sure  you  wipe  the  stalks  be- 
fore you  give  it  to  Mrs.  Gregg.  It  doesn't  so  much 
matter  about  Lady  Chesterton.  She  must  be  pretty 
well  accustomed  to  handling  damp  bouquets.  But  I'd 
be  sorry  to  spoil  Mrs.  Gregg's  new  gloves.  She's  sure 
to  have  new  gloves.  By  the  way,  what's  being  done 
about  getting  Mary  Ellen  ready?  That  girl  can't  be 
trusted  to  dress  herself." 

"  Mrs.  Gregg  is  putting  the  clothes  on  her  this  min- 
ute," said  Doyle,  "  above  in  the  best  bedroom.  She 
said  she'd  do  it  early  so  as  she'd  have  time  after  to  go 
home  and  dress  herself." 

"  There's  been  no  trouble  with  Moriarty,  I  sup- 
pose? I  told  you  about  the  way  he  threatened  me, 
didn't  I? '^ 

"  He  hasn't  said  a  word  to  me,  but  he's  a  fellow 
I  wouldn't  trust  further  than  I  can  see  him,  and  he's 
had  an  ugly  look  about  him  this  three  days,  like  as 
if  he  had  some  mischief  in  his  mind." 

"  I  wouldn't  trust  him  either,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady ; 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  269 

"  but  I  don't  see  what  he  could  do.  He  wouldn't  ven- 
ture to  meddle  with  the  statue,  would  he  ?  Tangle  up 
the  strings  we  have  tied  to  the  sheet  or  anything  of 
that  sort  ?  " 

*'  He  would  not ;  for  he  knows  well  it  would  be  the 
worse  for  him  if  he  did.  It's  not  likely  Mr.  Gregg 
would  overlook  it  if  Moriarty  did  anything  that  put 
a  stop  to  Mrs.  Gregg  presenting  the  bouquet." 

"  We'll  have  to  chance  it  anyway,  and  I  don't  see 
that  he  can  do  much  except  sulk,  and  that  won't  hurt 
us.  I  think  I'll  be  getting  home  now,  Doyle.  I  have 
to  shave  and  generally  clean  up  a  bit  before  the 
Viceregal  party  arrives.  You  don't  own  a  silk  hat,  I 
suppose  ?  " 

"  I  do  not.     What  would  I  have  the  like  for?" 

*'  You  might  have  worn  it  if  you  had,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  My  own  is  so  old  that  I'm  ashamed  to 
put  it  on.  However,  it  doesn't  really  matter.  Both 
the  Major  and  Father  McCormack  are  sure  to  have 
them,  so  the  Lord-Lieutenant  won't  notice  that  you 
and  I  haven't  and  nobody  would  expect  much  from 
Thady  Gallagher.  After  all,  our  hats  will  be  in  our 
hands  most  of  the  time,  and  we  can  keep  them  behind 
our  backs." 

At  half-past  eleven  Mary  Ellen  and  Mrs.  Gregg 
came  out  of  the  hotel  together.  Mary  Ellen's  cos- 
tume was  beautifully  [complete.  An  English  tourist 
accustomed  to  buy  the  coloured  picture  postcards  with 
which  the  Germans  obligingly  supply  our  shops,  would 
have  recognised  her  at  once  as  an  Irish  colleen.     Her 


270  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

stockings  were  of  the  brightest  shade  of  green.  Her 
shoes,  which  were  highly  polished,  had  aggressively 
square  toes  and  enormous  steel  buckles  which  flashed 
in  the  sunlight  as  she  walked.  Her  skirt  reached  half 
way  down  the  calves  of  her  legs.  It  was  of  crimson 
flannel,  made  very  wide.  A  green  and  black  tartan 
shawl  was  fastened  round  her  with  a  large  Tara  brooch 
which  also  held  in  its  place  a  trail  of  shamrock.  Un- 
derneath the  shawl  she  had  a  green  silk  blouse.  It 
showed  very  little  but  it  exactly  matched  her  stockings. 
Her  hair  was  brushed  smoothly  back  from  her  fore- 
head, and  covered  with  a  black  and  white-checked  ker- 
chief tied  beneath  her  chin  and  falling  in  a  neat  tri- 
angle at  the  nape  of  her  neck.  Mrs.  Gregg,  who  was 
naturally  very  pleased,  led  Mary  Ellen  over  to  the 
statue,  placed  her  beside  it,  and  told  her  not  to  move  or 
in  any  way  disorder  her  dress.  Then  she  herself  hur- 
ried away. 

Constable  Moriarty,  who  was  on  guard  beside  the 
statue,  scowled  at  Mary  Ellen.  He  approached  her 
slowly,  walked  round  her,  surveyed  her  from  every 
point  of  view,  and  then  snorted  with  intense  dis- 
approval. 

"  Your  mother  wouldn't  know  you,"  he  said. 

Mary  Ellen  smiled.  She  was  greatly  pleased  at 
her  own  appearance  and  ;chose  to  take  Moriarty's  re- 
mark as  a  compliment. 

"  She  might  not,"  she  said,  in  a  tone  of  evident 
delight. 

Moriarty  intended  to  say  more ;  but  at  that  moment 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  271 

the  town  band  began  to  play.  Young  Kerrigan  had 
collected  the  members  of  it  early  in  the  day  and  kept 
them  in  a  group  outside  his  father's  shop.  The  ar- 
rival of  Mary  Ellen  seemed  to  him  to  be  a  suitable 
occasion  for  a  tune.  He  gave  a  signal  and  the  band 
struck  up.  "  Rich  and  Rare  Were  the  Gems  She  Wore  " 
was  the  tune  on  which  they  chanced.  It  was  rem.ark- 
ably  appropriate.  The  band  marched  twice  round  the 
statue  playing  that  tune.  With  the  last  note  it  came 
to  rest  again  in  its  old  position  outside  Kerrigan's  shop. 
Then  Thady  Gallagher  came  out  of  his  office.  He 
walked  over  and  looked  at  Mary  Ellen. 

"  If  you're  not  ashamed  of  yourself,"  he  said,  "  you 
ought  to  be." 

**  I  am  not,  then,"  said  Mary  Ellen. 

Gallagher  turned  to  Moriarty. 

"  You're  sure  now,"  he  said,  "  that  the  tune  the 
band  is  to  play  is  the  one  you  told  me." 

Moriarty  grinned  malevolently. 

"  I  am  sure,"  he  said. 

"  For  if  you're  playing  any  kind  of  a  trick  on 
me " 

"  I  am  not.  Amn't  I  wanting  to  get  my  knife  into 
the  doctor  the  same  as  yourself?  " 

"  And  why  would  you  want  that  ?  " 

"  It's  on  account  of  the  way  he  has  ]\Iary  Ellen 
dressed  up.     Will  you  look  at  the  girl? " 

Gallagher  looked  at  her  again,  long  and  carefully. 

*'  Play  acting ! "  said  Moriarty,  "  and  she's  a  re- 
spectable girl.     It's  not  decent,  so  it's  not." 


272  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"If  the  tune's  what  you  say  it  is,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  it'll  not  be  played  in  Ballymoy  to-day  nor  any  other 
day.  I'll  put  the  fear  of  God  into  young  Kerrigan 
before  he's  an  hour  older." 

Moriarty  grinned  again.  It  seemed  that,  with  the 
aid  of  Gallagher,  he  was  going  to  hit  Dr.  O'Grady  on 
a  vital  spot.  He  understood  that  great  importance 
was  attached  to  the  performance  of  "  Rule,  Brittania  " 
by  the  band.  Gallagher  walked  across  to  young 
Kerrigan. 

"  I  know  now,"  he  said,  "  what  the  tune  is  you're 
meaning  to  play." 

"  If  you  know  that,"  said  Kerrigan,  "  you  know 
more  than  I  do." 

"  None  of  your  lies  now.  Constable  Moriarty  is 
after  telling  me  the  name  of  the  tune." 

"  If  you  know  it,"  said  Kerrigan,  "  maybe  you'll  tell 
me.  Not  that  I  care  what  the  name  of  it  is,  for  it's  a 
good  tune,  name  or  no  name." 

"  You  will  care,"  said  Gallagher.  "  You  will  care 
before  the  day  is  out." 

"  Why  don't  you  tell  me  the  name  of  it,  then?  if  so 
be  you  know  it." 

"  You  know  well  why  I  don't  tell  you.  It's  because 
I  wouldn't  defile  my  lips  with  the  name  of  it,  because 
I  wouldn't  say  the  words  that  would  be  a  disgrace  to 
any  Irishman." 

"  You're  mighty  particular,"  said  young  Kerrigan. 
"  It  would  have  to  be  a  pretty  bad  name  that's  on 
the  tune  if  it's  worse  than  what  you  said  many  a  time." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  273 

Gallagher  was  not  in  a  mood  to  submit  calmly  to 
taunts  of  this  kind.  He  knew  that  he  was  perfectly 
right  in  refusing  to  pronounce  the  name  of  the  tune. 
He  was  convinced  that  young  Kerrigan  knew  and  was 
able  to  talk  as  he  did  only  because  he  was  dead  to  all 
sense  of  decency  or  shame. 

*'  Let  me  tell  you  this,"  he  said,  "  and  it's  my  last 
word.  If  that  tune's  played  in  Ballymoy  to-day  it'll 
be  the  worse  for  you,  and  the  worse  for  your  father, 
and  the  worse  for  all  belonging  to  you.  Let  you  not 
play  that  tune  or  the  grass  will  be  growing  on  the  step 
outside  your  father's  shop  before  any  decent  Nation- 
alist will  go  into  it  to  buy  a  bit  of  meat.  Them  that 
makes  their  living  off  the  people  will  have  to  mind 
themselves  that  they  don't  outrage  the  convictions  of 
the  people." 

This  was  an  awful  threat,  and  it  cowed  young  Kerri- 
gan a  good  deal.  He  did  not  believe  that  Gallagher 
was  capable  of  having  it  carried  out  to  the  last  ex- 
tremity. The  grass  would  not  actually  grow  on  his 
father's  doorstep,  because  the  people  of  the  west  of 
Ireland,  though  swift  and  passionate  in  resentment, 
find  a  difficulty  in  keeping  up  a  personal  quarrel  long 
enough  to  permit  of  the  growth  of  grass.  But  a  great 
deal  of  temporary  inconvenience  might  be  caused  by 
a  boycott  initiated  by  Gallagher  and  taken  up  by  the 
local  branch  of  the  League.  Young  Kerrigan  was 
shaken. 

"  You'd  better  speak  to  the  doctor  about  it,"  he 
said.     "  It's  his  tune  and  not  mine." 


274  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  I  will  speak  to  the  doctor,"  said  Gallagher.  "  I'll 
speak  to  him  in  a  way  he  won't  like.  I  was  thinking 
all  along  he  was  up  to  some  mischief  with  that  tune; 
but  I  didn't  know  how  bad  it  was  till  Moriarty  was 
talking  to  me  this  morning.     Where  is  the  doctor  ?  " 

*'  He  was  over  in  Doyle's  hotel  a  minute  ago,"  said 
Kerrigan,  "  but  I  don't  know  is  he  there  yet.  He 
might  not  be,  for  I  seen  him  going  out  of  it  and  along 
the  street." 

"  Wherever  he  is  I'll  make  it  hot  for  him,"  said 
Gallagher,  as  he  turned  away. 

"  Constable  Moriarty  be  damned,"  said  young  Kerri- 
gan softly  but  fervently  as  soon  as  Gallagher  was 
safely  out  of  earshot.  Gallagher  stopped  on  his  way 
to  the  hotel  to  take  another  scornful  look  at  Mary 
Ellen. 

"  If  your  father  that's  dead  was  alive  this  day,"  he 
said,  "  he'd  turn  you  out  of  the  house  when  he  seen 
you  in  them  clothes." 

Mary  Ellen  had  no  recollection  of  her  father,  who 
had  died  before  she  was  twelve  months  old,  but  she 
was  more  hopeful  about  him  than  Gallagher  seemed 
to  be. 

"  He  might  not,"  she  said. 

Then  Father  McCormack  appeared,  walking  briskly 
up  the  street  from  the  presbytery.  He  was  wearing, 
as  Dr.  O'Grady  had  anticipated,  a  silk  hat.  He  had  a 
very  long  and  voluminous  frock  coat.  He  had  even, 
and  this  marked  his  sense  of  the  importance  of  the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  275 

occasion,  made  creases  down  the  fronts  of  his  trousers. 
Gallagher  went  to  meet  him. 

"  Good  morning,  Thady,"  said  Father  McCormack 
cheerfully.     "  We're  in  great  luck  with  the  weather." 

'*  Father,"  said  Gallagher,  "  you  were  always  one 
that  was  heart  and  soul  with  the  people  of  Ireland,  and 
it  will  make  you  sorry,  so  it  will,  sorry  and  angry,  to 
hear  what  I  have  to  tell  you." 

Father  McCormack  felt  uneasy.  He  did  not  know 
what  Gallagher  meant  to  tell  him,  but  he  was  uncom- 
fortably conscious  that  the  day  of  the  Lord-Lieuten- 
ant's visit  might  be  a  highly  inconvenient  time  for 
proving  his  devotion  to  the  cause  of  the  people.  The 
worst  of  devotion  to  any  cause  is  that  it  makes  de- 
mands on  the  devotee  at  moments  when  it  is  most 
difficult  to  fulfil  them.  Father  McCormack  tried 
feebly  to  put  off  the  evil  hour. 

"  To-morrow,  Thady,  to-morrow,"  he  said.  "  There 
isn't  time  now.  It's  half-past  eleven,  and  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  may  be  here  any  minute." 

"  Begging  your  reverence's  pardon,"  said  Gallagher 
firmly,  "  but  to-morrow  will  be  too  late.  The  insult 
that  is  about  to  be  offered  to  the  people  of  this  locality 
will  be  offered  to-day  if  a  stop's  not  put  to  it." 

"  Nonsense,  Thady,  nonsense,  nobody  is  going  to 
insult  us." 

"  You  wouldn't  know  about  it,"  said  Gallagher, 
"  for  you'd  be  the  last  man  they'd  dare  to  tell,  know- 
ing well  that  you'd  be  as  angry  as  I  am  myself.     Do 


2^6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

you  know  what  the  tune  is  that  the  doctor  has  taught 
to  the  band?" 

Father  ]\IcCormack  did  know,  but  he  was  very  un- 
wilHng  to  enter  into  a  discussion  of  the  subject  with 
Gallagher. 

**  Constable  Moriarty,"  said  Gallagher,  "  is  after  tell- 
ing me  the  name  of  the  tune,  and  you'd  be  surprised, 
so  you  would,  if  you  heard  it." 

"  You  may  be  mistaken,  Thady,  you  may  be  mis- 
taken. One  tune's  very  like  another  when  it's  played 
on  a  band." 

"  I  am  not  mistaken,"  said  Gallagher,  who  was  be- 
ginning to  feel  suspicious  about  the  priest's  evident 
desire  to  shelve  the  subject. 

"  And  anyway,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  it's  Dr. 
O'Grady  himself  that  you'd  better  be  speaking  to 
about  the  tune." 

*'  I  will  speak  to  him ;  but  he's  not  here  presently." 

"  Try  Doyle  then,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  There  he  is  coming  out  of  the  hotel.  I  haven't  time 
to  go  into  the  matter.  I  want  to  go  over  and  look  at 
Mary  Ellen." 

He  slipped  away  as  he  spoke,  leaving  Gallagher 
standing,  sulky  and  very  suspicious,  by  himself. 
Doyle,  who  had  no  reason  to  think  that  anything  had 
gone  wrong,  greeted  him  heartily.  Gallagher  replied 
angrily. 

"  Do  you  know  what  tune  it  is  that  the  band's  going 
to  play?"  he  said. 

"  You  and  your  old  tune !  "  said  Doyle.     "  You  had 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  277 

the  life  plagued  out  of  me  about  that  tune.  Can't  you 
let  it  alone  ?  " 

"  I  will  not  let  it  alone,  for " 

"  Was  it  that  you  were  talking  to  the  priest  about  ?  " 

"  It  was,  and " 

"  I  thought  it  might  have  been,"  said  Doyle,  "  by 
the  look  of  him.  Why  can't  you  have  sense,  Thady, 
instead  of  tormenting  the  whole  town  about  a  tune  ?  " 

"  It's  my  belief,"  said  Gallagher,  "  that  he  knows 
more  about  the  tune  than  he'd  care  to  own  up  to.  He 
and  the  doctor  is  in  the  conspiracy  together." 

"  I'll  not  stand  here  listening  to  you  talking  disre- 
spectfully about  the  clergy,"  said  Doyle  with  a  fine 
show  of  indignation. 

He  felt  that  he  was  on  doubtful  ground  in  discussing 
the  tune,  which  might,  for  all  he  knew,  be  an  objection- 
able one.  It  was  a  satisfaction  to  be  able  to  put  him- 
self definitely  in  the  right  by  protesting  against  Gal- 
lagher's tendency  to  anti-clericalism. 

"  I'd  be  the  last  man  in  Ireland,"  said  Gallagher, 
*'  that  would  say  a  word  against  the  clergy,  but  when 
we  get  Home  Rule — and  that  won't  be  long  now,  please 
God " 

He  paused  impressively. 

"  Well,"  said  Doyle,  "  what'll  you  do  to  the  clergy 
when  you  get  Home  Rule?  " 

"  There's  some  of  them  that  will  be  put  in  their 
places  mighty  quick,  them  that's  opposing  the  will  of 
the  people  of  Ireland  behind  their  backs." 

"  If  you  mean   Father  McCormack,  Thady,  you'd 


278  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

better  go  home  before  you've  said  what  you'll  be  sorry 
for." 

"  ril  not  go  home  till  I've  told  the  doctor  what  I 
think  of  him." 

"  Well,  go  and  see  him,"  said  Doyle.  "  He's  in  his 
house.  When  you  come  back  you  can  tell  me  what  he 
says  to  you.  That'll  be  better  worth  hearing  than 
anything  you're  likely  to  say  to  him." 

Doyle  looked  round  with  an  air  of  some  satisfac- 
tion when  Gallagher  left  him.  He  had  no  doubt  that 
Dr.  O'Grady  would  be  able  to  deal  satisfactorily  with 
the  difficulty  about  the  tune.  Everything  else  seemed 
to  be  going  well.  A  considerable  number  of  people 
had  already  gathered  in  the  square.  The  band  stood 
ready  to  play.  Father  McCormack  was  apparently 
very  much  pleased  with  the  appearance  of  Mary  Ellen. 
Constable  Moriarty  was  on  guard  over  the  statue, 
looking  unusually  stern.  Sergeant  Colgan  had  come 
out  of  the  barrack  and  was  exerting  all  his  authority 
to  keep  back  a  number  of  small  children  who  wanted 
to  investigate  Mary  Ellen's  costume.  Every  time  any 
of  them  approached  her  with  the  intention  of  pulling 
her  shawl  or  testing  by  actual  touch  the  material  of 
her  skirt.  Sergeant  Colgan  spoke  majestically. 

"  Get  away  out  of  that,"  he  said.  "  Get  along  home 
out  of  that,  the  whole  of  yez." 

The  children  did  not,  of  course,  obey  him  literally ; 
but  they  always  drew  back  from  Mary  Ellen  when  he 
spoke,  and  it  was  generally  at  least  a  minute  before 
the  boldest  of  them  ventured  to  touch  her  again. 


CHAPTER  XVIII 

DOYLE'S  satisfaction  did  not  last  long. 
Major  Kent  drove  into  the  town  in  his  pony 
trap  and  pulled  up  opposite  the  statue.  He  called  to 
Father  McCormack,  who  had  satisfied  himself  about 
Mary  Ellen's  appearance,  and  was  prowling  round  the 
statue,  making  mild  jokes  about  its  ghostly  appearance. 
Doyle  detected  a  note  of  urgency  in  the  Major's  voice, 
and  hurried  across  the  square,  reaching  the  pony  trap 
just  as  Father  McCormack  did. 

"  So  I  hear,"  said  the  Major,  "  that  the  Lord-Lieu- 
tenant's not  coming  after  all." 

For  a  moment  neither  Father  McCormack  nor  Doyle 
spoke  at  all.  The  rumour — it  could  be  no  more  than 
a  rumour — to  which  the  Major  referred  was  too  terri- 
ble for  immediate  digestion. 

"  I  shan't  be  sorry  myself,"  said  the  Major,  "  if  he 
doesn't  come.  I've  always  thought  we  were  making 
fools  of  ourselves." 

Then  Doyle  regained  his  power  of  speech. 

"  It's  a  lie,"  he  said,  "  and  whoever  told  it  to  you  is 
a  liar.     The  Lord-Lieutenant  can't  not  come." 

"  It'll  be  a  curious  thing,  so  it  will,"  said  Father 
McCormack,  "  if  he  doesn't,  but  I  can't  believe  it. 
Who  was  It  told  you.  Major,  if  you  don't  mind  my 
asking?  " 

279 


28o  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  It  was  IVIr.  P'ord,"  said  the  Major.  ''  He  was 
standing  at  his  door  as  I  drove  past  and  he  stopped 
me  to  say  that  he'd  just  had  a  telegram  from  Dublin 
Castle " 

"  I  don't  believe  it,"  said  Doyle.  *'  I  don't  believe 
a  word  of  it.  That  fellow  Ford  was  against  us  all 
the  time,  and  he's  just  saying  this  now  to  annoy  us." 

"  He  seemed  to  believe  it  himself,"  said  the  Major. 

"  Where's  the  doctor  ?  "  said  Father  McCormack. 
"If  there's  any  truth  in  it  he'll  be  sure  to  know." 

"  If  so  be  that  such  a  telegram  was  sent,"  said 
Doyle,  "  it'll  be  on  account  of  something  that  fellow 
Ford  has  been  doing.     He  was  always  against  us." 

"  Where's  the  doctor  ? "  said  Father  McCormack 
helplessly. 

"Probably  bolted,"  said  the  Major.  "If  Ford's 
news  is  true  that's  the  only  thing  for  the  doctor  to 
do." 

"  He  was  with  me  half-an-hour  ago,"  said  Doyle, 
"  taking  a  look  round  at  the  luncheon  and  the  rest  of  it. 
He  went  away  back  to  his  house  to  clean  himself.  If 
he  knew but  he  didn't." 

"  I'll  go  and  see  him  at  once,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack." 

"  You'll  find  that  he's  cut  and  run,"  said  the  Major. 

"  You  needn't  go.  Father,"  said  Doyle,  "  for  Thady 
Gallagher's  just  after  going  to  him,  and  I  see  him 
coming  back  at  the  far  end  of  the  street  this  minute." 

Thady  Gallagher  pushed  his  way  through  the  crowd 
which  had  gathered  thickly  at  the  lower  end  of  the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  281 

square.  It  was  plain  from  the  way  he  elbowed  the 
people  who  stood  in  his  way  that  he  was  in  a  very  bad 
temper  indeed.  He  strode  up  to  the  Major's  trap  and 
began  to  speak  at  the  top  of  his  voice. 

"  Let  me  tell  you  this,  gentlemen,"  he  said :  "  if  you 
deserve  the  name  of  gentlemen,  which  you  don't,  that 
the  conspiracy  which  you're  engaged  in  for  insulting 
the  people  of  this  district  by  means  of  a  tune " 

He  appeared  to  be  addressing  himself  particularly 
to  Major  Kent,  whom  he  evidently  regarded  as,  next 
to  the  doctor,  the  chief  conspirator.  The  Major  dis- 
liked being  abused.  He  also  shrank  from  complicated 
situations.  He  foresaw  that  an  argument  with  Galla- 
gher about  a  tune  which  might  be  played  if  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  did  not  fail  to  keep  his  appointment,  was 
likely  to  be  a  confused  and  highly  complex  business. 
He  touched  his  pony  with  the  whip  and  drove  away  in 
the  direction  of  Doyle's  yard,  where  he  usually  put  up 
his  trap. 

"  Have  sense,  Thady,"  said  Father  McCormack  ap- 
pealingly. 

"  I  will  not  have  sense,"  said  Gallagher.  "  Why 
would  I  have  sense  when " 

"  Did  you  speak  to  the  doctor  ?  "  said  Doyle. 

"  I  did  not,  but  if  I  had " 

"  The  Lord  save  us  and  deliver  us,"  said  Doyle  in 
despair.  "  He's  gone,  the  way  the  Major  said  he 
would." 

"  What  are  you  talking  about  ? "  said  Gallagher. 
"  The  doctor's  shaving  himself." 


282  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Are  you  sure  of  that?  " 

"  I  am  sure.  Didn't  I  go  through  the  house  till  I 
found  him?  Didn't  I  open  the  door  of  the  room  he 
was  in?  Didn't  I  see  him  standing  there  with  a  razor 
in  his  hand?  " 

"  And  what  did  he  say  to  you,  Thady  ?  Did  he 
tell  you " 

"  He  told  me  to  get  along  out  of  that,"  said  Galla- 
gher. 

"  It's  likely  he'd  heard  the  news.  He'd  never  have 
said  the  like  of  that  to  you,  Thady,  if  he  hadn't  been 
upset  about  something." 

"  What'll  we  do  at  all?  "  said  Doyle.  "  There's  the 
statue  to  be  paid  for  and  the  dress  for  Mary  Ellen  and 
the  luncheon.  It's  ruined  we'll  be,  for  where  will  we 
get  the  money?" 

**  I  had  my  mind  made  up,"  said  Gallagher,  "  to 
speak  out  plain  to  the  doctor  about  the  tune  the  band's 
to  play.  I  had  my  mind  made  up  to  tell  him  straight 
what  I  thought  of  him.  And  to  tell  him  what  I 
thought  of  the  whole  of  you." 

"  Be  quiet,  Thady,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  Don't  you  know " 

"  There's  more  than  you  will  want  to  speak  plain 
to  the  doctor,"  said  Doyle  in  sudden  anger.  ''  It's 
him  that's  got  us  into  the  trouble  we're  in.  It's  him 
that  ought  to  be  made  to  pay  up  what'll  have  to  be 
paid ;  only  he  can't  do  it,  for  he  owes  more  this  min- 
ute than  ever  he'll  pay.  Tell  me  now,  Thady,  what 
you  said  to  him.     Tell  me  the  language  you  used.     It'll 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  283 

be  some  satisfaction  to  me  to  hear  the  words  you  said 
to  the  doctor." 

"  I  said  nothing,"  said  Gallagher.  "  Is  it  likely  I'd 
speak  the  way  I  meant  to  a  man  with  an  open  razor 
in  his  hand?  I'd  have  had  my  throat  cut  if  I'd  said 
a  word." 

Mrs.  Gregg  rode  hurriedly  into  the  market  square 
on  her  bicycle,  while  Gallagher  was  making  his  con- 
fession. She  wore  a  delicate  and  flimsy  pink  silk  skirt, 
entirely  unsuited  for  cycling.  A  very  large  hat, 
adorned  with  a  wreath  of  pink  roses,  had  been  forced 
to  the  back  of  her  head  by  the  speed  at  which  she  rode, 
and  was  held  there  with  much  strain  by  two  large  pins. 
She  had  only  one  glove,  and  several  hooks  at  the 
back  of  the  upper  part  of  her  dress  were  unfastened. 
No  one  could  doubt  that  Mrs.  Gregg  had  left  home 
before  she  was  quite  ready.  No  one  could  doubt  that 
she  had  come  into  Ballymoy  as  fast  as  she  could.  She 
dismounted  in  front  of  Father  INIcCormack  and  panted. 
She  said  ''  Oh  "  three  times,  and  each  time  was  pre- 
vented saying  anything  else  by  lack  of  breath.  Then 
she  caught  sight  of  Major  Kent,  who  was  coming  out 
of  the  hotel  yard  after  stabling  his  pony.  She  let 
her  bicycle  fall  at  the  feet  of  Father  McCormack,  and 
ran  to  the  Major. 

"  Oh,"  she  said.  "  Oh !  my  husband — just  told  me — 
a  telegram — isn't  it  frightful?     What  are  we  to  do?" 

"  I'm  rather  glad  myself,"  said  the  Major,  "  but 
everybody  else  is  makmg  a  fuss." 

Doyle,  Father  McCormack  and  Gallagher  followed 


284  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

Mrs.  Gregg.  Father  McCorniack,  who  was  a  chival- 
rous man  even  when  agitated,  picked  up  her  bicycle 
and  brought  it  with  him. 

"  Is  it  true,  ma'am,"  said  Doyle,  "  what  we're  after 
hearing?  " 

"  It's  quite  true,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg.  "  My  husband 
had  a  telegram.  So  had  Mr.  Ford.  And  Mrs.  Ford  is 
so  pleased.  Oh,  it's  too  much!  But  where's  Dr. 
O'Grady?" 

"  Everybody  is  asking  that,"  said  the  Major. 
"  My  own  impression  is  that  he's  bolted." 

"  If  only  Dr.  O'Grady  were  here,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg, 
"  he  might  do  something." 

**  There's  one  thing  the  doctor  won't  do,"  said  Gal- 
lagher, "  Lord-Lieutenant  or  no  Lord-Lieutenant,  he'll 
not  have  the  town  band  playing  the  tune  that  he's  after 
teaching  young  Kerrigan." 

"  Doyle,"  said  Major  Kent,  "  do  you  think  you 
could  get  Thady  Gallagher  out  of  this?  He's  becom- 
ing a  nuisance.  Nobody's  temper  will  stand  a  Home 
Rule  speech  at  the  present  moment." 

"  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  persuasively,  "  a  drop  of 
something  to  drink  is  what  will  suit  you.  The  inside 
of  your  throat  is  dried  up  the  same  as  if  you'd  been 
eating  lime  on  account  of  the  rage  that's  in  you." 

Doyle  was  himself  no  less  perplexed  than  everyone 
else.  He  was  more  acutely  sensitive  than  anyone  to 
the  danger  of  financial  disaster.  But  he  was  a  man 
of  cool  judgment  even  in  a  crisis.  He  saw  that  Gal- 
lagher's presence  was  highly  inconvenient. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  285 

"  A  bottle  of  porter,  Thady,"  he  said,  "  or  maybe 
two,  would  do  you  good." 

Gallagher  made  a  strong  effort  to  swallow,  intend- 
ing when  he  had  done  so  to  speak  again.  But  the 
description  Doyle  gave  of  the  inside  of  his  throat  and 
the  thought  of  cool  draughts  of  porter,  had  actually 
induced  a  very  real  dryness  of  his  mouth.  He  turned 
doubtfully  towards  the  hotel,  walked  a  few  steps  and 
then  stood  still  again. 

Doyle  caught  a  glimpse,  through  a  momentary 
opening  in  the  crowd,  of  Dr.  O'Grady,  shaved,  and 
very  carefully  dressed  in  a  new  grey  tweed  suit.  He 
became  more  than  ever  anxious  to  get  Gallagher  into 
the  hotel. 

"  If  you  fancy  a  glass  of  whisky,  Thady,"  he  said, 
''  it's  in  there  for  you  and  welcome.  There'll  be  no 
tunes  played  here  for  the  next  half  hour,  anyway,  so 
you  needn't  be  afraid  to  go." 

He  took  Gallagher  by  the  arm  as  he  spoke  and  led 
him  towards  the  hotel.  Gallagher  went  at  first  with 
apparent  reluctance,  but  as  he  got  near  the  door  his 
steps  quickened.  Doyle  did  not  leave  him  till  he 
handed  him  over  to  the  care  of  the  young  man  who 
stood  behind  the  bar  while  Doyle  himself  was  ab- 
sent. 

Dr.  O'Grady  made  his  way  through  the  crowd  with 
gay  confidence,  smiling  and  nodding  to  his  acquaint- 
ances as  he  went.  The  people  had  been  slightly  sus- 
picious beforehand  and  feared  that  something  had 
gone  wrong  with  the  arrangements  for  the  day's  enter- 


286  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

tainment.  They  were  cheered,  and  their  confidence 
was  fully  restored  when  they  saw  Dr.  O'Grady  was 
not  in  the  least  depressed.  He  smiled  at  Mary  Ellen 
as  he  passed  her  and  winked  at  Constable  Moriarty. 

Mrs.  Gregg,  as  soon  as  she  caught  sight  of  him, 
rushed  to  meet  him. 

"Oh,  Dr.  O'Grady,"  she  said,  "isn't  it  terrible? 
What  are  we  to  do?  I  wouldn't  mind  so  much  only 
that  Mrs.  Ford  is  delighted.  But  you'll  be  able  to 
do  something,  won't  you  ?  " 

"  The  first  thing  to  be  done,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  is 
to  stop  those  children  pulling  the  clothes  off  Mary 
Ellen.  Would  you  mind,  Mrs.  Gregg,  just  running 
over  and  setting  her  shawl  straight?  Fix  it  with  a 
pin.     It's  horrid  the  way  it  is." 

Mrs.  Gregg  went  over  to  Mary  Ellen.  She  was 
deeply  interested  in  the  girl's  costume,  and  she  still 
cherished  a  hope  that  Dr.  O'Grady  might  manage 
somehow,  even  without  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  to 
arrange  for  a  ceremonial  unveiling  of  the  statue. 

"  Well,  O'Grady,"  said  Major  Kent  maliciously. 
"  I  suppose  we  may  as  well  take  down  that  statue.  It's 
no  particular  use  where  it  is,  and  it  doesn't  seem 
likely  to  help  you  to  plunder  the  public  funds." 

"  There  will  have  to  be  slight  alteration  in  our 
plans,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  but  I  don't  see  any  reason 
for  postponing  the  unveiling  of  the  statue." 

"  Do  you  know  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant's  not  com- 
ing?" said  Father  McCormack. 

"  I  had  a  telegram  from  his  private  secretary,"  said 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  287 

Dr.  O 'Grady.  "  I  must  say  I  think  he  might  have  let 
us  know  a  little  sooner.  I  was  out  early  and  I  didn't 
get  the  message  till  an  hour  ago.     Where's  Doyle  ?  " 

*'  Doyle's  making  Thady  Gallagher  drunk  in  the 
hotel,"  said  the  Major. 

"  Good,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  That's  much  the  best 
thing  to  do  with  Thady.  But  I  wish  he'd  be  quick 
about  it,  for  I  want  to  speak  to  him." 

"  Here  he  is  coming  now,"  said  Father  McCormack. 

Doyle,  who  had  himself  taken  half  a  glass  of 
whisky,  approached  Dr.  O'Grady  with  great  courage 
and  determination. 

"  If  the  Lord-Lieutenant  isn't  coming,"  he  said, 
"  and  I  can  see  by  the  look  of  you  that  you  know  he's 
not,  who's  going  to  pay  for  the  statue  and  the  rest  of 
the  foolishness  you're  after  buying?  That's  what  I'd 
like  to  know." 

*'  Don't  you  fret  about  that,  Doyle,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.     "  That  will  be  all  right." 

"  How  can  it  ?  "  said  Doyle.  "  If  the  Lord-Lieuten- 
ant doesn't  come,  and  he  won't,  who's  going  to  give 
us  the  money?  " 

"  Leave  that  entirely  in  my  hands,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.     ''  It'll  be  perfectly  all  right." 

"  That's  what  you're  always  saying,"  said  Doyle 
sulkily.  "'It'll  be  all  right.  It'll  be  all  right.' 
Haven't  you  been  saying  it  to  me  for  the  last  two 
years  ?  '  All  right,'  says  you,  and,  '  It's  all  right,' 
whenever  the  money  you  owe  me  is  mentioned." 

"  More  shame  for  you  then,  Doyle,  for  mentioning 


288  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

it  so  often.  I  wouldn't  say  *  All  right '  or  anything 
else  about  it  if  you  didn't  force  me  to." 

"  I'm  dead  sick  of  your  '  All  rights '  anyway,"  said 
Doyle. 

"  Be  quiet  now,"  said  Father  McCormack.  "  Isn't 
the  doctor  doing  the  best  he  can  for  you?  Is  it  his 
fault  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant  isn't  here?  " 

"If  you'll  only  stop  growling,  Doyle,  and  co-operate 
with  me  in  bringing  off  the  day's  entertainment 
successfully " 

"  Surely  to  goodness,  O'Grady,  you're  not  going  on 
with  the  statue  farce?  " 

"  Of  course  I  am.  The  only  chance  we  have  now 
of  getting  the  money " 

"  It's  a  damned  poor  chance,"  said  Doyle. 

"  On  the  contrary,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  it's  a  re- 
markably good  chance.  Don't  you  see  that  if  we  un- 
veil the  statue  successfully,  in  spite  of  the  way,  the 
really  scandalous  way,  the  Lord-Lieutenant  has  treated 
us " 

"  I  wash  my  hands  of  the  whole  business,"  said 
the  Major. 

"  You  can  wash  them  afterwards,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  ''  but  at  present  you'll  stand  in  with  the  rest 
of  us.  After  the  way  the  Lord-Lieutenant  has 
treated  us  over  the  statue  he'll  have  to  give  us  a 
rattling  good  pier.  He  won't  be  able  to  refuse.  Oh, 
hang  it!     Here's  Mrs.  Gregg  again." 

Mrs.  Gregg  had  settled  Mary  Ellen's  shawl.  She 
had  spoken  sternly,  with  an  authority  borrowed  from 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  289 

her  husband's  official  position,  to  Sergeant  Colgan. 
She  was  filled  with  curiosity  and  excitement. 

"  Someone  must  get  her  out  of  this,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  I  can't  settle  things  with  her  babbling  at 
me. 

"  If  there  was  a  chance  that  she'd  be  wanting  a 
drink,"  said  Doyle,  "  but  them  ones  wouldn't." 

"  Mrs.  Gregg,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  excuse  my 
mentioning  it;  but  there  are  three  hooks  in  the  back 
of  your  blouse  that  aren't  fastened.  It's  an  awfully 
nice  blouse,  but  as  you  have  it  on  at  present  it's  rather 
— rather — well  degage." 

"  I  started  in  such  a  hurry,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg. 
*'  The  moment  I  heard " 

"  If  you  go  into  the  hotel,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  you'll 
find  a  looking-glass.  You'll  be  able  to  inspect  the 
bouquet  too.     It's  in  a  jug  of  water  under  the  counter 

in You  take  her.  Father  McCormack,  and  find 

the  bouquet  for  her." 

Father  McCormack  was  not  listening.  He  was  look- 
ing at  a  large  motor-car  which  had  just  drawn  up  at 
the  far  end  of  the  street,  leading  into  the  square. 

"  It's  him  after  all,"  he  said. 

"  It's  who?  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  turning  round. 

The  crowed  which  was  pressing  round  the  statue 
began  to  edge  away  from  it.  Men  were  standing  on 
tiptoe,  straining  their  necks  to  see  over  their  fellows' 
heads.  Everybody  began  to  move  towards  the  motor- 
car.    A  loud  cheer  burst  from  the  people  nearest  to  it. 

"  It's  him  sure  enough,"  said  Father  McCormack. 


290  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

*'  It's  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said  Doyle  excitedly. 
"  Bedamn,  but  this  is  great !     We'll  be  all  right  now." 

"  It  can't  possibly  be  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady.  "  He'd  never  change  his  mind  twice  in 
the  same  morning." 

A  tall  man,  very  well  dressed  in  a  long  frock-coat 
and  a  shiny  silk  hat,  stood  up  in  the  motor.  The 
crowd  cheered  again  with  tumultuous  enthusiasm. 

"  It  must  be  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg 
ecstatically.  "  Oh,  will  someone  please  hook  up  my 
blouse?" 

"  There's  nobody  else  it  could  be,"  said  Doyle. 
"  Come  on  now,  till  we  go  to  meet  him.  Come  on. 
Father.  Come  you,  Major.  Doctor,  will  you  go  first? 
It's  you  knows  the  proper  way  to  speak  to  the  likes  of 
him." 

But  Father  McCormack  had  a  strong  sense  of  his 
own  dignity,  and  was  convinced  that  the  Church  had 
a  right  to  precedence  on  all  ceremonial  occasions.  He 
walked,  hat  in  hand,  towards  the  stranger  in  the  motor- 
car. The  people  divided  to  let  him  pass.  Major 
Kent  and  Doyle  followed  him.  Dr.  O'Grady  stood 
still.  Mrs.  Gregg  ran  over  to  Mary  Ellen  and  begged 
her  to  hook  up  the  back  of  the  degage  blouse.  Young 
Kerrigan  mustered  the  town  band.  The  members  had 
strayed  a  little  through  the  crowd,  but  at  the  summons 
of  their  leader  they  gathered  in  a  circle.  Kerrigan 
looked  eagerly  at  Dr.  O'Grady  awaiting  the  signal  to 
strike  up  "  Rule  Britannia."  Dr.  O'Grady,  unable 
to  make  himself  heard  through  the  cheering  of  the 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  291 

people,  signalled  a  frantic  negative.  The  stranger 
stepped  out  of  his  motor-car.  Father  McCormack, 
bowing  low,  advanced  to  meet  him. 

**  It  is  my  proud  and  pleasant  duty,"  he  said,  *'  to 
welcome  your  Excellency  to  Ballymoy,  and  to  assure 
you " 

"  I  want  to  see  a  gentleman  called  O'Grady,"  said 
the  stranger,  "  a  Dr.  O'Grady." 

"  He's  here,  your  Excellency,"  said  Father  McCor- 
mack, "  and  there  isn't  a  man  in  Ballymoy  who'll  be 
more  pleased  to  see  your  Excellency  than  he  will." 

"  I'm  not  His  Excellency.  My  name  is  Blakeney, 
Lord  Alfred  Blakeney.  I'm  aide-de-camp  to  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant,  and  I  particularly  want  to  see  Dr. 
O'Grady." 


CHAPTER  XIX 

LORD  ALFRED  BLAKENEY  walked  up  the 
street  and  crossed  the  square  with  great  dignity. 
He  made  no  acknowledgment  whatever  of  the  cheers 
with  which  the  people  greeted  him.  They  still  thought 
that  he  was  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  and,  expectant  of 
benefits  of  some  sort,  they  shouted  their  best.  He 
glanced  at  the  veiled  statue,  but  turned  his  eyes  away 
from  it  immediately,  as  if  it  were  something  obscene 
or  otherwise  disgusting.  He  took  no  notice  of  Mary 
Ellen,  though  she  smiled  at  him.  Father  McCormack 
and  Doyle  followed  him,  crestfallen.  Major  Kent, 
who  seemed  greatly  pleased,  also  followed  him. 
Half  way  across  the  square  Lord  Alfred  Blakeney 
turned  round  and  asked  which  was  Dr.  O'Grady. 
Father  McCormack  pointed  him  out  with  deprecating 
eagerness,  much  as  a  schoolboy  with  inferior  sense  of 
honour  when  himself  in  danger  of  punishment,  points 
out  to  the  master  the  real  culprit.  Lord  Alfred 
Blakeney's  forehead  wrinkled  in  a  frown.  His  lips 
closed  firmly.  His  whole  face  wore  an  expression 
of  dignified  severity,  very  terrible  to  contemplate. 
Dr.  O'Grady  seemed  entirely  unmoved. 

"  Vm  delighted  to  see  you,"  he  said,  "  though  we 
expected  the  Lord-Lieutenant.  By  the  way,  you're 
not  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  are  you,  by  any  chance  ?  " 

2g2 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  293 

"  My   name   is   Blakeney,   Lord  Alfred   Blakeney." 

"  I  was  afraid  you  weren't,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Father  McCormack  and  Doyle  insisted  that  you 
were.  But  I  knew  that  His  Excellency  must  be  a 
much  older  man.  They  couldn't  very  well  make  any- 
body of  your  age  Lord-Lieutenant  of  Ireland,  though 
I  daresay  you'd  do  very  well,  and  deserve  the  honour 
quite  as  much  as  lots  of  people  that  get  it." 

Lord  Alfred  Blakeney  had  been  at  Eton  as  a  boy 
and  at  Christchurch,  Oxford,  afterwards  as  a  young 
man.  He  was  a  Captain  in  the  Genadier  Guards,  and 
he  was  aide-de-camp  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant  of 
Ireland.  It  seemed  quite  impossible  that  an  Irish 
dispensary  doctor  could  be  trying  to  poke  fun  at  him. 
He  supposed  that  Dr.  O'Grady  was  lamentably 
ignorant. 

"  I  am  here,"  he  said,  "  at  His  Excellency's  express 
command " 

"  Quite  so,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  We  understand. 
You're  his  representative.  He  was  pretty  well  bound 
to  send  somebody  considering  the  way  he's  treated 
us,  telegraphing  at  the  last  moment.  We're  quite 
ready  to  make  excuses  for  him,  of  course,  if  he's  got 
a  sudden  attack  of  influenza  or  anything  of  that  sort. 
At  the  same  time  he  ought  to  have  come  unless  he's 
very  bad  indeed.  However,  as  you're  here,  we  may  as 
well  be  getting  on  with  the  business.    Where's  Doyle  ?  " 

Doyle  was  just  behind  him.  He  was,  in  fact,  pluck- 
ing at  Dr.  O'Grady's  sleeve.  He  leaned  forward  and 
whispered : 


294  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Speak  a  word  to  the  gentleman  about  the  pier. 
He's  a  high  up  gentleman  surely,  and  if  you  speak 
to  him  he'll  use  his  influence  with  the  Lord-Lieuten- 
ant." 

''  Be  quiet,  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Go  off 
and  get  the  bouquet  as  quick  as  you  can  and  give  it 
to  Mrs.  Gregg." 

Lord  Alfred  Blakeney,  who  had  gasped  with 
astonishment  at  the  end  of  Dr.  O'Grady's  last  speech 
to  him,  recovered  his  dignity  with  an  effort. 

"  You  evidently  don't  understand  that  I  have  come 
here,  at  the  Lord-Lieutenant's  express  command '* 

"  You  said  that  before,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

"  To  ask  for — in  fact  to  demand  an  explanation 
of " 

"  I  should  have  thought  that  you'd  have  offered 
some  sort  of  explanation  to  us.  After  all,  we've 
been  rather  badly  treated  and " 

"  An  explanation,"  said  Lord  Alfred  sternly,  "  if  any 
explanation  is  possible,  of  the  extraordinary  hoax 
which  you've  seen  fit  to  play  on  His  Excellency." 

A  group  of  spectators  formed  a  circle  round  Dr. 
O'Grady  and  Lord  Alfred.  Father  McCormack, 
puzzled  and  anxious,  stood  beside  Mrs.  Gregg.  The 
Major  was  at  a  little  distance  from  them.  Mary 
Ellen  stood  almost  alone  beside  the  statue.  The 
children  of  the  town,  attracted  by  some  new  excite- 
ment, had  left  her,  and  in  spite  of  Sergeant  Colgan, 
were  pushing  their  way  towards  Lord  Alfred.  Dr. 
O'Grady  looked  round  him  and  frowned  at  the  people. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  295 

Then  he  took  Lord  Alfred  by  the  arm  and  led  him 
away  to  a  corner  of  the  square  near  the  police  barrack 
where  there  were  very  few  people. 

"  Now,"  he  said,  "  we  can  talk  in  peace.  It's  im- 
possible to  discuss  anything  in  the  middle  of  a  crowd. 
You  seem  to  think  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant  has  some 
sort  of  grievance  against  us.     What  is  it  ?  " 

"  You  surely  understand  that,"  said  Lord  Alfred, 
"  without  my  telling  you.  You've  attempted  to  play 
off  an  outrageous  hoax  on  the  Lord-Lieutenant  of 
Ireland.     At  least  that's  my  view  of  it." 

**  Quite  a  mistaken  one  !  " 

"  The  Lord-Lieutenant  himself  hopes  that  there  may 
be  some  other  explanation.  That  is  why  he  sent  me 
down  here.  He  wants  to  give  you  the  chance  of 
clearing  yourselves  if  you  can.  I  may  say  frankly 
that  if  he'd  asked  my  opinion  I  should " 

"  You'd  have  put  us  in  prison  at  once,"  said  Dr. 
O'Grady,  "  and  kept  us  there  till  we  died.  You'd  have 
been  perfectly  right.  We'd  have  deserved  it  richly 
if  we  really  had " 

"  Then  you  are  prepared  to  offer  an  explanation  ?  " 

"  I'll  explain  anything  you  like,"  said  Dr.  O 'Grady, 
"  if  you'll  only  tell  me  what  your  difficulty  is.  Oh, 
hang  it!  Excuse  me  one  moment.  Here's  that  ass 
Doyle  coming  at  us  again." 

Doyle  had  brought  the  bouquet  out  of  the  hotel 
and  given  it  to  Mrs.  Gregg.  He  had  warned  Constable 
Moriarty  not  to  allow  the  people  to  press  against  the 
statue.     He  was  crossing  the  square  in  the  direction 


296  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

of  the  police  barrack  when  Dr.  O'Grady  saw  him  and 
went  to  meet  him. 

'*  Doctor,"  said  Doyle,  "  will  you  keep  in  mind  what 
I  was  saying  to  you  this  minute  about  the  pier?  Get 
a  promise  of  it  out  of  the  gentleman." 

"  It's  utterly  impossible  for  me,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
"  to  do  anything  if  you  keep  interrupting  me  every 
minute.  I'm  in  the  middle  of  an  extremely  difficult 
negotiation,  and  unless  I'm  allowed  a  free  hand  there'll 
certainly  be  no  pier." 

"  If  there's  no  pier,"  said  Doyle  angrily,  "  it'll  be 
the  worse  for  you.  Don't  you  forget,  doctor,  that 
you  owe  me  a  matter  of  i6o,  and  if  I'm  at  the  loss 

of  more  money  over  this  statue " 

Constable  Moriarty's  voice  rang  out  across  the 
square.     He  was  speaking  in  very  strident  tones. 

"Will  you  stand  back  out  of  that?"  he  said. 
*'  What  business  have  you  there  at  all  ?  Didn't  I  tell 
you  a  minute  ago  that  you  weren't  to  go  near  the 
statue?" 

Dr.  O'Grady  and  Doyle  turned  round  to  see  what 
was  happening.  A  man  from  the  crowd,  a  well- 
dressed  man,  had  slipped  past  Constable  Moriarty 
and  reached  the  statue.  He  had  raised  the  bottom 
of  the  sheet  which  covered  it  and  was  peering  at 
the  inscription  on  the  pedestal. 

"  Doyle,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that's  the  American 
again.     That's  Billing." 

"  Bedamn !  "  said  Doyle  excitedly.  "  You're  right. 
It's  him  sure  enough." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  297 

"  Go  and  seize  him.  Take  him  into  the  hotel. 
Drag  his  subscription  out  of  him  if  you  have  to  use 
a  knife  to  get  it.  Whatever  happens  don't  let  him 
go  again." 

Doyle  realised  what  his  duty  was  before  Dr. 
O'Grady  had  stopped  speaking.  He  ran  across  the 
square  to  the  statue.  INIr.  Billing,  heedless  of  Mori- 
arty's  threats,  was  lifting  the  sheet  still  higher.  He 
had  read  the  inscription  and  wanted  to  inspect  the 
statue  itself.     Doyle  seized  him  by  the  shoulder. 

"  Come  you  along  with  me,"  he  said,  "  and  come 
quiet  if  you  don't  want  me  to  give  you  in  charge  of 
the  police." 

Dr.  O'Grady,  watching  from  a  distance,  saw  Mr. 
Billing  marched  off  towards  the  hotel.  Then  he 
turned  to  Lord  Alfred  again. 

"  I  must  apologize,"  he  said,  "  for  running  away 
from  you  like  that.  But  we  couldn't  have  talked 
with  that  fellow,  Doyle,  pestering  us.  You  don't 
know  Doyle,  of  course.  If  you  did,  and  if  you 
happened  to  owe  him  a  little  money  you'd  realise 
how  infernally  persistent  he  can  be." 

Lord  Alfred  had  also  been  watching  the  capture  of 
Mr.  Billing.  He  wanted  to  understand,  if  possible, 
what  was  going  on  round  about  him. 

**  What  is  your  friend  doing  with  the  other  man  ?  " 
he  asked. 

"  Only  capturing  him,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You 
needn't  feel  any  anxiety  about  that.  The  other  man 
is  an  i\merican  and  a  thorough-paced  swindler.    Noth- 


298  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

ing  will  happen  to  him  that  he  doesn't  deserve.  But 
we  mustn't  waste  time.  We've  still  got  to  unveil  the 
statue.  You  go  on  with  what  you  were  saying.  You 
were  just  going  to  tell  me  what  the  Lord-Lieutenant's 
difficulty  is." 

"  You  invited  His  Excellency  down  here,"  said 
Lord  Alfred,  "  to  unveil  a  statue " 

"  Quite  right.  And  we  have  the  statue  ready. 
There  it  is."     He  pointed  out  the  statue  as  he  spoke. 

"  The  statue,"  said  Lord  Alfred,  "  purports  to  rep- 
resent General  John  Regan." 

"  It  does  represent  him.  There's  no  purporting 
about  the  matter.  The  General's  name  is  on  the 
pedestal.  You'll  see  it  yourself  as  soon  as  you  un- 
veil it." 

"  It  now  appears,"  said  Lord  Alfred  coldly,  "  that 
there  never  was  such  a  person  as  General  John  Regan." 

**  Well  ?  Try  and  get  along  a  little  quicker.  I 
don't  see  yet  where  the  insult  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
is  supposed  to  come  in." 

"  You  asked  the  Lord-Lieutenant  to  unveil  a 
faked-up  statue,  and  you  have  the  amazing  assurance 
to  say  now  that  you  don't  see  that  you've  done  any- 
thing wrong." 

"  I  don't." 

"  But  there  never  was  a  General " 

"  Do  you  mean  to  say,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that 
the  Lord-Lieutenant  supposed  that  the  General  really 
existed?  " 

**  Of  course  he  supposed  it.     How  could  there  be 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  299 

a  statue  to  him  if  he  didn't?  We  all  supposed  it.  It 
wasn't  until  His  Excellency  began  to  prepare  the 
speech  he  was  to  make  that  we  found  out  the  truth. 
He  wrote  to  the  British  Museum  and  to  the  Librarian 
at  the  Bodleian " 

"  I'm  sorry  he  took  all  that  trouble.  We  didn't 
expect  anything  of  the  sort." 

"  What  did  you  expect  ?  " 

"  Oh,  I  don't  know.  A  few  words  about  the  elevat- 
ing nature  of  great  works  of  art — particularly  statues. 
You  know  the  sort  of  thing  I  mean.  How  the  English 
nation  occupies  the  great  position  it  does  very  largely 
because  it  flocks  to  the  Royal  Academy  regularly  every 
year.  How  the  people  of  Ballymoy  are  opening  up 
a  new  era  for  Ireland.  But  I  needn't  go  on.  You 
must  have  heard  him  making  speeches  scores  of  times. 
That  was  all  we  wanted,  and  if  we'd  had  the  slightest 
idea  that  he  was  taking  a  lot  of  trouble  to  prepare  a 
learned  lecture  we'd  have  told  him  that  he  needn't." 

"  But  how  could  he  make  any  speech  about  a  Gen- 
eral who  never  existed  ?  " 

"  My  dear  Lord  Alfred !  What  has  the  General 
got  to  do  with  it?  We  didn't  want  a  speech  about 
him.     We  wanted  one  about  his  statue." 

"  But  it  isn't  his  statue.  If  there  was  no  General 
there  can't  be  a  statue  to  him." 

"  There  is,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  There's  no  use 
flying  in  the  face  of  facts.  The  statue's  under  that 
sheet." 

"  It's  not.     I  mean  to  say  that  there  may  be  a  statue 


300  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

there,  but  it's  not  to  General  John  Regan.  How  can 
there  be  a  statue  to  him  when  there  was  no  such 
person  ?  " 

"  Was  there  ever  such  a  person  as  Venus  ?  "  said  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  There  wasn't.  And  yet  every  museum 
in  Europe  is  half  full  of  statues  of  her.  Was  there 
ever  such  a  person  as  the  Dying  Gladiator?  Was 
there  ever  a  man  called  Laocoon,  who  strangled  sea 
serpents?  You  know  perfectly  well  that  there  weren't 
any  such  people,  and  yet  some  of  the  most  famous 
statues  in  the  world  are  erected  in  memory  of  them." 

"  But  His  Excellency  naturally  thought " 

"  Look  here,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  if  we'd  asked  him 
to  unveil  a  statue  of  Hercules  in  Ballymoy,  would 
he  have  gone  round  consulting  the  librarians  of  London 
and  Oxford  to  find  out  whether  there  was  such  a 
person  as  Hercules  or  not?  Would  he  have  said  he 
was  insulted?  Would  he  have  sent  you  here  to  ask 
for  an  apology?  You  know  perfectly  well  he 
wouldn't." 

Lord  Alfred  seemed  slightly  puzzled.  Dr. 
O'Grady's  line  of  argument  was  quite  new  to  him. 
He  felt  sure  that  a  fallacy  underlay  it  somewhere,  but 
he  could  not  at  the  moment  see  what  the  fallacy  was. 

"  The  case  of  Hercules  is  quite  different,"  he  said 
feebly. 

"  It's  not  In  the  least  different.  It's  exactly  the 
same.  There  was  no  such  person  as  Hercules.  Yet 
there  are  several  statues  of  him.  There  was  no  such 
person  as  our  General,  but  there  may  be  lots  of  statues 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  301 

to  him.  There's  certainly  one.  There's  probably  at 
least  another.  I  should  think  the  people  of  Bolivia  are 
sure  to  have  one.  We'll  ask  Billing  when  we  see 
him." 

"  Is  he  the  priest  who  mistook  me  for  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  ?  " 

"  Oh,  no.  He's  the  swindler  whom  Doyle  caught. 
By  the  way,  here's  Doyle  coming  out  of  the  hotel 
again.     Do  you  mind  if  I  call  him?  " 

Doyle  crossed  the  square  very  slowly,  because  he 
stopped  frequently  to  speak  to  the  people  whom  he 
saw.  He  stopped  when  he  came  to  Father  McCor- 
mack  and  whispered  something  to  him.  He  stopped 
when  he  came  to  Major  Kent.  He  stopped  for  a 
moment  beside  Mrs.  Gregg.  He  seemed  to  be  full 
of  some  news  and  eager  to  tell  it  to  everybody.  When 
he  saw  Dr.  O'Grady  coming  to  meet  him  he  hurried 
forward. 

"  I  have  it,"  he  said,  "  I  have  it  safe." 

"  The  cheque?  "  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

*'  Better  than  that.    Notes.    Bank  of  Ireland  notes." 

"  Good,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  Then  it  won't  make 
so  much  matter  if  we  don't  get  the  pier.  I'm  having  a 
hard  job  with  Lord  Alfred.  It  appears  that  the 
Lord-Lieutenant  is  in  a  pretty  bad  temper,  and  it  may 
not  be  easy  to  get  the  pier.  However,  I'll  do  my  best. 
I  wish  you'd  go  and  fetch  the  illuminated  address. 
Is  Thady  Gallagher  safe  ?  " 

"  He's  making  a  speech  this  minute  within,  in  the 
bar,  and  INIr.  Billing's  listening  to  him." 


302  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Good.  Get  the  illuminated  address  for  me  now 
as  quick  as  you  can." 

Doyle  hurried  off  in  the  direction  of  the  hotel.  Dr. 
O'Grady  turned  once  more  to  Lord  Alfred. 

"  By  the  way,"  he  said,  "  before  we  go  on  with 
the  unveiling  of  the  statue  would  you  mind  telling  me 
this :     Have  you  got  an  ear  for  music  ?  " 

Lord  Alfred  had  recovered  a  little  from  the  be- 
wildering effect  of  Dr.  O'Grady's  argument.  He 
reminded  himself  that  he  had  a  duty  to  perform. 
He  regained  with  an  effort  his  original  point  of  view, 
and  once  more  felt  sure  that  the  Lord-Lieutenant 
had  been  grossly  insulted. 

*'  I've  listened  to  all  you  have  to  say,"  he  said,  "  and 
I  still  feel,  in  fact  I  feel  more  strongly  than  ever, 
that  an  apology  is  due  to  His  Excellency." 

"  Very  well,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  I've  no  objection 
whatever  to  apologising.  I'm  extremely  sorry  that  he 
was  put  to  such  a  lot  of  unnecessary  trouble.  If  I'd 
had  the  least  idea  that  he  wouldn't  have  understood 

about  the  General but  I  thought  he'd  have  known. 

I  still  think  he  ought  to  have  known.  But  I  won't  say 
a  word  about  that.  Tell  him  from  me  that  I'm  ex- 
tremely sorry.    And  now,  have  you  an  ear  for  music  ?  '* 

"  That's  not  an  apology,"  said  Lord  Alfred.     ''  I 

won't  go  back  to  His  Excellency  and  tell  him 

hang  it!  I  can't  tell  him  all  that  stuff  about  Venus 
and  Hercules." 

"  I  wish  you'd  tell  me  whether  you  have  an  ear 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  303 

for  music  or  not.  You  don't  understand  the  situa- 
tion because  you  haven't  met  Thady  Gallagher.  But 
I  can't  ask  you  to  unveil  the  statue  until  I  know 
whether  you've  an  ear  for  music  or  not." 

"  I  don't  know  what  you  mean,  but " 

Dr.  O'Grady  made  a  click  with  his  tongue  against  the 
roof  of  his  mouth.     He  was  becoming  very  impatient. 

"  Well,  I  haven't,"  said  Lord  Alfred.  "  I  don't  see 
what  business  it  is  of  yours  whether  I  have  or  not; 
but  anyhow,  I  haven't." 

*'  None  at  all  ?  You  wouldn't  know  one  tune  from 
another  ?  " 

"  No,  I  wouldn't.     And  now  will  you  tell  me " 

"  I'll  tell  you  anything  you  like  when  this  business 
is  over.  I  haven't  time  to  enter  into  long  explanations 
now.     The  people  are  beginning  to  get  very  impatient." 

Young  Kerrigan,  with  his  bandsmen  grouped 
around  him,  was  standing  a  little  below  the  police 
barrack.  Dr.  O'Grady  walked  quickly  over  to  him. 
He  told  him  to  be  ready  to  begin  to  play  the  moment 
he  received  the  signal. 

"  And listen  to  me  now,"  he  said.     "  You're  to 

play  some  other  tune,  not  the  one  I  taught  you." 

"  I'm  just  as  glad,"  said  young  Kerrigan.  "  It's 
equal  to  me  what  tune  I  play,  but  Thady  Gallagher — 
What  tune  will  I  play?" 

"  Anything  you  like,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  What- 
ever you  know  best,  but  not  the  one  I  taught  you. 
Remember  that.'* 


304  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

He  left  young  Kerrigan,  and  hurried  over  to  where 
Major  Kent,  Father  McCormack  and  Mrs.  Gregg 
were  standing  together  near  the  statue. 

"  We're  now  going  to  unveil  the  statue,"  he  said, 
**  and  everybody  must  be  ready  to  do  his  part.  Father 
McCormack,  I  want  you  to  take  charge  of  Mary 
Ellen.  In  the  absence  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant  she'll 
pull  the  string.  You're  to  see  that  she  does  it  when 
I  give  the  word.  Then  you  must  go  across  to  the 
door  of  the  hotel  and  keep  a  look  out  for  Thady 
Gallagher.  If  he  tries  to  make  any  sort  of  disturbance 
quell  him  at  once." 

**  I'm  willing  to  try,"  said  Father  McCormack,  "  and 
so  far  as  Mary  Ellen  is  concerned  I'm  right  enough. 
She's  a  good  girl,  and  she'll  do  as  I  bid  her.  But 
it'd  take  more  than  me  to  pacify  Thady  when  he  hears 
the  band." 

"  It's  all  right  about  that.  The  band  won't  play 
that  tune  at  all.  As  it  happens  Lord  Alfred  has  no 
ear  whatever  for  music.  That  lets  us  out  of  what 
was  rather  an  awkward  hole.  Young  Kerrigan  can 
play  anything  he  likes,  and  so  long  as  we  all  take  off 
our  hats,  Lord  Alfred'll  think  it's  *  God  Save  the 
King.'     Thady  won't  be  able  to  say  a  word." 

*'  If  that's  the  way  of  it,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  I'll  do  the  best  I  can  with  Thady." 

"Mrs.  Gregg,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "you  can't 
present  that  bouquet,  so  the  best  thing  for  you  to 
do  is  to  step  forward  the  moment  the  sheet  drops  off 
and  deposit  it  at  the  foot  of  the  statue.     Major '* 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  305 

"  You  may  leave  me  out,"  said  Major  Kent.  "  I'm 
merely  a  spectator." 

"  You'll  support  Mrs.  Gregg  when  she's  paying  her 
floral  tribute  to  the  memory  of  the  dead  General." 

"  ril  do  no  such  thing." 

"  You  must,  Major.  You  can't  let  poor  Mrs.  Gregg 
go  forward  alone." 

"  Please  do,"  said  Mrs.  Gregg.  "  I  shall  be  fright- 
fully nervous." 

*'  But — but — hang  it  all,  O'Grady,  how  can  I  ? 
What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

"  It's  perfectly  simple.  Just  walk  forward  beside 
her  and  smile.  That's  all  that's  wanted.  The  band 
will  be  playing  at  the  time  and  nobody  will  notice 
you  much.  Now,  I  think  everybody  understands 
thoroughly  what  to  do,  and  there's  no  reason  why 
the  proceedings  shouldn't  be  a  flaming  success  in  spite 
of  the  conduct  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant." 

"What  about  the  Lord-Lieutenant?"  said  Father 
McCormack.  "  I'd  be  glad  if  I  knew  what  the  reason 
is  of  his  not  coming  to  us  when  he  promised." 

"The  reason's  plain  enough,"  said  the  Major. 
"  He  evidently  has  some  common  sense." 

"As  a  matter  of  fact,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "the 
exact  contrary  is  the  case.  What  Lord  Alfred  says 
is  that  he  wouldn't  come  because  he  found  out  at  the 
last  moment  that  there  was  no  such  person  as  General 
John  Regan.     I  don't  call  that  sensible." 

"  I  was  thinking  all  along,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  that  there  was  something  queer  about  the  General." 


CHAPTER  XX 

DOYLE  came  out  of  the  hotel  bringing  the  illumi- 
nated address.  Dr.  O'Grady  took  it  from  him 
and  carried  it  over  to  Lord  Alfred. 

"  Just  take  this,"  he  said. 

Lord  Alfred  looked  at  the  address  doubtfully.  It 
was  very  large,  and  seemed  an  awkward  thing  to  carry 
about. 

"What  is  it?"  he  said. 

"  It's  an  illuminated  address.  We  intended  to 
present  it  to  the  Lord-Lieutenant,  but  of  course  we 
can't  when  he  isn't  here.  You're  to  take  it,  and  hand 
it  over  to  him  next  time  you  see  him." 

He  pushed  the  address  into  Lord  Alfred's  arms  as 
he  spoke. 

Many  men  would  have  made  some  resistance, 
would  have  put  their  hands  into  their  pockets,  perhaps, 
and  so  forced  Dr.  O'Grady  either  to  hold  the  frame 
himself  or  drop  it  on  the  ground.  But  Lord  Alfred 
Blakeney  had  been  aide-de-camp  to  the  Lord-Lieu- 
tenant for  several  years.  He  knew  something  of  the 
spirit  which  must  animate  all  viceroys.  It  is  their 
business  to  commend  themselves,  their  office  and  the 
party  which  appoints  them  to  the  people  over  whom 
they  reign.  In  private  a  Lord-Lieutenant  with  a  sense 
of  humour — no  good  Lord-Lieutenant  ought  to  have  a 

306 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  307 

sense  of  humour — may  mock  at  the  things  he  has  to 
do,  but  in  public,  however  absurd  the  position  in  which 
he  finds  himself,  he  must  remain  gravely  suave.  His 
aides-de-camp  must  never  under  any  circumstances 
do  anything  which  could  possibly  cause  offence  to 
any  part  of  the  community.  Dr.  O'Grady  was 
certainly  a  very  important  and  influential  part  of 
the  community  of  Ballymoy.  Lord  Alfred  allowed 
the  illuminated  address  to  be  pushed  into  his  arms. 
He  attempted  no  more  than  a  mild  protest. 

"  Can't  I  lay  it  down  somewhere?  "  he  said.  ''  It's 
so  huge." 

*'  Better  not.  If  you  do  it's  sure  to  be  forgotten, 
and  then  we'll  have  to  forward  it  by  post,  which  will 
involve  us  in  a  lot  of  extra  expense." 

"  But  it's  so  absurd  to  be  lugging  a  great  picture 
frame  about  in  my  arms  all  day,  and  I  can't  carry  it 
any  other  way.     It's  too  big." 

Dr.  O'Grady,  having  made  over  the  address  to  Lord 
Alfred,  was  not  inclined  to  listen  to  any  complaints 
about  its  size.  He  took  off  his  hat  and  stepped  for- 
ward towards  the  statue. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen "  he  said. 

The  few  people  who  could  see  Dr.  O'Grady  stopped 
talking  in  order  to  hear  what  he  was  going  to  say. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen "  he  said  again. 

This  time,  the  nearer  people  having  stopped  talking, 
his  voice  carried  further  than  it  did  at  his  first  attempt. 
Very  many  more  people  turned  round  and  began  to 
listen. 


3o8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen "  he  said. 

This  third  beginning  secured  him  a  large  audience. 
Nearly  half  the  people  in  the  square  were  listening 
to  him.     He  felt  justified  in  going  on  with  his  speech. 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  he  said,  "  we  are  now 
going  to  proceed  with  the  unveiling  of  the  statue  of 
General  John  Regan.  Mary  Ellen,  whom  most  of 
you  know " 

He  paused  and  the  crowd  cheered.  A  crowd 
nearly  always  cheers  anyone  who  is  mentioned  by 
name  in  a  speech,  unless  it  is  quite  plain  that  the 
speaker  means  to  be  abusive. 

"Mary  Ellen,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "who  is  the 
nearest  living  relative  of  the  great  General,  will  per- 
form the  ceremony.  Now,  Mary  Ellen,"  he  went  on, 
in  a  lower  tone,  "  pull  the  string.  Father  McCormack, 
give  her  the  string.     She  doesn't  seem  able  to  find  it." 

Father  McCormack  handed  the  end  of  the  string  to 
Mary  Ellen.  She  chucked  at  it  in  a  timid,  doubtful 
way.     Nothing  happened. 

"  Pull  harder,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 

Sergeant  Colgan,  who  was  a  benevolent  man,  and 
therefore  anxious  that  the  ceremony  should  be  a 
success,  stepped  to  Mary  Ellen's  side  and  laid  his 
hand  on  hers.  He  pulled  hard.  The  sheet  fluttered 
to  the  ground.     The  crowd  cheered  delightedly. 

"There  now,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady  to  Lord  Alfred 
Blakeney,  "  I  told  you  there  really  was  a  statue  under 
that  sheet.  Next  time  I  say  something  to  you  I  hope 
you'll  believe  it." 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  309 

He  held  up  his  hand,  and  young  Kerrigan,  who  was 
watching  for  the  signal,  began  to  play  at  once.  The 
tune  he  chose  was  an  attractive  one  which  had 
achieved  some  popularity  in  a  Dublin  pantomime  the 
year  before.  Mrs.  Gregg  glanced  dubiously  at  Dr. 
O'Grady,  and  then  walked  towards  the  statue  with 
the  bouquet  in  her  hand.  When  she  had  gone  five  or 
six  yards  she  stopped  and  looked  round  to  see  what 
had  happened  to  Major  Kent.  He  was  hanging  back, 
but  the  piteous  appeal  in  her  eyes  moved  him.  He 
scowled  ferociously  at  the  doctor,  and  then  with 
clenched  teeth  and  closely  pressed  lips  joined  Mrs. 
Gregg.  Everybody  cheered.  The  Major,  in  spite  of 
being  a  landlord,  was  very  popular  in  the  neighbour- 
hood. The  cheers  made  him  still  more  uncomfortable. 
He  frowned  with  embarrassment  and  anger.  Mrs. 
Gregg  laid  her  hand  on  his  arm.  Still  frowning,  he 
led  her  forward,  very  much  as  if  he  were  taking  her  in 
to  dinner.  Mrs.  Gregg  was  frightened  and  nervous. 
She  had  only  the  vaguest  idea  of  what  she  was  ex- 
pected to  do.  When  she  reached  the  base  of  the 
statue  she  curtseyed  deeply.  The  people  cheered 
frantically.  Major  Kent  dropped  her  arm  and  hurried 
away.  He  was  a  gentleman  of  an  old-fashioned  kind, 
and,  partly  perhaps  because  he  had  never  married,  was 
very  chivalrous  towards  women.  But  Mrs.  Gregg's 
curtsey  and  the  cheers  which  followed  it  were  too 
much  for  him.  His  position  had  become  intolerable. 
Mrs.  Gregg,  suddenly  deserted  by  her  escort,  dropped 
the  bouquet  and  fled.     Sergeant  Colgan  picked  it  up 


310  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

and  laid  it  solemnly  at  the  foot  of  the  statue.  Young 
Kerrigan,  stimulated  by  the  cheers,  worked  the  band 
up  to  a  fortissimo  performance  of  his  tune. 

Dr.  O'Grady  held  his  hat  in  his  hand.  He  signalled 
frantically  to  Father  McCormack.  He  took  off  his 
hat,  whispering  to  Major  Kent  as  he  did  so.  The 
Major,  who  was  utterly  bewildered,  and  not  at  all 
sure  what  was  happening,  took  off  his  hat.  Several 
other  bystanders,  supposing  that  it  must  be  right  to 
stand  bare-headed  before  a  newly  unveiled  statue, 
took  off  theirs.  Lord  Alfred  Blakeney  looked  round 
him  doubtfully.  Most  of  the  people  near  him  had 
their  hats  in  their  hands.     He  took  off  his. 

The  unusually  loud  noise  made  by  the  band  reached 
Thady  Gallagher  in  the  bar  of  the  hotel.  He  stopped 
abruptly  in  the  middle  of  a  speech  which  he  was  mak- 
ing to  Mr.  Billing.  After  a  moment's  hesitation  he 
rushed  to  the  door  of  the  hotel.  The  sight  of  the 
people,  standing  bare-headed  and  silent  while  the  band 
played,  convinced  him  that  Dr.  O'Grady  was  in  the 
act  of  perpetrating  a  treacherous  trick  upon  the 
sincerely  patriotic  but  unsuspecting  inhabitants  of 
Ballymoy.  Standing  at  the  door  of  the  hotel  he 
shouted  and  waved  his  arms.  Mr.  Billing  stood  be- 
hind him  looking  on  with  an  expression  of  serious 
interest.  Nobody  could  hear  what  Gallagher  said. 
But  Father  McCormack  and  Doyle,  fearing  that  he 
would  succeed  in  making  himself  audible,  hurried 
towards  him.  Doyle  seized  him  by  the  arm.  Gallagher 
shook  him  off  angrily. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  311 

"  It  shall  never  be  said,"  he  shouted,  "  that  I 
stood  silent  while  an  insult  was  heaped  upon  Bally- 
moy  and  the  cause  of  Nationalism  in  Ireland." 

"  Whisht,  now  whisht,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  Sure  there's  nothing  to  be  angry  about." 

"  There  is  what  would  make  any  man  angry,  any 
man  that  has  the  welfare  of  Ireland  at  heart.  That 
tune " 

"  It  isn't  that  tune  at  all,"  said  Father  McCormack. 
"  It's  another  one  altogether." 

"  It's  not  another,"  said  Gallagher,  "  but  it's  the  one 
I  mean.    Didn't  Constable  Moriart}^  say  it  was  ?  " 

"  Oughtn't  you  to  listen  to  his  reverence,"  said 
Doyle,  "more  than  to  Moriarty?  But  if  you  won't 
do  that,  can't  you  hear  the  tune  for  yourself  ?  " 

"  I  can  hear  it ;  and  what's  more  I  can  see  the  Major 
with  his  hat  off  and  the  young  fellow  that's  down  from 
Dublin  Castle  with  his  hat  off,  and  the  doctor " 

"  It's  my  belief,  Thady,"  said  Doyle,  "  that  you're 
three  parts  drunk.  It  would  be  better  for  you  to  go 
back  into  the  hotel." 

He  caught  Gallagher  by  the  arm  as  he  spoke  and 
held  him  fast.  Young  Kerrigan  reached  the  end  of 
his  tune  with  a  triumphant  flourish.  Dr.  O'Grady  put 
on  his  hat  again.  One  by  one  the  various  bystanders 
followed  his  example.  Lord  Alfred  Blakeney  looked 
round  him,  puzzled. 

"  Surely  that  wasn't  the  National  Anthem  ?  "  he  said. 

"I  thought,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "that  you  didn't 
know  one  tune  from  another." 


312  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

"  I  don't ;  but,  hang  it  all,  a  man  can't  be  aide-de- 
camp to  His  Excellency  without  getting  to  know  the 
sound  of  the  National  Anthem.  What  tune  was  it 
and  why  did  we  all  take  off  our  hats  ?  " 

"  You  tell  the  Lord-Lieutenant  when  you  get  back," 
said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  that  we  all,  including  Major  Kent, 
who's  a  strong  Unionist,  stood  bare-headed  while  the 
band  played.  He'll  be  able  to  guess  what  tune  it  was, 
and  he'll  be  pleased." 

"  But  it  wasn't  the " 

"  A  speech  will  now  be  made,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
addressing  the  crowd,  "  by  Lord  Alfred  Blakeney  as 
representative  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant  of  Ireland." 

"  But  I'm  not,"  said  Lord  Alfred  clutching  at  Dr. 
O'Grady.  "  His  Excellency  will  be  furious  if  he 
hears •" 

"  Go  on,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady  pushing  him  towards 
the  statue.     "  Stand  on  the  pedestal." 

"  But  I  can't  make  a  speech.  I'm  not  prepared. 
I've  nothing  to  say." 

He  was  pushed  forward  remorselessly.  At  the  very 
base  of  the  statue  he  turned. 

"  I  hope  there  are  no  reporters  present,"  he  said  in 
a  tone  of  despair. 

"  There  probably  are  lots,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady. 
"  Get  up  now  and  begin.  The  people  won't  stand  here 
all  day." 

Lord  Alfred  Blakeney,  still  clasping  the  illuminated 
address  in  his  arms,  was  hustled  on  to  the  lowest  step 
of  the  pedestal.     The  people  cheered  encouragingly. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  313 

"  Oh  damn  this  great  picture,"  said  Lord  Alfred. 
"  Do  hold  it  for  me." 

*'  Never  mind  it,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  It's  all  right 
as  it  is.     Make  your  speech." 

"  Ladies  and  gentlemen,"  said  Lord  Alfred,  "  I 
find  myself  standing  here  to-day " 

"  As  representative  of  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady,  prompting  him. 

"  But  I'm  not.  I  tell  you  he'll  be  angry.  I  can't 
make  this  speech.     I  really  can't." 

"  You  can  if  you  like,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.     "  Go  on." 

"  I  stand  here  to-day,"  said  Lord  Alfred,  "  at  the 
unveiling  of  this  beautiful  statue " 

"  Hear,  hear,"  said  Doyle  from  the  door  of  the 
hotel.     "  It's  a  grand  statue  surely." 

"  Go  on,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  You're  doing  capi- 
tally. Say  something  about  the  grant  from  the  Gov- 
ernment for  a  new  pier." 

*' About  what?"  said  Lord  Alfred. 

"  About  a  grant  for  a  new  pier,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady, 
speaking  distinctly. 

"  But  I've  no  authority.     I  can't." 

"  £500  will  satisfy  us,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady.  "  It's  a 
mere  trifle.  After  the  shabby  way  the  Lord-Lieu- 
tenant has  behaved  to  us — but  go  on,  anyway." 

"  I  have  much  pleasure,"  said  Lord  Alfred  Blakeney, 
"  in  declaring  this  statue — er — open — er — for  public 
inspection." 

The  crowd  cheered  loudly.  Dr.  O'Grady  whispered 
to  Lord  Alfred  that  he  ought  to  say  something  about 


314  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

the  value  of  the  statue  as  a  work  of  art.  But  this 
time  Lord  Alfred's  will  was  stronger  than  the  doctor's. 
He  jumped  off  the  pedestal  and  flatly  declined  to 
mount  it  again.  He  was  crimson  in  the  face  with 
mortification  and  embarrassment.  Then,  when  the 
cheering  subsided  a  little,  Mr.  Billing's  voice  was 
heard,  clear  and  incisive.  He  had  pushed  his  way 
from  the  door  of  the  hotel  and  was  standing  near  the 
statue. 

"  That's  a  darned  poor  speech,"  he  said. 

It  is  extraordinary  how  close  the  primitive  barbarian 
is  to  the  most  civilised  man.  No  one  could  have  been 
more  carefully  trained  than  Lord  Alfred  Blakeney. 
No  one  possessed  more  of  that  suave  self-control 
which  distinguishes  a  man  of  the  governing  classes 
from  the  members  of  the  mob.  Yet  Lord  Alfred 
collapsed  suddenly  under  the  strain  to  which  he  had 
been  subjected.  Mr.  Billing's  taunt  threw  him  back 
to  an  earlier,  a  very  early  stage  of  development. 

"  Make  a  better  one  yourself,  then,"  he  said,  "  who- 
ever you  are." 

"  ril  make  one  that'll  create  a  sensation,  anyhow," 
said  Mr.  Billing. 

He  stepped  jauntily  up  the  two  steps  of  the  pedestal. 

"  Mr.  Lord-Lieutenant,  Right  Reverend  Sir,  Ladies 
and  Gentlemen,"  he  said. 

Lord  Alfred  Blakeney  clutched  Dr.  O'Grady  by  the 
arm. 

"  I'm  not  the  Lord-Lieutenant,"  he  said  desperately. 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  315 

*'  I'm  not  even  his   representative.     Do  try  to  make 
him  understand  that." 

"  It  doesn't  in  the  least  matter  who  you  are,"  said 
Dr.  O'Grady.     ''  Listen  to  the  speech." 

"  When  I  first  set  eyes  on  this  town  a  month  ago 
I  thought  I  had  bumped  up  against  a  most  dead- 
aHve,  god-forsaken,  one-horse  settlement  that  Europe 
could  boast." 

The  crowd,  being  as  Gallagher  always  asserted  in- 
tensely patriotic,  was  not  at  all  pleased  at  this  begin- 
ning. Several  people  groaned  loudly.  Mr.  Billing 
listened  to  them  with  a  bland  smile.  The  people  were 
still  further  irritated  and  began  to  boo.  Thady  Gal- 
lagher broke  suddenly  from  Doyle's  control,  and 
rushed  forward  waving  his  arms. 

"  Pull  the  Yank  down  out  of  that,"  he  shouted. 
*'  What  right  has  he  to  be  standing  there  maligning  the 
people  of  Ireland?" 

Father  McCormack  and  Doyle  were  after  him  at 
once  and  closed  on  him,  each  of  them  grasping  one  of 
his  swinging  arms. 

"  Behave  yourself,  Thady,"  said  Father  McCormack, 
"  behave  yourself  decent." 

"  Isn't  it  him  that's  paying  for  the  statue,"  said 
Doyle,  "  and  hasn't  he  a  right  to  say  what  he  likes?  " 

Mr.  Billing  seemed  quite  unimpressed  by  Gallagher's 
fiery  interruption.     He  smiled  benevolently  again. 

"  I  got  bitten  with  the  notion  of  speeding  you  up 
a  bit,"  he  said,  "  because  I  felt  plumb  sure  that  there 


3i6  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

wasn't  a  live  man  in  the  place,  nothing  but  a  crowd 
of  doddering  hop-toads." 

The  hop-toad  is  a  reptile  unknown  in  Ireland,  but 
its  name  sounds  disgusting.  The  crowd  began  to  get 
very  angry,  and  surged  threateningly  towards  the  plat- 
form. Sergeant  Colgan  felt  that  a  great  opportunity 
had  arrived.  He  had  all  his  life  been  looking  for  a 
chance  of  quelling  a  riot.     He  had  it  at  last. 

"  Keep  back,  now,"  he  said,  "  keep  back  out  of  that. 
Do  you  want  me  to  draw  my  baton  to  you  ?  " 

*'  Well,  gentlemen,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  I  was  mis- 
taken and  I  own  up.  There  is  one  live  man  in  Bally- 
moy  anyway.  We  haven't  got  a  medical  gentleman 
on  our  side  of  the  Atlantic  equal  to  Dr.  Lucius 
O'Grady.  He  has  run  this  show  in  a  way  that  has 
surprised  me  considerable.  He  has  erected  a  statue 
that  will  be  an  ornament  to  this  town,  and  it's  a 
pleasure  to  me  to  pay  for  it." 

"  Hear,  hear,"  shouted  Doyle. 

The  crowd,  which  had  been  booing  a  minute  before, 
cheered  heartily. 

"  He's  fetched  down  the  representative  of  the  Lord- 
Lieutenant  of  this  country  to  unveil  the  statue !  " 

"I'm  not,"  said  Lord  Alfred  feebly.  "I  wish  I 
could  get  you  to  understand  that  I'm  not  his  repre- 
sentative." 

His  protest  was  lost  in  a  fresh  burst  of  cheers. 

"  He  has  provided  a  charming  grand-niece,"  said 
Mr.  Billing,  "  a  grand-niece  that  any  man,  living  or 
dead,  might  be  proud  of " 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  317 

"  Get  out,"  said  Mary  Ellen  softly. 

"  For  General  John  Regan,"  said  Mr.  Billing  amidst 
tumultuous  cheers,  "  and  when  I  tell  you  that  no  such 
General  ever  existed  in  Bolivia  or  anywhere  else, 
you'll  be  in  a  position  to  appreciate  your  doctor." 

Doyle  dropped  Gallagher's  arm  and  rushed  forward. 
The  crowd,  too,  astonished  by  Mr.  Billing's  last 
words,  even  to  cheer,  stood  silent.  What  Doyle  said 
was  plainly  heard. 

"  Be  damn,  doctor,  but  you're  great,  and  I'd  say 
that  if  it  was  the  last  word  ever  I  spoke.  Ask  him  for 
the  price  of  the  new  pier  now  and  he'll  give  it  to  you." 

"  Gentlemen,"  said  Mr.  Billing,  "  if  2,000  dollars 
will  build  the  pier  Mr.  Doyle  wants,  I'll  give  it  with 
pleasure,  and  I  reckon  that  the  show  which  Dr. 
O'Grady  has  run  is  cheap  at  the  price." 

Sergeant  Colgan  stepped  forward  with  slow  dignity. 
He  beckoned  to  Constable  Moriarty.  His  face  wore 
an  expression  of  steady  determination. 

*'  It  would  be  better,  doctor,"  he  said,  "  if  you  and 
the  other  gentlemen  present  would  move  away.  The 
demeanour  of  the  crowd  is  threatening." 

The  demeanour  of  the  crowd  was,  in  fact,  hilarious ; 
but  Dr.  O'Grady  understood  that  there  are  limits  to 
the  patience  of  the  official  guardians  of  law  and  order. 
The  police — the  fact  is  exemplified  in  their  occasional 
dealings  with  the  students  of  Trinity  College — ap- 
preciate a  joke  as  well  as  any  men,  and  up  to  a  certain 
point  are  tolerant  of  merriment.  But  it  is  possible  to 
go  too  far,  and  there  is  a  point  at  which  fooling  be- 


3i8  GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN 

comes  objectionable.  Dr.  O'Grady  took  Mr.  Billing 
by  the  arm. 

"  Come  along,"  he  said,  "  and  let  us  have  a  drink  of 
some  sort,  and  something  to  eat.  There's  no  reason 
why  we  shouldn't  have  something  to  eat.  Doyle  has 
a  magnificent  luncheon  spread  out  in  his  hotel.  Run 
in  Doyle,  and  tell  the  cook  to  dish  up  the  potatoes. 
Major,  you  bring  Mrs.  Gregg  along  with  you.  I'm 
sure  Mrs.  Gregg  wants  something  to  eat.  Lord  Alfred, 
I'm  sorry  we  haven't  a  lady  for  you  to  take  in,  but 
Father  McCormack  will  show  you  the  way." 

"  If  this  business  gets  into  the  papers,"  said  Lord 
Alfred,  "  the  Freeman's  Journal  will  make  capital  of 
it,  and  the  Irish  Times  will  say  the  Government  must 
resign  at  once.     Can't  we  square  the  reporters  ?  " 

"  There  aren't  any,"  said  Dr.  O'Grady,  "  unless  Gal- 
lagher's been  taking  notes.     Come  along." 

The  party,  Doyle  at  the  head  of  it,  passed  into  the 
hotel.  Sergeant  Colgan  turned  and  faced  the  crowd. 
His  hand  was  on  the  baton  at  his  side.  His  face  and 
attitude  were  majestic. 

*'  Get  along  home  now,  every  one  of  yous,"  he  said. 

"  Get  along  out  of  that !  "  said  Constable  Moriarty. 

In  twos  and  threes,  in  little  groups  of  ten  and  twelve, 
silently  obedient,  the  crowd  slunk  away.  The  statue 
of  General  John  Regan  was  left  looking  down  upon 
an  empty  market  place.  So  the  last  word  is  spoken 
in  the  pleasant  drama  of  Irish  life.  The  policeman 
speaks  it.     "  Get  along  home  out  of  that,  every  one  of 


GENERAL  JOHN  REGAN  3^9 

you."  So  the  curtain  drops  on  our  performances. 
In  spite  of  our  whirling  words  we  bow  to,  in  the  end, 
the  voice  of  authority. 


THE   END 


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